New Muslim lost and alone

[AnonymousPoster]

I reverted to Islam a few months ago and since then I feel like my life is slipping out of my hands. My faith continues to grow when I'm alone but as soon as I come into contact with other Muslim brothers and sisters I get confused. I know I shouldn't confuse the people with the religion but I can't help but have these doubts. I feel I'm being judged constantly, instead of feeling blessed and guided by Allah (as I did until recently) I just hear all the born Muslims' voices ringing in my ears telling me I am doing it all wrong. When I pray I concentrate on things like what should touch the ground first, my knees or hands? I'm sure that's not the point. Do this do that don't do this don't do that....all about things that seem quite minor to me, but it still makes me feel insecure and like maybe they are right, maybe I'm doing it all wrong and since I was never brought up with the religion I have little hope of ever learning to do it properly. I have 2 Muslim friends who told me about Islam before I reverted. They have been very supportive until now, and maybe I'm just being paranoid but I feel like they are slowly turning against me too. Criticising my family for example, because they are not Muslims and do not behave like Muslims. It wasn't my choice to be born into a non-Muslim family and it is not my mother's or father's fault that they were not born into Muslim families either. I know in my heart that no one has the right to judge except Allah... but these kinds of comments hurt me so deeply, I can't help it. The other thing is that I feel like I'm judged for my past and suddenly I'm so ashamed of it. I take every little question or comment to heart. I feel as if every Muslim I meet (born ones) is suspicious of how corrupt a past I have. I worry that I won't be able to marry... I've had a few boyfriends and am not a virgin, something I've heard a lot of Muslim men have issues with. I know that all my sins were forgiven by Allah when I became a Muslim... but they are definitely not forgiven by other Muslims. I feel so alone, especially with Ramadan coming up, and I know I'll have to go through it completely alone and I'm not sure how I'll cope. When I look to the future all I see is more loneliness and I can see it making me bitter. Seems like my actual conversion is causing more harm than good.... My only hope is that I'll be rewarded in the hereafter, but on the other hand, the way things are going at the moment I don't feel like I'm getting any closer to God. I am certain that Islam is the right path and I pray for more strength to go on following it, and I'm grateful for Allah to have guided me...I just wish others around me were as happy about it as I was, and more tolerant. I just felt like I had to get this off my chest, but I hope someone can offer me some advice...I feel so lost

 

[AnonymousPoster]

I reverted to Islam a few months ago and since then I feel like my life is slipping out of my hands. My faith continues to grow when I'm alone but as soon as I come into contact with other Muslim brothers and sisters I get confused. I know I shouldn't confuse the people with the religion but I can't help but have these doubts. I feel I'm being judged constantly, instead of feeling blessed and guided by Allah (as I did until recently) I just hear all the born Muslims' voices ringing in my ears telling me I am doing it all wrong. When I pray I concentrate on things like what should touch the ground first, my knees or hands? I'm sure that's not the point. Do this do that don't do this don't do that....all about things that seem quite minor to me, but it still makes me feel insecure and like maybe they are right, maybe I'm doing it all wrong and since I was never brought up with the religion I have little hope of ever learning to do it properly. I have 2 Muslim friends who told me about Islam before I reverted. They have been very supportive until now, and maybe I'm just being paranoid but I feel like they are slowly turning against me too. Criticising my family for example, because they are not Muslims and do not behave like Muslims. It wasn't my choice to be born into a non-Muslim family and it is not my mother's or father's fault that they were not born into Muslim families either. I know in my heart that no one has the right to judge except Allah... but these kinds of comments hurt me so deeply, I can't help it. The other thing is that I feel like I'm judged for my past and suddenly I'm so ashamed of it. I take every little question or comment to heart. I feel as if every Muslim I meet (born ones) is suspicious of how corrupt a past I have. I worry that I won't be able to marry... I've had a few boyfriends and am not a virgin, something I've heard a lot of Muslim men have issues with. I know that all my sins were forgiven by Allah when I became a Muslim... but they are definitely not forgiven by other Muslims. I feel so alone, especially with Ramadan coming up, and I know I'll have to go through it completely alone and I'm not sure how I'll cope. When I look to the future all I see is more loneliness and I can see it making me bitter. Seems like my actual conversion is causing more harm than good.... My only hope is that I'll be rewarded in the hereafter, but on the other hand, the way things are going at the moment I don't feel like I'm getting any closer to God. I am certain that Islam is the right path and I pray for more strength to go on following it, and I'm grateful for Allah to have guided me...I just wish others around me were as happy about it as I was, and more tolerant. I just felt like I had to get this off my chest, but I hope someone can offer me some advice...I feel so lost

AsalamuAlaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

Awwwwwww sis!! You're post made me emotional, and If I was one of those friends I would want to be their for you more than ever, Heck I do want to be there for you sis!! Please don't feel lonely,

Just be patient and wait for the Ease that Allaah has promised you, surely this hardship is a test and may you pass this test and may Allaah make it easy for you. Of corse it's easier said than done, just bare in mind Allaah tests those he loves, don't think of it as a bad thing.

Born Muslimah's wouldn't realise what you've been through or are going through living with your family who are following a faith different to yours, corse it can be tough sometimes, May Allaah guide your family to the straight path and grant you Sabr (patience)

Allaah is the only judge, don't think too much about what people say, if they are correcting your mistakes, understand that they may be just wanting to help you perfect your prayers etc, try and think positively, at the end of the day if they had seen you doing something incorrectly and they did not tell you so, what if they are asked in the hereafter about this? what will they say? surely if you see wrong, whether intentional or not, you must warn your muslim brother or sister,

About marriage, your past has been forgiven, there is no reason why you should bring that up, you are like a new born baby and no brother should ask you about your past if he is interested in you or you are interested in him, if you are looking to marry you can ask an imam to look for a potential spouse on your behalf, I know reverts in particular find it hard to find the right guy or girl, where are live there are more revert Muslimah's than brothers, so most of them are married to born Muslims, and sister it is possible, never lose hope,

And oh my days I'm sorry this post became longer than it was meant to be,

May Allaah (Subhana Wa Ta'ala) keep you always happy and content. Ameen (Say Ameen)

 

[glo]

I think your experience is not uncommon, sister.

Luckily God is more merciful, gracious and forgiving than those who call themselves his followers!

Human beings are full of flaws ... and sadly often the more zealous people are, the more judgmental they become ...
Thats a trap we all can fall into all too easily. (I know because I have done so myself. :-[)

I pray that God will reveal himself in your life, and guide you in peace and gentleness.
Just listen to his quiet voice - he is definitely out there!

Salaam

 

[Danah]

I was really moved by your post sis. May allah ease your affairs in sha allah my dear sister. I can see that you already have the solution for your feeling alhumdulilah, the best thing you can do since you are in the right track dont care about anything else.

The other thing is that I feel like I'm judged for my past and suddenly I'm so ashamed of it

I think you already know that when you became a muslim all your past has been forgiven just as if you just born to this life. In return, you must be proud that you change you way of life and become a muslim

I know that all my sins were forgiven by Allah when I became a Muslim

see? you already know that, so there is no problem with those who care about your past. whats wrong if you did not born as a muslim.
By the way my dear I notice that many of those who just enter to Islam have stronger faith than those who born as muslims, thats because those revert know how is the difference in their past life and in their new life so they hold tighter on their faith, while some of those born as a muslim took Islam as something taken for granted.......it is really a sed thing to know, may allah guide them to the right track

My only hope is that I'll be rewarded in the hereafter

so you know that. just keep your eyes focusing on this goal and throw any obstacle you face behind your back

and I pray for more strength to go on following it

Masha allah sis, you really dont need to worry about anything, just keep praying for Allah you know very well what you have to do when you face difficulties
I can see that you may insh allah have a strong faith but you still confused about by the others

my dear sister I will be really happy to help you with anything I can, so dont hesitate to PM me:statisfie
I will keep you in my du'aa in sha allah

