Please help Sticky situation!!!!!! Jazakallah

[AnonymousPoster]

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I am 22 years of age and I have a 5 year old child from a marriage which was arranged by my parents 6 years ago. I came out of this marriage 4 years ago & I got married of my choice 6 months ago. However the person whom I have married already has a wife and 2 children who are not aware of our marriage as well as his parents. My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married. My husband spends 2 nights every fortnight with me and comes to see me everyday. And every time I mention telling his family he says that I am interfering and that his family will disown him and tell him to leave me. He does not support me financially which is not a problem as alhamdolillah I earn myself to support me and my daughter. I am very scared of what I have let myself into as it is becoming very difficult I feel as if I am his dirty secret. Every time his brothers ask who I am he says I am a friend, which makes me feel ashamed and low. I cannot speak to my husband about this situation as I am afraid that it will push him away and he will leave me and I cannot put my parents through the shame of being divorced again. Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family and how can I make this situation better??

Jazakallah khair

May Allah guide us all unto the right path. The All-forgiving The Merciful. Ameen

 

[UmmSqueakster]

wa alaikum assalam,

In my (limited) understanding, for a marriage to be valid, it must be publicized. If his family does not know, then it isn't publicized.

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/...nglish-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaEAskTheScholar

I must add another important point: There is no such thing as a secret marriage allowed in Islam. For marriages at all times ought to be publicized, as the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has clearly stated.

For more specific support related to polygany, might I suggest this yahoo group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/muslimahsinpolygyny/

There are many sisters in the group who are in polyganous situations, and a few who have dealt with "secret marriage" issues. inshaAllah they will be able to give you advice based on experience.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Jazakallah khair for the advice sis,

however many people are aware of our marriage this took place in my parents home and all the correct procedures were followed. It is just that his family are unaware of our marriage.

Wasalam

 

[NoName55]

ye shall reap what you have sown. a Birmingham mullah took a second wife in secret few year back and eventually the saga ended with 2 murders and a lot of jailings

also following is worth considering too http://www.islamicboard.com/fiqh/51703-registering-marriages.html#post848004

 

[Woodrow]

Jazakallah khair for the advice sis,

however many people are aware of our marriage this took place in my parents home and all the correct procedures were followed. It is just that his family are unaware of our marriage.

Wasalam

apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I am 22 years of age and I have a 5 year old child from a marriage which was arranged by my parents 6 years ago. I came out of this marriage 4 years ago & I got married of my choice 6 months ago. However the person whom I have married already has a wife and 2 children who are not aware of our marriage as well as his parents. My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married. My husband spends 2 nights every fortnight with me and comes to see me everyday. And every time I mention telling his family he says that I am interfering and that his family will disown him and tell him to leave me. He does not support me financially which is not a problem as alhamdolillah I earn myself to support me and my daughter. I am very scared of what I have let myself into as it is becoming very difficult I feel as if I am his dirty secret. Every time his brothers ask who I am he says I am a friend, which makes me feel ashamed and low. I cannot speak to my husband about this situation as I am afraid that it will push him away and he will leave me and I cannot put my parents through the shame of being divorced again. Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family and how can I make this situation better??

Jazakallah khair

May Allah guide us all unto the right path. The All-forgiving The Merciful. Ameen

Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.

 

[NoName55]

apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.



Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.

I do not believe that you are wrong

 

[sur]

wa alaikum assalam,

In my (limited) understanding, for a marriage to be valid, it must be publicized. If his family does not know, then it isn't publicized.

yes; BUT it can be anyone acting as witnesses. Not necessarily parents of husband. It can be family of bride or friends etc.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Jazakallah khair for your advice,

I told my parents a few months after the marriage of this situation, but I also said I will stand by him as this marriage was of my own choice and I was aware of his 1st marriage at the time...(The reason for not telling my family at 1st was I thought they wouldnt agree to me being a 2nd wife). I am happy with my husband the only problem is he is not willing to tell his parents and wife.

apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.



Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.

Brother this is very worrying, do you know of any scholars whom I could ask in confidence as all the locals are pretty traditional & know my family etc........

Awaiting your reply...

Jazakallah khair

 

[NoName55]

^^
http://www.chatislam.com/
http://www.justaskislam.com/

edit:

Jazakallah khair for your advice,

I told my parents a few months after the marriage of this situation, but I also said I will stand by him as this marriage was of my own choice and I was aware of his 1st marriage at the time...(The reason for not telling my family at 1st was I thought they wouldnt agree to me being a 2nd wife). I am happy with my husband the only problem is he is not willing to tell his parents and wife.



Brother this is very worrying, do you know of any scholars whom I could ask in confidence as all the locals are pretty traditional & know my family etc........

Awaiting your reply...

Jazakallah khair

My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married.

:hmm: http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...p-sticky-situation-jazakallah.html#post897704

 

[sur]

Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family and how can I make this situation better??

u r NOT wrong in asking him, BUT just be careful.

Talk to him politely when he's in good mood.

Don't confront him or push him too much, just try to make him understand ur point in well calculated words.

& for ur marriage to be valid u don't need to tell his parents as long as ur marriage was in front of witnesses, like ur own family.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Jazakallah brother for your advice I have tried explaining in many ways but he reckons im interfering with him & his family........... I did actually think of ringing his wife and telling her but I decided it might just make things worse!!!!!!

apparantly there was some deceit at the time of your marriage.



