My family don't support me.

[poli]

Assalamualaikum,

I have had great difficulty these couple of years. I wasted a lot of my time and found it mentally hard to study or socialize with my peers. Therefore I retreated and didn't follow the normal route to university. Since then I feel like my mental blocks have significantly improved by turning to Allah for help and also in starting to pray again. I regularly listen to Quran and that is the only way I feel better. I feel like the world is a burden on my head and I feel conflicted and I have no support from my family. I do not understand why my family do not support me. I have been of great support to them as I am married my partner was away and I have had to live here with my child for the past few years. Now my partner is here I do not feel it is appropriate for me to live here. My father has offered to support me with initially stating he would buy me a home. I could not accept such a big offer, therefore I said that it would be better if he could vacate his own property that he rents and we would pay him rent.

My family before my partner was here have harassed me, they bully me they put me down and I do not understand what I have done wrong. I feel like they are not letting me move forward, they are purposely trying to put me down. I feel like this is wrong, they don't like it that my father supports me, they don't like it that I am trying to better myself. I do not understand why if I have an agreement with my father they cannot deal with it. They are always filled with jealousy and hatred for me. I only find ease when I turn to Allah because I feel so wrong. I don't know why I am wrong. I feel I did right, I married my partner. I didn't keep boyfriends. I married through family. I had a child with him and I am moving on. But they all harass me and my father saying I am fooling him. I wish I wasn't so dependant on him. I study everyday, I am trying to move home away from conflicts. But I am still the one wrong. I don't know if they are jealous, I don't know why they don't understand.

 

[Teacher]

:wasalam:



When people are away from the deen and closer to cultural norms, especially if that culture is contradictory to the deen then such people become as you described them. People these days easily become envious of others, wishing bad on them, engaging in magic and evil eye and plotting among other things. While you may be trying to move forward in life, others may not want you to and feel the need to bring you down either due to their animosity and envy of you or out of their own insecurity and the need to keep others back because they too have not accomplished much in life.

This life is a test for us and each of us face that test in different ways. You may consider this as your test and try to bear it with patiences and dua. Continue to draw closer to Allah and continue to keep good relations with your father. Also, it's sunnah to keep ourselves safe from harm and to distance ourselves from that which causes us harm. So try to avoid these envious people and keep your distance from them. Since your partner is present in your life, it would be pertinent to move out and have your own place so you can limit the interaction you have to engage in with such people.

Lastly, once you have settled into your place, try to engage in volunteer activities in your mosque or local community. Start out with something small and slowly try to grow in that to overcome your lack of socializing and interaction with others. A stress free mind and healthy socializing interaction is important for personal growth. Finally, do not under estimate the power of dua and continue to make dua for Allah to make things easy for you and deliver you to a more comfortable position in life.

 

[poli]

Thank you for your help, I understand what you are saying. I will distance myself from these people and I will encourage myself to volunteer and socialize. Thank you for your advice and understanding. I am very grateful.

:wasalam:



When people are away from the deen and closer to cultural norms, especially if that culture is contradictory to the deen then such people become as you described them. People these days easily become envious of others, wishing bad on them, engaging in magic and evil eye and plotting among other things. While you may be trying to move forward in life, others may not want you to and feel the need to bring you down either due to their animosity and envy of you or out of their own insecurity and the need to keep others back because they too have not accomplished much in life.

This life is a test for us and each of us face that test in different ways. You may consider this as your test and try to bear it with patiences and dua. Continue to draw closer to Allah and continue to keep good relations with your father. Also, it's sunnah to keep ourselves safe from harm and to distance ourselves from that which causes us harm. So try to avoid these envious people and keep your distance from them. Since your partner is present in your life, it would be pertinent to move out and have your own place so you can limit the interaction you have to engage in with such people.