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Thank you so much sisters for your support. I know deep down that I do have the solution to all my troubles now that I have Islam... I shouldnt let my faith be affected by anyone. But it does make me feel more alone than ever. And I can't stop these feelings of shame, even though I KNOW I should be grateful that Allah forgave all, I shouldn't expect anything else. But I don't think many people have such big hearts to be able to forgive all my sins... so I worry about the marriage thing. I don't want to be ashamed of it and don't think it's fair, not only because I'm forgiven but also because the past made me who I am today... I believe that everything that happened to me ultimately had the purpose to lead me to Islam. So I don't want to have to hide it either, if I do meet someone.
I know many brothers and sisters are just trying to help by correcting me and telling me what to do and what not to do... that doesn't bother me really, it's only the judgemental tone that gets to me especially when coming from those 2 close friends, when talking about my past, my family etc. Anyway those worries aside I think this Ramadan will definitely be a test for me, and in spite of everything I am also grateful for it... Inshallah it will make me stronger. I just can't help thinking how sad it is sometimes, it seems like the closer I get to Allah, the further I get from other people and the more alone I feel...

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

subhanAllaah sounds like a severe case of waswas


try to ignore it, keep practising and NEVER expect the struggle to end. Once you expect it to end YOU WILL LOSE, so keep struggling till you walk through the doors of Jannah and may Allaah grant you it !


Ameen !



Assalamu Alaikum

 

[AnonymousPoster]

yes brother, but what is waswas?

 

[MustafaMc]

yes brother, but what is waswas?

From Surah An-Nas: waswaas = whisperer

 

[MustafaMc]

I can relate to some of the difficulties that you must be facing now. I reverted in 1982, but I had major difficulty in adjusting to being a Muslim. I was the only Caucasian-American Muslim in a sea of international and African-American Muslims. The adjustments to praying with learning Arabic and remembering the steps were also not easy, but I did OK.

I went to graduate school that summer in another state over 700 miles away. I tried going to the masjid on campus, but I never fit in due to cultural differences or felt accepted like you said. Well, I drifted of into the dunya (this worldly life) for the next couple of years. After graduation I returned to work in my home state and the university town where I reverted. I made a renewed effort to practice Islam and gave it my best for about a year. I made a major effort (ISNA newsletter matrimonal ad and convention) to find a Muslim wife, but I had absolutely no luck. Well I got discouraged again this time more due to conflicts with my family and co-workers and to not being able to find a Muslim wife. Another thing was the stigma attached to Islam in the media. I ended up marrying a Christian and again not paying much attention to religion. I had several false-starts to reestablish prayer in my life until I reached 40 years old. At that point, I guess I realized my mortality and that one day I must stand before Allah to make an account for my life. Masha'Allah (Allah has willed), that I have practiced Islam for the past 7 years. My hope and prayer is to continue on the Staright Way that I have chosen until my final breath.

I thought that relaying my experiences would be beneficial to you.

 

[MustafaMc]

I just can't help thinking how sad it is sometimes, it seems like the closer I get to Allah, the further I get from other people and the more alone I feel...

Hopefully, you will be able to establish some close bonds with other Muslims. In choosing Islam you became distinct and separate in a sense from your family and friends that do not share your faith. Our faith, or lack thereof, is a fundamental component of our self identity. If we hold that something is the Truth it is difficult to feel close to someone who believes that Truth is falsehood. It takes a brave and strong soul to break out of "the pack" and follow what he holds to be true. It kinda reminds me of the story of "The Pied Piper of Hamelin."

 

[YusufNoor]

I reverted to Islam a few months ago and since then I feel like my life is slipping out of my hands. My faith continues to grow when I'm alone but as soon as I come into contact with other Muslim brothers and sisters I get confused.

in some ways you should consider it a blessing that you weren't "born into Islam." when Allah[swt] guides you, you get to see Islam with clear eyes and you are not burdened with all the jahillya[ignorance], assibyah[cultural baggage - especially bid'ah] and/or bid'ah [innovations that are not, nor were ever a part of the religion.

I know I shouldn't confuse the people with the religion but I can't help but have these doubts. I feel I'm being judged constantly, instead of feeling blessed and guided by Allah (as I did until recently) I just hear all the born Muslims' voices ringing in my ears telling me I am doing it all wrong.

