Parents have said no to a guy for my sister

[anonymous]

Salaamz

My parents checked out a prospective suitor for my sister, they've found some stuff out they;re not happy with, the sister wants to proceed further but parents don't.

what should we do?

the sister still chats to him daily via social media, she's branding him pious an all sorts, yet he has the nerve to talk to my sister via messaging, he knows he has been rejected, the twit should walk away! but he doesn't.

i'm so worried its going to progress in the background to even worser things i.e. meeting up during work hours, to other extremities....

the sister is 30 years old, moving on to 31 in six months time, we've had a traditional upbringing, humble beginnings and we are not modern and into free mixing, however the desire to get married can turn things real ugly and we can lose our own self awareness and self control.... leading us to make mistakes

can anyone advise on how i can help the situation? my sister should know better but she dissapoints...

the prospect's data and circumstances

whilst the guy had a rough childhood, bought up in the ghetto, i can't imagine what it would be like but i have a rough idea, ours wasnt the best either but Alhamdulillah we are all still here trying our best
he's posted his past on social media, picture of him in a night club,
social media post about how he promotes drugs 'then and now', his past about sleepin on sofas in friends houses as a stray, never having stability etc, swearing etc.... he's got no shame.... but at least he's honest syain it as it is

he's not compatible with us and my sister can't see that.

what do we do???????????
.

 

[Avis]

Your sister should listen to her parents. Yes, in Islam parents can't force their children to marry, but their children should take heed of their knowledge and advice. Your parents need to sit her down and have a good, calm discussion on why he isn't a good match and they should do their best to find her another suitor.

People can change, but the fact that he is still pursuing your sister, knowing her parents don't approve of him, is a Big sign that he hasn't changed.

May Allah guide your sister and make it easy for your family to deal with this.

 

[Umm Malik]

The best thing you can do is to make that for especially at the the last third part of the night
And also to make a lot of istighfar seeking forgiveness and saying la hawla wala kuwwata illa billah many times remembering how you see her doing that while you can't say anything for her and you can't help her with no thing
subhanallah ... saying that word while feeling hopeless with something lead you on relying to allah from the bottom of your heart and thats the best way of remembering allah
you will see how things start to change
if you need any clarification you can pm me and i will be on contact with you sister

 

[Supernova]

Asalaamulaykum - All you can do is talk to your sister and make dua.

You might not like this response, but if two people love each other, they going to do anything to be together.

Did it ever strike you that the fact your sister likes this guy means that you never knew your sister's taste in the first place?

If you try to break love, people will work double as hard to be together.

 

[ZeeshanParvez]

Salaamz

My parents checked out a prospective suitor for my sister, they've found some stuff out they;re not happy with, the sister wants to proceed further but parents don't.

what should we do?

the sister still chats to him daily via social media, she's branding him pious an all sorts, yet he has the nerve to talk to my sister via messaging, he knows he has been rejected, the twit should walk away! but he doesn't.

i'm so worried its going to progress in the background to even worser things i.e. meeting up during work hours, to other extremities....

the sister is 30 years old, moving on to 31 in six months time, we've had a traditional upbringing, humble beginnings and we are not modern and into free mixing, however the desire to get married can turn things real ugly and we can lose our own self awareness and self control.... leading us to make mistakes

can anyone advise on how i can help the situation? my sister should know better but she dissapoints...

the prospect's data and circumstances

whilst the guy had a rough childhood, bought up in the ghetto, i can't imagine what it would be like but i have a rough idea, ours wasnt the best either but Alhamdulillah we are all still here trying our best
he's posted his past on social media, picture of him in a night club,
social media post about how he promotes drugs 'then and now', his past about sleepin on sofas in friends houses as a stray, never having stability etc, swearing etc.... he's got no shame.... but at least he's honest syain it as it is

he's not compatible with us and my sister can't see that.

what do we do???????????
.

It can be so frustrating when someone dear to you like a sibling is blinded and cannot see the glaring facts. You ask yourself why are they doing this to themselves? My sister married a guy in Egypt despite my parents telling her it was the worst decision she could ever make. Yet, she went ahead and did it. Ended up divorced. Then, came back and blamed my parents for it.


Watching all this was so sad for me. She was told again and again that she is making a mistake but would not listen.


Biologically speaking when a woman hits her 30s her libido sky rockets. This hampers her logical thinking. She wants to get married as soon as possible to procreate. There seems to be a switch in the brain which turns on and tells her that look your years for conceiving children are headed to a close so get married as soon as possible. As a result, she makes the worst decisions possible.


More than ever before your sister needs you and the support of your parents. You cannot be harsh to her as doing so will only cause her to move away from you. Be nice and polite to her and use persuasion to convince her that she is making the biggest misstate of her life. Remind her of the possible consequences of her decision. Tell her how it can completely destroy her chances of ever getting married again to a good potential.


And add to this du'aa because at the end of the day it is only Allaah who can guide and change the hearts. We mere mortals can only do so much. I hope things turn out well for your sister and your family.

