Please answer this question for me....

[Aprender]

Earlier today when I was in school I wrote an open letter to myself about my thoughts. I won't post it here as it was quite lengthy but I'll add a few main ideas here.

On my train ride to school this morning I was reading about the early history of Islam for a class I'm taking on politics in the middle east. As I stated in my introductory post, I've been learning about Islam for a while now and the more I learn about Islam, the more I learn about Christianity and I feel like I am getting closer to God. Something interesting happened to me today. I was looking out the window while on the train and I saw a billboard sign outside that said "Decide today" in Spanish. As I traveled on another sign read "The choice is clear."

I smiled to myself a bit. Possibly coincidence, but this week has been particularly filled with frustration for me as I've yet to be really find inner peace for myself. There is much unhappiness beginning to grow inside of me because of the people surrounded by me each day and it's starting to weigh heavily on my soul. I've been living a life influenced more by humanism than true religion and it's left me empty inside. I've spoken to apostates of Islam and not one of them has given me a good reason not keep the faith. It's always something influenced by political institutions, experiences with rude or misguided Muslims, negative information from the media, or ideas taken out of context by those who don't fully understand Islam as reasons why they no longer follow an Islamic way of life. Those reasons weren't good enough for me but I still have doubt. I'd like to finally be able to love others but I can't seem to move this stone that I covers my heart. Maybe you can help by answering this question and perhaps it could give me even more perspective coming from reverts.

For those of you who are Muslim, how was Islam made a positive change in your life? Basically, how has it shaped who you are today at this moment and time?

 

[Woodrow]

I already think this is a great idea for a thread. One thing I would like to start with, as a Muslim I do not believe in coincidences. All things happen for a purpose. Our responsibility is to find the purpose.

How has Islam changed me? Very much beyond all expectations. Looking back I was not a very nice person in the years before I reverted. One big change was my immediate stopping drinking beer and wine. Almost from the moment I was born beer and wine were a part of my life. Wine was the highlight of supper. A few cold beers during the day were a refreshing break. I stopped drinking both the day I reverted and did not even know Islam completely forbade the drinking of any beverage that contained alcohol. I thought the prohibition was to not drink it to excess. I also lost most of my prejudices against other people. I never was prejudiced against color or nationality, but I had little tolerance for people that were not fortunate enough to have had the same level of education I had. Since I reverted I came to see that wisdom and useful knowledge are not dependent upon the length of time spent in school.

 

[- Qatada -]

Hi Apprender


Islam's changed me for the better because I feel it's given me proper guidelines to become a better person. I know right from wrong, and that gives me confidence in my decisions and actions.

One thing that Islam does which is unique is that it raises you above being 'good'. Because you might think you're a good person, but Islam takes you to the next level. So you realise that you need to keep bettering yourself, so that you continue excel yourself to the level of Ihsan [Perfection].

Your relationship with God strengthens you in character, and keeps you noble publicly aswell as privately. You do not fear the criticism of the people, but the criticism of Allah/God - which makes you higher in moral standards than societies lowly set standards. Through this relationship with your Creator, Provider and Upbringer - you gain a tranquility and calmness in life which you have never experienced before. Because God praises you and will reward you for your good, while most humans are always critical and ungrateful.

 

[Devoted]

Islam has given me everything I could have ever wished for; patience and love all in the name of Allah.
As Brother ''Woodrow'' said it removes prejudices from your mind and makes place for mercy in your heart, it's so beautiful I can not explain.
I was raised as a muslim, but I did not always feel like one. To get rid of the uncertainty I started reading more about Islam, and gaining knowledge.
Everyday I gained more and more knowledge. But it's not that which convinced me to believe in Allah solely. It's more...and I am sure that when you ask
people why they love someone they will not be able to give you a concrete answere. The same for me, I simply love Allah and loving Him brings
peace and harmony in my life every single day.

You are really in doubt and that's for sure. I would never try to convince you why Islam is good or bad. Belief is something very personal,
and there's no one who can tell you to believe...except yourself.

Good luck with clearing your doubt...try to think of reasons why Islam is or is not the religion for you...maybe that'll help!

 

[IAmZamzam]

What exactly is this doubt you speak of about, Aprender?

