Assalaamu alaikum seekinjustice,
Hmm. What to say? There are so many points...
Your situation reminds me of a khutbah I heard at our masjid a few months ago. It is apparently a true story. There was a older man who was known at his masjid. Not married. Alone. And he died, apparently in poverty. So the brothers decided to do the decent thing and collect some money and bury him. But at the funeral an older woman and a young man arrived. Apparently, the man had abandoned his pregnant Christian girlfriend some 30 years earlier. She had raised his son all by herself, and done the best she could with him. And apparently, she had done a pretty good job, because here he was, wanting to honour his father. And more… he wanted to forgive and show his love for him. So when the men started to shovel the earth onto the deceased, the young man, in a show of filial love, took the little silver cross he wore around his neck (and which obviously meant a lot to him), and threw it onto his father...
seekinjustice… the men on this Forum have voiced their opinions of what you have done. (shake my head) Your post shows no
remorse for what you have done, just irritation that this situation is upon you. As a Muslim, do you not realize that, by engaging in sexual relations outside of the limits set by Allah, that you have committed a grave sin? You are not a young man, and I'm pretty sure you chose to do what you did with your eyes open.
On the other hand, this young woman seems to be willing to know about Islam. Do you realize that if she accepts Islam, all her sins will be erased?
She would become pure in Allah's Eyes. But this is not the case for
you. She didn't know better. But you did.
You say in her culture, the man pays for everything… but don't you know that in Islam, this is true, also? You are responsible to pay for your wife and your child… Of course, there is no requirement to pay lavish sums for rings and weddings. But I suspect she would be willing to be flexible on this (after all, if she is willing to consider becoming a Muslim, and raising her child Muslim, because
you want it, she sounds as if she really cares about, and wants to be with you). You think she's perhaps looking for someone to take care of her financially? Well, if she wants to marry you and bear your children, this is what Allah says men are
supposed to do.
(Sigh) Perhaps you feel everyone is being rather hard on you. And yes, I'd say we are being hard. But on the other hand, I do understand that you must be feeling pretty overwhelmed and shocked. You were looking for a little fun… and now this has happened.
(smile) But perhaps it is a
Gift from Allah. A wake-up call. What are you doing with your life? You are 37…not married, no children, losing yourself in hedonism, perhaps? Whatever happens with this woman and this child… this could be a wonderful opportunity for
you to turn to Allah in sincere repentance and make some important changes in your life. Changes that may bring you a wealth of goodness, both in this life and the Next...
You say this young woman would be willing to attend classes at the masjid with you…well, I'd suggest that you go…in order that
you could reconnect with Allah. You can't control what
she choses to do (though she sounds like she's open to being positively influenced by you), but you have a lot of power in what
you chose to do.
Regarding abortion. I find that the judgements on this vary with time and culture. It seems that
before the fetus is ensouled (at 120 days), there is some debate. After this time, it is considered
haraam, except if there is a compelling reason of greater harm (such as the life of the mother being at risk). I found this link on the debate:
http://www.religiousconsultation.org/family_planning_in_Islam_by_Shaikh_p4.htm I'm sure you could find other sources with a quick google search.
From a medical perspective…I'd consult with a pharmacist immediately about getting a folic acid supplement while you decide what to do. I'd also suggest you get an appointment with a midwife or doctor (these can take a while to get; the sooner you call, the better).
From a legal perspective…I don't know where you are, or what your laws say, but where I live, you
can't deny paternity. If she can prove the child is yours (and this is not hard), you
must pay child support for the next 18 years after his or her birth, whether you marry her or not.
From a perspective of what's
right…well, this is only my opinion, but it seems to me that you should take responsibility for your actions. Repent. Guide this young woman (if she is willing to be guided). Call her to Islam. Look after her and your child (twinkle. they're a bit inseparable right now…). Whatever your future relationship with the woman, understand that your child is an innocent and sweet little person, just waiting to be loved and taught (twinkle. And waiting to teach
you some important lessons in life!!!).
(smile) And as for the dog…well, if you find
it annoying, please realize that human children can test your patience and fortitude like few other things can! (laugh) particularly at 2 am after you've had a busy week, and the poor little mite keeps crying and throwing up all over you… Anyway, this is another thing you need to discuss with your (future wife?). If I were you, I wouldn't say bad things about the dog. I suggest that you emphasize that you are uncomfortable with it for religious reasons, and because you have some safety concerns for the child. You could even suggest that the dog might not get a proper level of care if everyone is busy with the child. Perhaps it would be happier with another loving person?
(smile) So those are my 2 cents. I will pray for you all, inshallah. And I would suggest that you consult Allah on these important decisions, and pray the istikhara prayer after you've gotten the information and advice you can get from various sources. This is a full explanation of the istikhara, which I personally found very helpful
http://www.islamicity.com/articles/Articles.asp?ref=MM1201-4985
May Allah, the Compassionate and Merciful, Gift you both with opportunities to get closer to Him, and Bless you all with the best in this life and the Next.
eace:
