miscarriages and lost chances

[AnonymousPoster]

Are there any sisters here who have had miscarriages and currently have one or no children or aren't married and feel it is probably too late to have children? I'd like to know how do you deal with it emotionally and how do you carry on afterward around people who were expecting you to have child and now know you have lost it, how do you deal walking amongst people when you see them with their children? Do you think it is a punishment or a test from God? Do you just pretend not to care?





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[AnonymousPoster]

you know, with things like this...with things you are so badly longing for and even worse see others being granted what you haven't been granted, is just a huge test, that requires an abundance of sabr. know that you cant do anything about something that hasn't been written for you so when that pain overcomes you, next best thing to so, is to work your way around it in a manner that pleases Allah. if you are able to do something about your situation, then do so, eg, make dua, be patient, see dr's but if it hasn't been written for you then just accept it.

that sorrow that you feel that pulls a violent string in your heart when you see a mother holding her baby... just turn away from the image and try to preoccupy yourself with something else. you cant change what you've already seen and whats already been done, so just implement the next best thing

so yes, be practical in how you deal with it, but if it hasn't been written, just be patient.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

sister,

Well, I'm not married and a few years from now, I'll probably be in the same shoes. Yes, it hurts. At one point I felt quite angry and upset about it. I know I shouldn't lose hope in Allah, as he gave Prophets children in old age, but I guess I also have to be realistic of my chances of getting married now.

The way I have now come to deal with it, is that Allah does the best in everything. So if I am not married, that must be best for me. Maybe I would have had a horrible husband, or maybe I might have died giving birth etc.

Apart from not being married, (and one or two other things) I don't have too much to complain about. So I have to be grateful for that. I have made profuse du'aas for myself..and if they are not accepted in this world, I hope that Allah will amass them for me as heavy treasure in the hereafter, and also for you too, and all sisters in a similar situation. Ameen.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Are there any sisters here who have had miscarriages and currently have one or no children or aren't married and feel it is probably too late to have children? I'd like to know how do you deal with it emotionally and how do you carry on afterward around people who were expecting you to have child and now know you have lost it, how do you deal walking amongst people when you see them with their children? Do you think it is a punishment or a test from God? Do you just pretend not to care?





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Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, one of my friends sisters had around 7 miscarriages and i cannot imagine the pain she went through but she was pateint andwas being tested and now she has some beautiful children mashallah.

One should look at the positives that their child has been saved from the trials,tribulations and evils of this world and is guaranteed a place in Jannah whereas if the child had been born into this world it would not have been certain that it would have died with imaan or have its place in Jannah.

Abu Huraira reported that Allah’s Messenger s.a.w. said "The miscarried fetus that I send before me is dearer to me than a rider whom I leave behind." [Ibn Majah]

"Mu’adh b. Jabal reported on the authority of Allah’s Messenger s.a.w. who said "By him in whose Hand is my life, the miscarried fetus will drag his mother towards the paradise, with his navel string if she had shown the patience for the sake of reward from Allah."

So the child will be waiting for the mother who bared the loss with patience and not asking why me? But accepting that it is the will of Allah and Allah is with those are are patient and the reward of patience if Paradise.

Overcoming tests from Allah



http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61961



25 Ways to Deal with Stress and Anxiety VERY GOOD THREAD



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43179


A party in Paradise, A party in Hellfire



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39698



The Ultimate Motivation for Muslims



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49243



The State of the People of Paradise in this World



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49125

 

[desert winds]

well- for a women its natural instincts to want a child- i have a child already but wish to marry since i want a bundle of kids- unfortunatley thats far from happening- so i attempted the road to adoption that door was closed for me- its upsetting to see my child alone- she wanders why all her friends have got little brothers and sister and why she has not-
i dont see it as a punishment- i hope i never do- when i see other families i get a overwhelming feeling- like 1 day i hope i can have that too!

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

well- for a women its natural instincts to want a child- i have a child already but wish to marry since i want a bundle of kids- unfortunatley thats far from happening- so i attempted the road to adoption that door was closed for me- its upsetting to see my child alone- she wanders why all her friends have got little brothers and sister and why she has not-
i dont see it as a punishment- i hope i never do- when i see other families i get a overwhelming feeling- like 1 day i hope i can have that too!

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, sister there is no reason why you won't find a husband. It is just shaythan who is making you think you won't but have full hope, trust, faith and reliance in Allah and when the time is right he will find you the right partner inshallah. So do not despair sister but have hope in Allah.

Besides fear of allah, expecting good from Him is an act of sublime merit. Abu Hurairah has quoted a Prophetic saying, “Hoping for good is also an act of worship of Allah.” (Tirmidhi and Hakim)

In a hadith-e-qudsi our blessed Prophet has quoted the Divine words, “1 am what my bondsman thinks of me, and where he remembers Me, there 1 am with him.” (Bukhari and Muslim).

So let us have full hope in Allah and make the necessary effort and he will do whatever is best for us in every aspect of our lives!

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb, one of my friends sisters had around 7 miscarriages and i cannot imagine the pain she went through but she was pateint andwas being tested and now she has some beautiful children mashallah.

One should look at the positives that their child has been saved from the trials,tribulations and evils of this world and is guaranteed a place in Jannah whereas if the child had been born into this world it would not have been certain that it would have died with imaan or have its place in Jannah.

