Perishable goods

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SerialLoser

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All relationships in my life are perishable. From the girl-friends who although lovely, only have time for you in their lifes as a temporary phase until they find ‘the one’, get married and detach themselves from most if not all social contact that is not related to their one and only. Then theres the siblings who themselves are also results of bad parenting, and are just doing what they know. The cousins and extended family, there to observe from a distance and ultimately judge. They can’t help it. Then the once best friends who got married and drifted apart from me all around three years ago. Then the parents, always there as a stark reminder that your life, opinions, nay existence means nothing until you are married to a man. The man? There is no man, and doubt that there will be one. I don’t know any poor soul that is suicidal enough, so to speak. Oh and then theres the guy who I foolishly thought was ‘’the one’’ when I was young and naive, only to break his heart three years ago (after promising to marry him) because I chose Islam over him.
My religion also alienates me from my parents. My father more so, as he detests my choice to wear hijab and practise Islam. I try to attend circles that I can, just so I can be around Muslims and hence feel better, but sitting here right now, I don’t think anything is helping.
I woke up this morning, elated at what a beautiful day it was and my mind full of plans on what to do. Not even an hour later my mother throws a comment at me, which I know wasn’t meant to be for me and she is taking out her aggression on the wrong person, but still cut me deep. From that point until now I have spent the day locked in my room, like a pathetic person, crying to myself and at the same time constantly reminding myself that self harm is haraam because my body belongs to Allah, and to leave my wrists alone. Wasn’t easy with all the broken glass lying all over my floor to tempt me, but then thats my own fault for breaking it.
Anyway with wrists still intact, and an apology a few minutes ago from the mother who holds me in such low esteem, apparently the situation is back to normal now. It still hurts though.
It hurts that since I stopped free mixing three years ago I have none of my close friends to talk to (as yes, they happened to be male). I have to write how I feel here to be able to vent, which is pathetic let’s admit it. It also hurts that even though my mother is frustrated that I have not been able to bring home a ‘prince charming’ to marry, her and my father have made no effort to look into my marriage themselves. It hurts that I’m going to be a quarter century old next month and living such a pathetic existence. I don’t believe there is anything bad about moving out on my own and would love to. After all, I’m alhm educated and financially independent and therefore don’t need to wait around for an incredibly mediocre husband to come to my rescue. I acknowledge the fact that if I do ever marry, it will probably just be out of fear of dying alone...that thing called weak human nature. Although marriage is just a sunnah, it seems to be all that people in my life can talk about. Anyway my parents would sooner disown me then let me move out as God forbid...what will people think.
I can’t even begin to describe the reasons behind the relationship with my parents, too long and boring I imagine too. And I also am very aware that my problems are just a drop in the ocean compared to a lot of people subhanAllah. But I honestly have no one to say this out loud to.
I’ve just had enough of being the mute emotional punching bag. I’m praying and praying an praying. I’m slipping, then repenting, then praying. I’m begging for more patience. And most of all, I wish I didn’t believe that all relationships in my life are perishable but its true. And on the day of judgement I imagine it will be true for all of us, when we’re pushing each other in front of ourselves to get away from the fire.
 
:salamext:

I am sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time in your life sister, and pray ease comes soon.

When the shaytaan tried to persuade you to befriend the person you thought was ‘the one’ you fought him and chose Allaah and Islam.

When your father disapproved of your practicing Islam, you again chose Allaah and followed His commands by observing the hijaab.

You gave up free mixing and prefered loneliness, but u did not allow the shaytaan to convince you to disobey Allaah.

When you were sad, isolated and deeply hurt, even then you fought temptation to resort to self harm and obeyed Allaah.

By Allaah, if this is true, then how can you call yourself a serial Loser? Surely, You are a serial winner and nothing less. For ou have won some very difficult battles with the shaytaan which most people loose. May Allaah accept it of you, raise your ranks, and count you amongst the winners on the Day of Judgement.

You do not know how blessed you are. Allaah will reward you for this in the hereafter, and in time He will also reward you for it in this life insha' Allaah. Say Alhamdulillaah and rejoice, for when we are worshipping Allaah and our lives are full of hardships and detestable things, then this is a positive sign. It is an indication we are on the path to Paradise.

The Prophet :arabic5: said: When Allah :arabic2: created Paradise, He sent Jibreel to it and said. ‘Look at it and the pleasures I have prepared for its inhabitants’. So Jibreel came to Paradise and looked at what Allaah had prepared for its inhabitants. He then returned to Allaah and said, ‘I swear by your Grandeur that not a single person will hear of it except that he will enter it (i.e. he will do anything to enter it)’.

Then Allaah ordered Paradise to be surrounded by adversities, calamities, and detestable things and He said to Jibreel, ‘Go back and look at it and what I have prepared for its inhabitants.’ Jibreel went back to Paradise and found that it had been surrounded by adversities, calamities and detestable things, so he returned to Allaah and said, ‘I swear by Your Grandeur that I fear that no one will enter it.

Then Allaah said to Jibreel, ‘Go to Hell and look at it and the punishments that I have prepared for its inhabitants.’ Jibreel looked at Hell and found it extremely horrible, so he said to Allaah, ‘I swear by Your Grandeur that not a single person will hear of it except he will avoid entering it.’ Then Allaah ordered Hell to be surrounded by desires and luxuries and said to Jibreel, ‘Go back to it.’ Jibreel returned to Hell and then said, ‘I swear by Your Grandeur that no one will be able to escape from it.’

U can read the rest of the article here: http://www.sunniforum.com/forum/showthread.php?54039-Desires-and-Calamities

Sister, after hearing this hadith we should be happy we are sad! I know it can be very hard sometimes, to combat all the obstacles on the way to reach Paradise but know that Allaah has promised he will always assist His true slaves, sometimes through other people, sometimes through dreams, sometimes through his honourable angels and so on. Allaah says those who step on the path to seek knowledge, Allaah makes easy for them the path to Paradise. So let the Qur’an be your sword and the sunnah be your shield and guide, and let your supplications be your fortress. Let Allaah, the All Compassionate and All Mighty, be your friend and helper with His honourable angels. I pray Allaah makes it easy for you and us all, and elevates us to the highest levels of success and fulfilment. May we all achieve Paradise, our true home and destination. Aameen.
 
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Asalamu alaykum,

It hurts that since I stopped free mixing three years ago I have none of my close friends to talk to (as yes, they happened to be male). I have to write how I feel here to be able to vent, which is pathetic let’s admit it.

But I honestly have no one to say this out loud to. I’ve just had enough of being the mute emotional punching bag.
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My intention isn't to upset you sis, but based on these lines and contrary to what you say in some other places, it sounds to me like you could really do with getting married.

Forget all preconceived notions of what married life would be like about your husband being mediocre etc. I think that's all waswas and you're needlessly complicating your life.

I think if a woman chooses to live by herself, she has an internal problem and is not in tune with her nature nor Allah's wishes for every human being. The nature of men and women is to want companionship, not monasticism. Monasticism leads to an increased incidence of waswas and satanic influence as we struggle to subdue our very normal and human urges.

This is why marriage is expressed as completing half of our religion. The sacrifices, commitments, fulfillment, procreation, raising of children, charity, giving and taking and much more are not light weight acts done over the years endured with a spouse.

Most of the hasanat one will receive on the day of judgment will come from that, not from being alone and toughing it out on your own. Filling others lives most especially your families life is much more beneficial than being alone.
 
Sister read this dua a lot so Allaah will give u the best of both worlds insha' Allaah. The Prophet :arabic5: always read this duA

Rabbana atina fid-dunya hasanatan wa fil 'akhirati hasanatan waqina 'adhaban-nar (Our Lord! Grant us good in this world and good in the hereafter, and save us from the chastisement of the fire)
[2:201]

May Allaah give u the best of both worlds.

My intention isn't to upset you sis, but based on these lines and contrary to what you say in some other places, it sounds to me like you could really do with getting married.

Forget all preconceived notions of what married life would be like about your husband being mediocre etc. I think that's all waswas and you're needlessly complicating your life.

I think if a woman chooses to live by herself, she has an internal problem and is not in tune with her nature nor Allah's wishes for every human being. The nature of men and women is to want companionship, not monasticism. Monasticism leads to an increased incidence of waswas and satanic influence as we struggle to subdue our very normal and human urges.

This is why marriage is expressed as completing half of our religion. The sacrifices, commitments, fulfillment, procreation, raising of children, charity, giving and taking and much more are not light weight acts done over the years endured with a spouse.

Most of the hasanat one will receive on the day of judgment will come from that, not from being alone and toughing it out on your own. Filling others lives most especially your families life is much more beneficial than being alone.
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Unless I have misunderstood, I do not think she has chosen seclusion for herself or does not want to marry. I think its just circumstances, and if she had a choice or knew someone good to marry, she would. And Allaah swt knows best.
 
The following gave me such an impression. I apologise if I misunderstood.
I acknowledge the fact that if I do ever marry, it will probably just be out of fear of dying alone...that thing called weak human nature. Although marriage is just a sunnah, it seems to be all that people in my life can talk about.
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Oh I see. perhaps she is speaking out of bitterness and her circumstances has made her feel this way but she does not really mean it. Either way, one situation is when Allaah puts us in trial, and the other is when we put ourselves in trial by imposing restrictions upon ourselves which are not in the shariah. :hmm: I hope this is not the case here! Allaahu 'alim
 

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