Non muslims just married, looking for a reading from us to muslim parents for them

[farahziya]

In summary, we have just got married, the civil part with close friends who have seen us through the hard times and enjoyed with us the happy times. Both sets of parents have not supported us throughout our relationship or approved of it at times.

We decided not to do anything religious as we do not follow a religion; we both feel that following a religion is something that is inward and personal; should we follow a religion it would have to be with our whole heart, taking everything it has to offer, thus following parts as and when you feel like (as most people do now) isn’t something we believe is right. We can’t offer our whole hearts to a particular religion, for our own reasons, this doesn’t need explaining, we only ask that you respect our choice in this.

We do not view ourselves of a particular religion, however both sets of parents follow a religion; not fully practicing, only taking what they feel fits with their life, this is their choice and we respect that. My parents consider themselves Muslim, his Christian; they do not get on with each other, something we cannot understand considering all religions are so similar.

We have let both sets of parents know we are now married; they knew we had been planning but were not invited as we wanted it to be a small legal commitment to each other (we ask that you don’t judge us for our decision). Families want to be involved in our future which is good and we welcome that, but mine have stated they want me to do a nikah. They are very certain that we have to do that otherwise bad things will happen to them, Allah will punish them and it will show our commitment to each other for them. I respect their worries and concerns, however is there anything out there that we can do as a family that doesn’t focus on marriage (we are already together and committed, we have made that step) but instead focusses on my parents, us being with them and their future? To put their mind at ease that they have done their best and nothing bad will happen?

We respect what they are asking but we cannot do what they want as it isn’t right for us; it wouldn’t feel right and we would be lying in the eyes of Allah as we are not Muslims, it feels disrespectful to those that do take it seriously. Hence why we’re asking is there anything specific we can do for them? Like a children to parents prayer for their happy life and future?

 

[nk1997]

Until you have a nikah you're not married in the eyes of Islam, so technically you'll be living together unlawfully. There's no way around this one I'm afraid. A nikah cannot happen between a Muslim woman and non-Muslim man, because with the nikah women are given certain rights over their husband and marriage that the man can't be expected to deliver if he's non-Muslim.

What I've written next, I really want you to take in with an open mind. I've been on both ends of the spectrum - this time 8 months ago I was actually in the same sort of position as you, and from experience I know that it's actually the non-believer that tends to be more rigid and unaccepting of anything that doesn't match their own thinking .

From what I got from your post, your family isn't that religious - and growing up with them as your main influence, you only got the ideas of religion that they have (this was with me, and I grew up so indifferent to religion that it made me do terrible things at a young age just as an act of rebellion, trying to prove that there's no God etc). I think it would be worth it to independently do your own research about the Nikah and maybe just the values of spirituality in general, and then make your judgement - as a more educated and informed woman. You would have to do this with an open mind, and you would definitely have to learn not to take everything literally (Islam isn't old fashioned and conservative, it's just that people take teachings appropriate to the 1400s and try to apply them in the 21st century.. it's like trying to fit the wrong piece into a jigsaw).

If you think about it, what you're already doing isn't 'right', so is there really any harm in doing the Nikah? If you don't want to be lying to Allah and just going through the motions then don't do that - really read up on the topic of Nikah, the rights of the man and the woman, what a Nikah entails etc and go for it with all that information in your mind.

I think a big misconception a lot of doubtful/rejecting Muslims have is that it has to be 'all or nothing' i.e. I must pray five times fast read Quran do dhikr everything, and if I don't do one or two of those actions then what's the point of everything else. This is just simply not how it works. I'm not sure how it is for Christianity but in Islam knowledge of action is the point - for example, if I'm doing my five daily prayers but just reading memorised lines of Arabic that I don't understand and my mind is elsewhere, those prayers aren't worth anything.. But if I learn the meaning of the actions, the words, and I'm really focusing on the weight of what I'm saying for just one of the prayers rather than all five, it has more reward and value than the five I did before. I hope this isn't confusing so far haha

What my point is, that if you learn and study the Nikah with an open heart and come to like it (you should do, with the Haq Mehr involved haha) then there is no harm in taking the shahada and doing the Nikah. It won't be invalid if you believe in what you're doing - even if you don't apply alllllll the other beliefs in Islam.

