[anonymous]

Salaam

Thanks for taking the time to read this, i hope that you can advice me on this matter inshaa'Allah. The thing is i want to get married and i want to start looking with the help of family and friends. But the problem at the moment is that my parents aren't speaking to me because i said no to a proposal that they wanted me to go ahead with. I really did want to get married though but just not to him. I didnt want to hurt my parent either but i couldnt force MYSELF to marry someone that i didnt want. I dont have someone else in mind but i want to start looking though with help from friends and some family members, but heres the bit im confused with. IF they (friends/family) find someone for me and he happens to have the qualities that im looking for and were both compatible alhamdulillah then he will obviously ask for my Walis number. But my wali wont want anything to do with this whole thing as he is ANGRY with me so what am i supposed to do? I mean i could wait and hope that they forgive me but its been a whole month already... yes i know thats not long but for me it is. ..i want my parents to be on my side to help me as well but i just dont see that happening. .

Am i being selfish for wanting to get married or even start looking while my parents are angry with me? Should i even bother asking my friends/family to start looking for me ? Should i just be patient and wait till my parents calm down and forgive me (who knows) and start lookin then. what if they never come around? Im scared of two things:

1 - My parents not forgiving me

2 - Me not getting married (especially this year lol)

I know this whole post/thread looks like i dont care for my parents feeling, thats not true i really do. I love my parents but at the same time, i really want/need to get married especially with the fitnah thats happening around me but I would never marry without their permission and blessings inshaa'Allah. How do i get them to understand that i didn't say no to the proposal cause i wanted to hurt them or bring shame on the family. How do i get them to understand my feelings? I love them so much and its hurting me like mad and to make matters even worse i cant even speak my own language properly so its really really hard . Ya Allah madad!

 

[AnonymousPoster]

If you said no to a proposal then that is Islamically your right and your parents should get over it. One month IS long to stay angry at your child just for saying no to someone. Though if it helps one of my cousins wanted to marry someone her father wasnt pleased with so he didnt speak to her for almost 6 months! Living in the same house and everything.


As for this:

1 - My parents not forgiving me
From what you have said you actually havent done anything wrong, just rejected a proposal.

2 - Me not getting married (especially this year lol)
lol dont know what to say to that sis, i have my person lined up but :rollseyes so feel your pain only its worse because the persons righttttt there and i am just pretending that im not bothered but its really eating me up inside. Though Insha Allah something soon will be sorted out because im going :enough!: and almost a year has passed but the best thing to do is be patient and put your trust in Allah and He will never let you down. And yes i know that that is quite hard to do because practical steps have to be made but if you are getting family members to look for you, couldnt they suggest the suitors to your parents instead of you?

 

[convert]

Have you even met with the brother? How do you know you will not like him? Personally, I wish I had parents who were there to look out for me a potential wife, it would make things easier.

 

[Intisar]

We're not supposed to hold grudges as Muslims, and you can't force anyone to marry someone they don't want to. I think that's some cultural stuff, where the parents get mad at the child for refusing to marry someone they wanted them to marry. At the end of the day, you should still be nice to your parents, speak kindly to them, and love them for the sake of Allaah. But since you refused, you can always try to give them naseeha and ask them for help in looking for another person for you. If they still refuse, even though they are ''angry'' with you, I'm sure it'll pass inshaAllaah so until then, maybe speak to friends, or other relatives about it and they can help introduce you to some brother/sister. Then inshaAllaah you can tell your father, and he can serve as the wali. Just make tons of du'a, it's really nice when your parents set you up with somebody. Or family in general mashaAllaah.