Please if anyone could lend an ear....

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ummu

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As salamu Alaikum
I really just need some words of encouragement and support if anyone could spare. I just found out my husband has still continued to cheat on me even after family mediation. After the betrayal and disappointment i feel I don't think this marriage can continue, I will never be able to trust or forgive him again.My confidence is down and insecurity is up and my mindset is all screwed.
It's been two years since we met.
Just a little over a year since we got married and we have an infant baby.
I don't mean to air my dirty laundry, I just wanted to call out to my community for some much needed help...
Jazak Allah Khair
 
Walaikum asalaam sis

Fmbenga91 said:
As salamu Alaikum
I really just need some words of encouragement and support if anyone could spare. I just found out my husband has still continued to cheat on me even after family mediation. After the betrayal and disappointment i feel I don't think this marriage can continue, I will never be able to trust or forgive him again.My confidence is down and insecurity is up and my mindset is all screwed.
It's been two years since we met.
Just a little over a year since we got married and we have an infant baby.
I don't mean to air my dirty laundry, I just wanted to call out to my community for some much needed help...
Jazak Allah Khair
Click to expand...

Sorry to be hearing about your troubles. Has your husband actually committed zina? or is he just talking to other women?

I don't want you to feel insecure or lose confidence because this is not your fault. If anything, it's his loss of a good woman if he chooses to be disloyal to you, and he needs to know that. Carry yourself with some dignity and don't let him take that away from you.
 
As salamu alaikum thank you for the reply back I really appreciate it so much.
I don't know whether he committed sins with her but the way they talk via text message is like are in a relationship. I know he cheating because when I called the girl she said he told her we were having problems.

I will try and be strong for the sake of my son but it doesn't make this pain any easier to bare. It doesn't help that I don't have any friends around me either.

But I will take your advice on board.
Jazak Allah khayr
 
Sorry to hear that.

You know, reading through the forum over the years and reading of people's problems (and I must say, you are not airing your dirty laundry as we do not know who you are!) I can reflect on my own and see for myself and of late I have been seeing opportunities in every problem. It is weird. The opportunities are not really for the world we live in but for jannah.

For that we must have absolute faith in Allah and the way He dispenses all affairs.

I am going to throw a curve ball. You basically have two options. Ask him to for a 'D' or stay married. Let's not talk about the D.

I like that you have spoken to the 'other' and heard what was said. At least you were civil (I am only assuming here) to each other. I feel you should meet up with her again and share some more. This time with the infant. Let her see that that man, your husband has a child. He is the father. Ask her, what kind of man would leave a child like that? Her kind of man? ..but don't ponder too long on that. It's just a reflection.

But seeing as there is a child, but it seems, for now his heart is not with you (the mother of the child) but instead with the other. Perhaps the need to consider enacting a sunnah and to allow him to take a second wife. At worst, he would not be sinning anymore. You will get your bounty too from Allah for taking action to stop him and her from committing zina.

I come from a polygamous family. My dad had two wives, my mum's father and dad's father had two wives. It is up to the wives whether they want to compete with each other or to cooperate with one another. Cooperation brings fulfillment here and in jannah. Competition brings out the worst and might steer us away from jannah.

I feel you might make it work with her and could even 'bully' your hubby! ha ha.

The curve ball is - get to know her, be her friend, all stay together, under one roof and make it work. It could well turn out to be a big happy family. .

Better than the current trajectory. .

(I am really not sure whether to post this and I am going to post it anyway)



:peace:
 
I don't want to be second wife to him. He has killed the love I held for him. All I have is a resentment and heavy dislike for him. I feel really insecure right now. I've lost all motivation and all I feel like doing is crying. I am so sorry I sound weak, but I am being honest.i feel sick
 
Fmbenga91 said:
I don't want to be second wife to him. He has killed the love I held for him. All I have is a resentment and heavy dislike for him. I feel really insecure right now. I've lost all motivation and all I feel like doing is crying. I am so sorry I sound weak, but I am being honest.i feel sick
Click to expand...

Salam sister,

You need to speak your mind out to him and he must be willing to listen; if he doesnt want to stop what he's doing then there isnt much you can do to change such a person.

It is up to you now whether you want to live with him or not. But first try every possibility to make him see that his actions are detrimental.
 
Umm Abed said:
Salam sister,

You need to speak your mind out to him and he must be willing to listen; if he doesnt want to stop what he's doing then there isnt much you can do to change such a person.

It is up to you now whether you want to live with him or not. But first try every possibility to make him see that his actions are detrimental.
Click to expand...

As salamu alaikum I thank you so much for the reply.i have decided to call timeout on our relationship he has gone to the other girl.so we are separated
 
ummu said:
As salamu alaikum I thank you so much for the reply.i have decided to call timeout on our relationship he has gone to the other girl.so we are separated
Click to expand...

Wa alaikum salam sister, this is such a tragedy when you think about the break up and a child both of you have. Wonder what makes him leave you just like that, but sister, dont worry, if its for the best then so shall it be.

May Allah make it easy for you to deal with this difficulty, sister.
 
ummu said:
As salamu alaikum I thank you so much for the reply.i have decided to call timeout on our relationship he has gone to the other girl.so we are separated
Click to expand...


Assalaamo alaikum,


Has he gone to her without lawful marraige? If yes, then he is a zaani and thus is not fit for you.

You have to be very strong for the sake of your baby. I mean you have to make your nerves strong. I understand that the situation is painful. But you must remember that: 1. You are a Muslim woman. So be strong like a Muslim woman and hate such a man (husband) who is zaani. He is not good even for the child. In Islam, for a married zaani, the punishment is rajam (stoning to death). From this law of Allah Almighty you can imagine his position in the Shariya of Allah.


2. You are a mother. So you must become strong to bring up your child in the best possible way and try to protect his psychology. As you see, his father has no sense of responsibility for the child. So you have to act as both the parents. Insha-Allah you can do it and this will make you strong and great here and in the Hereafter. If you try to understand the Holy Quraan, you will see the position of the mother of prophet Musa alaihi salaam. That will encourage you and make you strong.


Now you must take a secure position. If you have parents, then tell them and stay with them. If you are in a western country, then you can apply in the court for child support. Take care of your son and try to educate him both with the Islamic knowledge and the worldly knowledge. You also must remember Allah, pray 5 times a day and read and understand the Holy Quraan. You can see your value and his (your husband's) value in the surah Al-Noor (An-Nur). Insha Allah you will become patient and ambitious with the zikar of Allah and obedience to Allah Almighty.

 
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Jazak ALlah thank you so much for your reply it has made me very motivated. I really appreciate the time and effort you've taken to write this. I pray Allah rewards you for this.

I am trying to be strong for myself and my child. I pray Allah gives me something better than what I have lost. Ameen
 

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