Here are some things to consider:
1. How committed is your partner to Christianity? Is he open to learning about the Nikah, and (once he has read up on it) can he follow the terms of the Nikah? If he does not care for religion then it won't bother him to take the Shahada and do the Nikah - as long as he understands what he's doing, and the promises that you make to each other.
2. Consider your own state of mind. Are you in the 'all or nothing' mode? Think about learning to change this, starting with what's important for you (the Nikah). Keep an open mind through this learning.

A point to remember when researching: mehr can be as big or small as you wish - some people make ridiculous asks! My friend's sister asked for her husband to memorise and recite a surah of the Quran that she loved for her Mehr, which I thought was really cute.

Whether you like it or not, religion is part of both your lives because your parents are in your lives - it is a sort of identity. Marriage is a huuuuge huge thing, so it can only benefit you both to look into every aspect that can be involved - religion included. I only mentioned Islam because that's what I know, but it's well worth it for you both to explore his side too. The important thing is (as if I haven't all but tattooed this on you hahaha) to keep an open mind - don't reject something just because it doesn't sound like what you know to be right, try and see everything you read from the writer's perspective.

I'm going to send you a few pages of a book I read in one of my darkest times, that put things into perspective for me. There are two chapters that I think are particularly apt to your situation.

Any questions, feel free to ask - but don't reject anything before becoming fully educated on the topic. Just so that you've made an informed decision I'll send the parts to read in the next post as it's quite long.

 

[nk1997]

FIRST CHAPTER: the shelter in the storm

Do you ever wonder why when you’re most in need, every door you seek of the creation remains closed? You knock on one, but it’s slammed shut. So you go to another. It’s also shut. You go from door to door, knocking, pounding on each one, but nothing opens. And even those doors you had once depended on, suddenly shut. Why? Why does that happen?

See, we humans have certain qualities which God knows well. We are constantly in a state of need. But, we are also hasty and impatient. When we are in trouble, we will be pushed to seek assistance. And that’s the design. Why would we seek shelter if it’s sunny and the weather is nice? When does one seek refuge? It is when the storm hits. So Allah subahanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) sends the storm; He makes the need through a created situation, so that we will be driven to seek shelter.

But when we do seek assistance, because of our impatience, we seek it in what is near and what seems easy. We seek it in what we can see and hear and touch. We look for shortcuts. We seek help in the creation, including our own selves. We look for help in what seems closest. And isn’t that exactly what dunya (worldly life) is? What seems near. The word ‘dunya’ itself means ‘that which is lower’. Dunya is what seems closest. But, this is only an illusion.

There is something closer.

Think for a moment about what’s nearest to you. If asked this question, many would say it is the heart and their own self that are nearest. But, Allah (swt) says:

"It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his nafs (self) makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein." (Qur’an, 50:16)

In this verse, Allah (swt) begins by showing us that He knows our struggles. There is comfort in knowing that someone sees our struggles. He knows what our own self calls us to. But He is closer. He is closer than our own self and what it calls for. He is closer than our jugular vein. Why the jugular? What is so striking about this part of us? The jugular vein is the most important vein that brings blood to the heart. If severed, we die almost immediately. It is literally our lifeline. But Allah (swt) is closer. Allah (swt) is closer than our own life, than our own Self, than our own nafs. And He is closer than the most important pathway to our heart. He knows we have a heart. Allah knows what emotions drive us. However Allah tells us that He is closer to us than even these. So when we reach for other than Him, we are not only reaching for what is weaker, we are also reaching past what is closer, for what is further and more distant. Subhan Allah (Glory be to God).

So since this is our nature, as Allah (swt) knows best, He protects and redirects us by keeping all other doors of refuge closed during the storm. He knows that behind each false door is a drop. And if we enter it, we will fall. In His mercy, He keeps those false doors closed.

In His mercy, He sent the storm itself to make us seek help. And then knowing that we’re likely to get the wrong answer, He gives us a multiple choice exam with only one option to choose from: the correct answer. The hardship itself is ease. By taking away all other hand-holds, all other multiple choice options, He has made the test simple.