Perhaps if you spoke to your mother and explain to her that he married you under false pretenses and that all was not out in the open at the time you married him, she may be able to guide you to some people that can help. I doubt if the two of you are actually married as the fact he already had a wife was hidden. i could be wrong about that and you do need the advice of a scholar and not just help from a forum.

Could someone please clarify on the above asap as I am very worried.:nervous:

Jazakallah

 

[NoName55]

Could someone please clarify on the above asap as I am very worried

Not me, I was going to try but now I am uncomfortable with the whole story.

my suspicions were first awoken after the sectarian thread you made and now I am afraid because of inconsistencies highlighted at http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...p-sticky-situation-jazakallah.html#post898380

 

[sur]

Could someone please clarify on the above asap as I am very worried.:nervous:

Jazakallah

as i said for ur marriage to be valid u only need 2 adult witnesses.
They can be from ur family or from spouse's family or ur friends or ur neighbours or anyone.

so ur marriage is valid. U don't need to tell anyone else. so don't feel compelled to tell his other wife. Just relax. There's no urgency to inform her.

I;ll try & post evidence from Quran & Ahadees. InshAllah.

 

[NoName55]

as i said for ur marriage to be valid u only need 2 adult witnesses.
They can be from ur family or from spouse's family or ur friends or ur neighbours or anyone.

so ur marriage is valid. U don't need to tell anyone else. so don't feel compelled to tell his other wife. Just relax. There's no urgency to inform her.

I;ll try & post evidence from Quran & Ahadees. InshAllah.

would that be as good as the evidence you produced to make musical instruments halal?

 

[rahma85]

Not me, I was going to try but now I am uncomfortable with the whole story.

my suspicions were first awoken after the sectarian thread you made and now I am afraid because of inconsistencies highlighted at http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...p-sticky-situation-jazakallah.html#post898380

My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married.

Sorry brother that should have

"My family are aware that we are married but they WERE not aware that he is already married."

I posted this very late at night therefore Im sorry for my error. Plz forgive inshallah.

Asalam

 

[NoName55]

jazakilla khairan ukhti, I get a bit cranky sometimes I think I am turning into my dad. I apologize and request that that you visit Islam chat

http://www.chatislam.com/
http://www.justaskislam.com/

 

[rahma85]

Thats fine brother no problem,, & I was trying to be anon but posted my reply to you in such a rush that my user id has now been revealed:hiding:.. No problem Jazakallah for your advice....Inshallah I shall try the links you sent.

 

[YusufNoor]

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam. I am 22 years of age and I have a 5 year old child from a marriage which was arranged by my parents 6 years ago. I came out of this marriage 4 years ago & I got married of my choice 6 months ago. However the person whom I have married already has a wife and 2 children who are not aware of our marriage as well as his parents. My family are aware that we are married but they are not aware that he is already married. My husband spends 2 nights every fortnight with me and comes to see me everyday.
and if you have children with him, will he still only spend 2 nights every 2 weeks? will that be fair to your kids? it's NOT fair to you!

And every time I mention telling his family he says that I am interfering and that his family will disown him and tell him to leave me. He does not support me financially which is not a problem as alhamdolillah I earn myself to support me and my daughter.

and if you have kids??

I am very scared of what I have let myself into as it is becoming very difficult I feel as if I am his dirty secret.

there is absolutely no reason for you to be in a situation like that!

Every time his brothers ask who I am he says I am a friend, which makes me feel ashamed and low.

there is absolutely no reason for you to be in a situation like that!

I cannot speak to my husband about this situation as I am afraid that it will push him away and he will leave me and I cannot put my parents through the shame of being divorced again.

why is there so much shame? IF you made a mistake, then you made a mistake. Seek Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala's help!

Am I wrong to ask him to tell his family

not from where i'm sitting!

and how can I make this situation better??

Jazakallah khair

May Allah guide us all unto the right path. The All-forgiving The Merciful. Ameen

AMEEN!

Assalamu Alaykum Sister,

don't forget that your daughter is watching! and i hope that your parents love enough to leave it at "i told you so!"

i can't give you scholarly advice but, maybe you should ask your parents for advice!

i can't see where you lose much if you lose him! Maybe Allah Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala will replace him with someone better! for you AND your daughter!

May Allah Subhannahu Wa Ta' Aala guide you and make it easy on you!

 

[snakelegs]

wow - you are in a sticky situation!
not sure what country you live in, but if you live in the west and you married him "legally" then you have both broken the law of the land.
if you did not try to marry him according to law, then your marriage is invalid according to the law of the land and you have no protection.
my advice is to end this whole sad affair, no matter how painful or humiliating - it will not get better and can only get worse.

 

[syilla]

:salamext:

I share one interesting story happened to one of our celebrity here in Malaysia.

She became famous because one of the reality talent show but nobody knows she already married.

But a few media came and interviewed her...and secretly stole her wedding pic and exposed about her secret marriage. (She is married to a 'datuk' - a title for anyone who contribute alot to the country)

It turns out however, she is so grateful with the media that now her marriage is exposed. She said she don't have to live secretly anymore...and she is so thankful for the one who expose it. She said she kept it secret because her husband told her not to tell anyone...

p/s:- maybe you can try this way too...but the risk is there. If you know one of your husband friend or family who knows the other wife and family...probably they can help you out.

But why now ukhtee?? why now only you worried about keeping it secret...