No offspring a test?

[anonymous]

Ass salamu alaikum!

I'd like to discuss an important issue regarding childlessness. If a married woman is unable to have children due to stress and conflict in marriage and later on couple divorce. So, the woman feels it important to remarry and have a child but obstacles are coming in her path again. Previously, when she got engaged to a decent man, her father ranted that it's a burden to have a daughter in the house infront of some guests, so after some time her engagement broke and she once again remained in her parents house. Was it a punishment for the woman's father who was un thankful for having a beautiful and educated daughter? Or is it a trial for the woman to be more patient as Allah has given good tidings to the patient.

Sadly there are certain insensitive people who treat women without children as deficient and due to their own crippling mentality and arrogance treat them poorly. It is heart breaking for that woman to endure such in sensitivity as who can understand the amount of pain one went through in order to have a child but couldn't.....

Is it a trial? When one really wants to have children but their is delay interms of marriage and obstacles... it's disappointing and makes you want to quit but then like oxygen your desire becomes so strong you just can't...

I'd like sisters to share their views here who went through similar situation.

 

[Re.TiReD]

Hey, assalamu 'alaykum sis

It most certainly is a test, this whole dunya is a test. Not being blessed with children is a test but being blessed with them is equally a test. Each and every circumstance carries its own trials and struggles. Allah has already told us He will test us so don't lose hope sis, just because things aren't happening when you want them to doesn't mean they won't happen at all.

And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, (2.155)

I know of a sister who had a child after 10 years of marriage and then went on to have twins after that maShaAllah. Whatever Allah gives you is a test and whatever He doesn't give you is also a test and a blessing, but we don't realise it at the time


Sufyan ath Thawri (rahimahullah) said:

" Verily, when Allah withholds, He actually gives, because He did not withhold on account of miserliness or stinginess, but rather He looked at the benefit of the servant.

So the fact that He withheld is actually His choice for the servant and His excellent decision.” *​

*Madarij as-Salikeen 2/215

 

[AbdurRahman.]

:wa:

it was both; a punishment for the dad ... and a test for her

how dare he say a thing like that; Allah is teaching him a lesson! :Emoji46:

it seems to me that not having a child in her first marriage was a blessing for if the marriage brought her stress and conflict and ultimately divorce, the child would have inevitably suffered too ... and so far 1 engagement broke; things like that happen sis; i know a sister who has had few engagements broke up so far :Emoji29: so tell her not to worry and a nice suitor will be coming along soon

 

[anonymous]

JazakAllah brother for your reply.

 

[Alpha Dude]

it was both; a punishment for the dad ... and a test for her

how dare he say a thing like that; Allah is teaching him a lesson!

It is wrong to assume this. I implore the sister not to go away with the message that it was a punishment on her father.

We don't have ilm al ghayb/knowledge of the unseen. Only Allah knows whether it was a test or punishment. It is true, he does punish us in this dunya so that he doesn't have to in the aakirah, but we don't and can't know what is a punishment and what isn't.

It simply suffices to know that every little thing that we experience in life is a test, in one form or another.

 

[*charisma*]

Walaikum Assalaam

Ass salamu alaikum!

I'd like to discuss an important issue regarding childlessness. If a married woman is unable to have children due to stress and conflict in marriage and later on couple divorce. So, the woman feels it important to remarry and have a child but obstacles are coming in her path again. Previously, when she got engaged to a decent man, her father ranted that it's a burden to have a daughter in the house infront of some guests, so after some time her engagement broke and she once again remained in her parents house. Was it a punishment for the woman's father who was un thankful for having a beautiful and educated daughter? Or is it a trial for the woman to be more patient as Allah has given good tidings to the patient.

Sadly there are certain insensitive people who treat women without children as deficient and due to their own crippling mentality and arrogance treat them poorly. It is heart breaking for that woman to endure such in sensitivity as who can understand the amount of pain one went through in order to have a child but couldn't.....

Is it a trial? When one really wants to have children but their is delay interms of marriage and obstacles... it's disappointing and makes you want to quit but then like oxygen your desire becomes so strong you just can't...

I'd like sisters to share their views here who went through similar situation.

I don't think you should make having children a priority in your life just because it is important to someone else. I'm sure you would love to have your own children one day, but you know and Allah knows that right now is not the ideal time for you. So do not consider this a curse or anything negative, this could all be in Allah's divine wisdom and a blessing in disguise.

About your father..many parents say hurtful things to their children, calling them a burden or whatever, but that is just the way they talk. Don't carry any ill feelings towards your father or look for anyone to blame because ultimately it's all in Allah's hands. You should seek refuge from shaytan, be patient with yourself, and read surah maryam because there is a lot of wisdom in it that will help you overcome this hardship inshallah. May Allah ease your affairs ameen.