 

[Aprender]

Thank you for sharing that with me, Woodrow. I'll read your revert story in the revert thread if it is posted there.

I hope more people can answer this question for me. I'm interested to see more responses.

 

[Amat Allah]

بِسمِ اللهِ الرَّحمنِ الرَّحِيم

What to say and what to leave...Knowing my way to my Lord changed so much not only in me but in people around me...all Praise, Glory and Thanks be to Allah The Most Compassionate, Merciful and Generous to all of us...

I know that this will make me cry; for reminding me of what I was; of my past which I am not proud of at all; the days of darkness, misguidance, loneliness, sufferness and the heartache the time I have wasted in blindness away from my Lord...and Mostly will remind me of the best blessing that Allah gave to me and still giving and will never be able to thank Him enough no matter how much I try because they are countless. And that Allah had honored me by choosing me to be His servant and slave...May Allah make me deserve this blessings Ameeen

from dancing and music to parying and reciting The Holy Book of Allah Quraan; from depression and Low self-esteem to hope, happiness and self-confidence, from lost living in fear and thinking of suicide to end the pointless life of mine to living in true inner peace, comfort and safety under the shade of Allah`s mercy love and rememberance...what a relief!

Allah taught me to be more forgiving, patient, loving humble respectful and sober, took me out from darkness and blindness to light and what a light? Praise be to Allah; with it you will see everything in a different way, you will be yourself and the real you... the slave and servant of The Creator; The Only One Who created us to worship Him alone; cause He Is The King of all kings The Owner of heavens, earth , all living and non, Paradise and Hell; The Only One Who deserve to Be worshipped in this world...

Alhamdulillah, now nothing can ever ( by Allah`s Willing ) put me down and take this happiness I am living cause it is the most pure and only true endless happiness ever, knowing that I am not alone anymore even if I would be the only living in this world , living for Allah`s sake ,fearing non but Him, returning to Him in everything, trusting Him the most putting my forehead on the ground for Him in complete humiliation and loving Him more than everyone and everything and longing to meet Him while He Is pleased with me...O Allah accept me and all my Ummah Ameeen

leaving this world`s pleasures opened my eyes to the most precious things which I was deprived from...real happiness...O Allah all Praise and Thanks be to You ...Laa ilaha illa Allah...

Indeed, if we should count the favors graces and blessings of Allah, we could not enumerate them or be able to count them. Truly! Allah Is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

May Allah guide us all to Him before standing in His court in the Day of Judgement Ameeeen

I wish I knew Allah before...

O Allah make us live as your slaves nad servants and take us to you as your slaves and servants...Ameeeen

Please, pardon me for the long post my sweetie...I swear by The One Who Has our souls in His hand that I wish you the true happiness Ameeeeen

take care honey, leaving you under Allah`s sight...

 

[shakylla]

I concur with Woodrow, I don't believe in coincidences. I think everything that happens has a purpose.

To answer your question, Islam has taught me the importance of controlling my emotions. I used to be a very hot-tempered and fiery person, but now I often bear in mind one of my most favourite hadiths to help me keep things in perspective: "The strong man is not the good wrestler. The strong man is only the one who controls himself when he is angry." - Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) (Sahih Bukhari, Vol 8, Book 73, Number 135)

Whenever I get angry and feel this sudden urge to lash out at someone who has said something that annoys me, I try my best to remember Prophet Muhammad's (pbuh) wise words and keep calm. Most of the time it works, but there are instances where I still allow my emotions to get the better of me and I end up sorely regretting it afterwards. But ultimately, I believe that I've become a lot more mild-mannered than I was before.

Also, I notice that whenever I'm faced with a problem and I perform solat, I feel this calm sensation take over me afterwards. I don't know how to explain it. But this allows me to ponder over the problem I'm facing in a more rational manner instead of allowing my emotions to cloud my judgment.

Ever since I've made a conscious effort to practice and learn more about my religion, I've become more aware of my words—I try my best not to talk ill of others and to consider people's feelings when speaking with them. My interactions with people have improved.

