pls don't judge me...I'm having sexuality problems

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Assalamualaikum

OK, before I write anything, I don't want anyone to judge me because I'm a muslim.

About 2 years ago, I've started to have feelings for girls and it's come to a point where it's continual instead of being phases. I really don't know what to do be honest. I was brought up in a strict muslim family and most of my cousins wear hijabs. I don't know how to overcome this. I've stopped aving crushes on guys and lately my feelings have been on girls more. I try to force myself to liking guys and I still do but at the same time with women. Is this a punishment from Allah or is it Setan playing with my mind? I do doa whenever I can but it just doesn't seem to get through. If anyone is in the same situ as me. how did you do it? did you sacrifice anything importnat in your life? I don't want fall out with my family and friends as mainly my friends are all strict muslims. what shall I do to overcome this? this feeling is not something you choose, it something that just happens. pls help.

thanks

wasalam
 
Once the Sahabahs said to the Prophet (S.A.W) that are we sinning if we think bad thoughts but not act them out? The Prophet (S.A.W) answered that it is not a sin until you act it out (to the nearest meaning).
Therefore until you do not act out your feelings you are not sinning.
But...how to avoid these feelings? Shaytaan is playing with your mind. I am sure that i have got a dua to pray to avoid waswasaa from Shaytaan. I will look for it nw and try and post it inshAllah.
There is also a difference between thinking a girl is pretty/bonny and thinking otherwise. It is natural for us to see a girl and say/think she is extremely pretty. There is nothing wrong with this sort of feeling.

Allahu A'lam!
 
F@tim@ said:
Once the Sahabahs said to the Prophet (S.A.W) that are we sinning if we think bad thoughts but not act them out? The Prophet (S.A.W) answered that it is not a sin until you act it out (to the nearest meaning).
Click to expand...

Asalaamualaikum

jus to add to that, is it true that we recieve a good deed for stopping ourselves from commiting the sin too/not acting it out?

Now i dont know how much of this is relative to you, but women often find other women attractive in a way different to the way men find men attractive. for example women easily admire other women. What tends to be happening in contemporary times is, if a woman suddenly feels attracted to a woman coz of her beauty, she is confused into believing that she is having sexual/homosexual feelings towards her because of the way society has formed itself. theres a great push in support for homosexuality at the moment.
All im saying is, dont force yourself to believe that just because you find someone of the same sex attractive, that you are homosexual. the more you think like that the more it will mess you up. (i learn all this in some psychology and health lessons)

If your feelings for other women are really taking control over you completely and you feel you are completely sexually attracted to women only, then as difficult as it is you will have to abstain from it, and follow the advice in the threads above. There's really no choice about it. Someone may be born with a desire to hurt other people, for example diseases of the heart and mind such as peadophillia. but they have to be abstained from if you are to be a good muslim. and inshAllah your efforts to remain on the right path will be rewarded.

I pray to Allah swt that your problems are taken away and you are able to continue to live your life normally. Ameen
 
Ummah said:
Asalaamualaikum

jus to add to that, is it true that we recieve a good deed for stopping ourselves from commiting the sin too/not acting it out?

As far as i know you do receive a good deed for stopping yourself.
If you make intention for something good but do not end up doing it then u still receive the thawaab, but if you make an intention for a bad action and do not end up doing it then i am pretty sure you get thawaab because you have just done jihaad i.e struggled with your inner nafs.

Now i dont know how much of this is relative to you, but women often find other women attractive in a way different to the way men find men attractive. for example women easily admire other women. What tends to be happening in contemporary times is, if a woman suddenly feels attracted to a woman coz of her beauty, she is confused into believing that she is having sexual/homosexual feelings towards her because of the way society has formed itself. theres a great push in support for homosexuality at the moment.
All im saying is, dont force yourself to believe that just because you find someone of the same sex attractive, that you are homosexual. the more you think like that the more it will mess you up. (i learn all this in some psychology and health lessons)

My point exactly!
Click to expand...
 
a_hasan23 said:
Assalamualaikum

OK, before I write anything, I don't want anyone to judge me because I'm a muslim.

