Marriage Contract... am I asking too much?

[Karimah]

So I found someone whom I thought I was compatible with and everything seemed to be going great and then we got to the marriage contract...

I suggested the following things:
-up to 1 other wife with the consent of me
-a personal allowance based on a percentage of his income (which we would agree on together)
-he establish and maintain an 8 month emergency fund
-if he divources me he gives me some form of compensation (which we would agree on together)
-if I divource him, I repay my mahr

then I added we need to figure out a custody agreement for any resulting children in the event of divource.

He emailed me back and said he didn't like the conditions of the contract. He never said anything specific he didn't like and I have not heard back from him in four days where before we used to talk everyday. Now I just feel really bummed out. I sent him an email today and basically asked him what was going on. I haven't got a reply yet. My sister thinks I should move on and has found another person she wants me to talk to but I just feel frustrated and confused. Any thoughts on this would be most appreciated.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

:salamext:

Maybe get him to explain WHAT he doesn't like of the contract?

 

[Hulk]

How come no one responded to her last week imsad

 

[~ Sabr ~]

Sorry, I just saw the thread, whilst browsing.

 

[Beardo]

It's not that you're asking too much, but especially depending on culture, it's not common to put such specifying terms. Maybe he is a little turned off by this proposal because it seems like you're being hesitant? Which, I realize, you are not. You're just being careful, which is completely natural, especially in this day and age. Insha-Allah, whatever will happen, will happen for the best.

 

[dqsunday]

Aren't marriage/contract negotiations suppose to go through an intermediary?

 

['Abd-al Latif]

So I found someone whom I thought I was compatible with and everything seemed to be going great and then we got to the marriage contract...

I suggested the following things:
-up to 1 other wife with the consent of me
-a personal allowance based on a percentage of his income (which we would agree on together)
-he establish and maintain an 8 month emergency fund
-if he divources me he gives me some form of compensation (which we would agree on together)
-if I divource him, I repay my mahr

then I added we need to figure out a custody agreement for any resulting children in the event of divource.

He emailed me back and said he didn't like the conditions of the contract. He never said anything specific he didn't like and I have not heard back from him in four days where before we used to talk everyday. Now I just feel really bummed out. I sent him an email today and basically asked him what was going on. I haven't got a reply yet. My sister thinks I should move on and has found another person she wants me to talk to but I just feel frustrated and confused. Any thoughts on this would be most appreciated.

Not that there is anything wrong with these conditions but they seem to show a lack of confidence in your husband-to-be. As a husband he'll probably be doing all of this to begin with (with the exception of divorce – you must look into divorce and khula before you marry as the last condition is already binding Islamically; it is not a condition that you have an option in); you said you want a personal allowance, he'll probably give you his bank card soon after marriage lol. Your concern seems to be financial; you don't seem to have the love and understanding a couple usually have between each other at this moment because your focus is on money. Allah knows best.

You two need to talk to each other more, these conditions are specifically between you two and people who aren't involved in your affair can't help you much.

Forgive me for closing this thread but I strongly believe that this is a matter that you need to discuss between you and him and your families. It is not something I recommend that you discuss with anyone outside of your family and husband-to-be.

:threadclo