 

[Abu-Abdullah]

Salaam Aprender and welcome to the forum! :smile:

i'm not a revert, but seeing that you have very few replies, i hope the following will be of some benifit to you:

Here is basically how I, a 'born Muslim' benifit from Islam:

first and foremost, no doubts bother me for i know Islam to be the truth as a certainty; doubts can cause a wavering in the heart that contributes to a general unpeacefull and agitated feeling; AlHamdulillah [praise be to ALlah] I'm at peace with my lord :statisfie

while knowing about the grevious chastisement that awaits the non-believers, I feel immensely gratefull and blessed to know the way of salvation and hope to attain it by the mercy of ALlah... i'm in with a great chance inshALlah unlike if i would have been non-Muslim, who knows I may have never converted

via Islam, I can deal with everything in life that keeps me at peace; heart soul body and mind [this is ideally ofcourse, but a lot of the times, i'm bothered for i fall into sin :embarrass ]

and i experience the feeling of being close to ALlah every day, as i pray...; this is an immense blessing in itself

and feel incredibily privelidged to have access to true knowledge of this world and the hereafter, while the world generally is steeped in ignorance; it is great to increase in Heavenly revealed true knowledge as it illuminates our soul and takes us out of darkness into light

these are just a few of the wonders of being a Muslim and i hope it wont be long before ALlah makes you share in them too :sunny:

salamualikum wr wb :thankyou:

 

[Aprender]

What exactly is this doubt you speak of about, Aprender?

The doubt comes from all around me everyday. There is so much about Islam that I don't understand that I am unaware of. It almost feels a little overwhelming at times. I haven't even read an English translation of the Koran yet so I have so much to learn.

One thing that really bothers me though is that I've yet to find inner peace within myself. I do what I am supposed to as mandated by the teachings of the church but I still feel empty inside and lonely. Like, why can't I just be happy and love others like I am supposed to.

Many of my Christian friends are struggling right now to find themselves. They have a lot of problems and they don't always find answers in the church but they always keep the faith. They pray that everything will be OK and that usually works out just fine for them.

I have one friend who is a devout Catholic. She experiences the same joy and peace and love from her religion and there is nothing you could say to her that would take her away from that. Her eyes just light up with joy when she speaks of the Catholic church and the blessings that she's been given and how she is grateful for them all. When I see her I look into myself and I wonder why I can't have the same happiness from Christianity that she is getting from it? What is wrong with me? Why do I have to go and seek out another religion?

And of course people say things to me like I will burn in hellfire for eternity because I no longer believe that Jesus (pbuh) is my savior. It really makes me want to cry sometimes.

So yes, there is doubt because to me it's a very serious issue. It's definitely not an impulse decision. There are many things in this world that I would like to do one day and it makes me very sad that I might not have the opportunity to give back to the community in the positive way that I want to because of the stigma that surrounds being a Muslimah if I were to revert.

There are just not enough positive "examples" out there in the West for people to abide by. All we get is terrorist this, terrorist that. Misguided this. They're going to hell that. It's hard when I know a lot of this information is just plain wrong and most people who know I am studying Islam right now think it's merely for academic reasons. That it's just a phase for me but it's not. If there is one thing I am sure about in this world it is that there is one true God. I can say that: There is no god but Allah.

I suppose I could be one of those positive examples one day, so people can see and understand that the Islam they see depicted in television shows, the Nation of Islam and what's on the news is not what Islam is really about. People have this idea that if you become a Muslim, you have to give up your humanity. As if you can no longer laugh, cry, hurt, love, smile, or even truly appreciate the beauty of the world. That if you become a Muslim you have to give up your culture and what makes you you, all of the wonderful things that create diversity in the people from different parts of the world.

Where I live, Muslims are seen as selfish robots who detach themselves from the rest of society and look down on all of those for not believing. And perhaps there are some Muslims who do that but I see beyond that. I see the beauty in Islam. I see the peace and love that people get from it each day. It is why I want to make a documentary. So I could show people for once the beauty that I see in the Muslim community. How instead of making religion adjust to our wants and desires in this world, Muslims have adjusted to what God wants.