In Sha'a Allah, that will go away with time


When I pray I concentrate on things like what should touch the ground first, my knees or hands?

it's hands...

I'm sure that's not the point. Do this do that don't do this don't do that....all about things that seem quite minor to me, but it still makes me feel insecure and like maybe they are right, maybe I'm doing it all wrong and since I was never brought up with the religion I have little hope of ever learning to do it properly.

believe it or not, they ARE trying to help, they just have no idea what it sounds like to be on the receiving end of all their "advice!"

I have 2 Muslim friends who told me about Islam before I reverted. They have been very supportive until now, and maybe I'm just being paranoid but I feel like they are slowly turning against me too.

SOME Muslims get jealous with reverts because your "book" is clean and they are concerned about the state of theirs! make du'a for them.

Criticising my family for example, because they are not Muslims and do not behave like Muslims. It wasn't my choice to be born into a non-Muslim family and it is not my mother's or father's fault that they were not born into Muslim families either. I know in my heart that no one has the right to judge except Allah... but these kinds of comments hurt me so deeply, I can't help it.

it's OK to complain to Allah[swt] about these things as it WAS his choice for you "to be born into a non-Muslim family!"

The other thing is that I feel like I'm judged for my past and suddenly I'm so ashamed of it.

your slate[book] is clean and your past is NOBODY'S business!

I take every little question or comment to heart.

that's OK, i would point out to them that Allah[swt] is Maliki Yawmid Din[Master of the Day of Judgement] and NOT them!

I feel as if every Muslim I meet (born ones) is suspicious of how corrupt a past I have. I worry that I won't be able to marry... I've had a few boyfriends and am not a virgin, something I've heard a lot of Muslim men have issues with. I know that all my sins were forgiven by Allah when I became a Muslim... but they are definitely not forgiven by other Muslims.

you might want to find a revert like yourself! trust in Allah[swt]!

I feel so alone, especially with Ramadan coming up, and I know I'll have to go through it completely alone and I'm not sure how I'll cope. When I look to the future all I see is more loneliness and I can see it making me bitter. Seems like my actual conversion is causing more harm than good....

you get Ajr[reward] for all of the discomforts that you suffer, so what appears to be harm can actually be beneficial. it will take you some time to learn that. [or not, Allah[swt] knows best!]

My only hope is that I'll be rewarded in the hereafter, but on the other hand, the way things are going at the moment I don't feel like I'm getting any closer to God. I am certain that Islam is the right path and I pray for more strength to go on following it, and I'm grateful for Allah to have guided me...I just wish others around me were as happy about it as I was, and more tolerant. I just felt like I had to get this off my chest, but I hope someone can offer me some advice...I feel so lost

Assalamu Alakum Sister,

i would advise you to take some time to try to learn your religion. i hope that MustafaMc can give you a link for Salah.

i reverted 2 and 1/2 years ago. i got VERY little help and had to learn alot on my own. here are some things that helped me:

1) Mufti Ismail Menk totally blew me away! when i heard Tafseer - Ramadaan 1426 (2005) Klerksdorp (Reasons of Revelation of verses of the noble Qur'an), i was amazed at how the Qur'an was delivered to mankind! i find that my spirit soars when i listen to him:

http://www.muftimenk.co.za/Downloads.html

2) i actually found this later, but the Foundations of Islamic Studies is AWESOMEI i recommend that you spend the time to watch it. later you should watch the Contemorary Issues. there are other videos that are very beneficial too [see the one on Ramadhan]

http://www.bilalphilips.com/bilal_pages.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=288


3)Seerah i got this link from Brother Qatada here. a Brother named Bahsar Shala does these lectures at his Masjid on Sunday nights. start listening to the Seerah[life of the Prophet(pbuh)], you'll gain understanding inot the religion, with Allah' help of course!

http://www.pleasantviewschool.com/media/default.asp?q=f&f=/Seerah of the Prophet (pbuh)

4) getting a nice Qur'an. i recommend Muhammad Asad's The Message of the Qur'an. he was a Jewish revert and he explains alot of things in a way that helps reverts.

