Plastic surgery in Islam

[aesa]

So I didn't know in what thread to post this in, maybe it would have been more appropriate in the sisters thread but i cant post there yet. I am wondering about the quidelines of plastic surgery, in what sittuations is it permissible? Im aware its forbidden lets say If the person is doing it in vain for an example someone who wants to look younger gets a face lift or a boob job. But in my situation, I am only 18 but I have two children and I am very ashamed and embarrassed of my body, I cant even look in the mirror without wanting to cry. Every day I stress out about how my body looks, Alhamdulilah for my beautiful children but my gosh, they REALLY destroyed my body. Not only my children have ruined it, even before children I lacked any shape to my body, I try to be grateful for what Allah gave me, atleast I have two legs and two arms and no major health issues Alhamdulillah but its hard to be happy about how I look. My husband cheats on me often with beautiful women, im so jealous of them and I know jealousy is haram but I cant help it estaghfirallah, I was wondering at what point can a woman get small procedures done to their body if its to the point where the woman is depressed about how she looks and her husband is no longer interested in her? (only after three months of marriage) Please if possible give me quotes from the Quran or hadiths.

 

[ardianto]

Plastic surgery in Islam. If the purpose is to fix defect, then it is allowed. But if the purpose is only to change the body part (not to fix defect), then it is not allowed.

But young sister, why you think you need to get plastic surgery?. You can get beautiful body shape through exercise (sport). There are many mothers who have beautiful body shape without plastic surgery although they are already in 40's age. It's because they diligent maintain their bodies which include exercising regularly.

Then why you think if your husband cheats with other women, it's because you are not beautiful in his eyes beautiful?. Oh, oh, young sister, if you are not beautiful in his eyes, he would not marry you.

No, no, do not think like that. Like I have said in another thread, what you should do now is develop your personality into a wise mature woman. In Shaa Allah, when you have turn into wise mature woman, you will look more beautiful. Yes, the true beauty of woman emitted from inside. Now can you understand why there are women who look impressive although not physically beautiful?.

 

[aesa]

Plastic surgery in Islam. If the purpose is to fix defect, then it is allowed. But if the purpose is only to change the body part (not to fix defect), then it is not allowed.

But young sister, why you think you need to get plastic surgery?. You can get beautiful body shape through exercise (sport). There are many mothers who have beautiful body shape without plastic surgery although they are already in 40's age. It's because they diligent maintain their bodies which include exercising regularly.

Then why you think if your husband cheats with other women, it's because you are not beautiful in his eyes beautiful?. Oh, oh, young sister, if you are not beautiful in his eyes, he would not marry you.

No, no, do not think like that. Like I have said in another thread, what you should do now is develop your personality into a wise mature woman. In Shaa Allah, when you have turn into wise mature woman, you will look more beautiful. Yes, the true beauty of woman emitted from inside. Now can you understand why there are women who look impressive although not physically beautiful?.

I believe I would be getting surgery to fix a defect, my body is not a normal shape for a woman, very unattractive, I do workout and fat is not so much the problem, the problem is I have a lot of loose skin from having children and no matter how much I workout I cant fix the shape of my body.
Also, my husband didn't see my body before we were married, I believe I have a pretty face, that's all he saw before marriage I believe I mislead him and disappointed him with my ugly body, he never compliments me iv actually never heard him call me beautiful but i read many messages between him and other women where he calls them 'beautiful' 'cute', etc. and I think he married me solely for my personality and that's why he cheats on me, I can tell he has no physical attraction to me. But either way I wouldn't be getting surgery for only my husband, I feel I cant be fully happy until im no longer disgusted by my body, iv gone through a lot of bullying in my life from my body shape, before converting to islam I was suicidal from the mean comments I would get, now being muslim I only wear abayas so i can conceal myself and yet people still comment that I have no butt or that I have to loose weight in my mid section, I really think what I have is a defect or else it wouldn't be causing me this much emotional pain...surgery will help me gain the confidence I need and I think it will help me a lot in life.