Yet all they see is oppression. Confusing political strife with Islamic teachings. Confusing cultural practices like honor killings and female genital mutilation with Islam...it just makes me sad and it is all just weighing very heavy on my soul. One of the non-profit organizations that I represent works very closely with groups in Africa and some parts of India. Every time the Christians come around their eyes fill with hope because they know that these people are there to help them. To do what little they can to make their lives better just a little bit. Over there, Christians to them are good, positive people who constantly give charity and share God's love with them and show them that they do matter and aren't just statistics.

Back in the U.S., Christians are perceived as backwards homosexual bashing nut-jobs who don't understand or follow their own teachings. A religious leader I once met told me that it was impossible for a man in America to follow all of the commandments that were presented in the Torah and later those in the OT and NT. So that was used as a kind of justification to take on these different interpretations that are presented in Christianity and do what is accepted by others. Everyone thinks they're right. imsad

I know that as long as I am doing what I am supposed to for God then what everyone else says shouldn't be of major concern for me but I do feel like there is something I can do to help change these negative perceptions somehow. So that when there are young girls and boys like me who do want to revert, they're not met with harsh death threats, hell fire taunts, or being labeled terrorists and un-American. It just makes me sad that the actions of a small group has become the representative of an entire religion even a decade later. If I were considering being a Hindu, or Buddhist, Agnostic, Evangelical Christian or even Jewish none of these hurdles would come to question. I just hope that in the coming decades my generation can learn to accept others for their differences and not demonize those who are different. Those who fail to learn the lessons of history will repeat them.

I'm not sure if I even answered your question properly but that's where the doubt comes from and it's painful. I can't sleep through the night anymore thinking about it. I want the peace that you have. I want the certainty that you have in your religion and in your faith. I want that element of freedom.

 

[Woodrow]

Peace Aprender,

I am not going to attempt to address all of your very interesting and beautiful post. Just the parts in which I can give short opinions. Remember these are only my opinions and only reflect my own thoughts.

The doubt comes from all around me everyday. There is so much about Islam that I don't understand that I am unaware of. It almost feels a little overwhelming at times. I haven't even read an English translation of the Koran yet so I have so much to learn.

I find that to be the norm in the USA. This is because of the one sided view we get from all media sources. Reading the Qur'an will help dispel some of falsehoods we constantly hear and see.

One thing that really bothers me though is that I've yet to find inner peace within myself. I do what I am supposed to as mandated by the teachings of the church but I still feel empty inside and lonely. Like, why can't I just be happy and love others like I am supposed to.

The fact you want to find inner peace is a good force. It is the incentive that will keep pushing you to seek the truth.

And of course people say things to me like I will burn in hellfire for eternity because I no longer believe that Jesus (pbuh) is my savior. It really makes me want to cry sometimes.

This is a phenomena that began in the USA in the 1800's with the birth of all of the Bible only denominations. A result has been we now have over 30,000 denominations in the USA claiming to be Christian. For these denominations to last, they need to have a constant growth. The means for growth has been the use of fear and pressure against those who think different. Dig inside the heart of many of those who call themselves Christian and you will find they do not believe a word of what they are saying. Just mouth service to look good to their peers.

So yes, there is doubt because to me it's a very serious issue. It's definitely not an impulse decision. There are many things in this world that I would like to do one day and it makes me very sad that I might not have the opportunity to give back to the community in the positive way that I want to because of the stigma that surrounds being a Muslimah if I were to revert.

Use doubt as a push to seek answers. doubt need not be bad, if it causes you to dig deeper into all things.

Finding and sharing truth is the best gift you can give back to a community.

There are just not enough positive "examples" out there in the West for people to abide by. All we get is terrorist this, terrorist that. Misguided this. They're going to hell that. It's hard when I know a lot of this information is just plain wrong and most people who know I am studying Islam right now think it's merely for academic reasons. That it's just a phase for me but it's not. If there is one thing I am sure about in this world it is that there is one true God. I can say that: There is no god but Allah.

The world has no living positive "examples" today. Look instead for those who use the Prophets(PBUT) as guides. The Prophets(PBUT) are the only true positive "examples"

I suppose I could be one of those positive examples one day, so people can see and understand that the Islam they see depicted in television shows, the Nation of Islam and what's on the news is not what Islam is really about. People have this idea that if you become a Muslim, you have to give up your humanity. As if you can no longer laugh, cry, hurt, love, smile, or even truly appreciate the beauty of the world. That if you become a Muslim you have to give up your culture and what makes you you, all of the wonderful things that create diversity in the people from different parts of the world.

