Please help me with some good advise!

[ژاله]

Good post ardianto. You wrote your post in a manner that I hope will have a good effect on the sister unlike posts of some other brothers here who seem to be merely acting out their potential insecurities.
Sister, I completely understand that given the way your husband has been treating you, you are totally fed up. No woman can be happy or have any respect left for her husband in such a relationship. This is a natural response to the way you have been treated. But please try to realize something: Such a mistreatment makes people vulnerable, so much that they can easily mistake someone's attention as love.
You dont even know the internet person. Nor does he know you. We cannot know someone like this on internet. When people chat like this on internet,(even if they are not intentionally trying to trap someone) chances are they are just pretending that the person they are talking to is their ideal partner. Actually its all in their heads. Once you know them, its a completely different story. Also, you can type whatever you wish on the keyboard, doesnt say anything about how you are going to be acting in real life. Theres no way for you to know if he is sincere to you, is really interested in you, is just chatting to you for time passing, or intends to trap you.
It may seem like your lifeline at the moment, but your internet relationship is a sin and a danger, something you should avoid.
I wouldnt advise you to stay married to your husband if you have had enough of him, but please make sure that whatever you decide is based on right reasons.A marriage counselor can help.
If you are considering divorce solely because of a whirlwind romance, this is not wise. Divorce only if you are sure you can not live with your husband anymore. Give this a lot of thought and counselling.
Do NOT depend on the internet guy that if you divorce, he will marry you.
It would be a good idea to try to make yourself stronger and more independent. Try to enroll for some courses or get a job if you dont already have one. It will take away a lot of stress and will make you free. So that you are not tied to your husband for food and necessities while you absolutely hate him for everything else. Once you are a free woman, you will be in a much better position to make good decisions about your future. and dont forget to ask Allah for guidance and help at every step.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

Why can't I get a divorce? If I love another man then I must get divorce from my husband. I cannot have love for one man in my heart and still be with husband. This is what will be wrong.

Divorce is allowed in Islam, right?

Do you not see the haram it is already leading you to? You have a family, a husband and a child and this man is coming between you and your family, and you want to marry him? This man has no respect for you nor does he promise you anything good in the future. He knows you are married, with a child and yet still desires to be with you and destroy all what you have! He is a man following his low, base desires and you will find no good in any of this; what decent, respectable, honest man, after knowing you have a husband and a child, proclaims his love for you, calls you to divorce your husband so you can be with him instead? This is nothing but the callings of shaytan.

What will happen if you commit zina with this man? You are foolish to promise that you won't because shaytan has already blinded and deceived you by creating lustful emotions between you and this stranger. This relationship is leading you to break your family. How will your child be in the future towards you, if he knew the truth about you? What answer will you have before Allah for ending your marriage because of another lowly man?

Another man wrongly comes in your life and all of a sudden you can see nothing good in your husband anymore!

Fear Allah, fear Allah, fear Allah and cut off all contact with this man who has already brought so much evil and is leading you to yet further darkness. This will all count against you in the next life and in the hereafter you will have no time to repent and make a change.

Whatever good you expect from this other man will not happen. All good is in the hands of Allah but what good do you ever expect to befall you for the haram that you so eagerly desire?

End it now and don't ever look back at this again.

 

['Abd-al Latif]

:salamext:

After reviewing this thread, I am very reluctant to allow it to continue so I will be closing it.

Here are the reasons why:

1) The relationship between a husband and wife is sacred as Islam places a lot of emphasis on the family and its wellbeing. Inevitably, every family will face some trial and problem that can potentially be detrimental unless it is handled by the right people. This is where scholars come in and there are none on this forum. Even if there were, I cannot imagine that they would attempt to resolve these problems on a forum.

2) Scholars do not hand out verdicts based upon the statements of a single individual, but assess a problem by interviewing all the people involved in the family, draw a complete picture of the situation and then hand out the verdict that will be of greater benefit for all the individuals involved. This means that members of the family (in this case you and your husband) will be spoken to face-to-face until both sides of the story have been confirmed and a complete picture has been draw out. It is at this point that the scholar will decide what course of action to take. You can see from this briefly the steps that a scholar takes to ensure that he handles the situation the best he can. And therefore you will appreciate that none of this can take place on a forum.

3) You have been strongly advised by the brothers and sisters that your contact with this other man is unacceptable and you must stop immediately. Every moment that you spend with this man is spent in sin and the displeasure of Allah. To speak to a man lustfully in this way is Islamcally forbidden outside of marriage and even more so is it prohibited while you are married.

4) Whatever the case of your husband, Allah is best aware of it but it gives you no right to to speak to another man behind your husband's back while he has remained loyal to you and you have a contract before Allah to remain loyal in return. If you ever found him cheating on you with another woman it would destroy you, so bear in mind how he would feel if he ever saw you with another man. If you feel that he has not been fair with you then I strongly suggest that you speak to him about it, for no relationship ever works without communication. According to your testimony, he thinks he has done nothing wrong. If you as his life partner haven't told him otherwise, is that his fault?

I advise you to go to Islamic courts and to settle your disagreements there. Your husband will have the chance to speak out and clear any confusion and misunderstandings between you and him. I advise you like everyone else has to cut off all contact with that other man because what you feel for him (and vice versa) isn't love, it's lust and blindness. Remember, you have a family to lose, he doesn't.

:threadclo