Salaam,
I just wanted to share a little bit about myself,
I haven't had an easy life, for me to be where I am I have had to work my socks off!
It took me 6 times to pass my driving and I never gave up,I also waited 6 years to buy a car due to me string and not being able to afford a car.
I lost significant weight and my health went downhill but I still managed to get a degree,
I worked long hours at horrible times such as 4am and now alhumdilliah I have a job in the field of study which took 9 moths after graduation to get. I havenow also been offered a new job which took me ages to get. I have been looking for a job for 12 months where I've been working ever since, going home studying and travelling to this place and alhumdilliah I finally got it. I guess it makes it worth while when you've worked so hard for something.
I've also had the chance to go Saudi Arabia twice for umrah.but one thing I haven't fulfilled in my life Which I've wanted most is a decent brother to marry!
Previously I've had pre marital relationships and I learnt they are wrong, but still throug families and friends finding someone compatible and someone that will better me in deen is proving a struggle. I wana marry but I just havnt found someone. I make dua do much as well, What shall I do!
Asalaamu alaikum. Jazakallahu khayr for sharing your issues with us. Firstly sister know that you are not alone. Unfortunately there are many Muslim brothers and sisters out there who are struggling to find partners and at times it is easy to lose hope and become disillusioned. But we must realise that whatever is destined for us WILL happen. Everything happens ONLY by Allahs decree and that includes when and who we marry.
So what we must do is continue to make the best effort we can in trying to find a partner, for that maybe through our families, relatives, friends, local community, Masjids, colleagues and associates, marriage events and even websites.
At the sametime we should make sincere dua with full hope, trust and reliance in Allah and when the time is right then we will get marry for ONLY Allah knows best. Make best of tonight and tomorrow night to pray and make sincere dua for these are the two remaining nights of the first ten days of Dhul Hijjah.
Look at the favours Allah has bestowed upon you. Much of the time we are grieved with what we dont have but failed to appreciate what we have. We have SO much more than most people in this world so we must ALWAYS try to think of those who have less than us.
So we must continue to be patient and persevere in trying to find a partner and those that reject you or it does not proceed any further with then know that they were simply not meant for you but know that Allah has someone better in store for you as long as you go about marriage in the right and permissable way.
We must NEVER lose hope as that is what shaythan wants as he is our enemy and always wanting us to be diverted from the right path and he is wanting us to lose hope in Allah so we stop remembering him but you MUST reject him as he is our enemy for eternity. Therefore let us continue to strive and persevere and be strong and have FULL hope and faith in Allah that he will do what is best for us whenever it is destined for us.
Some of us get married late and some get married early for that is the way life is. But that certainly does NOT mean that you will get any less happiness than those who marry early. It just means that marriage was destined for you later than some. But that may be for the best as Allah knows best why things happen the way they do in our lives.
So we must have FULL trust in Allah that he knows what is best for us and that he will give us our destined partners whenever he feels is the best time.
In the meantime we must continue to explore all of the permissable avenues of looking for a marriage partner and at the same time make sincere dua and put your FULL hope, trust and faith in Allah that he will do what is best for you.
Beg of Allah in dua to help you fulfill your requests especially during Tahajjud time in the third portion of the night.
Also do the following to help you find a marriage partner:
1. Pray 2 rakat salaatul Hajaat:
The hadith regarding it: Abullah ibn Abi Awfa (Allah be pleased with him) relates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Whoever has a need with Allah, or with any human being, then let them perform ritual ablutions well and then pray two rakats. After that, let them praise Allah and send blessings on the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). After this, let them say,
لا إِلَهَ إِلا اللَّهُ الْحَلِيمُ الْكَرِيمُ
سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ
الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِين
أَسْأَلُكَ مُوجِبَاتِ رَحْمَتِكَ وَعَزَائِمَ مَغْفِرَتِكَ وَالْغَنِيمَةَ مِنْ كُلِّ بِرٍّ وَالسَّلامَةَ مِنْ كُلّإِثْمٍ
لا تَدَعْ لِي ذَنْبًا إِلا غَفَرْتَهُ وَلا هَمًّا إِلا فَرَّجْتَهُ وَلا حَاجَةً هِيَ لَكَ رِضًا إِلا قَضَيْتَهَا يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ
There there no god but Allah the Clement and Wise.
There is no god but Allah the High and Mighty.
Glory be to Allah, Lord of the Tremendous Throne.
All praise is to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
I ask you (O Allah) everything that leads to your mercy, and your tremendous forgiveness, enrichment in all good, and freedom from all sin.
Do not leave a sin of mine (O Allah), except that you forgive it, nor any concern except that you create for it an opening, nor any need in which there is your good pleasure except that you fulfill it, O Most Merciful!”
[Related by Tirmidhi and Ibn Maja)
Here is the dua after praying 2 rakat salaatul hajaat:
http://www.central-mosque.com/Dua/11. Salat al-hajah - dua at the time of need.htm
2. Give as much Sadaqa as possible for the pleasure of Allah
3. Make much strong dua to Allah particularly in the latter portuion of the night after praying Tahajjud prayer. Cry to Allah if you can for Allah tends the slave who cries and weeps faster than a mother tends its baby.
4. Leave major sins for this gets in the way of duas being accepted.
5. Thank Allah as much as possible for how happy would Allah be with his slave who is thankful to him even though they may be going through difficult trials.
6. Make dua as much as possible in the following situations where dua is more likely to be accepted:
- After every fardh salaat and before going to bed, and after making wudhu(after the wudhu dua), while raining, while azzan is in progress(time when the muezzin pauses during the azaan), after azaan, between azaan and iqmah, when the cock crows, in a religious gathering, while travelling to masjid or on the way to meet a sick person etc
There is also an hour on Jumma where duas are definatley accepted so do as much dua as possible during Jumma.
7. Do plenty of durood before and after dua.
Increase the avenues you are currently exploring in order to find a suitable marriage partner like:
9. Ask around for those who have contacts for marriage because in most areas where there are Muslims there are usually 8omen who have contacts which they pass on to people and if it gets to marriage then you just pay them a small fee.
9. Goto proper Islamic marriage events where the girls are accompanied by their mahrams
10. Join some Muslim marriage sites where a mahram is involved like purematrimony.com
11. Ask around your local area in al of your local masjids. You can phone them and they will be more than willing to put you in ouch with the right person who sets up local marriages.
12. Ask close friends or relatives.
13.
Recite the following many times in your duas:
Rabbi innee limaa anzalta ilayya min khayrin faqeer
[My lord, I am in absolute need of the good You send me]
14. a) Be in the state of Tahaarah (Wudhu)
b) Praise and glorify Allah
c) Have faith that Allah Ta'ala is All-Hearing and your Du'aas will be
accepted.
d)Read excessive durood shareef, the Duroode-Ibrahimi, which we read in Salaah.
So NEVER give up hope because whatever is best will happen for you because with hardship comes ease. When you finally find the one who is destined for you then you will appreciate them so much more because of how difficult it was to find them in the first place.
So please act upon the advice i have given and continue to be strong, strive and persevere and in the end you will be victorious!
May Allah find us the God fearing and pious partners who will benefit us in this world and the next so that together our paths to Jannah will be made easier. Ameen
