Meeting biological grandmother - I'm having doubts

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MaiCarInMtl

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In a few days, my mother and I will be leaving the city for 4 days and travelling for 9 hours to meet my mother's biological mother for the first time. My mother is almost 60 and finally found her biological mother about 2 months ago after years of searching and we will now go to meet her and her family (and my mother's half-sisters). We'll be staying in her condo with her and her husband.

At first I was fine with it, whatever my mother choses, I am behind her 100%. But as the day comes closer, I feel more and more uncomfortable about this meetting. I wonder if maybe this is going too fast.

I am just not sure what to do anymore. I want to go to please my mother, but I really am not sure I am emotionally ready for this. I was told to go there as if I was meetign strangers, but it's not like that. These peopel will expect soemthing, my mother will expect something (she's already telling her mother "I love you" which really freaked me out). I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and any advice would be great.
 
AssalamuAlaykum

Hmm sticky situation...And I guess the fact that your mother seems to be taking it so well is adding to your dilemma...Hmm but firstly I think you should see it from her point of view...You say she's almost 60, masha'Allah and has been looking for her mother for a long time...Correct me if I'm wrong but if that was any normal person they'd do the exact same thing your mother did... i.e. want to be as close to them as possible...tell her she loves her etc Because at the end of the day, what is this life? How long are we going to live...60, 70 years; give or take a few... And if you've spent so long looking for somebody, its natural to want to make up for lost time...

But you're also important in this...And I think you need to talk it out with your mum before you go...tell her you're not ready but you're doing it for her, that you're nervous...tell her about your worries and you'll be half-way there...because then at least she'll be able to support you a little more whilst you are there and help you come to terms with things a little better. I also think that its natural to want people to be happy... i.e. your mother has found happiness and maybe you dont want to ruin that by telling her how you feel...? But this does affect you...So I say talk it out... 99% of problems and potential problems can be worked out that way *smile*

All the best...

WassalamuAlaykum
 
salam
hey i agree, tough situation.
i understand its hard for u but da best
thing u can do is tell ur mum how u feel.
but do it gently as u dont want to hurt her feelings.
tell her to be careful and not be her heart out so quickly. just
be there for her and go with her, because she will
want and need u der. Hope dis helped.
just go with her so if anything happens, she knows she will have u der
to support her.
 
Hello


hmm what can i say. you say your mother is almost 60, so her mother should be somewhere in her 70s. life is short, the time is always ticking. would you be able to live with it if you left meeting her for a while only to find out she has died? we all make mistakes and have regrets, but one that you cannot fix is a surely horrible one, something that people have to live with for the rest of their lives :(

i can understand your mother is saying i love you already to her mother. she has been searching for the woman who gave birth to her, all these years shes been searching, its an overwhelming thing and without a doubt very important to your mother. to make it easier for you, how about yu try and put yourself in your mothers situations. youve just found the woman who you have sooooo much connection to, after wondering for years, thered be so many questions and unspeakable emotions.

the best thing you can do is go and be there for your mum. you know better than anyone here how much this must mean to her. shes meeting the mother she never had :)

i hope it all goes good for you.
 
i had the same situation my mum is 40 now and she was in a different country than her mum she didnt see her real mum only after 33 years she came to britain where her mum is and she spent two years looking for her. one day my mums mother called n i cant decribe what was my mums feelings that day she was crying laughing. even though my mum didnt know much english she understood what her mother said. the second thing is my mum wanted to go and see her but after a month her mother came to our house and my mum was in school picking me and my sister from school. when we went home we see my grandmother and her husband (not my mums father but step father) none of us knew who these people were. as we opened the door my mum asked her mum who are u then she replied ur mum.my mum was crying all day she didnt let go of her mum at all. me and my sister didnt really hear what our grandmother said but as soon my mum started crying we knew. there was a women next door who knew about my mum and her mother she came in and took them inside she helped us around.

alhamdullah now my mum goes and see her mother we go with our mum. and the best thing of all my grandmother became muslim.

i hope that i have explained it well. so brother as the poster said u should talk to ur mum about it. trust me it will help.
 
Well, I just got back yesterday from the 4 day trip.

Everything went well, but I am not yet ready to call this woman "grand-ma". She is my grand-mother, but she will never be the woman who spent all those years raising, caring for, educating, providing and worrying about my mother, who made her (and me) who we are.

She was nice and so were my mother's sisters (I met 2 of the 3). I felt a bit awkward at times because she is so religious (catholic) and I have abandonned catholicism. I was the only one at the dinner table not partaking in the prayer and making the sign of the cross when saying grace (I thank god in my own way before eating). She also has religious quotes and crucifixes all over the place (the crucifixes made me a bit uncomfortable... not to mention the crucifix and small painting of jesus in the washroom - of all places!!).

But they are nice people. Now I just have to adjust to the situation... but it's still a bit odd.


Thanks for your words of wisdom.
 
Well, it's great that you went and now the hard part's over. No one can tell you how to feel about your grandmother, so don't feel bad about it. Just be nice and the relationship will follow a natural course - whatever that may be.
 

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