Abu Huraira reported that Allah’s Messenger s.a.w. said "The miscarried fetus that I send before me is dearer to me than a rider whom I leave behind." [Ibn Majah]

"Mu’adh b. Jabal reported on the authority of Allah’s Messenger s.a.w. who said "By him in whose Hand is my life, the miscarried fetus will drag his mother towards the paradise, with his navel string if she had shown the patience for the sake of reward from Allah."

So the child will be waiting for the mother who bared the loss with patience and not asking why me? But accepting that it is the will of Allah and Allah is with those are are patient and the reward of patience if Paradise.

Overcoming tests from Allah



http://www.turntoislam.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61961



25 Ways to Deal with Stress and Anxiety VERY GOOD THREAD



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43179


A party in Paradise, A party in Hellfire



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39698



The Ultimate Motivation for Muslims



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49243



The State of the People of Paradise in this World



http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49125

:salamext:

Jazaka Allah khyran.
I appreciate all the posts here but yours was exceptionally consoling. Sometimes we come from societies whose people and expectations are so relentless and unforgiving that ones pain is ultimately amplified not just by the woeful personal aspect of perceived failure but by everyone else hashing at those wounds. I have made many mistakes in the past I even wished to not have children and I feel punished for making utterances in a moment of rage. I am so very sad and I haven't seen any indication that my life will change for the better but am grateful for what you wrote here.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

:salamext:

Jazaka Allah khyran.
I appreciate all the posts here but yours was exceptionally consoling. Sometimes we come from societies whose people and expectations are so relentless and unforgiving that ones pain is ultimately amplified not just by the woeful personal aspect of perceived failure but by everyone else hashing at those wounds. I have made many mistakes in the past I even wished to not have children and I feel punished for making utterances in a moment of rage. I am so very sad and I haven't seen any indication that my life will change for the better but am grateful for what you wrote here.

Asalaamu Alaikum Wr Wb,

Almighty Allah says: “Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods, lives and the fruits (of your toil) but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere. Those who, when misfortune strikes them, say: ‘Indeed we belong to Allah and to Him is our return. Those are the ones upon whom are blessings and mercy from their Lord and it is those who are rightly guided.” [Sûrah al-Baqarah: 155]

The Prophet (peace be upon him)said: "No fatigue, illness, anxiety, sorrow, harm or sadness afflicts any Muslim, even to the extent of a thorn pricking him, without Allah wiping out his sins by it." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî and Sahîh Muslim]

In another narration, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “No Muslim is afflicted by harm, whether it is but the prick of a thorn or something worse, without Allah expiating his evil deeds on account of it and his sins falling away from him like leaves off a tree.'" [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "When Allah desires good for someone, He tries him with hardships." [Sahîh al-Bukhârî]

Surely Allah is wanting good upon you by testing you and this shows he wants you to be closest to him. What a privelage!

All he wants is for you to be patient through these trials and hardships and accept them as the decree of Allah and repent to him every opportunity you get because one does not realise how special it is when the slave of Allah repents to him.

Let us be patient for Allah is with those who are patient and the reward of patience is Jannah and those who's children have passed away will be waiting to hold the hands of those mothers who were patient and accepted it has the decree of Allah. What an amazing gift yet we think it is a bad thing? No it is a good thing if only we realise!

 

[AnonymousPoster]

I want to know if what you have quoted above applies to miscarriages that occur before 4 month gestation in other words before they are en-souled according to Islam?

Jazaka Allah

 

[- IqRa -]

In the Musnad of `Abd ibn Humayd from Mu`adh, the Prophet SAW:
“No two Muslims lost three children except Allah will cause the two parents to enter Paradise through the favor of His mercy toward them.” They said, “What about two, Messenger of Allah?” He said, “Two also.” They said, “And one?” He said, “[Even] the miscarried child will certainly drag its mother [and father, see below] with its umbilical cord to Paradise!”




The Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) said, “The miscarried child will pester its glorious and mighty Lord for His entering its two parents into the Fire until it is told, ‘O miscarried child that pesters its Lord! Enter your father and mother into Paradise.’ Then it will drag them with its umbilical cord until it makes them enter Paradise.”
Ibn Majah and Abu Ya`la from `Ali.



And again, “By the One in Whose hand is my soul, truly the miscarried child will certainly drag its mother with its umbilical cord to Paradise, provided one expects recompense [for SABR].”
Ibn Majah and Ahmad from Mu`adh

 

[anonymous]

I make dua that Allah (SWT) blesses you with many children inshaAallah

Just make dua and be string sis

 

[Salahudeen]

Sis it's a test aswell as a blessing from Allah because those children that you lost will intercede for you on the day of judgement and ask Allah to let their mummy come to jannah with them.

And I don't know if this is true maybe some 1 can clarify, but I remember hearing that all the children that died are being taken care of by Abraham (pbuh) in a garden, I can't remember the exact wording I think it was a hadith. I hope some 1 knows it.

anyway listen to this lecture by Muhammed Al Shareef it's about this whole topic, it's called Muhammad Alshareef – Mama, I’ll Meet You in Jannah

here's the link for it please listen to it,

http://www.halaltube.com/muhammad-alshareef-mama-ill-meet-you-in-jannah

jus click the play icon.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

not the original poster here, but i wanted to ask is having miscarriages genetic?