5) there is an online Tafsir[explanation of Qur'anic verses], here:

http://www.tafsir.com/

6) to learn how to pronounce Arabic, go here:

http://transliteration.org/quran/home.htm

7) here's a searchable Qur'an:

http://quod.lib.umich.edu/k/koran/

8) here's a site where you can compare translations:

http://quran.islamicnetwork.com/

9) and here's a site with Ahadeeth[sayings of the Prophet[pbuh], as well as other aids:

http://www.usc.edu/dept/MSA/reference/searchhadith.html


i think that you will find that when you "fortify yourself with Islam", you will have a much easier time relating to the things around you, In Sha'a Allah!

may Allah[swt] make it easy on you and may He guide and keep you on the straight path! Ameen!



Yusuf

 

[dilkadr]

1st thing - Muslims are not lost, Muslims are on Sirat-e-Mustaqeem.
2nd thing - Muslims are a few, so you may feel loneliness.
3rd thing - Everyone will carry only his/her own deeds, others action has nothing to do with our judgment.
4th thing - This world is just a Game [Lahuv-o-Liab]

 

[coddles76]

I reverted to Islam a few months ago and since then I feel like my life is slipping out of my hands. My faith continues to grow when I'm alone but as soon as I come into contact with other Muslim brothers and sisters I get confused. I know I shouldn't confuse the people with the religion but I can't help but have these doubts. I feel I'm being judged constantly, instead of feeling blessed and guided by Allah (as I did until recently) I just hear all the born Muslims' voices ringing in my ears telling me I am doing it all wrong. When I pray I concentrate on things like what should touch the ground first, my knees or hands? I'm sure that's not the point. Do this do that don't do this don't do that....all about things that seem quite minor to me, but it still makes me feel insecure and like maybe they are right, maybe I'm doing it all wrong and since I was never brought up with the religion I have little hope of ever learning to do it properly. I have 2 Muslim friends who told me about Islam before I reverted. They have been very supportive until now, and maybe I'm just being paranoid but I feel like they are slowly turning against me too. Criticising my family for example, because they are not Muslims and do not behave like Muslims. It wasn't my choice to be born into a non-Muslim family and it is not my mother's or father's fault that they were not born into Muslim families either. I know in my heart that no one has the right to judge except Allah... but these kinds of comments hurt me so deeply, I can't help it. The other thing is that I feel like I'm judged for my past and suddenly I'm so ashamed of it. I take every little question or comment to heart. I feel as if every Muslim I meet (born ones) is suspicious of how corrupt a past I have. I worry that I won't be able to marry... I've had a few boyfriends and am not a virgin, something I've heard a lot of Muslim men have issues with. I know that all my sins were forgiven by Allah when I became a Muslim... but they are definitely not forgiven by other Muslims. I feel so alone, especially with Ramadan coming up, and I know I'll have to go through it completely alone and I'm not sure how I'll cope. When I look to the future all I see is more loneliness and I can see it making me bitter. Seems like my actual conversion is causing more harm than good.... My only hope is that I'll be rewarded in the hereafter, but on the other hand, the way things are going at the moment I don't feel like I'm getting any closer to God. I am certain that Islam is the right path and I pray for more strength to go on following it, and I'm grateful for Allah to have guided me...I just wish others around me were as happy about it as I was, and more tolerant. I just felt like I had to get this off my chest, but I hope someone can offer me some advice...I feel so lost

What you are feeling is quite normal. After embracing islam you will feel like stranger travelling in a strange place because this world is that "Strange". Its a pitstop for us to our real home and something that we are unfamiliar with. Our true home awaits us and we must travel this temp residence in hope that we may reach our true home succesfully. This life will pass by like a dream continue to live like a stranger and fulfill your duties to your creator that he may make your journey into the hereafter a succesful one. I pray that Allah SWT will kee you steadfast in your Iman and make you amongst the strangers on the day of judgement.

