[anonymous]

I have the opportunity to marry someone really good, their personality is really nice and we get on great, the only thing that puts doubt in my mind is that I don't feel anything when I look at them. Do you think that would come later in the marriage? Do you think I should say no based upon this reason?

 

[ardianto]

:wa:

It seem like this person has good personality that make you like him/her. But you do not attracted to this person physical appearance.

My question, if you say "no" and let this person go, are you sure then you will meet someone who has appearance that can attract you but also has good personality?. If you sure, what makes you sure?.

 

[ژاله]

is there any potential attraction that may grow over time?

 

[ardianto]

is there any potential attraction that may grow over time?

Depend on which attraction?

Might be you ever had an experience, a handsome man passed in front of you, you feel awed, you talked to yourself "wow! he's handsome!", and you got a feeling you wanted to be with him. It's called attracted by physical attraction.

Attraction like this cannot be grown by time. Even this will go in the not too long.

If you marry a man who is not attractive in your eyes, you will never have a feeling to your husband like when you saw that handsome man. But emotional bond that built from your closeness with your husband, can make you feel comfortable with your husband. It will makes you always want together with your husband. And in the time when you are, excuse me, on the bed with your husband, you will enjoy it although you are realize, your husband is not physically attractive. It's called attracted by emotional closeness.

This is the attraction that can be grown by time, and will continue to survive as long as husband and wife still have an emotional bond that unites them. Emotional bond could be built if husband and wife respect each other, appreciate each other, and treat each other nicely. And husband and wife could respect each other if they like each other personality.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Attraction is important of course but mere physical attraction alone will not give one happiness in marriage, in the sameway wealth and riches will not give one happiness in marriage, but it is mainly piety and character that gives one happiness in marriage.

Piety and good character beautifies the appearance of a potential suitor more than someone who just has good looks alone. So if one finds a potential suitor who has piety and good character then they should certainly be considered because it maybe it would be difficult to find a suitor with such qualities later on.

It is better to marry an average looking person with piety and good character than a good looking person with a lack of piety and good character. This is because beauty fades but piety and good character remains and even gets better within time.

One should make sincere Isthikhara particularly in the latter part of the night at Tahajjud time and ask of Allah to do what is best for them regarding a particular potential or suitor. Then one should put their reliance and faith in Allah and whatever happens will happen for the best inshallah.

 

[ardianto]

Find a spouse to get married is different than buy a clothe. If we want to buy a clothe we can go from a clothes shop to other clothes shop to find a clothe that meets our taste. And when we have found a clothe that meets our taste, just pay and this clothe now belong to us.

But find a spouse to get married is different. Maybe we can meet someone who meets 90% or 100% of our taste, and we feel want to marry this person. But if this person does not want to marry us ...???

I asked questions to the OP: "if you say "no" and let this person go, are you sure then you will meet someone who has appearance that can attract you but also has good personality?. If you sure, what makes you sure?. "

Actually, those questions are reminder to OP to not too fast to take decision to reject that person, because this could make the OP regret later.

I have found some cases which people regret their decision. They reject someone who propose marriage to them because this someone did not really meet their taste although this someone is good enough. They thought they could find a better person, and they're sure they could.

But later they face a reality, people who come later are worse than someone who has been rejected by them. Even some of them could not find anyone. And they start to regret their decision "Why I reject someone who good enough".

I hope it will not happen to OP.

 

[anonymous]

I am not the original poster

If at the end of the day EVERYTHING happens at the Will of Allah one should not regret making a decision because that was meant to happen.

I Think best advice given is from Brother Hamza. Offer salutal Istikhara and see what happens. Attraction is important but other factors such as personality, deen etc should be considered as beauty fades. This is not the same as me saying that attraction should be avoided.

If you offer Istikahara and this person is good for you then i am sure they will come your way and if not then im sure it will go from you. At the end of the day Allah knows best and what is best for us as he is our creator... so even if this person stays in your life maybe the attraction will grow over time.

Insha'Allah Allah knows best and i wish whatever is better for both of you to occur. Ameen.

 

[Riana17]

asalam alaikkum, i say go for it
brothers gave best advise, nothing to add


goodluck inshallah