Me and My wife have issues and are embarrassed to talk to our families about this

[true_unity]

Salam alaykum brothers and sisters me and my wife have been married now for 3 month everything is going good apart from one thing which is causing alot of issues because its not getting better when basically the wedding night is like every day for us things as still not easy she still feels pain its causing us mental issues. Im am very endowed which is one of the reasons she also gets scared i expected this for couple of days but its now 3 months i even had thoughts to divorce because she is crying and in pain all the and i cant speak to her family or mine about this any advise?

 

[keiv]

Outside of the intimacy factor, how are you guys on a social level? Psychologically speaking, she may not be ready or fully comfortable with the act. Maybe you both need to open up to each other or just try things beforehand. Trying not to get too specific here..

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

Salam alaykum brothers and sisters me and my wife have been married now for 3 month everything is going good apart from one thing which is causing alot of issues because its not getting better when basically the wedding night is like every day for us things as still not easy she still feels pain its causing us mental issues. Im am very endowed which is one of the reasons she also gets scared i expected this for couple of days but its now 3 months i even had thoughts to divorce because she is crying and in pain all the and i cant speak to her family or mine about this any advise?

This is a condition called vaginismus. It has nothing to do with you. It's mostly psychological fears causing her body to reject penetration. In some cases there might actually be a physical problem, but I don't think she has any physical issues. You will both need to find ways to help her feel more relaxed and comfortable. I think the anticipation and expectation of intercourse is what makes her scared. Look for vaginismus guides online. I don't want to be explicit but there are definitely tools that can help. You may also seek the help of a therapist. Above all, you should be very patient with her. I'm sure she already feels extremely guilty and a failure at not being able to satisfy you, but be patient, it will eventually happen inshallah. No need to inform the family either.

 

[true_unity]

Outside of the intimacy factor, how are you guys on a social level? Psychologically speaking, she may not be ready or fully comfortable with the act. Maybe you both need to open up to each other or just try things beforehand. Trying not to get too specific here..

everything else is fine we communicate fine its just she seems scared every time we do the intimacy and its been 3 months this is not normal from what i understand and ok i will not get specific inshallah

 

[true_unity]

Assalamu Alaikum



This is a condition called vaginismus. It has nothing to do with you. It's mostly psychological fears causing her body to reject penetration. In some cases there might actually be a physical problem, but I don't think she has any physical issues. You will both need to find ways to help her feel more relaxed and comfortable. I think the anticipation and expectation of intercourse is what makes her scared. Look for vaginismus guides online. I don't want to be explicit but there are definitely tools that can help. You may also seek the help of a therapist. Above all, you should be very patient with her. I'm sure she already feels extremely guilty and a failure at not being able to satisfy you, but be patient, it will eventually happen inshallah. No need to inform the family either.

I looked that up and i think that could be it because she is fine with kissing and everything else but when the times comes she does not want to do it at first i thought it was normal because she was a virgin in early days but it is going on for 3 months and yes she does feel bad she wants to but cant make herself do it our of fear which is abnormal and im asking myself if she keeps refusing intimacy from me i might see to get a divorce thats the only reason why i was thinking of informing the family because if they ask whats the reason i have to tell the truth.I been very paitent with her we have not been initiate for 3 months since marriage

 

[*charisma*]

I looked that up and i think that could be it because she is fine with kissing and everything else but when the times comes she does not want to do it at first i thought it was normal because she was a virgin in early days but it is going on for 3 months and yes she does feel bad she wants to but cant make herself do it our of fear which is abnormal and im asking myself if she keeps refusing intimacy from me i might see to get a divorce thats the only reason why i was thinking of informing the family because if they ask whats the reason i have to tell the truth.I been very paitent with her we have not been initiate for 3 months since marriage

It isn't anyone's business why a couple decides to get divorced or what they are doing within their marriage. Have respect for your wife's honor. It would actually be sinful for you to divulge the secrets of the bedroom. I hope that you do not threaten her with divorce or give her any feelings of guilt. This will make it worse as you are literally her ONLY support and a HUGE factor in helping her get over this. I am glad that you are looking to help her but at the same time I definitely sense some insensitivity from your end and I'm sure she senses it too. This is not a condition that will last forever inshallah nor is it difficult to fix. I completely understand your frustration, but the great thing is now you have some answers and you can both work on it together. Let her know that you are here to support and love her. Imagine she had been temporarily ill and could not be with you. What messages would you be sending her if you are making her feel replaceable? I think you have worries that this is a lifelong thing but it is not. I will send you a private message inshallah w/ some information that can help. In the meantime, continue to be patient if you both truly love eachother and want to be with together. Don't think that this problem is a lack of love or desire on her part, it isn't.

 

[true_unity]

It isn't anyone's business why a couple decides to get divorced or what they are doing within their marriage. Have respect for your wife's honor. It would actually be sinful for you to divulge the secrets of the bedroom. I hope that you do not threaten her with divorce or give her any feelings of guilt. This will make it worse as you are literally her ONLY support and a HUGE factor in helping her get over this. I am glad that you are looking to help her but at the same time I definitely sense some insensitivity from your end and I'm sure she senses it too. This is not a condition that will last forever inshallah nor is it difficult to fix. I completely understand your frustration, but the great thing is now you have some answers and you can both work on it together. Let her know that you are here to support and love her. Imagine she had been temporarily ill and could not be with you. What messages would you be sending her if you are making her feel replaceable? I think you have worries that this is a lifelong thing but it is not. I will send you a private message inshallah w/ some information that can help. In the meantime, continue to be patient if you both truly love eachother and want to be with together. Don't think that this problem is a lack of love or desire on her part, it isn't.

Yes this makes sense and yes i doubt this will last forever so ill carry on to to support her and we can get through this inshallah the fact im still even here is because i know she is not doing this for lack of love but a problem she really has.