relationship crisis!

[tasha>farah]

2 years before i turned to islam i had a child with a pakistani 'muslim' i had been in a serious relationship with for almost 4 years in total.When my daughta was 1 we split up and months after that i met up with this person i'd never felt these crazy kind of feelings for before.And something inside jus told me he is so right for me.maybe the 1!He also is pakistani 'muslim'.

I say 'muslim' like this because to me then i was non the wiser about what they was doing but now knowing so much more about the religion,the things they do like having relationships, clubbing,etc is all sins.

Anyway,so me an this other guy got together and like everyone,we had our ups and downs but over all we was just perfect for each other.We was together for about 6 months when i converted(not for him,i never told him anything about it or ever even discussed religion with him.but because it was someting i was planning on doing for a long time).A few months later,on this actual forum i found out relationships were a sin!However i shamefuly say i continued the relationship:-[ because i couldn't just let him go.He means so much to me.

About a month ago someone told my baby father about me and the other person and he went crazy.He sed he's gona make my life hell and don;t think i'll eva be happy.He's been threatening me,constatly jus turning up at my house without letting me no he's coming,phoning and giving me abuse.And so far he has been making my life hell,my moms been really stressed out,scared,concerned about the effects on my daughta,as am i and shes even contemplated paking up and moving.

The thing is i really want to be with this person and would love for us to get married and have a family,but i cant see my ex ever letting us be happy.Im so stressed out and upset about all this.Another concern is ifwe was able to move on further how his family would react about us as i am a mixed race white/black girl with a child from someone else.

Could some1 please give me some advice.

 

[Abdul Fattah]

Selam aleykum sister.
First of all subhanaAllah, Allah subhana wa t'aala has guided you oin the straight path so it seems. It seems you already realise that you ned to marry this guy if you want to continue with him, so do so as fast as possible.

As for your ex. He is your ex and therefor by definition has no right to complain about anything. Try reasoning with him, if you know/find out he is unreasonable, then try avoiding him, if you can't avoid him, get a restraining order from court. It sounds harsh, but what other options do you have? You can't let him stand in the way towards doing the right thing. And towards finding happyness in your life. You should fear the sin of a haram relationship far more then you should fear your ex.

May Allah subhana wa ta'ala make it easy for you

 

[tasha>farah]

thanks alot for that.any1 else?

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

make sincere taubah to Allah.... please take my advice...

 

[islamirama]

First of all, congratulations on your acceptance of Islam and returning to the deen of Islam. One who accepts Islam, all his/her previous sins are forgiven and they start of with a clean slate like a new born baby. And since you started off with zina (fornication), a major sin, I would advise you to repent and ask forgiveness for your misdeed.

You said you loved him too much to let go even when you found out that your relationship was haraam. One thing you should know is that when you do something the halaal way then Allah bless it for you inshallah and when you do it the haraam way then it will lead to only misery and nothing else, which is clear from your present situation.

Now you say this 2nd Pakistani is also a “musilim” so what guarantee is there that he won’t be like the first one since neither of them are on the deen? You have to understand you are a true Muslim when you live by Islam, If you hare born Muslim and you do all this haraam then what knowledge is there to guide you from wrong and right? If you are really interested in this guy then you should repent and break of this haraam relationship, and then tell him that you have converted and wish to be his wife. If he is interested then he will think about that and if he is like the first guy then he will show his true intentions. Remember, nothing good comes out of haraam. You can’t do haraam and expect Allah to bless your relationship. So you should take of this matter first, and then you can deal with your ex depending on if this one is still in the picture or not.

As for his family, that depends on how Islamic, cultural or modernized (westernized) they are. If they are like him then they might accept you. If they are cultural than they want a Pakistani for him and wouldn’t go for western woman, especially one that already got a kid on hand. Anyways, you can worry about that later.

Lastly, i noticed your in UK. I"ve heard UK pakis like to have fun with non-paki girls and when it comes time to settle than they go for a paki girl. It maybe a rumor or it maybe true, and it may apply only to these westernized non-practicing guys.

 

[shigatse]

May Allah make easy ways for people living in the west and he guides all of us to the right path. ameen.