 

[sister herb]

Salam alaykum

Dear sister, the idea that your husband really cheats you because your body right now doesn´t look like someone who hasn´t gave birth is just only a excuse in your own mind. Your husband would cheat you regardless what your body is looking for (other things are of course DO your husband really cheat you and are you the only person who is thinking that your body isn´t beautiful) if he are going to cheat you.

If your husband really loves you (as he married you), then he loves YOU, not the shape of your body.

As br Ardianto wrote, you need to grow up. I mean also your mind need to grow up. It takes several years but be patient.

 

[ardianto]

I think he married me solely for my personality

Alhamdulillah if your husband married you because your personality. If your husband married you because your beauty, then your married life would be in problem. Physical beauty is not something that will last for long time.

My late wife was a beautiful girl who expected by many men. But she chose to marry me because she knew that I loved her personality, not her beauty. That's why I still loved her when she lost her beauty due to breast cancer that made her lost her left breast. Later she totally lost her beauty, but I always loved her until the last time in her life.

Imagine if I loved her just because her beauty?.

Young sister, you need to maintain your beauty, of course. But the most important is, you need to develop your personality and maintain it. Be a nice wife who can make your husband feel very comfortable with you. Learn how to treat your husband with the ways that will make him always want to be with you. In Shaa Allah, it can stop his cheating behavior.

 

[Snow]

It is rather sad that the thread starter is blaming herself for her husband cheating.
Maybe you should not justify your husband acting all animalistic.

Without knowing you, I would say that you should focus on him being a bad husband.
I mean, if you love someone, is it not a big thing to overlook certain faults?
Is he perfect? Apart from the blatant cheating?
It is not like you are harming him by having loose skin. He could harm you by his cheating. STD's and whatnot.

If your husband can't overlook some loose skin (that became loose as you gave birth to his children) then he does not sound like a good person.


Edit: I hope I don't come off as being too harsh.
I just find that you are focusing on the wrong problem.
I wish you all the best and I think noone should blame themselves for being cheated on.

 

[Ridwaan Ravat]

Assalamualykum

Maybe it will be better for a Sister to answer this one, they can relate better. It's more a psychological issue.

 

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum sister! Hope your in the best of health and emaan in sha Allah


Welcome to the forum - i don't think i have come across your posts before so welcome hope you have a beneficial stay here with us in sha Allah.

I am extremely sorry to hear about the situation that you find yourself in.

I think it's common practice for people to blame themselves if they are a victim of crime, a victim of domestic abuse, a victim of a cheating husband etc etc. Like many of our brothers and sisters have advised you shouldn't be blaming yourself for the 'imperfections' that you see. I don't know much about you apart from what you have typed but i strongly strongly 100% feel no woman should have to accept this treatment. I don't want to advise you what you should do in terms of your marriage but i would strongly advise you to seek advise from a knowledgeable Islamic individual in sha Allah.

I think most people have a tricky psychological and emotional perspective when it comes to body image. You've mentioned your fit and healthy and yes most people would think Alhamdulilah your very lucky but i do understand the internal battles that we sometimes find ourselves in. Rather than focusing on short term goals why not think about long term goals? What's sad but fascinating at the same time is we are encouraged to spend so much time looking good and feeling good and the end result is our body returns to Allah swa, is stored in soil and is decomposed. All that time thinking about how bad/good we look is wasted.

You know once you start changing these so called imperfections that you see it can turn into a regular and expensive habit and sooner or later you will start hating every small thing about your body. I think you should change the relationship you have with your body and change your mind-set. This is nature taking it's course and no one can change nature. Have you seen the so called celebs who try and run away from the old/aging look? With the use of botox and gold masks to make them look younger? This is an illusion that the media industry knows works VERY well with insecure or weak/misguided women in my opinion.

Imagine a situation where you go through with this surgery to enhance or 'normalise' your look and your husband treats you no different. I don't think you should be looking within yourself but rather, speaking to your husband and questioning his treatment towards you.

