My Reason and Situation

[MuslimToBePerha]

My parents were born in a majority Muslim country, but are not Muslims, and not religious.

I have always defended the underdogs in society (Palestinian cause, Irish, etc). But as for my identity, I was born in the US, but I look like a Middle-Eastern man, and just want to be accepted. I wish I could have traveled to a Middle-Eastern or North African country so I wouldn't feel so self-conscious, and to feel like just one of the people, which I don't. I've had many issues with identity in that respect. I don't know how it clashes with the things I love - music, film, humor, which is very anti-modern for many reasons.

My problem is that I do not leave the house and need help. I've been targeted many times because the way I look. I refuse to shave my beard in solidarity to those oppressed. My decades long support for Muslims has estranged me from everyone in the US. Friends, family, etc... So I have no one to talk with (Which is why I'm on a message board).

I never wanted to admit it, but I always said I didn't want to be married and have a family, but I think its because I've been rejected so much, betrayal has taken its toll on me. I just want to be loved, and looking for a new direction in my life.

 

[Ümit]

first of all, welcome to this forum.

I do not know what to say...i think first of all, you need social contacts.
I would advise to go to a local mosque. it is usually open all day every day from sunrise till after sunset.
I know it is not easy for you to take this first step...but you should give it a try.
the people there will be interested in your story...as time passes and they get used to your presence you will see that they will get closer to you and maybe you will learn more about Islaam...if you are interested of course...but most important right now is that you will have people to talk to.

of course you can talk to us also if that is easier for you...we will be open to all your questions.

salaam

 

[MuslimToBePerha]

first of all, welcome to this forum.

I do not know what to say...i think first of all, you need social contacts.
I would advise to go to a local mosque. it is usually open all day every day from sunrise till after sunset.
I know it is not easy for you to take this first step...but you should give it a try.
the people there will be interested in your story...as time passes and they get used to your presence you will see that they will get closer to you and maybe you will learn more about Islaam...if you are interested of course...but most important right now is that you will have people to talk to.

of course you can talk to us also if that is easier for you...we will be open to all your questions.

salaam

Thanks for the welcome. I should add I have a fear of being in a car (long story), and I live in a very dangerous city and there isn't a mosque near.

Is there anything else you can suggest? I don't want to confuse my non-ability to related with people of my age (and other ages) when it comes to the things that are important to me, and assume that religion would solve THOSE problems.

I love art (social causes, etc) but is disconnected from everyone possibly and wonder if its just me, and that I might be looking toward Islam to solve my misery in this life, being isolated, all alone with no one to relate to. Even if there was a mosque next door, I wouldn't want to waste their time, or to lead them to think I might be some infiltrator (because there are many in many groups).

As I said earlier, my parents are from an Arab/Muslim country, and my looks seem to have rejected me from society. And believe me, I've heard all the racism. It seems like we are the only people who can be discriminated against, at least in the US and most other Western nations. Even the language has been stolen. Besides racism and bigotry, there's a term I hate to even mention (because of its inaccuracy) that is used as a superior form of comparing peoples. Well, a vast majority of Semites are Arab, but its only used by a tiny, tiny percentage.

If there are people that understand me, or have gone through similar things, please feel free to contact me.

 

[Ümit]

Thanks for the welcome. I should add I have a fear of being in a car (long story), and I live in a very dangerous city and there isn't a mosque near.

Is there anything else you can suggest? I don't want to confuse my non-ability to related with people of my age (and other ages) when it comes to the things that are important to me, and assume that religion would solve THOSE problems.

I love art (social causes, etc) but is disconnected from everyone possibly and wonder if its just me, and that I might be looking toward Islam to solve my misery in this life, being isolated, all alone with no one to relate to. Even if there was a mosque next door, I wouldn't want to waste their time, or to lead them to think I might be some infiltrator (because there are many in many groups).

As I said earlier, my parents are from an Arab/Muslim country, and my looks seem to have rejected me from society. And believe me, I've heard all the racism. It seems like we are the only people who can be discriminated against, at least in the US and most other Western nations. Even the language has been stolen. Besides racism and bigotry, there's a term I hate to even mention (because of its inaccuracy) that is used as a superior form of comparing peoples. Well, a vast majority of Semites are Arab, but its only used by a tiny, tiny percentage.

If there are people that understand me, or have gone through similar things, please feel free to contact me.

No...I didn't mean that religion would solve all your problems.

I just saw that you lack social contact and the easiest way is through religion...I suggested a mosque because the people over there are usually driven to help you...they get a lot of credits for that...so you are not wasting anyones time...they will be friendly towards you...easy subject to start with...and from there you can build your social contacts.

but living in a dangerous city does make your situation worse.
is there an option that you could move to a different and nicer city...or are you somehow bound to your current hometown?

