Alsalam Alaykum all.
I have a major issue in my life that is causing me grief and it relates to my mother. I am a 47 year old Muslim man who does not live a strict Muslim life but avoid all Haram and try to walk the righteous path.
When I was 5 years of age my mother abandoned me to go live with her mother. My parents are Syrians but had moved to live in Dubai when I was 2 years old so my father can make a future for himself and his family.
MY mother hated living in Dubai because her social life and her friends were very important to her. She caused my father a lot of grief and I remember when I was 4-5 years old all the horrible things she used to do to him. My father may his soul be in heaven was a good man who worked 12 hours a day 6 days a week to provide for his family. He died a few years ago and I miss him dearly.
The first 2 years after my mother left, my father relied on female relatives who were very abusive to me physically and one of them sexually abused me. Finally at age 8 my father married a wonderful woman who came into my life and mothered me like her own. During my youth my birth mother never contacted me other than write me hate letters against my father demanding money. I went as long as 5 years at a time not hearing from her, even though telephone calls were available to her. I went to visit her twice in Syria but she was always too busy with her friends and her social life to spend any time with me.
My older brother who happens to be 8 years older than me survived the ordeal and he moved to Syria, he blamed our father for the divorce, in his mind our father should have left his opportunities in Dubai and went back to Syria to appease my mother.
After high school my father sent me to the USA to attend a major University, I was fortunate enough to study and get both a B.Sc. and a Masters degree. I have worked and lived in the US since then.
My father and I had a mutual respect relationship, he lived his last 15 years after retiring between Dubai and Lebanon, he came to spend his last days here in the US with my family and I, he passed away in my home.
My mother continued to have nothing to do with me until my father died, my older brother never worked a day in his life, my father paid all my brother's bills and had bought him a beautiful home in Damascus.
When my father passed away, the cash cow died with him, my older brother who had not spoken to me for 20 years now wanted our mother to reach out to me help him financially. My brother had 3 grown sons all mid 20s. They also sat at home and relied on my father to support them.
Immediately after our father's death, my oldest brother entangled me and our 4 younger brothers in a major law suit in an attempt to get us removed from our father's inheritance. We have been in court for 9 years now trying to resolve what he did.
I did help my oldest brother initially even though he was trying to steal my inheritance but I insisted that he and his sons needed to secure jobs for income as I had my own responsibilities and my own 5 kids to support who are all minors.
My mother was very hateful towards me, her sentiment is that I should give half my monthly income to my brother and his sons, as it would be humiliating for my brother to go out and get a job at age 49.
My mother would verbally abuse me when she called me and tell me things like she wished I died during birth because I refused to give my brother thousands of dollars that I could not afford to give him. My oldest brother and his family lived a lavish life in Syria in one of the wealthiest parts of Damascus.
My oldest brother died 4 years ago. Since then my birth mother began wanting to have contact with me and my kids. She lives alone and I feel sorry for her, I do not hate her but I have no love for her. I talk to her nearly every day and she constantly makes financial demands of me for her, her family and my brother's adult sons and I try within my means to help. She can be very abusive at times and never has anything nice to say about my father.
My birth mother never met my kids, she has no desire to meet them, all she wants from me is money and to talk to her and listen to her abused daily. I am glad she lives in Syria, continents and Oceans away from men.
I know Allah requires of us Muslims to be kind to our parents but this woman has done nothing for me, Animals give birth daily and they abandon their young. How much more do I have to put up with. I don't mind send her money now that she has no income. She used to own percentage of a bakery which she sold to give the money to my nephews, then she sold the house my father bought her and gave the money to my nephews again as they sit at home not working.
I feel bitter, she has never done anything for me, now what would be my inheritance she sold and gave to my nephews. Why am I obligated to do anything for her or even talk to her at this point?
I love my step mother, she has always been good to me, to this day she sends me and my kids gifts, calls us and comes to visit me and have helped my American wife in so many ways to become a Muslim and understand the Arab culture so we may have a Muslim home. She never makes demands of me and treats me better than her own sons (my 3 younger brothers). Is she not more worthy of my time and effort than the woman who gave birth to me then neglected me for the rest of my life?
I am sorry for the long post but I felt I needed to explain what happened before I asked my question.
