Please Help - I think I'm going CRAZY.

[anonymous]

Salam Alaikum,

I honestly think I'm going crazy or mental of some sort. Let me first say that I am a good muslim, or at least I think I am.. or was. I pray daily and follow all the rules of Islam.

Recently.. and here is the problem... I have met a girl at university in class. I got to know her and this is the first time ever that I actually started talking to a girl this often. I've known many girls in my life but I usually just avoid them and talk ONLY in class (I would never bother texting, and if they did I would never carry on the conversation). This time we've started texting each other and studying together regularly. Once this started my focus on prayer IMMEDIATELY dropped. I kept thinking about her on a daily basis which didn't allow me to think of anything else! During Ramadan I ignored her fully and now that September started I took a class with her and I see her a minimum of 3 days a week. On those days we study and eat together and I enjoy my time with her.

The problem is when I get home after seeing her: I can't stop thinking about her. Even when I don't see her for days.. I still think about her. Everyday.. every second she is on my mind. Its crazy I tell you! It went to the extent that I've been only praying 2-3 times a day! I've made du'a to Allah but the problem is that Allah won't help me until I change what is in myself and right now I don't want to stop seeing her. This is what is scaring me.. that I still want to see her after all this. I honestly want to continue studying with her and still become a good muslim. However, I don't think this is possible.. she's always on my mind.. even in prayer or when I'm studying. I'm always trying to satisfy her and she only thinks of me as a good friend. I know that this isn't love but just lust. But seriously, this is driving me crazy, every second I think about her.

Is there a way I could still see her and still become a good muslim? I'm really scared that I'm slowly starting to get away from Islam. I've started to sometimes cry at night because I know that Allah isn't satisfied with me. I really want to continue seeing her but I really want to stop thinking about her. Like having her as a guy friend who I couldn't really care less of what they think about me.

Please help me, all replies will be greatly appreciated.

Jazak Allahu Khairan,

A muslim in the West.

 

[tigerkhan]

how much is ur age? i think that will help member here to advice u better. at the moment i will only say "if u want to forgot something, dont speak, listen,see or think about it". that y islam imphasize om modesty, hijab and not free mixing, chating with nan-mahrams to avoid ppl falling in fitna.

 

[anonymous]

Jazak allahu khairan for your reply. I am 19 years old.

 

[جوري]

those of us who were teenagers and lived in the west have fallen so madly in love that no other person on God's earth since the creation of man can ever fathom a love so deep so pure so selfless so entrancing so bewitching so (add adjective of your choice) - I know it is hard to trust random internet advise but believe me if you don't marry the girl you'll get over it and then there will be another but your heart won't ache this bad yada yada .. your emotions exist in the brain and love is nothing more than a transference. I hate to sound so glum and be one of those whom you probably would deem as unable to understand your situation but Allah swt has given you two ropes to hang on to in times like these. Sabr and Salat. So try fasting and prayer whenever an assaulting and/or erotic thought crosses your mind every eight seconds or so.
You'll be alright.. we all survived love al7mdullilah .. and those who die of a broken heart don't usually die from a relationship that based on lust rather those who were married for 40-50 yrs and become almost like one being.

 

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

Is there a way I could still see her and still become a good muslim?

Have you thought of asking her to marry you? Just seems like an obvious option if you are that into her.

 

[Riana17]

SALAM Brother,

Most of the people went to that stage, I was non Muslim yet when I experienced this, I was like 14 or 15yrs old. I always feel going crazy, loosing my mind thinking about the "Love of my Life" not funny at that time, really hard

Alhamdollellah, we were very poor and that makes it hard for me to have a relation with him. I just kept him in my mind and heart, thinking everything about him, dreaming of him, remembering even the color of his shirt year ago looool.

So anyway, time passes and I have to face the reality (work, got busy in life), and suddenly he just went out of my life. I am so grateful now I become a Muslim and got married 2yrs ago with a wonderful husband and now preggy

I just laugh out loud remembering the past, and for no reason I just love him. Everything about him is just so beautiful in my eyes, when he stars to speak, when he walks, silly really but thats the way it was.

Now if you will ask me, I didnt know how I felt that way. People normally say, i love him/her because he's/she's kind etc. Strange teenagers stuff but most of people experience that when you started entertaining opposite sex.