And the life of this world is nothing but play and amusement. But far better is the house in the Hereafter for those who are Al*Muttaqun (the pious - see V:2:2). Will you not then understand? (Al-An'am 6:32)

And this life of the world is only amusement and play! Verily, the home of the Hereafter, that is the life indeed (i.e. the eternal life that will never end), if they but knew. (Al-'Ankabut 29:64)

Know that the life of this world is only play and amusement, pomp and mutual boasting among you, and rivalry in respect of wealth and children, as the likeness of vegetation after rain, thereof the growth is pleasing to the tiller; afterwards it dries up and you see it turning yellow; then it becomes straw. But in the Hereafter (there is) a severe torment (for the disbelievers, evil-doers), and (there is) Forgiveness from Allah and (His) Good Pleasure (for the believers, good-doers), whereas the life of this world is only a deceiving enjoyment. (Al-Hadid 57:20)

 

[Eeman]

Salam alaikum sis...

I pray Allah swt makes your hardships easy for you, bestows peace upon your heart and always keeps it guided... multiplies your rewards in abundance for every deed done for His sake Insha'Allah and rewards you with Jannatul firduas...

if you live in londonmaybe we can become friends i dont have any muslim practising friends you see... plus i am from a similar background as you so i sure wont be criticising you cos i know what its like and how it feels.

if you need anything please do not hesitate to pm me...

wa salam

 

[AnonymousPoster]

As-Salam 'alaykum, our respected sister!

Sister, for one reason I respect you and your Islam more then someone else's Islam, but who was born in a Muslim family. Why? Because you were ready to question your previous beliefs and you were ready to negate all false deities you believed in earlier and to accept Allah SWT as your god and your lord. In the same time, I know many people who openly side that they are Muslims only because they were tought that way! So, ma sha Allah, sister! There's is absolutely no difference between people who were born into a Muslims and those who were into a non-Muslim family. Only remember that the greatest people in the history of humanity weren't born in Muslim families.

I guess you know it already: trials are a part of our lives, so I won't repeat that to you, I will only tell you should remember that. Trials are a necessity, just as food is. I remember a nasheed saying: “I asked God to make me clever, so He SWT gave me problems to solve... I asked God for strength and He gave me diffuculties to make me strong.”

By Allah!, Allah won't NEVER give you a trial you can't afford! NEVER! So, whenever you face something difficult, remember this! And if the trial is a difficult one, know it's only because Allah knows you're strong enough to pass them! Allah does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability!

You will, in sha Allah find nice sisters, and seems like some of them already replied to your post. So, you will have someone with whom you can talk, and who knows something about your situations.

As far as I understood, the core of the problem is that you have friends who object to your family and your life before you embraced Islam. Although I think they do it only with the intention of giving you some advices, but it's the wrong way... Try finding someone whom you believe to tell them that these kinds of stories hurt you, and you don't like to talk about them. Allah on the first place, then someone insaan.

And also, I see no reason for you to worry about your marriage. Things like the ones you mentioned can't prevent a true Muslim to marry you. Ma sha Allah, these few posts shows that you have a noble heart, a nice akhlaq, and Allah has forgiven you your previous sins. And, in the famous hadeeth, the advice given by Allah's Messenger SAWS is that a Muslim man should marry a Muslim woman because he's pleased with her religion, not because of her wealth or status or beauty.

So, just make efforst that you stay on the Right Path, with Allah's help, and the problem will be solved. We're in Ramadan, there are many, many, many chances for the du'a to be accepted, so use that. I'm also sure other brothers and sisters here will remember you in their du'as as well.

Allahu-l-Musta'an. All the best, respected ukthi!

 

[ayan333]

so wen ur going to prostrate your hands go first then the rest of ur body??????

 

[BNDGR]

Ramadan Mubarak Sister,
I feel for you sister, and I know how it is hard as a revert to not feel like your doing everything wrong when someone let's you know a mistake. I have been told a few things by fellow sisters, and I tell myself that this is how it should be, they want to help you do things correctly. Sometimes unfortunately it is the way it is said, not so much what is said that makes us feel a little defeated. Please keep your head up, Allah is watching you and he will be pleased by our intentions, he know's our hearts.
Us as reverts "had" a past but Alhumdullilah we are born again and our past sins are forgiven. It is an incredible feeling to start fresh with Allah.

Take Care sister and I wish you all the best