 

[ibrahim.wk]

I agree with brother Zeeshaan I personally know someone who has or is actually in that same situation ,it can be a very tough state to be in
since you are her sister and you love your sister and you only want nothing but the best for her, one thing you should try is try to sit down with her
have some nice food or coffee and try to talk to her about it before going too far, and ask her to do istikharah, only Allah knows the mans true intention
, we don;t know if he truley loves her or he is just using her to fulfill his desires, yea so be very gentle with her and use wisdom when you sit and speak with her
and also make dua for her and your self and the rest of Ummah insha'Allah things will work out.

 

[Imraan]

Salaamz

My parents checked out a prospective suitor for my sister, they've found some stuff out they;re not happy with, the sister wants to proceed further but parents don't.

what should we do?

the sister still chats to him daily via social media, she's branding him pious an all sorts, yet he has the nerve to talk to my sister via messaging, he knows he has been rejected, the twit should walk away! but he doesn't.

i'm so worried its going to progress in the background to even worser things i.e. meeting up during work hours, to other extremities....

the sister is 30 years old, moving on to 31 in six months time, we've had a traditional upbringing, humble beginnings and we are not modern and into free mixing, however the desire to get married can turn things real ugly and we can lose our own self awareness and self control.... leading us to make mistakes

can anyone advise on how i can help the situation? my sister should know better but she dissapoints...

the prospect's data and circumstances

whilst the guy had a rough childhood, bought up in the ghetto, i can't imagine what it would be like but i have a rough idea, ours wasnt the best either but Alhamdulillah we are all still here trying our best
he's posted his past on social media, picture of him in a night club,
social media post about how he promotes drugs 'then and now', his past about sleepin on sofas in friends houses as a stray, never having stability etc, swearing etc.... he's got no shame.... but at least he's honest syain it as it is

he's not compatible with us and my sister can't see that.

what do we do???????????
.

Walaikum salaam

I'm in a similar situation myself with my sister... pray we are all guided righteously and that our journey is made easy iA.

All depends on the individuals emotional intelligence and ability to restrain onself. Conquer that and we wouldn't have a problem.

 

[Butterfly]

AsSalaamu alaikum,

Your sister's situation is very relatable to me as I know someone who was in the exact same situation. She still married him, and she cries night after night because her husband's decisions to go to the club and drink and do drugs. She knew this prior to the marriage, although he assured her that life was a part of his past, but he fell right back into it. I suggest you really talk to your sister. Get her to communicate with you. Allow her to speak her mind and heart without getting upset and just try to coach her about the pros and cons of the decision she's about to make. Let her know that if that potential is man enough then he can approach her through her mahrams or wali. Remind her of her good qualities and her standards and let her know that if she still chooses to marry him then only she will carry the burden of his whereabouts at night or drug usage solo. Engage in prayer and dua with your sister. Members above have suggested good advice too. Best Wishes.

 

[RisingLight]

he's not compatible with us and my sister can't see that.

ofc she cant.I am in the same position myself...i fell in love with an atheist girl and now to me she looks like the best girl on earth and i kept going with the hope of converting her despite knowing she wont convert....i fell in love even more and reached a point now that im totally hurt and brokenhearted..i dont find pleasure in anything and have no motivation for anything at all..i feel like i will never get out of this situation...i cant stop thinking of her every second and sometimes astagfirullah i think what if i go ahead and marry her despite knowing she will ruin my religion..... if your sister keeps talking to him she will be in the same situation as me...either her religion or her heart will be destroyed....dont let it happen, talk to her and make duaa and if she doesnt wanna change then do it forcily,take the phone away send him a goodbye text and block him from everything and stop her from meeting him for some months....trust me if she goes in the situation where i am you will loose her,and she will go in that situation if she doesnt stop it NOW!

 

[Flawed]

You sound like someone attached to something shaytaan beautified but isn't really beautiful. I suggest you detach from her for some time and in that time connect with Allah SWT then you will slowly see her real ugly self that you couldn't see because you became illussioned. May Allah save us all.

- - - Updated - - -

he's not compatible with us and my sister can't see that.

ofc she cant.I am in the same position myself...i fell in love with an atheist girl and now to me she looks like the best girl on earth and i kept going with the hope of converting her despite knowing she wont convert....i fell in love even more and reached a point now that im totally hurt and brokenhearted..i dont find pleasure in anything and have no motivation for anything at all..i feel like i will never get out of this situation...i cant stop thinking of her every second and sometimes astagfirullah i think what if i go ahead and marry her despite knowing she will ruin my religion..... if your sister keeps talking to him she will be in the same situation as me...either her religion or her heart will be destroyed....dont let it happen, talk to her and make duaa and if she doesnt wanna change then do it forcily,take the phone away send him a goodbye text and block him from everything and stop her from meeting him for some months....trust me if she goes in the situation where i am you will loose her,and she will go in that situation if she doesnt stop it NOW!

You sound like someone attached to something shaytaan beautified but isn't really beautiful. I suggest you detach from her for some time and in that time connect with Allah SWT then you will slowly see her real ugly self that you couldn't see because you became illussioned. May Allah save us all.

 

[BayAreaWhiteMan]

Dua and calm conversations are the crucial factors in this situation.

 

[MazharShafiq]

make dua for her and your self and the rest of Ummah insha'Allah things will work out.