Lastly, once you have settled into your place, try to engage in volunteer activities in your mosque or local community. Start out with something small and slowly try to grow in that to overcome your lack of socializing and interaction with others. A stress free mind and healthy socializing interaction is important for personal growth. Finally, do not under estimate the power of dua and continue to make dua for Allah to make things easy for you and deliver you to a more comfortable position in life.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Assalamualaikum,

I have had great difficulty these couple of years. I wasted a lot of my time and found it mentally hard to study or socialize with my peers. Therefore I retreated and didn't follow the normal route to university. Since then I feel like my mental blocks have significantly improved by turning to Allah for help and also in starting to pray again. I regularly listen to Quran and that is the only way I feel better. I feel like the world is a burden on my head and I feel conflicted and I have no support from my family. I do not understand why my family do not support me. I have been of great support to them as I am married my partner was away and I have had to live here with my child for the past few years. Now my partner is here I do not feel it is appropriate for me to live here. My father has offered to support me with initially stating he would buy me a home. I could not accept such a big offer, therefore I said that it would be better if he could vacate his own property that he rents and we would pay him rent.

My family before my partner was here have harassed me, they bully me they put me down and I do not understand what I have done wrong. I feel like they are not letting me move forward, they are purposely trying to put me down. I feel like this is wrong, they don't like it that my father supports me, they don't like it that I am trying to better myself. I do not understand why if I have an agreement with my father they cannot deal with it. They are always filled with jealousy and hatred for me. I only find ease when I turn to Allah because I feel so wrong. I don't know why I am wrong. I feel I did right, I married my partner. I didn't keep boyfriends. I married through family. I had a child with him and I am moving on. But they all harass me and my father saying I am fooling him. I wish I wasn't so dependant on him. I study everyday, I am trying to move home away from conflicts. But I am still the one wrong. I don't know if they are jealous, I don't know why they don't understand.

:wa:

My dear sister what Allah loves is that regardless of how others treat us then we treat others in the best way and manner possible. That does not mean of course that we allow them to oppress or behave in a bad manner towards us, but we repel negativity with positivity and give goodness in return for bitterness and hatred. We are only doing so for the pleasure of Allah.

So continue to share your feelings with your husband and ask of Allah sincerely especially in the latter partof the night to ease your affairs. Never say "why" unto him with regards to your situation because Allah tests those whom he wants close to him and tests are a way for us to gain rewards without measure and forgiveness of sins. Know that with adversity comes victory. So my sister continue to patiently persevere.

What is most important my sister is that we must continuously maintain the most important gift we have in this world and that is our Imaan (faith). There is no gift better than this. When we are shackled by our sins and love of the Dunya (the world) has entered our hearts and we have forgotten our inevitable death and our eternal destination - The Hereafter - then Imaan (faith) will inevitably leave the heart like water leaves a bottle when you tip it over.

Just like we service our cars, valet them, clean them, refill them often. A similar analogy can be applied to our hearts. It must be regularly serviced, checked, cleaned and re-filled with the love and remembrance of Allah so our imaan can remain topped up.

Therefore we must never forget death and our next destination - the grave. Most of us think "Not me, I wont die until old age". How many young people thought that and they are in the grave right now? If we go to the grave yard then we will see that the graves are filled with people of all ages ranging from 0 - 100+. So by remembering death our attachment for this world and materialistic things weakens. The more we love this world the more we will forget Allah, death, our graves and the Hereafter.

So to remember death constantly is a good thing as long as it makes us keep away from the major sins and do good deeds knowing we can die at any second and therefore return to Allah just as we can from him. Therefore we must make the best of each and every second we have and know that the evening is not guaranteed for us just as in the evening the morning is not guaranteed for us. How many people die suddenly who made so many plans for tomorrow and the future? Therefore we must make the best of the present moment and live in a way and manner in which we want to die.

Therefore my sister the solution is that our focus is completely wrong! We are focusing on things that either do not matter or are irrelevant in the bigger picture of things. We must reflect, ponder, re-evaluate and re-focus our lives towards that of the bigger picture and what really matters.

