Parents

[CocoChanel]

Salam waalikoum,

My parents forbid me kind of everything I dearly want. Forbid me to marry and me forbid to study or find another job I like. My parents find that I am not capable to do a lot of things. Even cooking or my current job. I have a ten year younger sister who is treating my parents sometimes harshly and scream at them but they listen to her and obey her. They are eve proud at her. She can't do nothing wrong in their eyes even she is rude. I am the opposite of her. I obey my parents and have sabr with them and don't scream at them. God help me. But they threaten me if they are not proud at me at all and they always say I can't act nice to family because I have no manners. can't find a nice spouse because in ugly. cant do my dream job because I'm dumb. Now I'm kind of depressed. Not because I'm not married yet at my 30 but I want to do my dream job even it is because I'm verry bored and want do something in my life I like. I don't know what to do. I don't know why my parents laugh at my sister when she comes home and make jokes with her and when I came home it's opposite. Because of not the same treatment I don't want a girl because I think I'm gonna hate her. I don't want to marry because I can't give love. I am not desperate but my sabr now is low and I am sad. Im not really depressed because all I need is Islam and that is make me happy. But I don't know what to do with my spare time and how to manage these sitiation. It feels like backbiting but I need sincere advise. My Allah forgive me I am not perfect and this is how I see it and maybe not as it is.

 

[Physicist]

Wa'alaikumussalaam,
I guess that perhaps your parents assumed certain future for you, like that you'll be always at home and take care of them at an old age. Any signs that you may go another way, like if get married or get successfull in the job scares them.

 

[Ahmed.]

walaikum assalam rahmatullahi barakatuh

I take it you are a Sister?, in that case you're doing the right thing by being patient and remaining happy with your Islam as as a woman it's not advisable for you to move out.

It's very weird why they don't allow you to cook, so find some activities you can do and keep yourself busy or Maybe engage in lots of nafl salah so you won't be idle

Also you should try and find yourself a good Muslim husband as then you can move out of your limbo-miserable situation

 

[HisServant]

wa alaikum assalaam,

It is certainly wrongful actions by which your parents forbid what is halal and permissible unless their objective is to seek for you that which is more suitable in terms of being halal and permissible.

In terms of what you should be doing, then consider consultation and support with trustworthy relatives and friends. This should be done after having attempted to demand your rights (respectfully but firmly and consistently) with regards to fair treatment and rights of (halal and permissible) marriage, studies and job.

With regards to being fearful of knowing how to love, then this is a non-issue as all love comes from Allah swt. He is the origin of love and by turning to Him further in faith and practice then that immense love will be discovered from within...

Allah’s Mercy comes before His Love. Thus, He shows mercy to all of creation by simply blessing each being with bounties such as existence, life, health, etc. His Love, which is a more particular form of His blessing, is reserved in the Qur’an for the more deserving of His servants, such as those who: believe, show excellence, repent, rely on Him, are just, fear Him and those who struggle against wrongdoing for His sake.


If Allah Most High did not love a servant first, they could never love Him. So if we want Allah to love us, we must show love to Him by doing the things He loves and leaving that which He doesn’t love, and we should know that the fact that we were given the ability to love Him, means He loved us in pre-eternity out of His pure largesse and generosity.

Understanding Allah's attributes Love and Mercy

Perform Salaatul Tahajjud regularly it is ideally recommended for these circumstances with seeking to develop inner strength and attaining the needs one aspires.

In the meantime, having spare time then seeking knowledge, improving practice and teaching/helping others has been honourably recommended.

Recently found this site which may be of interest: http://www.zaynabacademyonline.org/

May Allah swt help you and us (all) to be successful. Ameen.

 

[Mandy]

I am sure your parents only have your best interest at heart.
The best would be for you to stay calm, sit down and have a discussion with them. It is very easy for children to misunderstand their parents intention. It is also easy for parents to be overprotective and nervous about their children. It is in our nature to want to protect children and seeing them grow away is not something easy.

My best advise is really to stay calm and to keep talking with them. You might understand better their reasoning that way.