 

[anonymous]

Dear sister,

Thanks for your reply. I'd like to point it out to you that we can't just tell someone to stop praying or wishing for something good as children are a blessing! A child is the most treasured blessings from Allah. Why should I stop desiring it? When something is beyond ones control yeah I would appreciate the advice of being content with i possess and being patient. As our religion tells us to pray. My mother sometimes tells me not to think about something too much which is her way of consoling me so I think she may mean well. Just as a baby cries and cries when he wants milk and mother puts him to sleep, it will not satisfy the baby. We as adults have that little child part in ourselves too that wants something and only Allah knows the best replacement for it. But if we desire something beautiful and worthy which Allah claims to be a gift then we should keep on praying for it. I just wanted to state my feelings here as it became depressing for me to address my own emptiness. I hope it's understandable.

 

[*charisma*]

Dear sister,

Thanks for your reply. I'd like to point it out to you that we can't just tell someone to stop praying or wishing for something good as children are a blessing! A child is the most treasured blessings from Allah. Why should I stop desiring it? When something is beyond ones control yeah I would appreciate the advice of being content with i possess and being patient. As our religion tells us to pray. My mother sometimes tells me not to think about something too much which is her way of consoling me so I think she may mean well. Just as a baby cries and cries when he wants milk and mother puts him to sleep, it will not satisfy the baby. We as adults have that little child part in ourselves too that wants something and only Allah knows the best replacement for it. But if we desire something beautiful and worthy which Allah claims to be a gift then we should keep on praying for it. I just wanted to state my feelings here as it became depressing for me to address my own emptiness. I hope it's understandable.

By all means pray and make du'a for what you desire, but what I meant is don't make having children a priority in your life to the effect that it affects your relationship with your family, changes your attitude, makes you depressed, etc. I know that some women desire to have children, but we don't know what Allah knows about our situation. Having a child requires a lot of responsibility and a stable and loving environment. Both parents should be in his life and they should be respectful towards each other. You mentioned that you have problems with you husband, so I don't think having a child at this time is ideal for you until your relationship with your husband is more stable anyway, but as I've said before, this is all in Allah's hands so continue to make du'a as only He can change our fate. In the meantime, don't allow not having children to make you feel inferior or depressed. Look for alternative ways to fulfil your life in the meantime.

 

[anonymous]

Well sister jazakAllah for your replies. May Allah give muslim women and men patience and strength in life and increase their love for each other in relations. Ameen

 

[AbdurRahman.]

It is wrong to assume this. I implore the sister not to go away with the message that it was a punishment on her father.

We don't have ilm al ghayb/knowledge of the unseen. Only Allah knows whether it was a test or punishment. It is true, he does punish us in this dunya so that he doesn't have to in the aakirah, but we don't and can't know what is a punishment and what isn't.

It simply suffices to know that every little thing that we experience in life is a test, in one form or another.

brother it was a 'light' punishment, not having a stone fall on your head exactly is it?; these are the sort of things that happen daily bro so it's ok to think that, i.e, a person says 'i'm not going to do such and such a thing' in public but doesn't say inshALlah and finds himself doing that thing and people laugh at him; these are the 'small' type of punishments that ALlah regularly bestows upon us all to put us on the straight path and it's not that the sister was put through hardship just for the sake of the dad; the sister had her own 'normal' problem which many bro's and sis' go through these days so she can rest happy with her 'test' too!

 

[Alpha Dude]

Please understand that we are as humans in no position to say what is and isn't a punishment. We simply cannot know. Any conclusion we reach is conjecture at best.

In fact, your post, of conjecture and not based on any concrete knowledge of the unseen, serves only to cause animosity between sister and her father. It is wiser to not assume anything to start with and wiser still not to bring such thoughts out to the open, especially in the manner that you did:

how dare he say a thing like that; Allah is teaching him a lesson!

While not being there and not understanding the tone and manner or reason behind why he said what he did, not hearing the other side of the story, on what basis you assume that Allah was punishing the man, I don't know.

 

[anonymous]

JazakAllah Brother alpha dude for your reply and insight. Infact, we are in no position to judge others actions and brother abdullah made light of a serious matter. It is unwise to create animosity between family relations. May Allah bring harmony and love among our families. Ameen

 

[honestlymaymuna]

Amin

 

[AbdurRahman.]

Please understand that we are as humans in no position to say what is and isn't a punishment. We simply cannot know. Any conclusion we reach is conjecture at best.

In fact, your post, of conjecture and not based on any concrete knowledge of the unseen, serves only to cause animosity between sister and her father. It is wiser to not assume anything to start with and wiser still not to bring such thoughts out to the open, especially in the manner that you did:



While not being there and not understanding the tone and manner or reason behind why he said what he did, not hearing the other side of the story, on what basis you assume that Allah was punishing the man, I don't know.

bad feelings and animosity could start/linger from what the dad said; the op is not a child and it cannot be explained away any other way, but if she makes light of it too and has a laugh over her dad 'being taught a lesson' than there is no more need for bad feelings

life could be hell for op if she feels justice hasn't been done; imagine her being in her parents house while her dad expressed that he hates it?; she could be a nervous wreck and feel unwelcome etc

 

[anonymous]

Brother abdullah, one thing you should be careful about before you advice someone is mere Conjectures! Check a dictionary for its meaning. Secondly, you are digressing from the thread which was about trials. I never used the word( Hate) for my father!!!! You just started presuming and writing utter nonsense so be careful with what you write and advice.

JazakAllah everyone else for advice. Admin :- Dont delete my comment.