needing your help...yup...YOURS

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The Ruler

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ok...i tried to write this poem in about 5 minutes...this is my first draft...but ofcourse the last draft could be nothing like the one i start with...it usually isnt...anyways...i need to write a poem for a school compitition on the following topic:

- looking at the worl through the eyes of someone else.

i chose a palestinian/iraqi kid/person.

i was told that if this poem wins, it will be put in an anthology...exactly which one, i do not know.

anyways...i need you guys' help...this is how you may help me...imagine your day in iraq/palestine...give me as much details as you can and give me 'a day in the life of a palestinian/iraqi kid/person'...

i hope i make sense.

anyways...this is the poem:

A shattered world
The earth dried and arid
Smoke bellowing
Clogging my nostrils; my senses

Life wasn’t this hard before
It only began a few years ago
The gunfire, the bullets, the missiles;
They weren’t always present

Once this world was different shades,
Of green, red, blue, yellow
But now, all I see is red
In the pitch black darkness of the night

Walking down the path
I remember the children;
Their laughter, smiles and cries
Now filled with the hushed silence

Once there were pools of cool water
Blood has now replaced these pools
Fear grips my heart,
Never to let go

But even in this fear gripped heart of mine,
There exists a cocoon of hope;
A light in the darkness,
Warmth; and a guide to freedom.​

any criticism or stupid laughter is welcome...more than welcome really.
 
:salamext:

thats nice so how can we help sis, fix up what you've already written or make up a few lines of our own or :?
 
salamualikum
so what do we do ukthi?

&& England dude it doesn't have to rhyme :D

Take care
 
Kittygyal said:
salamualikum
so what do we do ukthi?

&& England dude it doesn't have to rhyme :D

Take care
Click to expand...

It sounds better :happy:



T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS, HE LIVED ALL ALONE,

IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY, WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,

AND TO SEE JUST WHO, IN THIS HOME, DID LIVE?



I LOOKED ALL ABOUT, A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,

NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS, NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE, JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,

ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES, OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.



WITH MEDALS AND BADGES, AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,

A SOBER THOUGHT, CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT, IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,

I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER, ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.



THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING, SILENT, ALONE,

CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR, IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE, THE ROOM IN DISORDER,

NOT HOW I PICTURED, A BRITISH SOLDIER.



WAS THIS THE HERO, OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?

CURLED UP ON A PONCHO, THE FLOOR FOR A BED?

I REALIZED THE FAMILIES, THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,

OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS, WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.




SOON ROUND THE WORLD, THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,

AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM, EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,

BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.



I COULDN'T HELP WONDER, HOW MANY LAY ALONE,

ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE, IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

THE VERY THOUGHT BROUGHT, A TEAR TO MY EYE,

I DROPPED TO MY KNEES, AND STARTED TO CRY.



THE SOLDIER AWAKENED, AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,

"SANTA, DON'T CRY,THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM; I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,

MY LIFE IS MY GOD, MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."



THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,

I COULDN'T CONTROL IT, I CONTINUED TO WEEP.

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS, SO SILENT AND STILL,

AND WE BOTH SHIVERED THERE, FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.



I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE, ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,

THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOUR, SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER, WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,

WHISPERED, CARRY ON SANTA, ITS CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."



ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH, AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."
 
IbnAbdulHakim said:
:salamext:

thats nice so how can we help sis, fix up what you've already written or make up a few lines of our own or :?
Click to expand...

both.

"Scribble scribble on my face
who will win the second race"
Click to expand...

i dont mind scribbling on your face, ya know...really...AND i'm pretty good at scribbling too :happy:

salamualikum
so what do we do ukthi?
Click to expand...

imagine that you are a person in a war struck palestine or iraq...give me a detailed description of your day...feelings, whatever...anything that you think may help...including what bro mazed suggested :)

:w:
 
:sl:

hey england...that sounds rather for kids...and my poems aren't aimed at kids...they are aimed at mature individuals who can take the message andprobably even make a difference.

