My friend is having an issue in marriage.

[anonymous]

There's a close friend of mine and she is having a problem in marriage. She has been married for 15+ years. Her husband doesnt have employment currently, so she is very much disturbed by all this, she says to him that he doesnt try to get a job. But he has tried all he could do. So they are having problem in their family, there isnt any money coming in their home and they have children as well. The amount which my friend saved is being used for expenditure and this makes her more upset and angry at her husband. What should she do in this situation? I have told her to trust Allah bcuz He provides everyone, its not in anyone's hand but still she is being stubborn and keeps arguing with her husband. There is also so much debt they have to pay. Please pray for them and give advice.

 

[Revert alYunani]

What should she do in this situation? .

Maybe she should start by not having male friends to whom she complains about her husband and marriage life. She is supposed to be the coolness of his eyes. The guy has debts and cant find a job, i cant imagine the ammount of stress he is going through, and she instead of being there supporting him and making him feel better she has to complain about him to her male friend?

And secondly there were times that in the house of the prophet saws there was literally nothing to eat.While your female friend is still eating everyday and maybe through debts but her husband is still providing.If he is trying everything and its not working i dont know why its so hard for her to not know what to do.

Im really sorry for that guy who has to be double tested with difficulty in finding wealth and with having this kind of wife. I will make duaa for him in shaa Allah

 

[anonymous]

Thank you very much for replying. I am not her male friend, i am a sister.
The problem is she thinks that he isnt trying enough to get a job and he is just passing time by going here and there. She doesnt trust her bcuz he has broken her trusts many times this is why it is becoming hard for her to believe that he is trying. And she insults her in front of her children abd in return her husband also insults her. They keep cursing each other.

 

[AabiruSabeel]

Maybe she should start by not having male friends to whom she complains about her husband and marriage life.

How do you know that she has male friends? This is the anonymous account which can be used by anyone. There is no indication that the friend is male or female.

 

[Revert alYunani]

There was a thread some weeks ago where i was sure you were a male,there was smth to it which i dont remember but i was sure. And i thought you were male all along because of that. If i have time later i will check it.Maybe it was a missunderstanding.

If thats the case then im sorry, forget what i said.

 

[Revert alYunani]

You posted this some weeks ago

"4 years ago I was lost, broken, depressed, and ignorant. I didn't know much as islam. During this time, a nonmuslim older married woman met me and offered to commit zina with me. I considered doing it with her but I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself and made sure to cut off contact with this woman. I feel ashamed that I actually considered doing this sin. I thank Allah he didn't let me do this sin but now I still feel like had it not been for his mercy I would have commited zina. I feel so ashamed and even now women approach me for zina and I say no but I still feel tempted. I'm scared of slipping and losing my way. Will Allah forgive me?"


Thats why i was sure you were a male. Anyway then forget my comment

 

[*charisma*]

There's a close friend of mine and she is having a problem in marriage. She has been married for 15+ years. Her husband doesnt have employment currently, so she is very much disturbed by all this, she says to him that he doesnt try to get a job. But he has tried all he could do. So they are having problem in their family, there isnt any money coming in their home and they have children as well. The amount which my friend saved is being used for expenditure and this makes her more upset and angry at her husband. What should she do in this situation? I have told her to trust Allah bcuz He provides everyone, its not in anyone's hand but still she is being stubborn and keeps arguing with her husband. There is also so much debt they have to pay. Please pray for them and give advice.

Assalamu Alaikum,

This is really unacceptable behavior. She should know that rizq is from Allah and if, on top of the debts that they have, her character is degrading, then what of Allah's blessings does she deserve?
She should increase in istighfar. In everything she does she should make istighfar and be supportive of her husband and make du'a Allah makes things easy on him too rather than berate him. She needs to be patient. If she was cognizant of Allah's presence she would not act like this, so remind her that Allah's watching all she does. Tomorrow her husband can divorce her and Allah may make him a wealthy man and make her an unmarried woman with nothing to her name. Let her count her blessings and thank Allah for them, and to seek forgiveness before she loses everything. If she can do charity then she should even if it is a little. As soon as they are back on their feet their first priority should be to repay their debts.

