My sister used to bash up our mother

[anonymous]

Salam alaikym

my older sister whos now 25 yrs used to be very rebellious to our parents. She would slam doors in my fathers face very often and never listen to him. she would spit on my mum, hit her, bash her, throw things at her and would call her very bad names. my father was verbally abusive to my sister and would neglect her so I believe thats the reason my sister was behaving that way.

1 and a half years ago she got married and my parents were glad she left the house. Her husband turned out to be very violent and physically abusive. he would hit her on the head with a frying pan, severely punch and beat her frequently and pull her hair very hard. he also bashed her when she was pregnant and broke her nose. 2 weeks ago she left her husband with her baby daughter

My parents said she deserved to get beaten and physically abused by her husband as a punishment to how she treated them. even other people said she deserved to get hit because of her past actions. Is this right? did my sister deserve to get tortured like this from her violent husband or is it haram to say that?

 

[فصيح الياسين]

As u sow so shall u reap..

 

[فصيح الياسين]

Say her to repent to allah and then to ur parents.. and ask them to pray of forgiveness.. may be allah mercy turn upon her...

Now days its increasing kins hittings their parents......

And u also pray her and advice her gently and on perfect time. So ur words hit her heart and lit the fire in her dark heart

 

[aaj]

:wasalam:


Disobedience to parents and ill treatment of them comes under major sins. We are not even allowed to say 'ugh' to them and rather show mercy to them and show patience in hard times. The father may have neglected his fatherly islamic responsibilities towards the sister in abusing her and thus wronging her in that manner. But what she did with her father and especially her mother, was that really called for?

There is no such thing as karma in Islam, that is a hindu/budhism concept. It is the belief that the sum of your good or bad deeds will result in something good or bad coming back to you.

But we do have something similar in Islam. However, In Islam all things are in the hands of Allah. Allah may reward us for our goodness in this duniya or there Hereafter, or both. And the same goes for our sinful behavior.

Allah says: " And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your hands have earned. And He pardons much." [42.30]


While it isn't islamic or nice for others to taunt her like that, or say such things. They are right though. This may be her punishment for how she treated her parents. She should repent for her past behavior and go apologize to her parents and right the wrong by trying to be a better daughter. It is hoped she learns a lesson from this and self-reflect on her behavior and try to improve it.

It reminds me of a story I heard about a family back home. There was a family living in a village somewhere. It consisted of a married son and his old father living with him. One day the son out of anger grabbed his old father by his beard to drag him and throw him out of the house. When they got half way to the door, the father said 'stop'. He said, "This is how far I dragged my father like this when I was your age."

So yes, how you treat others is how Allah may return it back onto you one day. Rather then talk about it in a gossip manner, we should take this as a warning in how we treat others.

 

[Supernova]

Asalaamualaykum :

This ummah needs to get rid of that "Good you deserve it" attitude. It is actually this attitude that has made many muslims turn away from islam.

We have forgotten what love is and its very rare to even hear the line "What that person really needs is love".

1. You sister was wrong in every regard to treat your parents like that.
2. It was wrong of your father to treat her like that.
3. It was wrong for her husband to abuse her.

The problem here is that instead of realising that each party needs love and support to change themselves - we Muslims revert to "Good you deserve it" Attitude without thinking of the logical argument.

If you are are confused to what I'm saying - let me ask this to settle the issue. Anyone who thinks that your sister is paying the price for her ill treatment to her own parents will logically now have to tend to the begging question " Did her parents in turn do wrong to their parents that they are now paying the price by having an abusive child" ?

If we all think like this all we will do is get caught in backward blame going up generations upon generations instead of dealing with the issue at hand.

If you parents she deserved getting beaten because of her disobedience to them....then my question to your parents is what did you do wrong to your parents that you in turn have a abusive child ?

You get my point - all you will create is a cyclic blame game !!!

Everyone in this situation needs correction and islah. You cannot, and not only cannot, but you dont have the right to say that one muslim is suffering because of an earlier wrong. This attitude needs to stop.

All people in your family now need love and support - lots of it

STOP THE BLAME GAME AND START TREATING PEOPLE WITH LOVE.

 

[Scimitar]

no one deserves violence, except in self defence.

Scimi

 

[Alpha Dude]

Your sister did wrong in abusing your parents but she was equally wronged by her abusive husband. Those are the facts. There is no need to delve into whether she deserved it or any other kind of analysis/criticism because such attitudes bring no benefit to anyone and neither does anyone know the unseen that they can say for certainty that this is a punishment, as such, from Allah.

Look to the future and forget the past. The past is done. There is nothing anyone can do to change it. Her repenting and realizing the error of her ways, that is the most important thing. Everyone makes mistakes, big or small, Allah has given us the opportunity to repent and fix ourselves.

 

[muslim brother]

Your sister did wrong in abusing your parents but she was equally wronged by her abusive husband. Those are the facts. There is no need to delve into whether she deserved it or any other kind of analysis/criticism because such attitudes bring no benefit to anyone and neither does anyone know the unseen that they can say for certainty that this is a punishment, as such, from Allah.

Look to the future and forget the past. The past is done. There is nothing anyone can do to change it. Her repenting and realizing the error of her ways, that is the most important thing. Everyone makes mistakes, big or small, Allah has given us the opportunity to repent and fix ourselves.

agree
life is a learning process and a processof developing yourself as a good human being,constantly

 

[aamirsaab]

It was your dads fault; his abusive actions spurred your sister down a dark and horrible path (probably could have worded the title better)

And no, she didnt deserve the abuse in either case - no one does...

 

[talibilm]

Salam alaikym

my older sister whos now 25 yrs used to be very rebellious to our parents. She would slam doors in my fathers face very often and never listen to him. she would spit on my mum, hit her, bash her, throw things at her and would call her very bad names. my father was verbally abusive to my sister and would neglect her so I believe thats the reason my sister was behaving that way.

1 and a half years ago she got married and my parents were glad she left the house. Her husband turned out to be very violent and physically abusive. he would hit her on the head with a frying pan, severely punch and beat her frequently and pull her hair very hard. he also bashed her when she was pregnant and broke her nose. 2 weeks ago she left her husband with her baby daughter

My parents said she deserved to get beaten and physically abused by her husband as a punishment to how she treated them. even other people said she deserved to get hit because of her past actions. Is this right? did my sister deserve to get tortured like this from her violent husband or is it haram to say that?

Its in hadith that those mistreat their parents will get their evil rewards here in this world itself too and also in the hereafter.So be warned Mistreating particulary old parents is under curse of Prophet :saws: and Gibraeel from a hadith since its a CHANCE to receive Jannah through it and Prophet :saws: called its better than Jihad to serve your old parents.

 

[hisnameiszzz]

Isn't there an inspirational story from the times of the Prophet where a man was really awful to his Dad and was going to chuck him off a cliff. And then the man had a son who was twice as worse as he was to his Dad. I can't remember the exact details but it was something along those lines.

I know the OP's story is different because it was the daughter being mean to her parents and then getting a mean husband. But it's still the same philosophy.

 

[islamirama]

It was your dads fault; his abusive actions spurred your sister down a dark and horrible path (probably could have worded the title better)
.

it does not excuse her behavior and abuse towards her mother. Can't blame daddy for everything, she is not a kid and that excuse won't hold up on judgement day.

And no, she didnt deserve the abuse in either case - no one does..

Sometimes Allah sends devils to deal with devils. You reap what you sow.