Marriage

[ha94550]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters
I have a question. There is a girl whose family we've known for a long time. Alhamdulillah, when she was younger, she was very active within the community and still is til this day. I prayed Istikhara almost 4 years ago, and for some reason, when I prayed with the intention of showing me who I should marry for being both happy in this world and in the next life, this girls name and image comes to my mind. As a matter of fact, it comes every day. My mother asked me who would I marry from a certain group of girls. I mentioned her name, and she said no. She was going to get married last year, but unfortunately, her engagement broke off. However, those feelings that I lost when she got engaged suddenly came back. I felt certain (obviously not 100% for only Allah knows what is to happen and not) that things happen for a reason and that maybe Allah opened His doors to me InshAllah. I am really scared right now I pray for forgiveness for being this scared. The reason I say this is I have not even talked to her for a few years outside of the occasional Assalamualaikum. I am scared of rejection for a few reasons but the main reason is because I had a dream/vision (that happened AFTER ISTIKHARA and DUA) where when I did not marry this girl, I became a REEEALLY bad person. But when I married this person, I became a REEEEEEEEEEEEALLLY good person. I really have not shared this with my family because they are going through some things right now, but I have a feeling that they would say I am crazy for having such visions.... but I am sure I saw it just as I/you see the text in front of you. And this was after I prayed, cried, and asked Allah for help in this matter. Please advise me as to how I should proceed, because I REEEEEALLLLY do not want to become this bad person that I saw in this vision and I really feel that my life would be fulfilled with her being a part of my life. Another thing is that I am horrible when it comes to talking to people of the opposite gender as I have always been shy around girls and I still am til this very day. May Allah forgive me for any mistakes I have done and all I ask is advice on this situation as I do believe that Allah also puts us through tests of Iman and maybe this is one of them. But my heart is telling me otherwise and that I would be a better Muslim if I were married to this girl. JazakAllahkhair and may Allah reward you all for your advice.

Salams

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

well, if you a shy person around girls, i think this would be very appreciated by the sister and her father...so there's not much to worry about there, inshallah...if you want to talk to her, do so in-front of her mahrams and get your own female family members to speak to her where necessary as well.

why did your mum disagree? i think you need to address this first so that you dont hurt her and/or cause unnecessary disagreements between your mum and sister if you are to marry the sister.

i think you should wait until the air is cleared within your family, then raise this issue. too many things at once can be a little too much.
why do you have to tell you family about your visions? why cant you instead just tell them that you are interested and looking into marrying her.

 

[cat eyes]

the visions you are having are more then likely from the shayytan also.

who is the one that sets you on the right path and takes you off it?

its Allah of course. why on earth would you even considering taking the bad road over another human if they reject you? and you never get a chance to marry them? but its your choice but a very foolish one. (its shayytan i believe)

btw this really needs to be taken up with scholar also.. as far as i know i have not heard of any body getting visions after doing the istikharah

But i have heard that alot of people hearts are guided in the right direction and they are 100percent sure of there decisions after doing it.

all the best.
:wa:

 

[Sampharo]

Brother, istikhara prayer and duaa asks Allah to make things easy for you when you decide to do something if it is good for you, and to take it away and replace it with something else if it is bad for you, for he is the one who knows what is best for you. It didn't quite make sense to me what you meant by "I prayed with the intention of showing me who I should marry". What you should do is the istikhara prayer and duaa left to us by the prophet -s.a.a.w.-, and then "let go and let God" as they say, or in other cases leave your fate in the hands of God, if it's good for you and meant to be it will happen insha Allah, you just take care of the reasons of this World that help you reach the girl you want and God will do the rest if it is good for you.

Your mum's refusal is not a small thing. Of course you can discuss with her and try to convince her, but under no circumstances think that Allah will bless your marriage if you do it against your parent's will. Sheikh Shanqeety's lecture described a person who visited him in the masjid four times to ask him if he could marry a girl his mother didn't like and didn't agree to, and told the sheikh that she is pious and with akhlaq and deen, not to mention kind hearted and beautiful face, and the sheikh still told him to forget it every time. The man obeyed the sheikh and his mother and later on married a girl the mother liked even though with less apparent piousness and not as good-looking. After the marriage with months, he came back to the sheikh and told him honestly he couldn't be happier with her now because after the marriage she grew very interested in religion and began asking the husband for help to become pious, while the other girl he heard through female relatives that she faced a harsh incident in her life that made her reject faith and become rebellious, stopped most of her piety and is hardly doing the prayers now, as well as has become very angry and hard to deal with.

So listen to reason and look at what is really expected from istikhara, do not look at such mystic expectations of "visions" or dreams or any of that stuff it is completely unmentioned with the istikhara prayer hadiths or incidents of the blessed companions. Further, do not underestimate the effect of pleasing your mother. May Allah guide you to what's best for you.

 

