Anonymous_muslim
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- Islam
Assalamu alaykum.
2 years ago, I married a Muslim man without my parents' permission because they would only accept a man from their own religion. After our marriage, our families met briefly, but my family was unhappy with our marriage (because of the difference in religion, and they forced me to get a divorce multiple times, but i refused). Shortly after, my husband and I moved to another country.
My family does not accept Islam, and I became a practicing Muslim after marriage. Since then, I have not met my family in person, and they are unaware of my conversion. I occasionally speak to them over the phone. Recently, I decided to tell my mother about my conversion, as she is slightly less strict than my father. However, she firmly told me not to convert and strictly forbade me from practicing Islam (such as praying or wearing hijab).
My husband and I will soon be moving back to our home country, where my parents live. However, my father is not someone I can have a rational discussion with about religion. In his presence, my thoughts, beliefs, and opinions are not considered valid. He believes that his views are absolute and unquestionable, and I cannot argue with him. I fear how he will react if he learns that I am a Muslim.
My parents have asked me multiple times to come visit them, and I have continuously avoided it due to fear of their reaction and my safety. My husband is deeply concerned about this as well—he does not like me speaking to my father because it always results in emotional distress and situations where I feel forced to compromise my faith.
Even over the phone, I am pressured into acts of shirk. My father forced me to greet them with a shirk greeting. When I tried to avoid saying it, I was subjected to a long lecture filled with blasphemous statements. To diffuse his anger, I ended up agreeing with him, though I never intended to insult Islam. If I meet them in person, they might force me to remove my hijab, and they will likely force me to go to their place of worship, where shirk and free mixing are common. Almost every conversation with my father involves being pressured into acts of kufr, and I feel trapped in these situations.
I understand that Islam prohibits severing ties with parents. That is why, despite my father spreading immodest rumors about me after my marriage, issuing threats against me and my husband, and emotionally abusing me, I have continued to maintain occasional contact and treat him with respect. However, I am deeply afraid of meeting him in person.
My husband and I are still quite young, and whenever I disobey my father or refuse to follow his demands, my mother bears the consequences of his wrath. I feel guilty and worried for her safety, which is another reason I cannot reveal my conversion to him—I do not want her to suffer more abuse because of me.
Given these circumstances, I have several concerns:
1 Is it permissible for me to avoid meeting my family altogether, despite their repeated requests?
2 How can I handle these difficult phone conversations without compromising my faith?
3 Am I still obligated to call my father regularly, despite the emotional abuse and pressure to commit shirk?
I would appreciate any guidance on how to navigate this situation while remaining steadfast in my faith.
Jazakum Allahu khayran
2 years ago, I married a Muslim man without my parents' permission because they would only accept a man from their own religion. After our marriage, our families met briefly, but my family was unhappy with our marriage (because of the difference in religion, and they forced me to get a divorce multiple times, but i refused). Shortly after, my husband and I moved to another country.
My family does not accept Islam, and I became a practicing Muslim after marriage. Since then, I have not met my family in person, and they are unaware of my conversion. I occasionally speak to them over the phone. Recently, I decided to tell my mother about my conversion, as she is slightly less strict than my father. However, she firmly told me not to convert and strictly forbade me from practicing Islam (such as praying or wearing hijab).
My husband and I will soon be moving back to our home country, where my parents live. However, my father is not someone I can have a rational discussion with about religion. In his presence, my thoughts, beliefs, and opinions are not considered valid. He believes that his views are absolute and unquestionable, and I cannot argue with him. I fear how he will react if he learns that I am a Muslim.
My parents have asked me multiple times to come visit them, and I have continuously avoided it due to fear of their reaction and my safety. My husband is deeply concerned about this as well—he does not like me speaking to my father because it always results in emotional distress and situations where I feel forced to compromise my faith.
Even over the phone, I am pressured into acts of shirk. My father forced me to greet them with a shirk greeting. When I tried to avoid saying it, I was subjected to a long lecture filled with blasphemous statements. To diffuse his anger, I ended up agreeing with him, though I never intended to insult Islam. If I meet them in person, they might force me to remove my hijab, and they will likely force me to go to their place of worship, where shirk and free mixing are common. Almost every conversation with my father involves being pressured into acts of kufr, and I feel trapped in these situations.
I understand that Islam prohibits severing ties with parents. That is why, despite my father spreading immodest rumors about me after my marriage, issuing threats against me and my husband, and emotionally abusing me, I have continued to maintain occasional contact and treat him with respect. However, I am deeply afraid of meeting him in person.
My husband and I are still quite young, and whenever I disobey my father or refuse to follow his demands, my mother bears the consequences of his wrath. I feel guilty and worried for her safety, which is another reason I cannot reveal my conversion to him—I do not want her to suffer more abuse because of me.
Given these circumstances, I have several concerns:
1 Is it permissible for me to avoid meeting my family altogether, despite their repeated requests?
2 How can I handle these difficult phone conversations without compromising my faith?
3 Am I still obligated to call my father regularly, despite the emotional abuse and pressure to commit shirk?
I would appreciate any guidance on how to navigate this situation while remaining steadfast in my faith.
Jazakum Allahu khayran