Becoming Muslim, actually brings freedom and releases a person from the chains they did not know held them in bondage. You can make prison bars look wonderful and beautiful and even desirable. But one does not experience freedom until those bars are gone.

Back in the U.S., Christians are perceived as backwards homosexual bashing nut-jobs who don't understand or follow their own teachings. A religious leader I once met told me that it was impossible for a man in America to follow all of the commandments that were presented in the Torah and later those in the OT and NT. So that was used as a kind of justification to take on these different interpretations that are presented in Christianity and do what is accepted by others. Everyone thinks they're right. imsad

Oh, how true that is : Everyone thinks they're right.

Once people learn to cast aside their prejudices, self righteous attitudes and self centered egos- and only then- will they break that chain of bondage.

I'm not sure if I even answered your question properly but that's where the doubt comes from and it's painful. I can't sleep through the night anymore thinking about it. I want the peace that you have. I want the certainty that you have in your religion and in your faith. I want that element of freedom.

Freedom comes from total submission to but one Master. serve only the one true Master and nobody else can ever enslave you.

 

[Abu-Abdullah]

thank you Sister Aprenda for sharing with us what seems to be your innermost thoughts; I hope and pray that Allah gives you the peace and guidance you are looking for, ameen

Sister, here is a way which I think will be good for you to take inshAallah in order to get to that all important certainty and peace:

I think it is important sister that you study Islam without any thoughts of what people think about it etc, bothering you, for that may blur your view somewhat from the truth

if you find it hard to forget about all the negative prejudices about Islam out there, then just look upon that as part of the test from ALlah [swt] to see wether you will make that sacrifice and embrace His religion allthough it may be a hard step to take; the Prophets and many a believers, especially converts need/ed to make a great sacrifice my dear sister, so you wont be alone in such a step

Islam is so full of divine signs that it is the truth from God, and the Quran is the ultimate sign for it's miraculous nature in so many aspects, not least the totally consistent teachings without any incongruity and it all striking the heart as it being from God, many a converts have converted after reading a translation of the Quran, so this will be indeed the right step to take and God willing, it seems that with your allready impartial outlook on Islam, that would be enough to allay your doubts and to realise that the Quran is indeed God revealed

if that should not be enough sister, you can read a biography of the prophet Muhammad [saw], a particular one i'd reccomend is the one by Adil Salahi called, Muhammad, Man and prophet

and ask any questions here sister to your hearts content to know about any aspect of Islam your not quite sure about or that gives you doubt and we'd do our best to answer them for you

once you realise that Islam is indeed the Truth from God, then i'm sure you wont be bothered by [or at least not that much bothered by] all the negativity abot Islam out there, for then you'd know that this is sort of natural in the sense that, the believers and the truth have allways been aposed since the time of the first prophets and their nations to the last.

there is a principle in Islam sister that we should not let the abuse of the oposers grieve us, for if we look at it all in the correct perspective, it is only merely a test from ALlah in testing our faith, and giving us a chance to practice the all important principle of patience, perserverance and forebearance; the prayer, 'I forgive them oh Lord for they not know what they are saying' comes to mind and this is the attitude we should take with them sister rather then getting seriously perturbed by their prejudices; ofcourse as humans, sometimes we wont be able to avoid feeling hurt, especially when nasty things is said about Gods truth and His servants, but the way of patience and forebearance should be the overiding way to go about it; Allah says:

“You will certainly be tested in your possessions and in yourselves. And you will surely hear from those who were given the Scripture before you and from those who associate others with Allaah much abuse. But if you are patient and fear Allaah – indeed, that is of the matters [worthy] of determination.” [Quran 3: 186]


also, realising that it is they who are on the path of destruction, we should do our best to show them the truth and beuty of Islam so that they may have a chance to be saved; if we develop this attitude sister with them, with certainty, then that will take away the calamity

there are Quran translations on the net sister; the one by Pikthall is highly reccomended

my prayers are with you

Peace eace::sunny:

 

[abjad]

wa aleykum salaam

in a matter o fact is not an answer-nor-question but ?
Decide today" in Spanish. As I traveled on another sign read "The choice is clear."