Ramadan Kareem
I have a major issue in my life that is causing me grief and it relates to my mother. I am a 47 year old Muslim man who does not live a strict Muslim life but avoid all Haram and try to walk the righteous path.
When I was 5 years of age my mother abandoned me to go live with her mother. My parents are Syrians but had moved to live in Dubai when I was 2 years old so my father can make a future for himself and his family.
MY mother hated living in Dubai because her social life and her friends were very important to her. She caused my father a lot of grief and I remember when I was 4-5 years old all the horrible things she used to do to him. My father may his soul be in heaven was a good man who worked 12 hours a day 6 days a week to provide for his family. He died a few years ago and I miss him dearly.
The first 2 years after my mother left, my father relied on female relatives who were very abusive to me physically and one of them sexually abused me. Finally at age 8 my father married a wonderful woman who came into my life and mothered me like her own. During my youth my birth mother never contacted me other than write me hate letters against my father demanding money. I went as long as 5 years at a time not hearing from her, even though telephone calls were available to her. I went to visit her twice in Syria but she was always too busy with her friends and her social life to spend any time with me.
My older brother who happens to be 8 years older than me survived the ordeal and he moved to Syria, he blamed our father for the divorce, in his mind our father should have left his opportunities in Dubai and went back to Syria to appease my mother.
After high school my father sent me to the USA to attend a major University, I was fortunate enough to study and get both a B.Sc. and a Masters degree. I have worked and lived in the US since then.
My father and I had a mutual respect relationship, he lived his last 15 years after retiring between Dubai and Lebanon, he came to spend his last days here in the US with my family and I, he passed away in my home.
My mother continued to have nothing to do with me until my father died, my older brother never worked a day in his life, my father paid all my brother's bills and had bought him a beautiful home in Damascus.
When my father passed away, the cash cow died with him, my older brother who had not spoken to me for 20 years now wanted our mother to reach out to me help him financially. My brother had 3 grown sons all mid 20s. They also sat at home and relied on my father to support them.
Immediately after our father's death, my oldest brother entangled me and our 4 younger brothers in a major law suit in an attempt to get us removed from our father's inheritance. We have been in court for 9 years now trying to resolve what he did.
I did help my oldest brother initially even though he was trying to steal my inheritance but I insisted that he and his sons needed to secure jobs for income as I had my own responsibilities and my own 5 kids to support who are all minors.
My mother was very hateful towards me, her sentiment is that I should give half my monthly income to my brother and his sons, as it would be humiliating for my brother to go out and get a job at age 49.
My mother would verbally abuse me when she called me and tell me things like she wished I died during birth because I refused to give my brother thousands of dollars that I could not afford to give him. My oldest brother and his family lived a lavish life in Syria in one of the wealthiest parts of Damascus.
My oldest brother died 4 years ago. Since then my birth mother began wanting to have contact with me and my kids. She lives alone and I feel sorry for her, I do not hate her but I have no love for her. I talk to her nearly every day and she constantly makes financial demands of me for her, her family and my brother's adult sons and I try within my means to help. She can be very abusive at times and never has anything nice to say about my father.
My birth mother never met my kids, she has no desire to meet them, all she wants from me is money and to talk to her and listen to her abused daily. I am glad she lives in Syria, continents and Oceans away from men.
I know Allah requires of us Muslims to be kind to our parents but this woman has done nothing for me, Animals give birth daily and they abandon their young. How much more do I have to put up with. I don't mind send her money now that she has no income. She used to own percentage of a bakery which she sold to give the money to my nephews, then she sold the house my father bought her and gave the money to my nephews again as they sit at home not working.
I feel bitter, she has never done anything for me, now what would be my inheritance she sold and gave to my nephews. Why am I obligated to do anything for her or even talk to her at this point?
I love my step mother, she has always been good to me, to this day she sends me and my kids gifts, calls us and comes to visit me and have helped my American wife in so many ways to become a Muslim and understand the Arab culture so we may have a Muslim home. She never makes demands of me and treats me better than her own sons (my 3 younger brothers). Is she not more worthy of my time and effort than the woman who gave birth to me then neglected me for the rest of my life?
I am sorry for the long post but I felt I needed to explain what happened before I asked my question.
Ramadan Kareem
eace: