Marriage-Why involve generation?

[AnonymousPoster]

Assalamu Alayikum

Ill keep this simple.

Wedding talks.

When your whole generation here and backhome.....

never helped you with money,
education,
which school to go,
what friends to have
never looked after you or the family,
never knew you,
Infact 95% of the people never effected you life....

Why do the generation have to be involved when both parents are happy?
Why do parents have to involve them?
Why do they have to have a say?
Why do they gossip, spy, spread rumour, waste time and......
make it hard for the 2 people trying to get married?

Anon 268

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

I don't know but i know in my culture if you don't invite those people you cant stand or even family you might not necessarily want there (even though you still may be fond of them and all), it reflects badly on your parents. so for that reason all those people you may not want at your wedding may be there...

Why do they gossip, spy, spread rumour, waste time and......
make it hard for the 2 people trying to get married?

jealousy maybe? or maybe they are just nosy...

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

i get where your coming from lol


but end of the day - the final say is yours - and your parents


Alhamdulillaah eh

 

[Snowflake]

Because relatives have rights over us and not inviting them would hurt them. Don't do things for people because of what they have done for you. Really, sis/bro, sometimes we have to grit our teeth and bear things we'd never put up with otherwise, just for the sake and pleasure of Allah. And at the end of the day, He is all that matters. : )

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

^ wise sister right there oh: mashAllah

 

[catalzzy]

>.< i am experiencing it. hmph... good POST!!! i tried to convince my parents and it was hard. jeez... not fair.. May Allah help those people who are willing to get married.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Because relatives have rights over us and not inviting them would hurt them. Don't do things for people because of what they have done for you. Really, sis/bro, sometimes we have to grit our teeth and bear things we'd never put up with otherwise, just for the sake and pleasure of Allah. And at the end of the day, He is all that matters. : )

Assalamu Alayikum

Theses people only turn up to say something negative. Simply cause problems and issues for the 2 spouses who are willing to get married.

They should never be invited/invloved. How can someone have a say on someone else they dont know?

If i never spent time with my nephews and never knew how they really were, and never been involved in his life, does it make sense for me to be involved in his wedding talks to pass my negative comments? <<< Not sure how i am able to give a comment on someone i dont know.

Also is it just me, but people seem to just have time to spy and gossip, rather than send their blessings, why is it so?

Anon 268 - Brother

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Assalamu Alayikum

In addition...

If you have found someone. Both parents are happy. But the generation says "The persons good but lets wait another year, you may find a better person by then". How does this help getting the children married quickly.

These people are fussy!

p.s i am being general throughout the thread

Anon 268

 

[Clover]

Honestly, I am planning on having a good wedding, but not like most weddings, and it will be about 1/3 the size of most normal weddings in America. I do not see why you should invite cousins/uncles/aunts/long-distance family members, who you have no clue who they are, when they could be costing you over 100$ per spot at the wedding. I would invite immediate family, and maybe at most 10 relatives outside of that, and if any of them don't want me to marry the girl, I'll give them the simple "your not welcome" message, and then be on my merry way.

 

[Snowflake]

=AnonymousGender;1189193]Assalamu Alayikum

Theses people only turn up to say something negative. Simply cause problems and issues for the 2 spouses who are willing to get married.

If what others say is causing problems between two people even before they get married, should they even be getting married in the first place? Things like this can happen at anytime. You have to learn how to handle these things wisely. You can't just avoid people your whole life.

They should never be invited/invloved. How can someone have a say on someone else they dont know?

It's wrong of people to comment on what doesn't concern them.. also when you say, invite/involve, do you mean to the wedding or to decision making about marriage?

If i never spent time with my nephews and never knew how they really were, and never been involved in his life, does it make sense for me to be involved in his wedding talks to pass my negative comments? <<< Not sure how i am able to give a comment on someone i dont know.

I understand you feel frustrated. But isn't it that people talk because someone is listening? A firm, "We don't want to hear it." is sufficient to silence the biggest gossips.

Assalamu Alayikum

In addition...

If you have found someone. Both parents are happy. But the generation says "The persons good but lets wait another year, you may find a better person by then". How does this help getting the children married quickly.

These people are fussy!

p.s i am being general throughout the thread

Anon 268

Surely everyone has some responsibility here.. If what is being said isn't liked, then make it clear to those saying it.. I think it's not any better if comments are brushed away face to face but come out later when those who made them have gone home.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Assalamu Alayikum

Theses people only turn up to say something negative. Simply cause problems and issues for the 2 spouses who are willing to get married.
[..]

They should never be invited/invloved. How can someone have a say on someone else they dont know?
[...]
Also is it just me, but people seem to just have time to spy and gossip, rather than send their blessings, why is it so?

out of all negative things i have witnessed based around weddings/marriages, in all honesty i can't conclude it to be anything other than jealousy. there is nothing more poisonous than it! either that or attention seeking *rolls eyes*

Assalamu Alayikum

In addition...