"Please know islam before knowing muslims"

Allah Maak

 

[Aprender]

بِسمِ اللهِ الرَّحمنِ الرَّحِيم

What to say and what to leave...Knowing my way to my Lord changed so much not only in me but in people around me...all Praise, Glory and Thanks be to Allah The Most Compassionate, Merciful and Generous to all of us...

I know that this will make me cry; for reminding me of what I was; of my past which I am not proud of at all; the days of darkness, misguidance, loneliness, sufferness and the heartache the time I have wasted in blindness away from my Lord...and Mostly will remind me of the best blessing that Allah gave to me and still giving and will never be able to thank Him enough no matter how much I try because they are countless. And that Allah had honored me by choosing me to be His servant and slave...May Allah make me deserve this blessings Ameeen

from dancing and music to parying and reciting The Holy Book of Allah Quraan; from depression and Low self-esteem to hope, happiness and self-confidence, from lost living in fear and thinking of suicide to end the pointless life of mine to living in true inner peace, comfort and safety under the shade of Allah`s mercy love and rememberance...what a relief!

Allah taught me to be more forgiving, patient, loving humble respectful and sober, took me out from darkness and blindness to light and what a light? Praise be to Allah; with it you will see everything in a different way, you will be yourself and the real you... the slave and servant of The Creator; The Only One Who created us to worship Him alone; cause He Is The King of all kings The Owner of heavens, earth , all living and non, Paradise and Hell; The Only One Who deserve to Be worshipped in this world...

Alhamdulillah, now nothing can ever ( by Allah`s Willing ) put me down and take this happiness I am living cause it is the most pure and only true endless happiness ever, knowing that I am not alone anymore even if I would be the only living in this world , living for Allah`s sake ,fearing non but Him, returning to Him in everything, trusting Him the most putting my forehead on the ground for Him in complete humiliation and loving Him more than everyone and everything and longing to meet Him while He Is pleased with me...O Allah accept me and all my Ummah Ameeen

leaving this world`s pleasures opened my eyes to the most precious things which I was deprived from...real happiness...O Allah all Praise and Thanks be to You ...Laa ilaha illa Allah...

Indeed, if we should count the favors graces and blessings of Allah, we could not enumerate them or be able to count them. Truly! Allah Is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

May Allah guide us all to Him before standing in His court in the Day of Judgement Ameeeen

I wish I knew Allah before...

O Allah make us live as your slaves nad servants and take us to you as your slaves and servants...Ameeeen

Please, pardon me for the long post my sweetie...I swear by The One Who Has our souls in His hand that I wish you the true happiness Ameeeeen

take care honey, leaving you under Allah`s sight...

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story. It was a very touching story that has helped soften my heart. Jazakallah Khair.

 

[Aprender]

Peace Aprender,

I am not going to attempt to address all of your very interesting and beautiful post. Just the parts in which I can give short opinions. Remember these are only my opinions and only reflect my own thoughts.



I find that to be the norm in the USA. This is because of the one sided view we get from all media sources. Reading the Qur'an will help dispel some of falsehoods we constantly hear and see.




The fact you want to find inner peace is a good force. It is the incentive that will keep pushing you to seek the truth.








This is a phenomena that began in the USA in the 1800's with the birth of all of the Bible only denominations. A result has been we now have over 30,000 denominations in the USA claiming to be Christian. For these denominations to last, they need to have a constant growth. The means for growth has been the use of fear and pressure against those who think different. Dig inside the heart of many of those who call themselves Christian and you will find they do not believe a word of what they are saying. Just mouth service to look good to their peers.





Use doubt as a push to seek answers. doubt need not be bad, if it causes you to dig deeper into all things.

Finding and sharing truth is the best gift you can give back to a community.



The world has no living positive "examples" today. Look instead for those who use the Prophets(PBUT) as guides. The Prophets(PBUT) are the only true positive "examples"





Becoming Muslim, actually brings freedom and releases a person from the chains they did not know held them in bondage. You can make prison bars look wonderful and beautiful and even desirable. But one does not experience freedom until those bars are gone.






