[Eeman]

salams everyone
i know that this is not the right section but i'd much appreciate themods to move it to the right section i just needed some responses now cosi am seriously literally on the verge of losing it!!!

i am born to a muslim family but msulim by name no one is practising, who am i to judge how pious they are or not cos only Allah swt knows what is in the hearts of His slaves, all my life until a couple of years back i lived a life full of ignorance did anything and everything i was lost and was seriously very close to getting a special VIP pass straight to Jahhanum...

Khair by the will, Mercy and Grace of Allah swt He guided my heart and i Alhumdullilah fully submitted BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED IN MY LIFE!!!
i changed 360 degrees from what i ws to what i am now... so then i got married ad yes been having so much issues with my husband which is another story but forget that...
anyhow after being out of work for a year cos my husband didnt like the idea of me working now i want to go back to uni and study and get a degree since i had to drop out of uni.

see the problem is this my mum has always been on my case to get a degree ok fine now i am willing to go and do that, but i wanna do smething which i know i will enjoy and do for myself and wholeheartedly, i have never been a money motivated or a career driven person, so anyhow my i have decided that i want to do a degree in islamic philosophy or islam or anything to do with our deen so made it known to them but guess what eyes started popping out fingers started to get pointed at me my whole past got thrown in my face...

i get told every day everyday that i am nothing but a useless nutfah that God created, i am in denial and need to get a life, my whole life has been nothing but bulls**t that i need to wake up and smell the coffee...
that i went and got marriied off to a paki and he ruined my life and it is all my fault cos i always eff up that i am deluded and am the cause of my families unhappiness and my mum's illness.
I am selfish for doing this to everyone and causing everyone so much pain...
that i need pyschological help and need to seriously get a life and move on in my life which in their interpretation is chasing tis dunya...

i have to sit there EVERY SINGLE DAY and hear this over and over ad over again and i just sit there and cannot even utter a word, i cannot bring myself to say a single word cos they are older family members that i have great respect for and would never even think about answering back to.
behind my back they mock me i am like the absolute joke!!!
in my face they mock me... if someone says something that is not right and i point it ut to them for their own sake OMG!!! thats it, its the end who the eff am i to even open my mouth iam nothing but the little hypocrite that gets accused of drinking or doing all sorts when i dont even do anything like that!!!
so i dont even bother now for the sake of keeping my peace and not making things worse for myself...

it has got to me so much and with every other problem that i have had that it has seriously startted to affect my health, my weight has just plummeted down and i look like a skeleton,,, but guess what tonight i just got another 2 hours lecture about that how i am bulimic and am doing it to gain attention and yet again being selfish to harm my own family... and i sat there and laughed and thought Ya Allah... you guys see me eat and how much i eat... have you ever seen or heard me force it out in the toilet... but no i get ignored and the drumming in my head starts again...

the killer is now about my beliefs... how i have turned religious cos of fear of going to hell which is wrong i should become more spiritual and here by sprirituality they mean buddhism, cos they have the best way of life so positive!!! and your life becomes better and happier in this world.

i honestly dunno what to do... i have nothing and no one my life is in shambles and yes i know its either a test or my punishment for whatmy own hands have earned in this world due to my sins... but i really didnt to get that out of my system cos i have no one and i remembered LI so came her.

i'm sorry guys i know its long

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Eeman,

Search for other solutions, study Islam online, go to the library, ask Islamic questions on forums. You have a life time ahead of you, maybe do a degree in something else, study Islam part time, do a voluntary job beneficial to your faith.

It takes two to argue, reply quietly and slowly to your family, listen more than you speak.

If you live to be a great grandmother, you will more than likely face many problems with the same kind of intensity as you are facing now. I say this because life seems to keep us struggling and we need to search for a coping strategy.

The past has happened and you cannot change anything that has happened, you can only act on the present and possibly influence the future. You cannot change other people, they can only change themselves.

You have a whole series of choices open to you in what you do now. You need to gain control of your mind

Life is a journey always one day at a time and you just need the strength of mind and body to get through today. You need to push yourself one more time, pray as if everything depends on God, work as if everything depends on the efforts of your brain and your hands.

Tomorrow you just repeat this process all over again.

Here is a simple yet powerful prayer, it is about striving to change yourself rather than trying to change others, striving for peace in your heart.

