Opposite gender & dua dilemma

[ceylincemal]

ASA people

I call upon you for help.
I recently started talking to a boy classmate that I regret messaging him I just wanted to thank him but ended up asking him if he has a girlfriend
He asked me why I don't hang with him anymore and why I purposefully avoid him. I didn't answer
He asked me if it had been inappropriate of him asking me to go to lunch or anything like movies just as friends but I lied and said no cuz I didn't want to hurt his feelings when I should of said yes.
I am lost I am in deep regret now I have to face him tomorrow morning and I am scared
What should I do?
Also, I have been praying but lacking in my duas how do I find strength again
I am scared I will be in deep punishment as I have an important final on Tuesday and Allah will be mad at me
I am in deep sorry & regret for what I have done
Advices are appreciated I'm truly desperate.

Thanks,

JAK

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[Ummshareef]

Wa alaikum salaam, dear sister,

You certainly seem to realise that chatting with him was wrong, are full of regret and are in fear of Allah's punishment. So that is a great start to your recovery . So next you need to pray to Allah for forgiveness - tell Him that you realise that you have made a mistake. Say that you are sorry. Promise never to repeat it. And thank Allah for His guidance. Then decide on some good deeds that you can do to make up for the mistake .

Never loose hope because Allah loves to be asked for forgiveness and is The Most Merciful.

As far as the boy is concerned, do not worry too much about his feelings. Just politely and unemotionally tell him that you have made a mistake and are not permitted by your religion to chat with him, and so it must stop. If he is a Muslim, he will reflect and understand. If he is a non-Muslim, then it may lead him to find out more about Islam in sha'Allah. Look after yourself first and foremost.

 

[ceylincemal]

Wa alaikum salaam, dear sister,

You certainly seem to realise that chatting with him was wrong, are full of regret and are in fear of Allah's punishment. So that is a great start to your recovery . So next you need to pray to Allah for forgiveness - tell Him that you realise that you have made a mistake. Say that you are sorry. Promise never to repeat it. And thank Allah for His guidance. Then decide on some good deeds that you can do to make up for the mistake .

Never loose hope because Allah loves to be asked for forgiveness and is The Most Merciful.

As far as the boy is concerned, do not worry too much about his feelings. Just politely and unemotionally tell him that you have made a mistake and are not permitted by your religion to chat with him, and so it must stop. If he is a Muslim, he will reflect and understand. If he is a non-Muslim, then it may lead him to find out more about Islam in sha'Allah. Look after yourself first and foremost.

ASA sister,

Thank you so much for the advices.

What are some ways I can do good deeds. I don't have much money to give but is there other ways?

Do I need to confront him or can I just continue to ignore him as that is the easiest way for me.

And yes, I will look out for myself.

JAK sister

 

[Ummshareef]

Wa alaikum salaam sister,

There are so many good deeds other than zakat that we can do in the knowledge that Allah will appreciate all of them, no matter how small they may seem. Each one of them will be noted and will help us on the Day of Judgement. If you don't have much money, don't worry and keep it for necessities like food.

Here are just a few suggestions:

- We can perform acts of kindness, such as visiting the sick and elderly.
- Helping animals is seen as a great deed by Allah.
- We can pray all our sunnah and nafl rakats in addition to the fardh salah.
- We can glorify, exalt and praise Allah thirty three times after every prayer.
- Memorise and recite the Quran.
- Say the extending greetng "as-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu" to our brothers and sisters.
- Fasting is a very effective way of demonstrating our remorse to Allah and earning rewards.
- Say "Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah wahdahu laa shareeka lah, lahu’l-mulk wa lahu’l-hamd wa huwa ‘ala kulli shay’in qadeer" (There is no god but Allah alone, with no partner or associate; His is the Dominion, to Him be all praise, and He is able to do all things) one hundred times each day.
- Keeping our lips moist with dhikr, which earns rewards and also keeps us mindful of Allah.

Regarding confronting the boy, ignoring him is perfectly fine if that is easiest for you. You owe him nothing and he has no rights over you. Just give him the cold shoulder. He will soon get the message in sha'Allah.

 

[Aaqib]

As a boy in an American mixed school, girls like to joke and touch me sometimes, how can I avoid this? I don't want to be rude but I sway away from their hands. And to what degree I can talk to them?

 

[Ummshareef]

As a boy in an American mixed school, girls like to joke and touch me sometimes, how can I avoid this? I don't want to be rude but I sway away from their hands. And to what degree I can talk to them?

Alhamdulillah. It is good that you are asking and seeking to find out the correct way to behave when girls are present.

You are doing the right thing swaying away from them. If anything, they are the ones who are being rude, though they may not be aware, so be patient. I would just politely explain that as a Muslim you are not permitted to touch the opposite gender and are only meant to talk with them if really necessary. For your own good, no chit-chat, no joking and no small talk. And lower the gaze.

 

[Aaqib]

If I tell them they will simply gossip and the whole school with make fun of me. I can't do that. People already through Islam jokes everywhere it's already worse enough. And plus it will just prompt them to touch me even more....