 

[*charisma*]

My parents were born in a majority Muslim country, but are not Muslims, and not religious.

I have always defended the underdogs in society (Palestinian cause, Irish, etc). But as for my identity, I was born in the US, but I look like a Middle-Eastern man, and just want to be accepted. I wish I could have traveled to a Middle-Eastern or North African country so I wouldn't feel so self-conscious, and to feel like just one of the people, which I don't. I've had many issues with identity in that respect. I don't know how it clashes with the things I love - music, film, humor, which is very anti-modern for many reasons.

My problem is that I do not leave the house and need help. I've been targeted many times because the way I look. I refuse to shave my beard in solidarity to those oppressed. My decades long support for Muslims has estranged me from everyone in the US. Friends, family, etc... So I have no one to talk with (Which is why I'm on a message board).

I never wanted to admit it, but I always said I didn't want to be married and have a family, but I think its because I've been rejected so much, betrayal has taken its toll on me. I just want to be loved, and looking for a new direction in my life.

Believe it or not, a lot of us feel this way because our "roots" are in one place, and our "branches" are growing in another, and it's difficult to know where you belong because you'll never be quite fully here nor there. Culturally speaking of course. Does religion fix this problem? Absolutely, because no matter where you are from it doesn't matter in the long run. You can at least have one unifying factor about yourself (eg. your faith) that you place as a priority while everything else becomes secondary. Allah gives you the strength and pride of being a muslim and being yourself. Society, especially in the Western countries, tries to take these things away from people so that they feel lost and weak, and unfortunately it works. You're only lost and weak if you don't know where you came from and what you believe in. There is a system of racism out there meant to make you feel exactly how you feel right now.

Here's the reality of it. You are American, accept that. You are (Whatever country it is you're from ), accept that as well. Don't worry about feeling accepted by those who can't fathom that a person can be different. And maybe if you look into Islam and become a Muslim inshallah, you'll realize that perhaps Allah was moving the worst things away from you so you can find the truth in something much better than what is in this world. How about trying to read the Quran and see if it resonates with you?

 

[MuslimToBePerha]

No...I didn't mean that religion would solve all your problems.

I just saw that you lack social contact and the easiest way is through religion...I suggested a mosque because the people over there are usually driven to help you...they get a lot of credits for that...so you are not wasting anyones time...they will be friendly towards you...easy subject to start with...and from there you can build your social contacts.

but living in a dangerous city does make your situation worse.
is there an option that you could move to a different and nicer city...or are you somehow bound to your current hometown?

I am bound to my hometown for many reasons. Dire poverty and mental anguish and all the other byproducts, one being very anti-social in the last few years.

 

[MuslimToBePerha]

Believe it or not, a lot of us feel this way because our "roots" are in one place, and our "branches" are growing in another, and it's difficult to know where you belong because you'll never be quite fully here nor there. Culturally speaking of course. Does religion fix this problem? Absolutely, because no matter where you are from it doesn't matter in the long run. You can at least have one unifying factor about yourself (eg. your faith) that you place as a priority while everything else becomes secondary. Allah gives you the strength and pride of being a muslim and being yourself. Society, especially in the Western countries, tries to take these things away from people so that they feel lost and weak, and unfortunately it works. You're only lost and weak if you don't know where you came from and what you believe in. There is a system of racism out there meant to make you feel exactly how you feel right now.

Here's the reality of it. You are American, accept that. You are (Whatever country it is you're from ), accept that as well. Don't worry about feeling accepted by those who can't fathom that a person can be different. And maybe if you look into Islam and become a Muslim inshallah, you'll realize that perhaps Allah was moving the worst things away from you so you can find the truth in something much better than what is in this world. How about trying to read the Quran and see if it resonates with you?

The odd thing is that I don't feel any kinship from my parents (and other ancestors country/land) nor the country I was born in (US).

I think "depression" has disabled me from doing the things I love, such as reading, but I probably would if i could. A part of me also realizes that being part of the community is very important.

 

[*charisma*]

The odd thing is that I don't feel any kinship from my parents (and other ancestors country/land) nor the country I was born in (US).

I think "depression" has disabled me from doing the things I love, such as reading, but I probably would if i could. A part of me also realizes that being part of the community is very important.

Well in a way that's a positive thing because nationalism and patriotism are not encouraged in Islam. However, if there are other conflicts going on like depression or anxiety, then you need to take care of the underlying reasons for those and come to terms with it. The definition of insanity is...doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I'm glad you're taking the step forward to connect with others, even if its just online. Although I hope you find real people to connect with as well. There seems to be more than one thing to tackle here, but I believe you have to start changing your mindset into a more positive way of thinking and go from there. Its ok to fail, to be rejected, to feel pain..that's a part of life to keep us growing and make us stronger. If you become recluse then you've prevented yourself from overcoming that hardship.