Mother or Husband?

['Abd-al Latif]

Salaam,

I am engaged to some1 since 3 years.... first we had dis mutual decision that he will live here in uk with me and my mother (as my mother got no one except me.... My dad got another wife and he lives abroad.... comes to us once in six months or more.... ) now my fiancee says that he won't live in uk or keep my mom with us either in uk or pakistan..... i dont knw wat to do.....my mom says to me not to worry abt her and get on with relationship.... but i can't leave her alone.... i dnt know wat to do????? plz help me

My advice, from what you have said, leave this man. You can find a better husband who would never think of putting you in such a situation. How will he or you uphold the ties of kinship if this is his response now? Or can this man replace the love and care of your mother? How easy it is for him to disregard your mother when she bore you in weakness and hardship!


Allah says:

"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, not shout at them, but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.'" [al-Isra’ 17:23-24]

Allah also says:

"And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents, - unto Me is the final destination. [Luqmaan 31:14].



Abu Hurayrah (r) Reported: "A man came to the Prophet (saaws) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, who among the people is most deserving of my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then whom?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then whom?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then whom?’ He said, ‘Then your father.’”
(Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4/13, and Muslim, 2548).


Being dutiful to your mother is not an option, it's an obligation. So this decision should be easy to make.

 

[al Amaanah]

theres no one like ummi.

 

[Amatullah_]

Assalaamu Alaykum

Hey sis, as harsh as it may sound...this guy isnt worth it.

Forget the custom rubbish..it only makes life more difficult to live with.

Marriage isnt a piece of cake especially if you have to leave your family and move in with his abroad. Thats one HUGE sacrifice your gonna have to make especially if you have to leave your darling mother back behind considering the situation she's in. Your concious will drive you nuts, girl! He's being selfish only thinking about himself and 'what people will say.' What about what you think??? You're suppose to be more important to him than 'other people.' He shouldnt be placing you in a situation where you have to choose between him or your mom. Thats CRUEL!!!! And as a future 'son-in-law' he's suppose to be showing kindness and respect for your mom...where is all that?

Deal it out now..b/cus you dont wanna marry and move away and keep all this in your heart. It'll turn you against your husband.

If I were you girl..i'd stick with mommy even if she says to go.. b/cus she's more important to you right now. If you cant find a reasonable solution with your fiance...then move on..there's more fish in the sea and you'll catch one who will understand your bond with your mom and will be caring inshaAllah. Why not marry someone who lives in the same country as you and your mom??????

By the way..this thread should be called 'Mother or Fiance' b/cus if he was your husband we'd be giving a totally different advice...but he isnt.

 

[ayan333]

tougthy huh?


Mother al the way..hands down...Jannah is under the feet of your Mother...i myself need to start reminding myself that

 

[Eeman]

im really sorry to have to say this but im gonna be real frank sis... talk to him if he carries on leave him cos i sure wouldnt wanna be with a person like that...
there are plenty of fish in the sea.. by not marrying him it does not mean that you wont ever get married but there are not plenty of mothers in the sea you get one mother, who struggles **** HARD in life for her kids and for you to leave her for a guy... then im sorry. thats just sad.

maybe this is a test Allah swt is testing you with to see who you prioritise the guy isnt your husband just fiance. your mother is YOUR MOTHER!

wa salam yet again forgive me for being frank

 

[doorster]

I wonder how many of these "advisers" would actually themselves be willing to or are living with their mothers in-law?

as for pronouncing someone a monaafiq based on a few lines posted on a forum is just beyond(my) belief. For all anyone knows the man may have a mother of his own, if he does then should he abandon her and go to England to look after someone else's mom?

 

[doorster]

tougthy huh?


Mother al the way..hands down...Jannah is under the feet of your Mother...i myself need to start reminding myself that

wa alaikum salaam

...Jannah is under the feet of your Mother...

is this a hadees? if so which book or collection is it from?

thank you

 

[Tania]

I wonder how many of these "advisers" would actually themselves be willing to or are living with their mothers in-law?

If he is not ready to leave his mom then why did he expect she to leave her mom :? Each child has the duty to look after her/his parents.

 

[doorster]

If he is not ready to leave his mom then why did he expect she to leave her mom :? Each child has the duty to look after her/his parents.

I was commenting at all the assumptions being made and at all the selfrightous who were issuing decrees against the poor man (the fiancé) as well as her father.

since you were all making assumption, I should also be allowed to defend someone from being back bitten since he is not here to tell his side.

anyway was you there when he made promises?
under what rules is he obliged to leave his homeland and family?

to go back to an earlier fatwah, on previous page, regarding her father's second marriage; how do these net-mullahs know that the couple are not divorced? or it was not the lady who initiated the split?

I've come across quite a few ladies who refuse to set foot in Pakistan once they have visited England, they just do not compromise regardless of the circumstances of husband.

I also know quite a few people who have high status in Pakistan society but if they decide to move to England to please their spouses, will only be fit to clean hospitals or ferry drunks to and from pubs in minicabs for at least 4/5 years before they are able to convince the authorities of their qualification for something better


finally, all mothers regardless of whose mothers they are, deserve same consideration