If you have found someone. Both parents are happy. But the generation says "The persons good but lets wait another year, you may find a better person by then". How does this help getting the children married quickly.

whose getting married? you or the generation? if your parents and you are happy, then really -for your own sake more than anyone- just leave them out of it. they can butt in all they want, doesn't mean you have to listen.

and another year for what? until you get involved in haram relationship or something? if you keep delaying things for no reason, no one will ever be good enough for you.

 

[Ansariyah]

Because people love to cause trouble..they are called fitna'mongers.:hiding:

No marriage ever takes place without some good o'le drama..It's like sugar to tea...without it, it wud be incomplete. This is not how muslims suppose to act, sad but its the truth.

Also is it just me, but people seem to just have time to spy and gossip, rather than send their blessings, why is it so?

Be strong!..u are now swimming wit the sharks, everyone goes through this stage but once ur passed it'll be nothing..May ALlah bless ur marriage ameen.

 

[AntiKarateKid]

Because relatives have rights over us and not inviting them would hurt them. Don't do things for people because of what they have done for you. Really, sis/bro, sometimes we have to grit our teeth and bear things we'd never put up with otherwise, just for the sake and pleasure of Allah. And at the end of the day, He is all that matters. : )

I agree but would say that we must respoect them but not let their whims dominate our lives.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Assalamu Alayikum

Heres a turn around.... The generation disagrees!

They think we should wait... not that theres any wrong. Just to wait May they can find someone better if we wait.

while we are at it, lets wait for death....

Oh Allah please increase my Patience, and protect our familes from any harm. Allahumma Ameen

Anon 268

 

[Najm]

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Akhi, its hard, but be patient. Do all you can. And leave the rest to Allah Subhana WaTa'ala.

FiAmaaniAllah

 

[Re.TiReD]

AssalamuAlaykum

There'll come a point where people realise that your happiness is worth far more than their negativity. If the 'generation' is not happy they'll realise that the two main people in the marriage would be you and the sis insha'Allah.

I myself dont get it either, before marriage they did nothing to help and neither will they do anything after marriage, they'd still be the same people living thousands of miles away....People will talk, you cant stop them unfortunately, they will be spiteful and they will always give their 2 cents worth....even if its total rubbish. Reminds me of a saying:

How can the public gaze be of any importance when the gaze of Allah

is upon you? Leave aside the way of the public and try to see that of God.

Ibn Ata'Allah al-Iskandari

May Allah (swt) give you the best both in this life and the hearafter. Ameen. I realise my post doesnt make much sense, my brain is addled with irritation at the asian culture at the moment. Sorry

WassalamuAlaykum

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Heres a turn around.... The generation disagrees!

They think we should wait... not that theres any wrong. Just to wait May they can find someone better if we wait.

have you prayed istikharah and all that? and you say your parents agree? i seriously don't understand why you need to wait :embarrass it's a genuine qn...

 

[AnonymousPoster]

have you prayed istikharah and all that? and you say your parents agree? i seriously don't understand why you need to wait :embarrass it's a genuine qn...

Assalamu Alayikum

Yes i have. Me and my family are happy with her. Her and her family are happy. Its just some of the cousins, spying, gossiping, trying to mess things up, causing issues, trouble makers, time wasters, people who never been involved in my entire life!!!

Why do i need to wait?......I dont know, its what the people say that seems to count!:raging: And they are saying to wait!

I tought it only matter what the 2 familes thought!

Uhkti please make dua.

May Allah increase my patience.

Anon 268

 

[AnonymousPoster]

AssalamuAlaykum

There'll come a point where people realise that your happiness is worth far more than their negativity. If the 'generation' is not happy they'll realise that the two main people in the marriage would be you and the sis insha'Allah.

I myself dont get it either, before marriage they did nothing to help and neither will they do anything after marriage, they'd still be the same people living thousands of miles away....People will talk, you cant stop them unfortunately, they will be spiteful and they will always give their 2 cents worth....even if its total rubbish. Reminds me of a saying:

How can the public gaze be of any importance when the gaze of Allah

is upon you? Leave aside the way of the public and try to see that of God.

Ibn Ata'Allah al-Iskandari

May Allah (swt) give you the best both in this life and the hearafter. Ameen. I realise my post doesnt make much sense, my brain is addled with irritation at the asian culture at the moment. Sorry

WassalamuAlaykum

Assalamu Alayikum

Wow! At least someone understands me! As you can see the irritation is getting the better of me!!!

Ameen to the dua!

Anon 268

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Assalamu Alayikum

Yes i have. Me and my family are happy with her. Her and her family are happy. Its just some of the cousins, spying, gossiping, trying to mess things up, causing issues, trouble makers, time wasters, people who never been involved in my entire life!!!

Why do i need to wait?......I dont know, its what the people say that seems to count!:raging: And they are saying to wait!

I tought it only matter what the 2 familes thought!

Uhkti please make dua.

May Allah increase my patience.

Anon 268

have you spoken to your parents about what you think:? really, try sit and explain your worries and thoughts to them...
inshallah, everything will go well...be patient and make dua...