It’s never easy to stand when the storm hits. And that’s exactly the point. By sending the wind, He knocks us to our knees: the perfect position to pray.

 

[nk1997]

SECOND CHAPTER: for the love of the gift

We all love gifts. We love the blessings that beautify our lives. We love our children, our spouses, our parents, our friends. We love our youth and we love our health. We love our homes, our cars, our money, and our beauty. But what happens when a gift becomes more than just a gift? What happens when a want becomes a need, a favor becomes a dependency? What happens when a gift is no longer only that?

What is a gift? A gift is something that did not come from us. A gift is given—and can be taken. We are not the original owners of a gift. A gift is also not necessary for our survival. It comes and goes. We want and love to receive gifts—but they are not necessary to our existence. We don’t depend on them. We don’t live to receive them and do not die if we don’t. They are not our air or our food, but we love them. Who does not love a gift? Who does not love to receive many gifts? Yet, a gift is still not where we place our dependencies, nor do we die without them.

Remember that there are two places to hold something: in the hand or in the heart. Where do we hold a gift? A gift is not held in the heart. It is held in the hand. So when the gift is taken, the loss creates pain to the hand—but not to the heart. And anyone who has lived long enough in this life knows that the pain of the hand is not like the pain of the heart. The pain of the heart is to lose an object of attachment, addiction, dependency. That pain is like no other pain. It’s not normal pain. And that pain is how we will know we just lost an object of attachment—a gift that was held in the wrong place.

The pain of the hand is also pain—but different. So different. The pain of the hand is to lose, but not something we are dependent upon. When a gift is taken out of the hand—or never given at all—we will feel the normal human pain of loss. We will grieve. We will cry. But the pain is only in the hand; our heart remains whole and beating. This is because the heart is filled with dependency on the One who will never leave you, even in your darkest hour: God. He isn't variable like people, or objects that come and go. He is a constant - the only constant that we have in this life. Everything else (our bodies, our wealth, our spouses, our children, our happiness) comes and goes - it isn't as dependable.

If we examine the things in our lives that cause us the most pain or fear, we can start to pinpoint which gifts have been stored in the wrong place. If not being able to get married, be with the person we want, have a child, find a job, look a certain way, get a degree, or reach a certain status has consumed us, we need to make a change. We need to shift where the gift is being stored; we need to move the gift out of our heart and back to our hand where it belongs.

We can love these things. It’s human to love. And it’s human to want the gifts we love. But our problem begins when we put the gift in our heart, and God in our hand. Ironically, we believe that we can live without God—but if we were to lose a gift, we crumble and can’t go on.

As a result, we can easily put God aside, but our heart cannot live without the gift. In fact, we can even put God aside for the sake of the gift. So it becomes easy for us to delay or miss a prayer, but just don’t deprive me of my work meeting, my movie, my outing, my shopping, my class, my party, or my basketball game. It’s easy to take interest bearing loans or sell alcohol, just don’t deprive me of my profit margin and prestigious career. Just don’t deprive me of my brand new car, and over-the-top home. It’s easy to have a haram relationship or date, but just don’t deprive me of the one I ‘love’. It’s easy to take off, or not wear hijab—just don’t deprive me of my beauty, my looks, my marriage proposals, or my image in front of people. It’s easy to put aside the modesty that God says is beautiful, but don’t deprive me of my skinny jeans—because society told me that’s beauty.

This happens because the gift is in our heart, while Allah is in our hand. And what is in the hand can be put aside easily. What is in the heart, we cannot live without—and would sacrifice anything to have. But sooner or later we need to ask ourselves what it is that we really worship: The gift or the Giver? The beauty or the Source and Definition of Beauty? The provision or the Provider?

The creation or the Creator?

The tragedy of our choice is that we chain our necks with attachments, and then ask why we choke. We put aside our Real air, and then wonder why we can’t breathe. We give up our only food, and then complain when we’re dying of starvation. After all, we stick the knife in our chest and then cry because it hurts. So much. But what we have done, we have done to ourselves.