So my sister we must firstly abandon any major sins we are doing as this tortures our hearts and souls and keeps us away from Allah. Repent sincerely and make a a firm commitment never to repeat such an act again. We cannot get closer to Allah and have khushu in our prayers and deeds if we are committing major sins.

Secondly we must pray all of our prayers on time. As the prayer is the purpose of our lives and so we must fulfill our most important obligation. Thirdly we must ensure that we keep good company. We are who we keep company with. So connect with good practicing sisters at the Masjid/Islamic centre. Get involved with sisters groups and circles. Volunteer with sisters in your local community and/or a charity. Learn knowledge of Islam by attending or taking up Islamic courses as knowledge is most important and the most rewarding of good deeds.

Fourthly connect with the Quran. A recite of it as much as you can comfortably manage. Learn the meanings of what you are reciting and implement it in your daily life. Ponder, reflect and contemplate over its meanings. By connecting with the Quran we are connected to Allah. We also remain in his remembrance and know that the Quran will intercede for us on the day where we need as much intercession as we can get. Memorise the Quran and make it a firm intention to memorise it all in your life time for those if us with such an intention then even if we die it is hoped we will die as Haafidh inshaAllah. It matters not about age but determination. Subhanallah there was a case of an 80+ woman having completed memorisation of the Qur'an. Do we not want to die in such a beautiful manner in which we have the entire Qur'an in our hearts? And when we are being given a rank of Jannah then we will be told keep elevating to the highest ranks of Jannah in accordance with how much Qur'an we memorised. SubhanAllah!

Finally adopt the Tahajjud prayer in the latter part of the nights. What better way to connect to Allah than when most other people are asleep? The Tahajjud prayer is one of the best ways of gaining an intimate connection to Allah and increasing our imaan and Khushu in our prayers. It is also one of the best ways to get our Dua's accepted and get closer to Allah.

So my sister beg and ask of Allah. I don't mean the way you have been doing up until now. I mean REALLY ask of of him. Beg of him and cry unto him, ask of him with all of your heart like you have never done before and he will never abandon your call. He loves you far more than your parents and anyone else ever will. No one can love you more than him. If only we walked towards him then he would run towards us. So this is our best opportunity and it may well be our last.

Death can come suddenly:

When will our last moment be?

Utter regret in the Hereafter:

Utterly regretful in the Hereafter

 

[azc]

Assalamualaikum,I have had great difficulty these couple of years. I wasted a lot of my time and found it mentally hard to study or socialize with my peers. Therefore I retreated and didn't follow the normal route to university. Since then I feel like my mental blocks have significantly improved by turning to Allah for help and also in starting to pray again. I regularly listen to Quran and that is the only way I feel better. I feel like the world is a burden on my head and I feel conflicted and I have no support from my family. I do not understand why my family do not support me. I have been of great support to them as I am married my partner was away and I have had to live here with my child for the past few years. Now my partner is here I do not feel it is appropriate for me to live here. My father has offered to support me with initially stating he would buy me a home. I could not accept such a big offer, therefore I said that it would be better if he could vacate his own property that he rents and we would pay him rent. My family before my partner was here have harassed me, they bully me they put me down and I do not understand what I have done wrong. I feel like they are not letting me move forward, they are purposely trying to put me down. I feel like this is wrong, they don't like it that my father supports me, they don't like it that I am trying to better myself. I do not understand why if I have an agreement with my father they cannot deal with it. They are always filled with jealousy and hatred for me. I only find ease when I turn to Allah because I feel so wrong. I don't know why I am wrong. I feel I did right, I married my partner. I didn't keep boyfriends. I married through family. I had a child with him and I am moving on. But they all harass me and my father saying I am fooling him. I wish I wasn't so dependant on him. I study everyday, I am trying to move home away from conflicts. But I am still the one wrong. I don't know if they are jealous, I don't know why they don't understand.

:wa: Is it not feasible to live with husband ?