One final but important recommendation which may help is this website http://www.kalamullah.com/bilalphilips.html - if you download the lecture called Contemporary Issues - it does address the concern of cosmetic surgery (i haven't listened to the lecture myself but the site is one to be trusted). In sha Allah

I wish you well and i hope you find the confidence in yourself - May Allah swa give you inner peace and wisdom to make the right choices which please HIM alone. Ameen.

 

[ardianto]

Assalamualykum

Maybe it will be better for a Sister to answer this one, they can relate better. It's more a psychological issue.

Assalamualaikum, ustadz.

I am a male, not female like sister aesa. But I decided to contribute in this thread because the case is related to behavior of a male, her husband. I gave an advice from male's point of view with purpose to make sister aesa understand her husband better, and will have wider perspective in seeing this case. So, In Shaa Allah, she can take the best step to overcome her problem.

But I agree with you in the point which sister aesa complain about her physical appearance.

[smile]

 

[BeTheChange]

Also, one more point to consider you have mentioned plastic surgery in relation to your husband cheating so i don't think your body image is the real issue here. If you had mentioned plastic surgery and concerns about your body on it's own then maybe you could say yes, i have body issues but, i think there is an underlying more important issue to address i.e. your husband treatment towards you.

Imagine yourself in a situation where your husband treated you like a queen and you were happy and you was thinking this way about your body then you could say yeah i have issues regarding my body but because your not happy with the way your husband is treating you, you're trying to find reasons within yourself that may JUSTIFY his behaviour.

Each individual is accountable for their own actions, their own words and their own behaviour. The foundation of ANY relationship, in particular, marriage is based on TRUST. If this is not there or is lost then the relationship will suffer. I honestly believe you shouldn't be blaming yourself but speaking to your husband about the concerns you have.

I hope your situation improves sister - May Allah swa keep you strong for yourself and your children Ameen.

 

[sister herb]

Sister

What if you will repair your body with plastic surgery and after that your husband still cheats you? Do you continue plastic surgeries as you will "find" more and more "reasons" in your own body for your husbands bad habits? Well, then you might have to continue them forever.

If you are unhappy to your body shape, it is one thing and if your husband cheats you, it is totally other thing.

You have to talk with your husband about this matter, tell him how his habits insult and hurt you and ask him is he ready to change himself. If yes, great. If not, reason for it isn´t you at all.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

Assalaamu alaikum aesa,


(sigh) Oh my dear, it is hard for me to write to you. Because I very much suspect that you will not like what I will say. And more, that you will want to flee from it. (sigh) Like I did.

(gently) But in the end, I think it is my duty to say something. Perhaps one day, these words may be meaningful to you, and perhaps, I pray most ardently, helpful to you… and your children.


(gently) You said (on another thread) that you have been in an abusive relationship before... oh I believe you, my dear. I do know something about these things from my own experience. (crooked smile) often the best way to learn compassion, I think, is to have an understanding born of experience. (smile) And Allah Gives us what we can profit from in this life. (gently) And what we can, ultimately, bear. (rueful) Though at the time, we may not think we can.


(gently) I rather suspect your knowledge of abusive relationships did not start with your first partner (mentioned on another thread). We often learn the unhealthy patterns that make us vulnerable to abusive partners from those nearest and dearest to us as we grow up.


For those of us who have not been well treated by those who are supposed to care for us when we were young: parents, daycare workers, teachers, coaches, religious leaders… we can become accustomed to unhealthy ways of being treated. We learn to tolerate the intolerable. (sad) And when we become old enough to start to choose our own paths in life, we tend to gravitate (quite unconsciously) towards those who “feel” familiar. (gently) And those are people who often come from similar backgrounds of abuse. One of the partners will take the abuser role, and the other, the role of the abused. These are the patterns we have learnt. (gently) Our North American society tends to condemn the abuser, and pity theabused one. But it is more complex than that, I think. Personally, I believe that both parties need compassion... and both need to take responsibility for their actions.


Abusive relationships can take different forms. (smile) To give an analogy, can you see how addictions can take different forms? People can be addicted to alcohol or drugs or pornography or shopping or surfing the internet or eating or fleeting sexual relationships… In all of these, the addict is looking for a way to get some sort of pleasurable boost, often in order to dampen an underlying pain. Well, abuse can take different forms, too. And it, too, can be a way of dealing with an underlying pain.


The easiest to identify is the crude physical abuse. Escalating cycles of physical assault, expressions of apology/ making up, a honeymoon period of quieter, happier times... and then the assault, again. These are pretty simple and clear to identify. Other forms may be less easy to see, but are just as destructive. Actually,they may be even more so. The assault may be on the abused partner's feelings, intellect, finances, trust, sense of self... What is happening is an overstepping of healthy limits by the abuser… which inflicts pain and humiliation on the person being abused (and boosts the abuser's sense that he is not vulnerable, but powerful), then there are expressions of apology/the making up, a honeymoon period of relative calm... then the cycle starts again.


Often, there can be mixtures of different kinds of abuse.


But the overall effect is quite similar. I describe it as the slow erosion of the soul. It is hard to describe. But you come to feel very negatively towards yourself. Your inner Self feels eroded away, powerless, afraid, alone, you hate yourself, you feel worthless, useless, unloveable, you feel such deep pain... until, eventually, you go numb and feel empty. You feel as if you don't really exist anymore. A shell.


You have said that you barely knew your husband when you married him, yet you say that he chose you for your personality. But if he hardly knew you... (sigh) Still, it is probably true that he felt your vulnerability. An abusive person can sense the vulnerable.


You have said that he started lying and cheating on you almost immediately after marriage. This is a major warning flag. There is a difference between a generally loving person, who treats you decently for many years until there is a crisis in your lives, and he slips and has an affair, and then regrets and repents. A bit like a person who is generally decent and appropriate in his behaviour towards you for years, who comes to a difficult period in his life and uncharacteristically lashes out one day and strikes you. Sometimes, under extreme stress, we behave in ways that we would not normally behave. And this, I think, is where a spouse should be compassionate and flexible, and look to how she or he can contribute to help renew the marriage.


But a person who mistreats you early in a marriage is not going to improve. If he hits you, denigrates you, isolates you from family and friends, makes wounding comments about you, or neglects you emotionally, sexually, financially... if this starts very soon after marriage, it is not going to get better. It means he doesn't respect you. He doesn't care about you.


And the more you tolerate his overstepping of decent limits (and worse, the more you comply to his wishes), the more he will push those limits to see how far he can go. He will treat you worse and worse.


Abusers also twist perceptions to put the blame for things on the abused person. You have said (on another thread) that your husband has given up his room for you and you're now sleeping in a homeless shelter, that he lost his job, that he lost all his furniture because of you... but this makes no sense. What has he given you? How were you responsible for him losing his job? Where were you before you married him? Unless you were already in a homeless shelter, it sounds more as if you are the one who has sacrificed a lot for him. It seems more that since he married you, you've been the one sacrificing for him...


You've claimed that he treats you like a princess... but you say he never says you're beautiful (though he tells other women this)! He doesn't want to sleep with you. He cheats on you. On you! His newly wed wife! He left you alone for 3 weeks over the winter holidays, just after you were married, to be with another woman... in what way does this behaviour constitute treating you like a princess?!


(gently) My dear, I think the problem is (and you alluded to it in this other thread also), that you are used to being treated incredibly badly. From what you have said, his not beating you is what being “treated like a princess” means to you. (gently) But this is not being treated like a princess. It is your right as a human being Created by God, to be treated in a decent and humane way.


You deserve so much more than just not being beaten. And frankly, the violence your husband is doing to your soul is far more destructive than a mere fist could ever be. You believe that you are so unattractive...! If your husband was any sort of nice person, you'd not hate yourself so much that you want to go for plastic surgery! Even if you are not a perfect 10, you are so young! Trust me, even with my still-pretty face and form, you win hands down in attractiveness to men. Men are very attracted to young and fertile women. (gently) If your husband treated you right, even if you weren't the most gorgeous woman in the world (and who is?), you'd feel pretty. (gently) The way you feel about yourself speaks volumes about your husband...


You deserve so much better, my dear. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be treated kindly. You deserve to be honoured for your goodness towards your husband. Yes! You are good to him! It's not the other way around! You feel compassion towards him. (shake my head) But I do not think he feels compassion towards you. (gently) The abused person can feel much compassion towards her (or his ) abuser. But the abuser doesn't return the favour. His (or her) way of dealing with the pain of his own abusive upbringing, is to turn off his feelings. He seeks instead to seem powerful through the humiliation and pain of the abused partner. (gently) In your case, he hurts you by repeatedly (and knowingly) breaking your heart. This pain makes him feel strong. And believe me, your accepting of his transgressions, rather than endearing you to him, gives him what he feels are justifications for disrespecting you.


This may seem like a strange thing to say, but if you want to have any chance of winning your husband's respect, you must stand up for yourself. Respect yourself. And you can only do this by refusing to tolerate his behaviour. And you must be prepared to leave him. Divorce him. Perhaps never see him again. Because just saying you won't tolerate his running after other women (and it seems he is torturing you by showing you messages he's shamelessly sent to other women), is not enough. You must be prepared to follow through. (gently) And my dear, you will probably have to follow through.


If you leave him, he may come to respect you one day. If you stay with him... I don't think he ever will.


(gently) I know you care about him. Perhaps you even think you can save him. But there is no way you can rescue him. Only he can do this. And it may be, if he falls low enough, and is feeling awful enough, that he may turn to Allah and find a way to being a better person. But if you try to help and protect him, if you tolerate his terrible behaviour, if you feed his ego with your pain, you are actually supporting his sinning, you are enabling his abusive behaviour. If you tolerate his behaviour, chances are very high that it will get worse. And this is bad for both him and you.


And what about your children? Where are they now? In the homeless shelter, too? Or have you left them with someone else, so that you can care for your husband? But who really needs to be looked after? Your fully grown (much more than you!) husband? Or your little children?


And do you think it is good for them to have a mother who is sad and unhappy? Whose mood swings depending on how her husband is treating her? Do you think it is good for them to be seeing how he is treating you? Seeing you accepting the intolerable? Do you want your children to grow up to be hurt like you are... or hurting others, like he does?


You have said that he treats them nicely. (sigh) But do you mean he doesn't hit them like their dad? (gently) Do you even know what being treated kindly and lovingly by a man is like?


(lovingly) Oh my dear, I think you need to heal before you can chose a good husband and father figure for your children. Until you heal, you will probably keep falling for abusive men.


(warm) And you can heal, my dear (and if you want tips on how to do this, I can offer some, when you are ready). Don't worry, you have of time to grow andheal, and still be able to find a good man.


(gently) I know how horribly hard it is to be alone, especially when you feel so unloveable. It is this fear of being alone that often keeps us in abusive relationships, I have found. But I will tell you one thing I have learnt: it is better to be alone than to be with someone who is destroying you from the inside out. (smile) It isn't easy to be alone (actually, it is very hard). But it is better. For you... and for your children.


(smile) I suppose you could say that I have been a failure in my marriages (I am divorced). But I believe that dealing with my difficult marriages has brought out strengths in me, has increased my iman, has pushed me to try to get closer to God. Getting out of an abusive relationship and learning to love yourself can be a great way to worship Allah, you know.


I have also learnt a great deal about relationships, and what constitutes a healthy one. And I have tried to infuse my children with the love and warmth that I have never known. (smile) And it is paying off. I see my eldest child being treated very nicely and respectfully by a young man who wants to marry her. His whole family is good with her in a way I have never known. Is this a failure?