Allah says:

"And whatever affliction befalls you, it is on account of what your hands have wrought, and (yet) He pardons most (of your faults)." (Qur’an, 42:30)



Yes. What we have done, we have done to ourselves, but look how the ayah ends: "He pardons most." The word used here is ya’foo’ from God’s attribute Al-A’foo. This denotes not just forgiving or pardoning, but completely erasing! So no matter how many times we stick that knife in our own chest, God can heal us—as if the stab had never occurred! Al Jabbar (the One who mends) can mend it.

If you seek Him.

But how foolish is the one who exchanges air for a necklace? He is the one who says, "Give me the necklace, and then you can take away my air after that. Suffocate me, but just make sure I’m wearing the necklace when I die." And the irony of it all is that it is the necklace itself that suffocates us. It is our own objects of attachment—the things we love more than God— that kill us.

Our problem began because we saw the gift as the air, instead of just that: a gift. So in our blindness, we became dependent on the gift, and put aside the Real air. As a result when the gift was taken back, or never given at all, we thought we could not go on. But, this was a lie that we told ourselves, until we believed it. It isn’t true. There’s only one loss that we can’t recover from. There’s only one reason we wouldn’t be able to go on: If we lost God in our lives. The irony is that many of us have lost God in our lives and we think we’re still alive. Our false dependencies on His gifts have deceived us, so much.

We all have needs and we all have wants. Our true suffering begins when we turn our wants into needs, and our one true need (God) into a commodity we think we can do without. Our true suffering begins when we confuse the means and the End. God is the only End. Every other thing is the means. We will suffer the moment we take our eyes off the End and get lost in the means.

Gifts like marriage will be a means to bring you closer to God—so long as they remain a means, not an End. God’s gifts will remain a means to Him, so long as they are held in the hand, not the heart. Remember that whatever lives in the heart controls you. It becomes what you strive for and are willing to sacrifice anything to have. And to keep. It becomes what you depend on at a fundamental level. It, therefore, must be something eternal, that never tires, and never breaks. It must, therefore, be something that never leaves. Only one thing is like that: The Creator.

 

[sister herb]

Families want to be involved in our future which is good and we welcome that, but mine have stated they want me to do a nikah. They are very certain that we have to do that otherwise bad things will happen to them, Allah will punish them and it will show our commitment to each other for them. I respect their worries and concerns, however is there anything out there that we can do as a family that doesn’t focus on marriage (we are already together and committed, we have made that step) but instead focusses on my parents, us being with them and their future? To put their mind at ease that they have done their best and nothing bad will happen?

It could to be good to remember that in Islam, everyone is responsible only for his own acts. No one will be considered responsible for another's sins. Nobody can´t take the punishment about your sins. So, if you commit a sin, Allah doesn´t send punishment to any other person than only to you. Like it´s said in the Quran (6:164):

Say, "Is it other than Allah I should desire as a lord while He is the Lord of all things? And every soul earns not [blame] except against itself, and no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. Then to your Lord is your return, and He will inform you concerning that over which you used to differ."

 

[Umm♥Layth]

It could to be good to remember that in Islam, everyone is responsible only for his own acts. No one will be considered responsible for another's sins. Nobody can´t take the punishment about your sins. So, if you commit a sin, Allah doesn´t send punishment to any other person than only to you. Like it´s said in the Quran (6:164):

Say, "Is it other than Allah I should desire as a lord while He is the Lord of all things? And every soul earns not [blame] except against itself, and no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another. Then to your Lord is your return, and He will inform you concerning that over which you used to differ."

This isn't for you sister herb, but I want to add to your comment so the original poster can read

Sister, your parents are responsible for your upbringing and they WILL be judged for the efforts they made (or didn't make) while raising you, but they are not responsible for what you do after the age of discernment (around the age of puberty). So don't let them guilt trip you in any way, they had their chance to teach you certain values and if they wanted you to value Nikah, they should have placed a better effort. Now it is up to you to educate yourself

I wish you all the best!

 

[farahziya]

Thank you all for your replies so far.