Lord grant me the peace and serenity to live with the things I cannot change
Give me the courage to change the things I can.
And give me the wisdom to know the difference.

To understand how the prayer works here is how one lady used it whilst living in London during the second world war. Most days London was being bombed, she had no control over were the bombs would land. She would hear about; and see the death and destruction; she might be killed, her family might be killed, her home or work or shops might be bombed. Yet every day she had to get up, feed herself and her family, and do some work.

The first line of the prayer,

grant me the peace and serenity to live with the things I cannot change.

She had to live with all the injustice, fear, anger, hate, death and destruction surrounding her. She could not change what happened yesterday, she cannot change other people. If you continually want to change; or try to change the things that cannot be changed you will make yourself ill.

Give me the courage to change the things I can.

The only thing she could change was herself and what was going on in her own heart and mind. Somehow she would have to keep striving and coping or crack up, she did not know how long this destruction would last. Despite all the problems she directed her prayer to finding peace in her heart.

Give me the wisdom to know the difference.

The last line of the prayer is something you have to work out for yourself , you need to search for the real things that you can change; and strive to live with loving kindness with all the things you cannot change.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a great mystery; Lord help me to live this day and every day knowing that you hold me in the palm of your hand.

In the spirit of searching for an inner peace that surpasses all understanding,

Eric

 

[Tania]

Choose like Eric said too, a degree which will bring you some money. I understand perfectly your mom. Think in future when, may be you will be alone, parents will not be there and you will not have money to live. Islam you could study in afternoon classes.

 

[ayan333]

sameyhing with me,i want to go to Mekka InshALLAH to go to uni over there n study Islamic studies,sunna or anything that will benefit me in the hererafter...but i no my elders will like me to do it also but i no some of them wnt allow it.n

My whole family.at least most of them are relgious n practcing and they want me to do good but they jus dnt want me to go so far

but InshALLLAH,ima do everything in my power to go there

n if i do to college here im planing on doing english or something that will get me a job in Mekka so i can go teach there n go to uni

im willing to do anything n everything to go to Mekka na dstudy there

but you should do wut u want,especially if its dealing with Islam...i rather please ALLAH (SWA) n get pain less then do osmething that has nothing to do with Islam

 

[youngsister]

Sis I am sad to know what you are going through..i know they are your family and they love you but maybe they are just jelous..i mean now that you are practising the deen and changed they might feel intimidated when you point things out and instead of thanking you they just taking their anger out on you which is not fair.

Sis my best friend is starting a degree in english lit and islamic studies have you through about combining your degree with something else like english or politics..you can easily get into teaching with that.

When your family insult you i know is diffucult i been there and there is something you can do make dua and walk away, standing there and taking it all in will just hurt you in the long term it can make you go crazy trust me and the fact that your health has been affected is quite worrying!

My dear respected sister try to talk to your mum one to one tell her how you much you love her and try to explain that whats happening is hurting you, but most importantly make dua to Allah swt and remember with every hardship comes ease..this is your test sis and all the pain you going through isnt for nothing your sins are being taken away.

Aisha, the Prophet’s wife (Pbuh), quotes him as saying: “For any adversity a Muslim suffers, Allah erases some of his sins, even though it may be no more than a thorn pricking him”. (Related by Al-Bukhari)​

 

[Eeman]

Jazak'Allah khair for all your replies i pray that Allah swt rewards you all with Jannatul firduas Insha'Allah.
I know it's a test and Insha'Allah the all Merciful will give me my relief soon.

walking away from them is no longer an option at the very start i used to when my sisters would start but nowits the much older and respected members of the family that i cannot even answer back nor walk away from cosi would feel ashamed of myself.

see even english or anything else is not good enough basically what i forgot to mntion was that in persian families if you dont do a degree on medicine, dentistry or law then you dont have a degree SIMPLE as no buts or ifs about that.

when i finished college i was doing my law degree but it made me the most unhappiest and depressed person EVER!!!

 

[Tania]

Look, do like the sister above: english with islamic studies this will give you a good job, teacher, and will improve your deen too.

 

[youngsister]

So teachers are not respected?

Sis dont live your life for other people subxanallah at the end of the day study something that you will enjoy forget what they think is your life is not as if Allah swt made it haram...i know what you mean some cultures and way of thinking are so stupid:X

Life is too short sis.

