Salam,
A little bit about myself first. I am 23 years old and married, with two boys aged 2 and 4 who are the only bright part of my life. Unfortunately I married too young and I was naive in my choices, I was not mature and eventhough my family were against it I was stubborn with them until they finally accepted that I get married. I ended up getting married at the age of 18, my husband was and still is a bad boy type and at the time I thought that it was desireable. Little did I know what was to come. I live in Canada, we did the kateb kteb but we did not get legally married in Canada.
My husband is far from what you would say a practicing Muslim. He actually does not know anything of the deen with the exception of a few small things such as divorce and my "physical" duties towards him.
He was always an aggressive person but I thought that was an attitude and not something that would be physically projected onto myself.
I am very attached to my family and send money to help my brother and my sister when they need it. Me and my husband keep our finances separate and contribute equally towards our payments. I own my own small business along with some members of my family and my husband hates this, he does not want me to keep good relations with my family because he feels it is a method in which I can escape his grasp.
My husband at the beginning of our marriage was dealing drugs for a living, was friends and still is friends with criminals, used to take drugs always and just sit at home and do nothing or be out getting high or getting into fights or robbing people. He actually has a court date in a few months because he was suspected of smuggling weapons, and may face several years in jail.
Yes I know what you are thinking, I married a "quality" man, who does not follow the deen whatsoever. I mean I have met many Muslims in my life but I had not met one who didnt even fast during Ramadan until I met my husband and this lack of fasting was due to his drug habit.
That was a little background about the both of us. I will have to reveal some details that I consider too private to discuss in person with anyone but with this anonymity I can atleast share and ask for help with what options I have.
He has hit me many times whhen I would tell him to shut up if he was cursing my family. He makes fun of them and curses at them and if I tell him to be quiet he gets angry and punches me. Ihave had bruises all over my body throughout my life.
He has said he divorces me twice now.
The first time was when I was 8 months pregnant and back from work at 7 pm and I was exhausted carrying around my baby. Immediately he tells me to clean the entire house because he wants it clean, I got angry and told him I am pregnant and exhausted I feel like I can barely move, he started cursing at me and told me to do the dishes and clean the rest of the house. I picked up a dish and threw it on the floor, admittedly it was stupid but I was angry at how heartless my husband was being. This made him get up and punch me so hard in the head that I fell to the ground. Yes he punched his pregnant wife. I started crying and he told me that he divorces me.
The second time was another instance of abuse, we had an argument and he threw me down the stairs. I was going to call the police but I chose not to, because I am scared of what he would do if I did.
He also regularly threatens me with death or my family with death.
Between my first and second child, I was pregnant. He forced me to get an abortion because he didnt want the child. I wanted to kill myself. I wore black for a month and then he comes to me two months after he forces my abortion and tells me he wants a child now.
After my second child he forced me to have an abortion again and his main reason was because he did not want me to get fat again.(I gain alot of weight when I am pregnant but I usually am very thin) When this happened I left the house and lived with my parents because I could not take the abuse anymore. We went to a Sheikh and I tried to ask for a divorce but the Sheikh was on my husbands side, he did not care that he wasnt practicing Islam, he didnt care that he would abuse me. My husband tells me its best for the children if we stay together, but I cannot expose my children to this abuse. I am scared for them when they get older, I dont want them to turn out like their father.
After meeting with the Sheikh again we put certain conditions. I told the sheikh that he must stop drugs and the physical abuse, and my husband was granted a condition of his own which was for me to stop working with my family and stay with the children. This is so that he moves me away from the protection I can receive from my family, since I see them everyday when I drop the little one at my parents and go to work.
I have been back one week, and I am on my period and he has forced me to extremely unacceptable relation, a fact which makes me cry everytime I think about it. I feel like killing myself. I have lost all feeling for this man, I am forced to be his servant.
He has told me he will grant me a divorce if I give him all my money and sign the house over to him. That fact alone shows he doesnt care about anything, if he is willing to leave for a small amount of money. I have been thinking of taking him on hisoffer, or just waiting until he beats me again so I can return to the Sheikh.
I know some of this might hurt some sentivities with a few people. I am sorry for this.
I really would like advice or guidance.