There are some things to think about.


nk1997 our choice of religion or non-religion isn't up for question. There are no rebellions, we simply choose not to believe, for reasons we don't need to explain. However we do respect ALL religions and are happy to act how a family wishes when we are in their house out of respect for them. We therefore feel it is unfair to judge people of no religion as we do not judge those of different religions. Our marriage was private between us and conducted in a way we were comfortable with, it included vows which we believe and follow anyway before marriage. We do not consider ourselves in sin as we do not belong to a religion; religion is a free choice not forced. Therefore we would like to do something to say thanks to our parents, not the nikah (that would be forced in essence would it not, as we don't want to do it). What we wanted help on is a way to reassure and thank our parents future in their religious way.


sister herb and UmmLayth, you have made interesting points, which I did not know, perhaps my parents aren't aware that our actions do not affect them in the eyes of Allah, although they may feel upset by what we do.


This is all why we wanted to say something to reassure them, not "just go ahead" with something we don't believe "for the sake of it". Surely religion isn't about just doing things to go through the motions so everyone stays happy, what about our happiness; we don't want to go through with something we don't believe in, doesn't that deserve some respect.

We have found that other religious offer advice / prayers / blessings widely available on the internet or by asking someone of that religion, however Islam seems a bit less forthcoming with such information, this is why we turned to here.


Please don't judge us for our choices, respect us as individuals and we hope out of the goodness of your heart you can dig deep and find something we can use to help our parents!

 

[Simple_Person]

Sister i have only 1 advice for you.

The Qur'an makes some VERY VERY VERY serious statements. It describes how people will be on the Day of Judgement and what will happen to some people and what will happen to some other people.

If somebody makes a threat to me (let's say that this Qur'an is this so called "threat"), i first want to investigate and be sure of, that i am safe. So for example if somebody at work or a neighbor made a threat to me, i notify the police about this threat. In other words i take precautions instead of later on being killed or beaten up by that individual.

So this Qur'an makes some VERY VERY VERY serious statements and a logic, rational and reasonable person rather would investigate with all honesty and seriousness if those statements have any ground to be taken seriously. If not, then leave it. However these serious statements are taken in such serious tone that when not followed there are some consequences that the mind cannot even comprehend and there is now way out.

I am not trying to scare you, absolutely not, but what i am trying to do is make you ponder about those statements. Because when we die, there is no way back and while you and me are still alive, we better take those statements serious. We often THINK that the path that we follow (non-religious) path is our own path, but the Qur'an warns us so many times of sheytan and that he is responsible to make some things beautiful and such.

Whatever you do with my advice, that is up to you. I will not end up in hell fire or in paradise if you follow up my advice or not follow up my advice. You as well as me we both will end up in our own grave and each will have to answer for their own actions. There are some times people who do not believe in a God and Day of Judgement, but just because me or you or somebody else doesn't believe it, doesn't mean it does not exist.

Anyways good day and peace .

 

[farahziya]

Simple_Person I understand what you are saying however our religious beliefs are not up for question. Also know that there are other religions on this earth, and other people, we are all equal therefore there should be respect for each other and their individual choices. There is not one religion that can be held higher than another, so people of non religion should equally be considered rather than shunned, we do not have a religion as we like aspects of all of them and therefore cannot choose; is it not therefore better to accept all and be blessed to be in a world where we are so diverse and accepting than to be forced to choose because others want to categorise us.

We do not believe certain things because we cannot prove nor disprove these things, which we accept, others may take it the other way round which is fine.

Bear in mind I have shown great resolve to still be on here standing by what we believe, hoping someone will answer what we are asking!

 

[Indefinable]

Simple_Person I understand what you are saying however our religious beliefs are not up for question. Also know that there are other religions on this earth, and other people, we are all equal therefore there should be respect for each other and their individual choices. There is not one religion that can be held higher than another, so people of non religion should equally be considered rather than shunned, we do not have a religion as we like aspects of all of them and therefore cannot choose; is it not therefore better to accept all and be blessed to be in a world where we are so diverse and accepting than to be forced to choose because others want to categorise us.

We do not believe certain things because we cannot prove nor disprove these things, which we accept, others may take it the other way round which is fine.

Bear in mind I have shown great resolve to still be on here standing by what we believe, hoping someone will answer what we are asking!

Why would you want to know what Islaam says about your marriage - when you're not a Muslimah?

I think it is futile in asking for advice.