About 2 years ago, I've started to have feelings for girls and it's come to a point where it's continual instead of being phases. I really don't know what to do be honest. I was brought up in a strict muslim family and most of my cousins wear hijabs. I don't know how to overcome this. I've stopped aving crushes on guys and lately my feelings have been on girls more. I try to force myself to liking guys and I still do but at the same time with women. Is this a punishment from Allah or is it Setan playing with my mind? I do doa whenever I can but it just doesn't seem to get through. If anyone is in the same situ as me. how did you do it? did you sacrifice anything importnat in your life? I don't want fall out with my family and friends as mainly my friends are all strict muslims. what shall I do to overcome this? this feeling is not something you choose, it something that just happens. pls help.

thanks

wasalam
Click to expand...


hi sori r u female, male?
 
^ shes female. shes saying that she is attracted to females, when she should be attracted to males.
 
IF U DIDN'T CONSULT A PSYCHOTHERAPIST...GO AND CONSULT ONE?....MAY BE IT'S A PSYCHOLOGICAL ILLNESS..AND WITH MEDICATIONS U'LL BE JUST FINW

YOU SHOULD BE PATIENT....AND ALLAH WON'T EVER LET U DOWN..JUST TRUST AND OBAY HIM.
 
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Selam aleykum sister, the best thing you can do is pray to Allah subhana wa ta'ala that he banishes these thoughts from your head.

Some tips:
* The thoughts are from shaytan, don't think that you are a bad person or different race of people, you are just like any other girl, the only difference is that shaytaan attacked you from that side.
* If you try to defeat his whispers, you'll only make it harder on yourself and easier to succumb to them. the best way is to ignore these feelings/thought altogether. So don't indulge these thoughts in any way, not even with the purpose of defeating them with your logic. Instead have trust in the Qur'an and the hadeeth and make a resolution to ignore this altogether.
*It is possible that some events in your past "opened the door" for shaytan to attack you with this. Maybe you should focus on making peace with your past first?
*Some people have these tendencies as a result of sexual abuse during childhood. Sometimes such traumas can lead to twisted perception of genders, love and sexuality which is one of the ways for shaytan to make these whispers easy.
* It's very challenging to establish a good and healthy relationship between a man and a woman. They have different perspectives and different desires and different ways of communicating. Some people might therefor be inclined to think that same-gender relationships are easier because there's more common ground to build on. This view is over simplistic though; in reality same-gender relationships are even harder because they are unnatural.
*Sometimes lesbianism can be a result of extreme feminism and man-hating, making females the only alternative partners. This of course goes hand in hand with other factors and isn't likely to be the only cause. Important to remember here is that judging all males by the actions of some is wrong.
* Then finally sexual desires can be created by association. To put a simplified example, if a person would indulge in sexual fantasies every time they wear those blue socks, then eventually the socks itself can become a source for the sexual desires because the mind associates one with the other. Or like he Imam ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyyah (rahimahullaah) said:
"Repel the (evil) thought, for if you don't it becomes an idea. So repel the idea, for if you don't it will become a desire. So fight against the desire, for if you don't it will become a determination and a passion. If you don't repel that, it will become an action. If you don't replace it with the opposite of this action, it will become a constant habit, and at that point it will be difficult to change."
This works for lesbianism, but also for all other sexual perversions, as well as for non-sexual addictions (like smoking a cigarette right after lunch because the end of lunch is associated with cigarettes) and even for non-addictive urges (like indulging the thought of skipping a prayer in order to do other things might lead to a desire not to pray and to do the other thing).

Now I don't think this is a complete overview, and possibly a lot of these points might not be helpfull since that is not what happened to you. I'm not a psychologist. I'm just hoping you find something helpful among it. May Allah subhana wa ta'ala guide you on the straight path.
 
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assalamu alaikum sister, please do not despair i used to be in the same situation as you were at the begining then i acted on my feelings for 7 years. i did something i regret so much and damaged my family, my relationship with Allah and myself eternally. so please try your hardest not to act on these feelings. i know this is difficult for this is a trial placed upon you. may Allah bless you for your efforts and keep you in his grace. ma salaama wa fee amaneelah
 
No sister do not worry
you are young and the mind tends to wander. I suggest you keep yourself occupied. I started learning dance from a lady tutor and began concentrating on my studies and i get lesser sexual desires. Its common. Human beings have desires. So divert your attention. Sometimes your mind plays tricks on you. Shaytaan isnt that strong to make you do things. Shaytaan is only a catalyst. Its our mind that makes us think too much. Do u know there was a time, i believed i ws raped, when i wasnt. The mind is strange. Divert your attention. May Allah swt be with you!
 

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