[-Fallen Angel-]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters
I have a question. There is a girl whose family we've known for a long time. Alhamdulillah, when she was younger, she was very active within the community and still is til this day. I prayed Istikhara almost 4 years ago, and for some reason, when I prayed with the intention of showing me who I should marry for being both happy in this world and in the next life, this girls name and image comes to my mind. As a matter of fact, it comes every day. My mother asked me who would I marry from a certain group of girls. I mentioned her name, and she said no. She was going to get married last year, but unfortunately, her engagement broke off. However, those feelings that I lost when she got engaged suddenly came back. I felt certain (obviously not 100% for only Allah knows what is to happen and not) that things happen for a reason and that maybe Allah opened His doors to me InshAllah. I am really scared right now I pray for forgiveness for being this scared. The reason I say this is I have not even talked to her for a few years outside of the occasional Assalamualaikum. I am scared of rejection for a few reasons but the main reason is because I had a dream/vision (that happened AFTER ISTIKHARA and DUA) where when I did not marry this girl, I became a REEEALLY bad person. But when I married this person, I became a REEEEEEEEEEEEALLLY good person. I really have not shared this with my family because they are going through some things right now, but I have a feeling that they would say I am crazy for having such visions.... but I am sure I saw it just as I/you see the text in front of you. And this was after I prayed, cried, and asked Allah for help in this matter. Please advise me as to how I should proceed, because I REEEEEALLLLY do not want to become this bad person that I saw in this vision and I really feel that my life would be fulfilled with her being a part of my life. Another thing is that I am horrible when it comes to talking to people of the opposite gender as I have always been shy around girls and I still am til this very day. May Allah forgive me for any mistakes I have done and all I ask is advice on this situation as I do believe that Allah also puts us through tests of Iman and maybe this is one of them. But my heart is telling me otherwise and that I would be a better Muslim if I were married to this girl. JazakAllahkhair and may Allah reward you all for your advice.

Salams

Salaam brother.
I am in a similar situation that you are in, with regards to marriage. I also had a word with my mother and when she asked who i would like to get married to and i told her about this sister, and of course at first she didn't agree, in fact she got very angry and such. She knew this girl and did like her to some extent, but didn't want me marrying her because she would prefer i married somebody she picked out, whether or not they were interested in Islam, honest, modest etc. I spoke to her a few times and she didn't agree but then i sat her down and had a serious talk and then she came around and spoke to this girl's parents, and they said they will think about it, and yes if they say no then its a difficult situation. I think you should speak to your mother and hear her side of the story, like why she said no and then tell her why you think you would like to get married with her (for example because you think shes smart/educated/etc etc) and see what happens. As for the visions, i'm not sure, but just remember that whatever happens is Allah's decision, so don't feel angry/upset and just go with it, as you would surely find somebody you will love just as much (if not more). But i would recommend you not do anything against your/her parents will. However if your parents still disagree, speak to your uncles and aunts or another elder. Stay positive brother.

 

[Dagless]

Don't waste time, tell your parents, talk it out before this girl gets taken.

I believe the person you will marry is already predestined (I will try and find the evidence to support this claim later and edit the post) so your dream is irrelevant. If Allah has ordained this person to be with you then you will end up with her, if he hasn't then nothing is going to make it go right.

If you get her then aim to be that good guy, but if you don't get her don't aim to be bad like in your dream. It'll probably hurt but you just need to do the best you can do in the situation you're in.

 

[KittenLover]

Don't waste time, tell your parents, talk it out before this girl gets taken.

I believe the person you will marry is already predestined (I will try and find the evidence to support this claim later and edit the post) so your dream is irrelevant. If Allah has ordained this person to be with you then you will end up with her, if he hasn't then nothing is going to make it go right.

If you get her then aim to be that good guy, but if you don't get her don't aim to be bad like in your dream. It'll probably hurt but you just need to do the best you can do in the situation you're in.

Please find the evidence I am really eager to know this :hmm:

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters
I have a question. There is a girl whose family we've known for a long time. Alhamdulillah, when she was younger, she was very active within the community and still is til this day. I prayed Istikhara almost 4 years ago, and for some reason, when I prayed with the intention of showing me who I should marry for being both happy in this world and in the next life, this girls name and image comes to my mind. As a matter of fact, it comes every day. My mother asked me who would I marry from a certain group of girls. I mentioned her name, and she said no. She was going to get married last year, but unfortunately, her engagement broke off. However, those feelings that I lost when she got engaged suddenly came back. I felt certain (obviously not 100% for only Allah knows what is to happen and not) that things happen for a reason and that maybe Allah opened His doors to me InshAllah. I am really scared right now I pray for forgiveness for being this scared. The reason I say this is I have not even talked to her for a few years outside of the occasional Assalamualaikum. I am scared of rejection for a few reasons but the main reason is because I had a dream/vision (that happened AFTER ISTIKHARA and DUA) where when I did not marry this girl, I became a REEEALLY bad person. But when I married this person, I became a REEEEEEEEEEEEALLLY good person. I really have not shared this with my family because they are going through some things right now, but I have a feeling that they would say I am crazy for having such visions.... but I am sure I saw it just as I/you see the text in front of you. And this was after I prayed, cried, and asked Allah for help in this matter. Please advise me as to how I should proceed, because I REEEEEALLLLY do not want to become this bad person that I saw in this vision and I really feel that my life would be fulfilled with her being a part of my life. Another thing is that I am horrible when it comes to talking to people of the opposite gender as I have always been shy around girls and I still am til this very day. May Allah forgive me for any mistakes I have done and all I ask is advice on this situation as I do believe that Allah also puts us through tests of Iman and maybe this is one of them. But my heart is telling me otherwise and that I would be a better Muslim if I were married to this girl. JazakAllahkhair and may Allah reward you all for your advice.

Salams

my brother jazakallah for sharing this with us. It may be that it is a sign from Allah, but what are your mothers reasons for not being happy for you to marry this girl? Is it because she was engaged and it broke off? That certainly is not a good enough reason.

I think you should discuss this with your parents properly and tell them about your dreams also. If she is truly pious then there is no reason for your parents to reject her. Rasulallah (Pbuh) has stated to the nearest meaning that if a person is truly pious then they should not be rejected unless there is a valid reason for it.

Once your parents agree then maybe they can talk with her parents and you can take it from there. Continue to ask of Allah sincerely and whatever is best for you will happen inshallah.

May Allah give you a pious partner so that your road to Jannah maybe made easy for you both. AMeen