 

[Simple_Person]

Simple_Person I understand what you are saying however our religious beliefs are not up for question. Also know that there are other religions on this earth, and other people, we are all equal therefore there should be respect for each other and their individual choices. There is not one religion that can be held higher than another, so people of non religion should equally be considered rather than shunned, we do not have a religion as we like aspects of all of them and therefore cannot choose; is it not therefore better to accept all and be blessed to be in a world where we are so diverse and accepting than to be forced to choose because others want to categorise us.

We do not believe certain things because we cannot prove nor disprove these things, which we accept, others may take it the other way round which is fine.

Bear in mind I have shown great resolve to still be on here standing by what we believe, hoping someone will answer what we are asking!

Every religion is up for question, even Islam. The true religion with a solid backbone can only stay firm. The smart person is the person that rather questions his religion and searches for the errors in it. The true religion will stand firm no matter what kind of searches are done.

There are INDEED so many other religions on this earth, nobody is arguing against that. However truth is clear from falsehood and we have a brain to use. If things go against logic, rationality and reason, in other words against what the brain concludes that shows already the contradiction in it. As an ex-atheist myself i have found even more ways to derive at the right religion in this case Islam time and time again, however that is for each individual to do their own research.

Who said i do not respect other people's choices? I do however try to make them question their religion, just as i like them to question my religion. I am not afraid to question Islam. I have been doing that the whole time and every time. However questioning it is in two different perspectives. You question something because you think it is false and you yourself think you know the truth, or you see something that does not make sense, but are willing to learn the complete context as well as the logic, rational and reasonable answer to it. That is even a HUGE difference in it.

Sadly i strongly disagree with you about which religion is held higher than the other. Truth is clear from falsehood, so the religion that tells you things in truth that are according to logic, rationality and reason backed by scientific FACTS, is the so called highest among the religions. This includes also agnosticism and atheism as religions.

In religions there are beautiful aspects, as you see similarities between for example Islam and Christianity how you have to respect one another and with many other religions as well. Islam as you MAYBE know is even confirming the previous religions as well..Christianity and Judaism, however we also know that 124.000 messengers have been send and to each people a messenger. In other words good remnants of the true religion off course will most probably still be with those religions. That is just logical. As there are for example similar sayings by Buddha that we also know in Islam, however we do NOT know if Buddha was one of the messengers. It could be, and it could be not..we don't know.

In Islam we do exactly that "be blessed to be in a world where we are so diverse and accepting than to be forced to choose because others want to categorise us."

"O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted." Qur'an 49:13

"For you is your religion, and for me is my religion." Qur'an 109:6

Well we disagree indeed on some of the things, but that is for you to decide what you want to do with it.

"Bear in mind I have shown great resolve to still be on here standing by what we believe, hoping someone will answer what we are asking!"

Sister, you are a adult, you clearly say you do not believe and do not see yourself as a Muslim. Your parents apparently also KNOW that you are not a Muslim. Their responsibility was your upbringing until you became a woman in Islam (when your period started). They will i believe be held responsible for your upbringing until then. From then on, they have nothing to do with your actions. Everybody is accountable for their own actions.

You parents aren't that religious and say things that are incorrect. You're family isn't the only one who just follows blindly a religion for bigger part....

What else do you want the answer to it? I believe this same answer has been repeated.

 

[farahziya]

I'm not asking what Islam says about my marriage! If you re-read my original question, I'm asking if there's a quote or saying that we can use for my parents to respect their Muslim beliefs that helps them for the future.

 

[Simple_Person]

I'm not asking what Islam says about my marriage! If you re-read my original question, I'm asking if there's a quote or saying that we can use for my parents to respect their Muslim beliefs that helps them for the future.

Read the comment of sister herb, she already has given the answer but also the quote that you were looking for.

 

[farahziya]

Thanks for your points and thoughts, they are well constructed and make sense.

Yes as you say I know what I am and my parents do too, that we respect them for and am very privileged to have such accommodating parents which is why we wish to have something that we can say to them that they have a good future.

Actually with anyone in my life that I feel has helped me I try to thank them in a way that they would appreciate, that fits with their beliefs; a painting or drawing with a quote from a religion they follow, so it means something to them. This is why I am asking!