Oh, how true that is : Everyone thinks they're right.

Once people learn to cast aside their prejudices, self righteous attitudes and self centered egos- and only then- will they break that chain of bondage.





Freedom comes from total submission to but one Master. serve only the one true Master and nobody else can ever enslave you.

Thank you for that very detailed response, Woodrow. I have a lot to learn and a lot to think about. Salam.

 

[Aprender]

thank you Sister Aprenda for sharing with us what seems to be your innermost thoughts; I hope and pray that Allah gives you the peace and guidance you are looking for, ameen

Sister, here is a way which I think will be good for you to take inshAallah in order to get to that all important certainty and peace:

I think it is important sister that you study Islam without any thoughts of what people think about it etc, bothering you, for that may blur your view somewhat from the truth

if you find it hard to forget about all the negative prejudices about Islam out there, then just look upon that as part of the test from ALlah [swt] to see wether you will make that sacrifice and embrace His religion allthough it may be a hard step to take; the Prophets and many a believers, especially converts need/ed to make a great sacrifice my dear sister, so you wont be alone in such a step

Islam is so full of divine signs that it is the truth from God, and the Quran is the ultimate sign for it's miraculous nature in so many aspects, not least the totally consistent teachings without any incongruity and it all striking the heart as it being from God, many a converts have converted after reading a translation of the Quran, so this will be indeed the right step to take and God willing, it seems that with your allready impartial outlook on Islam, that would be enough to allay your doubts and to realise that the Quran is indeed God revealed

if that should not be enough sister, you can read a biography of the prophet Muhammad [saw], a particular one i'd reccomend is the one by Adil Salahi called, Muhammad, Man and prophet

and ask any questions here sister to your hearts content to know about any aspect of Islam your not quite sure about or that gives you doubt and we'd do our best to answer them for you

once you realise that Islam is indeed the Truth from God, then i'm sure you wont be bothered by [or at least not that much bothered by] all the negativity abot Islam out there, for then you'd know that this is sort of natural in the sense that, the believers and the truth have allways been aposed since the time of the first prophets and their nations to the last.

there is a principle in Islam sister that we should not let the abuse of the oposers grieve us, for if we look at it all in the correct perspective, it is only merely a test from ALlah in testing our faith, and giving us a chance to practice the all important principle of patience, perserverance and forebearance; the prayer, 'I forgive them oh Lord for they not know what they are saying' comes to mind and this is the attitude we should take with them sister rather then getting seriously perturbed by their prejudices; ofcourse as humans, sometimes we wont be able to avoid feeling hurt, especially when nasty things is said about Gods truth and His servants, but the way of patience and forebearance should be the overiding way to go about it; Allah says:

“You will certainly be tested in your possessions and in yourselves. And you will surely hear from those who were given the Scripture before you and from those who associate others with Allaah much abuse. But if you are patient and fear Allaah – indeed, that is of the matters [worthy] of determination.” [Quran 3: 186]


also, realising that it is they who are on the path of destruction, we should do our best to show them the truth and beuty of Islam so that they may have a chance to be saved; if we develop this attitude sister with them, with certainty, then that will take away the calamity

there are Quran translations on the net sister; the one by Pikthall is highly reccomended

my prayers are with you

Peace eace::sunny:

Thank you for this. I still feel very connected to Islam, like a strong magnet is pulling me in and not letting me go until I take this step to find the truth. I will be getting an English copy of the Koran soon and reading it. Salam

 

[- Qatada -]

Aprender, Allah tells us;

Do the people assume that they will say we believe, and they will not be tested? And Surely We tested those before them to know those who were truthful and to know the liars. (chapter Ankabut [the Spider])


And He tells us;

Surely those who were criminals would would laugh at those who believe. And when they would pass by them, they would wink at each other. And when they would return to their families, they would be joyous/laughing. And when they would see them, they would say; 'Surely these are the truly astray!'
But they were not sent as guardians over them (the believers). So on this day (in Paradise), those who believe will be laughing at the disbelievers. On high thrones, they will be looking. Havn't the disbelievers been rewarded for what they used to do?

(surah Mutafifeen - the defrauders.)