(smile) And I'm here with you today, trying to tell you that you're way more loveable than you think you are. My heart is open to you, and to others around me, not in an eager-to-please way, but in a love-overflows way. Am I a failure?


You are beautiful, my dear. Allah Made you. Do you think He Made a mistake?! Abusive people can't see your beauty? Well, that is their loss. You are loving and loyal. This is beautiful. You are young and fertile (you have proof!). This is attractive. You have suffered and overcome some pretty big ordeals in your short life. You are a lot stronger than you think you are. This is admirable! Overall, you are a pretty good person, and you have a large potential to become a pretty amazing person.


Allah Loves those who try to please Him. Forget trying to please a man to feel beautiful and worthy. Just try to please Allah... and you will be beautiful. In this life and the Next. Your children think you are beautiful, I'm sure (twinkle. Beauty is in the eye of the one who loves you, you know!). And there are probably others, too, if you only knew. (smile) I thought I was ugly when I was a teenager. But recently I found out that a boy in one of my classes was very taken with me! But I never knew... till more than 30 years later! (smile) And I think there may have been others. Because I wasn't really ugly. Actually, I was a beautiful young woman. But just as an anorexic thinks she's fat, no matter how dangerously skinny she gets, a woman with a negatively distorted view of herself cannot see her own beauty.


(gently) Two men have already been in your life and you're only 18! That's proof enough that you're not a horror to look upon, you know. Trust me, if you were really so unbearable, they wouldn't have been able to function with you. Your husband doesn't desire you now? Well, I guess that's because he needs your pain more than he needs a sexual relationship with you. Sex he can get elsewhere, but your pain and humiliation are harder to find...


Anyway, my dear, perhaps my words seem uncomfortable and even painful to you right now. (gently) I understand that. But please accept my love. I think you are loveable and beautiful.


May Allah, the Source of Peace and Safety, the One Who Created you, Wrap you in His Care.

 

[Insaanah]

I have two children and I am very ashamed and embarrassed of my body, I cant even look in the mirror without wanting to cry. Every day I stress out about how my body looks, Alhamdulilah for my beautiful children but my gosh, they REALLY destroyed my body. Not only my children have ruined it, even before children I lacked any shape to my body, I try to be grateful for what Allah gave me, atleast I have two legs and two arms and no major health issues Alhamdulillah but its hard to be happy about how I look.

the problem is I have a lot of loose skin from having children

I hope I do not sound uncaring sister, but this is to get you to see outside the box a bit.

Do you know what? Some women, would give anything, anything at all, to have your body shape, and to have the amount of loose skin hanging off that you say you do, if it meant that they could have children. If someone said to an infertile woman, yes, you will be able to have a child, but it will mean you will have layers of loose skin hanging off, she would be overjoyed.

You need to be strong sister. In standing up for yourself, but also in you, as you are, skin folds and all. The rest of the advice, others have given better.

May Allah ease and rectify your affairs, ameen.

 

[Abdullahh]

^o)

1. Plastic surgery is haram unless its for fixing some kind of health condition (imo).
2. Your children didn't wreck your body, you probably did. Try to eat healthier and be more active.
3. Divorce your cheating husband or work out your issues with him.
4. Stop focusing so much on your looks - Go to Masjid more.

Hope this helps.

 

[Alpha Dude]

Sister, Allah knows best, but I don't believe your husband would stop cheating if you were to go ahead and have plastic surgery to get the perfect body shape.

It is a disease he has which needs curing in itself and that is independent of you and your body image. A man who indulges in that will do it regardless.

 

[Marina-Aisha]

i understand when it comes my body im not confident but im husband loves me regardless if truely cares for you he wouldnt be cheating on you..i know excising is hard and wot not. I'm sure if u had perfect body he would still cheat some men are like that. Some people just try bring you down regardless. keep strong keep making duas..Sorry i wasnt too helpful