 

[farahziya]

thanks

 

[piXie]

Farahziya, I do not know what you believe, but if we all believe that every individual needs to atleast be honest to themselves , sincere and fair, then we should reflect upon the following. If you have requested that we do not Judge you, then we ask you that you do not judge Islam based upon the actions of Muslims. I do not know how much you know about Islam, or how your parents brought you up to believe about Islam, but please be fair and atleast study the Quran and life of Prophet Muhammad :arabic5: (if you haven't done so already) before you judge it to be unproven and untruthful. The impact & consequences of what we choose to believe are everlasting, therefore this matter should not be taken lightly. Our choices and decisions should not be based upon our whims and desires or emotions, but on careful and sincere investigation into the truth with evidence.

I would advise you to speak to the Muslims here if you need clarifications regarding what the Quran teaches or what you think is unproven about it. The brothers and sisters here would be more than happy to answer your questions.

Regarding your parents, then they r concerned about themselves in front of Allaah and also they are concerned about you, as you would be for your children if they were lost and heading towards a fire. Perhaps they feel that they fell short in teaching you about Islam, but they need to understand that whatever the situation, they need to turn to Allaah in sincere repentance, help and guidance. Allah forgives those who turn to Him. They need to make a sincere effort to follow Islam for themselves and set a good example for you now. And as another sister above stated, your actions as an adult are independent from them and while the life you have chosen now will hurt & worry them a lot, if they turn to Allah, Allah is full of mercy and forgiveness.

 

[farahziya]

Thank you,

I have no judgements on Islam, possibly only misconceptions based on others that may have interpreted things differently (parents included). I shall study myself and ask should I need clarification

I am old enough and experienced enough to not be swayed into disbelief by emotions. I have experienced life away from home longer than I have been at home; I feel this has actually made me more understanding of peoples beliefs, perhaps I now need to read up myself than listen too much to those around me who may be saying things to pressure me into the quick and easy routes so they feel better about themselves.

You have provided me with some ideas and insight into how to talk to my parents, see things their way and reassure them no matter what we do they are not to blame.

 

[piXie]

Thank you,

I have no judgement on Islam

I'm sorry, I don't understand, because a person cannot disbelieve or believe in something unless they have Judged the message to be true or false. Our decisions and choices in life are based upon our judgements are they not. And a person cannot fairly judge a message to be true or false unless they have investigated, researched and looked into it, otherwise they would be basing their decision upon ignorance and/or misunderstandings, rather than actual knowledge and correct information.

I am old enough and experienced enough to not be swayed into disbelief by emotions.

I am not saying that your decision is based upon emotions, you know yourself better than I do. Though generally speaking, we as humans should constantly check ourselves because a lot of us do base our decisions in life upon emotions , what we desire and like, and what suits us, and this is what makes it very difficult for most people to accept and follow Divine law completey. We pick and choose. And often, it takes some really honest self-checking to realise it.

I have experienced life away from home longer than I have been at home; I feel this has actually made me more understanding of peoples beliefs, perhaps I now need to read up myself than listen too much to those around me who may be saying things to pressure me into the quick and easy routes so they feel better about themselves.

I may be wrong but it seems that you have formed your opinions about religions based upon your interactions and experiences with people , rather than on actual study and investigation about the religion itself.

You have provided me with some ideas and insight into how to talk to my parents, see things their way and reassure them no matter what we do they are not to blame.

Your parents may feel better if they know that their daughter is willing to sincerely study Islam on her own. Like you said, it is important that you read up about Islam yourself.

 

[farahziya]

Thanks for all your comments, and thoughts; my initial question about what to say to my parents has been answered

We will read over what you have said carefully and will put together some quotes you have provided along with our thoughts to my parents. We hope that they will respect and accept what we have to say.

 

[TURJUMAN]

I'm not asking what Islam says about my marriage! If you re-read my original question, I'm asking if there's a quote or saying that we can use for my parents to respect their Muslim beliefs that helps them for the future.

You rejected Allah and try to justify your apostasy to make it seem right for you? You should know that your parents, though they made seemed have raised you in a non-Islamic upbringing, they are right to abhor associating themselves with you.

Summary; the fornication you are committing is nothing compared to your apostasy! Should you die in this state, then you are doomed. Repent while you can!