"...And whatever you spend of good [i.e., wealth, property, resources, time, effort etc.] - it will be fully repaid to you, and you will not be wronged." [2:272]

The Prophet (salAllahu 'aliahi wa sallam) said: "Whomever instills upon himself to do istighfar continuously, Allah will make for him a relief out of every anxiety, and an outlet from any one of his constraints/difficulty, and He will provide for him from places that he never expected." (Abu Dawud, Ibn Majah, Ahmad and others)

 

[kingfisher1]

Most muslim women today marry a guy because of the amount of money he makes, they don't marry a guy because of his religion and good character. Because almost all marriages today are based on a woman lusting after a man's wealth, therefore whenever there is a loss of earnings/wealth on part of her husband, the wife gets angry and upset because her greediness for her husbands money is not being met anymore.
This is nothing to do with Islam because Islam was never the basis for most muslim marriages. If Islam was the first reason people married, then this woman would be content with whatever Allah has provided her with and try to be supportive of her husbands during the good times and the bad times. Life is never constant, we go through success and failures, ease and hardship. The whole point of marriage is to support one another and be there for each other regardless of the circumstances. But like I said that is all fairytales these days, it's all about the money. No money No honey. This woman does not love her husband, she loves how much money he can give to her.

 

[IslamLife00]

Thank you very much for replying. I am not her male friend, i am a sister.
The problem is she thinks that he isnt trying enough to get a job and he is just passing time by going here and there. She doesnt trust her bcuz he has broken her trusts many times this is why it is becoming hard for her to believe that he is trying. And she insults her in front of her children abd in return her husband also insults her. They keep cursing each other.

For the time being try to deal with money issue first, when it's dealt with, then they can start working on the trust issue between them.

About debt, they should try talk to the creditor and make some kind of arrangement to either delay payment, or remove some of the charges. It's going to be tough, but unless they try, they will not know.
If you look at debt statement, usually the total amount includes interest and monthly fee, sometimes creditors are wiling to remove these charges if they see proofs that the debtor is truly unable to make the payment.
There are consequences, but it will give them some relief for the time being. That's why it's still worth to try.

Financial assistance, have they tried getting this? Sometimes government provides some kind of assistance, even if it's small it can help.
Also there are muslim organizations helping muslim families in need, it may not be local but inshaAllah they will not turn down muslims that need help.

They can also try reduce expenses and stick with only basic needs. InshaAllah they will make it through this together.

 

[anonymous]

Thank you all for advices. Ill try my best to convey these to her. She says she has to provide for the family. Means she has some savings in bank so she is taking care of all the expenses, sometimes her husband borrow some amount from his friend. She has savings from which she can pay the debts but she says they are just for security so if they get in any bad times, those money can be used.They live on rent and have debts of the landlord as well.

 

[xboxisdead]

Most muslim women today marry a guy because of the amount of money he makes, they don't marry a guy because of his religion and good character. Because almost all marriages today are based on a woman lusting after a man's wealth, therefore whenever there is a loss of earnings/wealth on part of her husband, the wife gets angry and upset because her greediness for her husbands money is not being met anymore.
This is nothing to do with Islam because Islam was never the basis for most muslim marriages. If Islam was the first reason people married, then this woman would be content with whatever Allah has provided her with and try to be supportive of her husbands during the good times and the bad times. Life is never constant, we go through success and failures, ease and hardship. The whole point of marriage is to support one another and be there for each other regardless of the circumstances. But like I said that is all fairytales these days, it's all about the money. No money No honey. This woman does not love her husband, she loves how much money he can give to her.

I agree. This is why I believe my wife is not in Dunaya. My wife is in the afterlife...that hoor al-ein!! - grin - She will not nag me, belittle me, castrate me mentally (as most do it here) and she would love me as a person. She would never say, "I don't know a man!" then roll her eyes and make ticking noises. Nor will she ever throw it on my face that she is more intelligent than me or superior than me and never she attacks my hormones by saying testosterone is the goes of all destruction.. Testosterone breed violence and destruction. If only she knew that without testosterone there will be no children and on top of that, there will be no one fighting for the cause of Allah. This violence in the hormones of male if applied correctly is a blessing not a curse or attack on me.

Hoor al-ein never nags me, never is angry at me...- sigh - That is my wife over there. Not here. OP tell him to be patient and do istigfhar and get rid of this loan as soon as possible. Perhaps it will alter his wive's mode and let him know that his wife have shown her true face. He should treat her now of her true identity and not the fake and acting she was doing when he was rich or have money!