:w:
 
+*Rooh*+ said:
:sl:

hey england...that sounds rather for kids...and my poems aren't aimed at kids...they are aimed at mature individuals who can take the message andprobably even make a difference.

:w:
Click to expand...

The one I posted above could make a difference and it needn't be for kids. I posted it on the other forum I registered to, which is pretty dead, and I got more replies to it that alot of other posts. It reminded them of their heroes. The fact it rhymes it sticks in your head.
 
England said:
The one I posted above could make a difference and it needn't be for kids. I posted it on the other forum I registered to, which is pretty dead, and I got more replies to it that alot of other posts. They all talked of the pride.
Click to expand...


i read the first few lines, saw that they rhymed and i'm like...meaningless...no offence...i just like voicing out my opinions...anyways...perhaps you migh be able to help :?

or perhaps not ^o)

:w:
 
:salamext:

wel i cant really fix yours up because its really good mashaAllah and i cant do poems without rhymes, i dunno why :S

lol i tried some stuff but its noting compared to yours. so i didnt post it :hiding:
 
IbnAbdulHakim said:
lol i tried some stuff but its noting compared to yours. so i didnt post it :hiding:
Click to expand...

sorry...but i gotta say this...what a lack of self esteem...akhi come on...its not very likely that i will be comparing mine to yours and then announce 'nah mine's way better'...that's just like eww...no way...i'm not that stupid!...oh and...rhyming ones are welcome...so long as you allow me to change it if i include it...because i am not planning on a rhyming poem :thumbs_up...that goes to England too :)

so yes...your poems are more than welcome...


im waiting...waiting...waiting...hmmmm :hmm:

:w:
 
+*Rooh*+ said:
i read the first few lines, saw that they rhymed and i'm like...meaningless...no offence...i just like voicing out my opinions...anyways...perhaps you migh be able to help :?

or perhaps not ^o)

:w:
Click to expand...

Reading the 1st few lines lol and then complaining it's meaningless? :giggling:
 
+*Rooh*+ said:
sorry...but i gotta say this...what a lack of self esteem...akhi come on...its not very likely that i will be comparing mine to yours and then announce 'nah mine's way better'...that's just like eww...no way...i'm not that stupid!...oh and...rhyming ones are welcome...so long as you allow me to change it if i include it...because i am not planning on a rhyming poem :thumbs_up...that goes to England too :)

so yes...your poems are more than welcome...


im waiting...waiting...waiting...hmmmm :hmm:

:w:
Click to expand...


haha nicely said... i gess :uuh:
ok:


in a corner amidst mist where shots pass i sit
bombs drop everyday but its my life, this is it
tall men in green who are keen on killing men of my deen
i see marching to and fro, from my school window they can be seen​


:muddlehea
 
its ceaseless, but as a kid im helpless
day in, day out they harass us, so careless
who do i turn to for help, who do i address?
only to my lord do i complain of distress​
 
+*Rooh*+ said:
i read the first few lines, saw that they rhymed and i'm like...meaningless...no offence...i just like voicing out my opinions...anyways...perhaps you migh be able to help :?

or perhaps not ^o)

:w:
Click to expand...

You can't ask for my help can you? I believe we're at war against terrorists to create a better standard of life for muslims in Iraq. To give them freedom. Muslims, however, believe differently. Muslims believe we are in Iraq to wipe out muslims. Our troops are thought to be "the crusades." Therefore my reason for war is incompatible to your poem.
 
England said:
You can't ask for my help can you? I believe we're at war against terrorists to create a better standard of life for muslims in Iraq. To give them freedom. Muslims, however, believe differently. Muslims believe we are in Iraq to wipe out muslims. Our troops are thought to be "the crusades." Therefore my reason for war is incompatible to your poem.
Click to expand...

oooo nicely said, yes thats exactly what i think.
 
I like the cocoon of hope, which one day will turn in a butterfly and will fly free :) Its highly poetic.
 

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