Salam
A little bit about myself first. I am 23 years old and married, with two boys aged 2 and 4 who are the only bright part of my life. Unfortunately I married too young and I was naive in my choices, I was not mature and eventhough my family were against it I was stubborn with them until they finally accepted that I get married. I ended up getting married at the age of 18, my husband was and still is a bad boy type and at the time I thought that it was desireable. Little did I know what was to come. I live in Canada, we did the kateb kteb but we did not get legally married in Canada.
My husband is far from what you would say a practicing Muslim. He actually does not know anything of the deen with the exception of a few small things such as divorce and my "physical" duties towards him.
He was always an aggressive person but I thought that was an attitude and not something that would be physically projected onto myself.
I am very attached to my family and send money to help my brother and my sister when they need it. Me and my husband keep our finances separate and contribute equally towards our payments. I own my own small business along with some members of my family and my husband hates this, he does not want me to keep good relations with my family because he feels it is a method in which I can escape his grasp.
My husband at the beginning of our marriage was dealing drugs for a living, was friends and still is friends with criminals, used to take drugs always and just sit at home and do nothing or be out getting high or getting into fights or robbing people. He actually has a court date in a few months because he was suspected of smuggling weapons, and may face several years in jail.
Yes I know what you are thinking, I married a "quality" man, who does not follow the deen whatsoever. I mean I have met many Muslims in my life but I had not met one who didnt even fast during Ramadan until I met my husband and this lack of fasting was due to his drug habit.
That was a little background about the both of us. I will have to reveal some details that I consider too private to discuss in person with anyone but with this anonymity I can atleast share and ask for help with what options I have.
He has hit me many times whhen I would tell him to shut up if he was cursing my family. He makes fun of them and curses at them and if I tell him to be quiet he gets angry and punches me. Ihave had bruises all over my body throughout my life.
He has said he divorces me twice now.
The first time was when I was 8 months pregnant and back from work at 7 pm and I was exhausted carrying around my baby. Immediately he tells me to clean the entire house because he wants it clean, I got angry and told him I am pregnant and exhausted I feel like I can barely move, he started cursing at me and told me to do the dishes and clean the rest of the house. I picked up a dish and threw it on the floor, admittedly it was stupid but I was angry at how heartless my husband was being. This made him get up and punch me so hard in the head that I fell to the ground. Yes he punched his pregnant wife. I started crying and he told me that he divorces me.
The second time was another instance of abuse, we had an argument and he threw me down the stairs. I was going to call the police but I chose not to, because I am scared of what he would do if I did.
He also regularly threatens me with death or my family with death.
Between my first and second child, I was pregnant. He forced me to get an abortion because he didnt want the child. I wanted to kill myself. I wore black for a month and then he comes to me two months after he forces my abortion and tells me he wants a child now.
After my second child he forced me to have an abortion again and his main reason was because he did not want me to get fat again.(I gain alot of weight when I am pregnant but I usually am very thin) When this happened I left the house and lived with my parents because I could not take the abuse anymore. We went to a Sheikh and I tried to ask for a divorce but the Sheikh was on my husbands side, he did not care that he wasnt practicing Islam, he didnt care that he would abuse me. My husband tells me its best for the children if we stay together, but I cannot expose my children to this abuse. I am scared for them when they get older, I dont want them to turn out like their father.
After meeting with the Sheikh again we put certain conditions. I told the sheikh that he must stop drugs and the physical abuse, and my husband was granted a condition of his own which was for me to stop working with my family and stay with the children. This is so that he moves me away from the protection I can receive from my family, since I see them everyday when I drop the little one at my parents and go to work.
I have been back one week, and I am on my period and he has forced me to extremely unacceptable relation, a fact which makes me cry everytime I think about it. I feel like killing myself. I have lost all feeling for this man, I am forced to be his servant.
He has told me he will grant me a divorce if I give him all my money and sign the house over to him. That fact alone shows he doesnt care about anything, if he is willing to leave for a small amount of money. I have been thinking of taking him on hisoffer, or just waiting until he beats me again so I can return to the Sheikh.
I know some of this might hurt some sentivities with a few people. I am sorry for this.
I really would like advice or guidance.
Salam
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