Potential issues with my wife

[anonymous]

,

I worry about my wife a great deal. She was born into a Muslim family, but she was not a regular practicing Muslim (although she would never eat pork) until we were married, which was about a year ago. We dated for several years before we got married, and then I converted after discovering how much I love the religion. Alhamdulilah she prays now, but unless we're at home or at the masjid, she does not adhere to praying the prayers on time.

She tells me she does not pray at work, and she will simply make up those prayers when she gets home. She also has a hard time waking up for Fajr. I do my best to wake her every morning I can, but sometimes it's impossible and she just says she will pray when she wakes up (after sunrise). I know this is wrong, and I can't help but feel as though I'm responsible for making sure she prays.

I also worry about our future children. She was not raised in a household that regularly practiced Islamic values, even though her parents are now very devout, therefore she feels that our kids should grow up in the same kind of environment. I want to instill good Islamic values and bring them up to be strong believers (insha Allah), and it seems like she is not on the same page as me.

There's also the issue of buying a house. I've recently come to the conclusion that we should rent instead of buying because Islamic mortgages are really just traditional mortgages in different packaging. She disagrees and wants to buy a house anyways, citing that so many people have mortgages because they "have no other choice".

Has anyone faced this issue where two spouses have conflicting Islamic values? How can I reconcile this issue? Please help.

Jazakallaharin

 

[Hamayun]

Brother we all have different levels of eeman. I have a similar situation in my household.

You can not increase someone's eeman. If you try too hard you might even put her off.

Give her time and lead by example.

May Allah increase your and your wife's eeman.

 

[Zahida]

First of all congratulations on your perseverance on such a delicate issue. You have acted patiently, and InshAllah Allah will reward you, however you must remember that your wife must first find her faith for herself and do it with her heart. This is good that you are guiding her and educating her patience, but without disheartening you it feels as though your wife is only doing her prayers etc because you are asking her to do so.....

Try not to discuss the topic for a while, continue as you are yourself and see what evolves. Maybe she might change after seeing that you have left her alone in the meantime continue to pray for her. Bless you brother.

 

[seeker-of-light]

i agree with hamayun leading by example is the best way. if she sees that your ways are working better than her ways then eventually she will come around to see your point. marriage is a teamwork and sometimes there are difficulties in marriage but i believe that your marriage will succeed with the proper patience Jazaka Allahu Khairan

 

[Snowflake]

,

I worry about my wife a great deal. She was born into a Muslim family, but she was not a regular practicing Muslim (although she would never eat pork) until we were married, which was about a year ago. We dated for several years before we got married, and then I converted after discovering how much I love the religion. Alhamdulilah she prays now, but unless we're at home or at the masjid, she does not adhere to praying the prayers on time.

She tells me she does not pray at work, and she will simply make up those prayers when she gets home. She also has a hard time waking up for Fajr. I do my best to wake her every morning I can, but sometimes it's impossible and she just says she will pray when she wakes up (after sunrise). I know this is wrong, and I can't help but feel as though I'm responsible for making sure she prays.

I also worry about our future children. She was not raised in a household that regularly practiced Islamic values, even though her parents are now very devout, therefore she feels that our kids should grow up in the same kind of environment. I want to instill good Islamic values and bring them up to be strong believers (insha Allah), and it seems like she is not on the same page as me.

There's also the issue of buying a house. I've recently come to the conclusion that we should rent instead of buying because Islamic mortgages are really just traditional mortgages in different packaging. She disagrees and wants to buy a house anyways, citing that so many people have mortgages because they "have no other choice".

Has anyone faced this issue where two spouses have conflicting Islamic values? How can I reconcile this issue? Please help.

Jazakallaharin

Yes bro, i faced similar issues and the differences were irreconcilable. You simply do not compromise your deen. So your Mrs needs to clean up her act and see the error of her ways. You have to keep trying to get her on the right track. be patient inshaAllah. It is not easy for someone brought up in a semi-islamic environment to do a sudden turn around.

Show her evidence and buy books or learn online together. Dont pressure her. And make lots of duaa to Allah to change her. InshaAllah.

And about the house. You are the man. You provide for her so you decide how to house her! Tell her that her concern is with having a roof over her head - the rest is your problem. Stand up to her. Women only act tough as long as you let them. Secretly they only respect and OBEY a man who stands up for his rights, i.e. a man with authority.


Try this first inshaAllah as divorce should be the last resort.

be >>>> :coolious:

not >>>> :-\

 

[anonymous]

Thanks for all the advice. I don't push her too hard, and when it seems like I am, I do back off. She does get a bit defensive at times, and deep down I know that the solution to her many of her problems would be for her to stop working at her job.

I plan on eventually being able to support her 100% insha Allah. We both make about the same amount of money, but we both work full time. We actually moved to our new location because of her work, and this is a job she loves. So on one hand nobody is forcing her to work; she wants to and that's great. On the other hand, I know that if she worked less (or not at all) she would be much more attentive in her prayers. Insha Allah I'm hoping that in a few years if Allah SWT blesses us with children, then she won't have to work at all, and maybe her iman will increase.

We listen to a lot of lectures together while driving on long trips (mostly Anwar Al Awlaki; alhamdulilah he's great), and she gets very inspired by those. I hope it is just a matter of time before she can fully dedicate herself to the deen. I'm not saying I'm a great muslim by any means; in fact I need a lot of work as well.

Please make dua for her that Allah SWT will guide her to the straight path and make her one of the people of Jannah. Jazakallahairn.

 

[Ushae]

Try praying together ? (think that's permissable between husband and wife, just the husband has to pray a further ahead of the wife).

Islam is something she has to find herself to be honest. Just like you did. I hope your issue's are resolved soon.

Usman

 

[SixTen]

Some respectable scholars have viewed (according to the hanafi madhab), that a 1st mortgage alone (in a non-muslim country) would be permissable (although, that is, just the 1 house that is neccessary to live in, you won't be able to mortgage others, or mortgage for business purposes).