About a year is how I started studying Islam And I found all the answers I was looking for I know that I made the right choice in my life but now I have big problems I am in love with a man He's a good strong Muslim and he has taught me many many things I love him and his family and they all love me problem is he is a married man I know his wife and I talk to her and I love her and she loves me I want to be a second life and I know he can have 4 if you can provide for all of the equal I also know that this is a very very rare thing to have happened we are both scared for anybody to find out that we love each other his family will take him away and I will lose all of them how do we go about being able to be togethe I don't live my life in sin but I truly believe that I I am going to the Hellfire for this what do I do am I being naive I love him and I know he loves me please help
Assalamu-alaikum sister,
As you have mentioned, it is indeed permissible for a man to take up to 4 wives, with the provisor that he treats and supports them all equally.
I find that, depending on your region, it is not very common to find a woman who is agreeable to be in a polygamous marriage, and who feels love for the other wife/ wives as you describe. This is how it should be, so mashaAllah - that you are able to accept the divine laws of Allah with an open heart.
However, the fact that you mention that 'you love each other' and are 'both scared for anybody to find out', would indicate that your current relationship with this man is not appropiate (more especially in the context of him being married).
Sister, you should realise that this is not the manner in which Islam enjoins polygamy upon its followers - via the route of extra-marital affairs.
And also realise that when we embark on anything in our lives - and in the process we are earning the wrath of Allah (subhanawataála), then we should not be surprised when our plans come to naught.
Sister, for the sake of your imaan and for the pleasure of Allah, I would suggest that you distance yourself from this man and this illicit relationship.
If today was your very last day on this dunya - how then would be your return to your Lord?
There is no amount of earthly love that is worth the risk of losing the Love of Allah and the Hereafter.
So turn to Allah in repentance, and seek His guidance.
Once you are able to emotionally detach yourself from this situation, will you be able to see clearly and insha Allah come to a decision that would be the best for all parties involved.
Perhaps, if after some time you both are still desirous of marriage - then make the effort of undertaking it in a
halaal manner:
- Involve your walli (your male guardian - e.g. your father/ brother) in the process....and if this is not possible, then the imam from your local masjid.
- Read Istikaarah salaah (the prayer for guidance from Allah)
- Even though the first wives approval is not necessary, it still would be the most kind and compassionate thing for her to be aware of your intentions (rather than planning such a union in secrecy).
May Allah azza wajjal guide you onto the path of the most righteous of all His slaves.
Ameen
:wa:
