parents?

[anonymous]

Assalamualaikum

i hope that someone here will advise me as i am soo confused and don't know what to do. Insha'Allah i want to get married in the summer. I have been engaged for like 2 years now and the prob is i dont want to marry him. I made it clear to my parents that i dont want to marry him for number of reason but they still haven't told his parents that i rejected. They think that i want to marry him when i really dont. My plan was to get his number and tell him but then id get in soo much trouble by my dad for telling him myself ..they aint tellin them noffin and here i am helpless ..so i was thinking to tell them after Ramathan ( my parents) or if that doesnt work then ill tell them myself ( his parents). Only thing is my dad is very ill ..i am soo scared of anything that can happen. Plz Plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz advise me.

The other thing is i want to get married summer tym insha Allah but look myself halal way ofcourse . i wna start 'looking' straight after my parents or myself tell them that i dun wna marry their son as hard as it is , this is sumfink that i have to do . I no im gonna be the 'bad,evil etc girl in the eyes of ma family but right now i cud care less wot ppl fink. i just had just about enough with this whole issue! The thing im worried about is if insha Allah i find the right person and my parents disagree wat am i supposed to do. i had given up so much for my parents i love them dearly and i dont want to do anything that might hurt them but theres a limit ..i cant keep doing this evrytime. plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz advice me.


jazakaAllahu khayran!

 

[Na7lah]

Thread Approved

 

[AnonymousPoster]

How can you be so sure you want to marry in the summer? You strike me as quite confident in your search for another brother, so I have to ask, do you have someone specific in mind?

Other than that, I'd advise to you to rather concentrate on getting things cleared, before you start planning something way ahead (like wanting to marry next summer). You simply must tell your parents no matter what, I do not want to sound harsh, but I do not think it'll affect your father's health too much, inshaAllah. It would affect him more if you said to this brother's parents by yourself or said 'No' the day before the wedding. Fact is, the earlier you say it, the better. You would give them time to take things in.

Simply put, you have to as soon as possible get yourself together and tell them to announce the engagement off, because worse will happen if they don't and you would refuse to marry this brother anyways.

I am very much confused this has been going on for 2 whole years... Or is it possible you just recently have come to other thoughts? Or didn't you agree from the beginning on, they just continued it? If the latter is your case, then you should not feel too bad, much of the responsibility lies then on your parents.

Nonetheless, whatever the reasons are for this, you have to make a stop to it. Now, you have to, you must. It might be embarrassing to say 'No' after 2 years of engagement, but you'd spare yourself much more harm.

Regarding the last paraghrap in your post, that about your parents rejecting a guy you approve of, are you afraid they'd do it out of revenge to you for breaking off this current engagement?
Parents usually want what is best for their children, so do take into account what they think of your choice of potential husband. If you, for example, are in love or interested in a brother right now, you might not see things which others see in him, so that is why you should take their opinions into account. Yet if you do things now, tell your parents and do deal with this case as sensibly as possible, inshaAllah nothing bad will come out of this and things will go smoothly. You have to make dua and trust in Allaah, subhaana wa taa'ala. Do not be afraid of people's comments or viewpoints, you aren't currently responsible of your own future life, but the brother whom you are engaged to aswell. For your and his sake, take action immediately.


I hope things get solved very soon!

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

lol dont leave it too late, us men dont really like getting told "i dont wanna marry you" during the wedding morning ;D

 

[Amatullah_]

Wa Alaykumus Salaam Sis

Ok, Firstly I know what you're going through...and I know what you're feeling inside right now..:enough!: aint it?

Why does your parents think you still want to marry the guy when you clearly said you dont want to for a number of reasons:?? They just ignoring you? Why not get someone to talk to them on your behalf??..Someone older and whom they respect?

How do you intend to look for someone by yourself in a halal manner? And if you do find someone this way, it is best if your parents are happy with him. This way they'll give you their blessings and be happy and pleased with you, and will welcome him into the family. When you marry against your parents wishes you have to go through too much. Sometimes they accept ...but it takes a while and alot of patience before they do and sometimes they totally cut off ties and you dont want that.

Hope things workout for the best for you inshaAllah. Make loads of Dua...this is Ramadhan, the month of Mercy.

Allahu Alam.

 

[Rafeeq]

Dear Sis

I would request you to reconsider your decision and hit it with in no more time. You would have done it 2 years back.

If you do not have any body specific in your mind, then let this engagment be converted into marriage. Our parents always try to suggest a better thing for us.

Decision is yours.

Masalama