So as I said, when we start entertaining opposite sex

What helps me not engage in sexual relation (as worst) with him is that I moved away from my country at age of 16+, alhamdollellah

I can never be thankful to Allah swt as He gave me an excellent husband.

always remember bro, even the most inlove people you could imagine, ends up in divorce etc
We can hurry many things in LIFE, but not a LOVE or marriage ;D
Love is always sweet in the beginning, and if you both are not proper (work hard for relation) you will end up regretting alot of things, divorce etc

DONT HURRY and keep distance from this lady, even if it HURTS like crazy, you will be fine, inshallah

 

[Snowflake]

Brother,

What you're experiencing is very common. It's mentioned in books such as 'Jinn & Human Sickness' how this happens and is a trick of the shaytaan - a form of mesmerism. A really good pointer that something is indeed from the shaytaan is that it takes you away from the remembrance of Allah. If our home is under attack the first thing we'd do is lock all our windows and doors. In our case our windows and doors are our eyes, ears, tongue and limbs. When these are engaged in disobedience/sin they become open gateways for the shaytaan to strike us through. That's why it's really important to check we are guarding these doors all the time.

Secondly, you have to strike back at your enemy by stopping disobedience/sin and seeking protection with Allah. Imagine if when we recite a'udhu billahi minashaytaanir rajeem three times and spit to our left, that dry spitting burns and blisters the shaytaan's face and causes him to run screaming in agony. So seek refuge in Allah with ruqyah and dhikr. This shouldn't be a few times a day, but keeping your tongue, engaged in it all day. As for the disobedience, and sins (past & present) make istaghfar in abundance. You MUST make the effort bro, or the shaytaan's grip on you won't loosen.

This is one being you must hate with a vengeance. Remember Iblis, the accursed, is the one who got the Father of Mankind thrown out of Jannah. And more so, remember that it was because of ONE sin that Adam & Hawa were deprived of Paradise. One sin. They who were pure of all sin before that. And it was Ibli's one act of disobedience that doomed him to Hell forever. Then what will become of us who commit sin upon sin and don't repent and leave what causes Allah to become displeased with us?

There is still time my brother. If marriage isn't an option, then grab your nafs by it's neck and strangle it for the sake of Allah. If you don't? You know what will happen? it will destroy you? May Allah protect you and us from that. Ameen.

 

[Innocent Soul]

Assalamualaikum

I just wanted to add something. Brother I think you lessen the times you meet her and slowly stop it. Remember you cannot do everything you want, Allah our creator and act upon what He said in Quran.

try to keep yourself busy in something productive. I don't mean only ibadah it can be anything productive. Do more zikr wherever you are just do zikr while waiting for your friends, walking, anytime anywhere. Inshallah it will help you because it makes you conscious of Allah. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it.

"And never let Satan avert you. Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy" [Surat Az Zukhruf 43:62]

Nor strain thine eyes in longing for the things We have given for enjoyment to parties of them, the splendour of the life of this world, through which We test them: but the provision of thy Lord is better and more enduring.
[Surah Ta Ha:131]

"I will not let the deeds of any doer among you go to waste, male or female-you are both the same in that respect.

Those who have left their homes and were driven from their homes, and [who] suffered harm in My Way and fought and were killed,

I will erase their bad actions and admit them into Gardens with rivers flowing under them, as a reward from Allah. The best of all rewards is with Allah."
(Surah Al 'Imran: 195)


Imaan is like an air plane ride. The higher up you go, the smaller the things on Earth look.. Subhan'Allah

 

[ardianto]

There is difference between getting someone and buying something. If we want to have shoes, we can go to shoes shop, select shoes that we like, pay it, and the shoes belong to us. Shoes cannot reject us

But if a man wants to have someone that attract him, could he get this woman if this woman doesn't want to accept him?. Love cannot be forced. Love built on sincerity to accept each other.

This is a lesson that I've learned since I was kid. So, in my teen age, when I was attracted to someone and I realized she didn't have special feeling to me, it's not difficult for me to tell myself "She's not for me. Okay, the world is not as small as leaf. There are many other women in the world. One day I will find someone who love me". Alhamdulillah, I've found someone who love me and gave me two kids.

It's normal if a man attracted to a woman. Even it's abnormal if a man never attracted to women. But if you were going crazy like this, it's because you are really want get her. And if you are really want to get her, why don't you propose marriage to her?.

But remember, you could not get her if she doesn't want to accept you. Are you ready to take a risk, rejected by her?.

So, try to tell yourself "She's not for me. Okay, the world is not as small as leaf. There are many other women in the world. One day I will find someone who love me". Insha Allah you will be able to remove your special feeling to her.

 

[anonymous]

One note is that I cannot marry her as she is not Muslim and I am far from ready from marriage. I still have to finish university and find a decent paying job.

I'd appreciate more replies as well.

Thanks everyone.

 

[anonymous]

Jazak Allahu Khairan for all the replies, I've read every single one atleast twice. I really appreciate it, thanks again.

 

[GuestFellow]

Asslamu Aliakum,

Just focus on your studies. If you like her so much, ask her to marry you. Until then, you should not be mixing with women that are not your immediate family members.