 

[Eeman]

Wallah Allah swt is my witness that whenever this topic comes up and i get asked ok if you do this so called degree what are you gonna gain out of it? and i say there is a reason why people do degrees in such topics obviously i ca get a job i can teach for instance.

TEACH????????????? OMG!!! what does a teacher get blah blah blah blah!!!
everything everything they say just crashing against my head and makes me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its like i dont even know where to start i know its all out of ignornace i wouldnt even dare point out at them the one simple FACT that whatever provision you get is from Allah swt... so i could have a Phd is i dunno brain surgery if such a thing exists and if it was not in Allah swt's will still be jobless with my Phd in my hands... Qadr???
what is Qadr? God has given you a brain to think eyes to see mentality how can you say that this is Qadr we make our own destinies. So ibasically married my husband cos I chose it and not cos it was written for me no cos it was my eff up again cos im just a eff up all the time.

Oh then when i hear one of them on the phone to a friend and the daughter of that friend is having marriage problems... Dont worry sis its destiny, God wanted this there is nothing we can do about it!

it just makes me wanna YANK MY HAIR OUT!!!!!
oh i'm sorry im getting frutstrated again.

 

[Zafran]

salaam

I say do what you want to do as long as its in the bounds of Islam.

 

[Tania]

Do then a foreign language and islamic degree and became a translator: take books and translate them. Its a beautiful quiet job. You could translate the books in english too.

 

[Ansariyah]

SubhanaAllah sis, I really admire ur patience and ur tolerance level towards the people you call family but basically treat u the way one wud not even treat their enemy. Yet you continue to still put up with it, May Allah Grant u Jannah for ur suffering ameen.

Are your Family Budhist?

These Cultural families are so hard to deal with. The only thing you can do is to be strong and sooner or later u'll get out of their grisps. Dont let them destroy ur mind or heart. I know sisters who are friends of my sister who have families like urs who have different lives today. They tell us about it, like its some distant memory and seem so happy now.

InshaAllah it''ll be the same for u too. Take Practical steps but know also that change is inevitable. Nothing stays the same forever, InshaAllah the light @ the end of the tunnel for u will come soon. I will keep u in my duas InshaAllah.

 

[Tornado]

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt"
Try not minding what others say about you (although I don't really know what it's like when seemingly everyone is really against you)

Take control of your life and take any positives you can find.

 

[Eeman]

Jazak'Allah khair for your replies, no sis yanoorah they are not although i have become quite worried about one member of my family that i think may be turning into an athiest who i am making loads of dua for...

we are muslim but non practicing well i am Alhumdullilah the only one that practices.

thanks tornado your right and that is what i have been doing i have not uttered a single word i dont even try to point things out to them anymore cos watever i say is hypocrisy when i open my mouth oh no she didnt so i think its best to just keep it quiet.

But khair today was much better had a quiet day without any digs which is quite rare and makes it a special day.

I know things will get better Insha'Allah lastnight was justreally bad cos i really could not take it anymore the way and manner i was being spoken to was simply disgusting. i had this huge lump in my throat and my eyes were aching cos i wanted to burst out crying but i couldnt let them see me like that i thought my head was going to explode cos i held it in so long but Alhumdullilah i kno that Allah st is always answering my duas cos i really dont know how on earth i managed to hold it in for 2 hours without even shedding a tear infront of them.

Jazak'Allah khair evryone i pray that Allah swt multiplies your rewards in abundance Insha'Allah and rewards you with Jannatul firduas.

 

[coddles76]

Salam Alykum Sister,

Ask yourself these questions, on the day of judgement who will you stand in front of? Who will be questioning you? Will you have anybody by your side to help you with the questioning or will you be alone to face your own answers? What will be the most heaviest in your quest to enter Paradise? Who must you please and obey to have success in this life?

All these questions will give to the answers to were your loyalty should stand. Please ALLAH SWT who is your ultimate goal and once ALLAH SWT is pleased with you then everybody else around you will be pleased with U. If they are not pleased with you then your duty falls back to Allah SWT and you obey and please him before anybody else. Just concentrate on being a good muslim and protecting your character. Be careful, Make sure you fulfill your duties to Allah SWT and don't let others move you off this path, regardless of who they are.