 

[anonymous]

Lastly, i noticed your in UK. I"ve heard UK pakis like to have fun with non-paki girls and when it comes time to settle than they go for a paki girl. It maybe a rumor or it maybe true, and it may apply only to these westernized non-practicing guys.

this is soo true they only want relationship with non muslim but when it comes to marriage they wont marry the girl

now allhmduliah that you have become a muslim, may Allaah make it easy for you and I hope that the second guy wont be like the first one Inshallaah

 

[Hamas]

2 years before i turned to islam i had a child with a pakistani 'muslim' i had been in a serious relationship with for almost 4 years in total.When my daughta was 1 we split up and months after that i met up with this person i'd never felt these crazy kind of feelings for before.And something inside jus told me he is so right for me.maybe the 1!He also is pakistani 'muslim'.

I say 'muslim' like this because to me then i was non the wiser about what they was doing but now knowing so much more about the religion,the things they do like having relationships, clubbing,etc is all sins.

Anyway,so me an this other guy got together and like everyone,we had our ups and downs but over all we was just perfect for each other.We was together for about 6 months when i converted(not for him,i never told him anything about it or ever even discussed religion with him.but because it was someting i was planning on doing for a long time).A few months later,on this actual forum i found out relationships were a sin!However i shamefuly say i continued the relationship:-[ because i couldn't just let him go.He means so much to me.

About a month ago someone told my baby father about me and the other person and he went crazy.He sed he's gona make my life hell and don;t think i'll eva be happy.He's been threatening me,constatly jus turning up at my house without letting me no he's coming,phoning and giving me abuse.And so far he has been making my life hell,my moms been really stressed out,scared,concerned about the effects on my daughta,as am i and shes even contemplated paking up and moving.

The thing is i really want to be with this person and would love for us to get married and have a family,but i cant see my ex ever letting us be happy.Im so stressed out and upset about all this.Another concern is ifwe was able to move on further how his family would react about us as i am a mixed race white/black girl with a child from someone else.

Could some1 please give me some advice.

Assalamu Alaikum,

But you didnt even mention why you split up with the first guy in the first place. What did he do that compelled you to leave him?

If i was the guy id probably do the same thing and i think your at fault too, you have a child with one guy and go off with another?

 

[tasha>farah]

Assalamu Alaikum,

But you didnt even mention why you split up with the first guy in the first place. What did he do that compelled you to leave him?

If i was the guy id probably do the same thing and i think your at fault too, you have a child with one guy and go off with another?

If u read properly u wud of seen we was split up for almost a year before i got with the othaa da reason does not really matter does it an how i can be in te wrong i don't see because we were split up so i didn't go off with this other person.i as single and free to do what i pleased

 

[Hamas]

If u read properly u wud of seen we was split up for almost a year before i got with the othaa da reason does not really matter does it an how i can be in te wrong i don't see because we were split up so i didn't go off with this other person.i as single and free to do what i pleased

Assalamu Alaikum,

Well i did read it properly, i didnt ask you when or how long ago you split up did i? i asked the reason why you split which there is no mention of, if you feel it doesnt matter then fine but if hes got a problem with something that you did wrong which ended it then of course it matters and i didnt mean you were in the wrong for going with other guy, i was refering to the relationship of you and the first guy before the split up and the split up itself.

Whatever you say.

Peace.

 

[islamirama]

Bottom line, he had haraam relationship with a non-muslim. He doesn't get to go back and talk to about anything nor does he get the child. The 2nd relationship is the same as the first, haraam and against Islam. Allah blesses what is halaal and pure not what is haraam. Proper way to go about it is to repent and stop the haraamness and then go about it the halaal and islamic way, follow the shaytan and you will find yourself in the same boat again.

 

[tasha>farah]

Assalamu Alaikum,

Well i did read it properly, i didnt ask you when or how long ago you split up did i? i asked the reason why you split which there is no mention of, if you feel it doesnt matter then fine but if hes got a problem with something that you did wrong which ended it then of course it matters and i didnt mean you were in the wrong for going with other guy, i was refering to the relationship of you and the first guy before the split up and the split up itself.

Whatever you say.

Peace.

well we split up partly because of the way he was treating me and partly because we just grew away from each other so if tat makes any difference to te situation

 

[- Qatada -]

Asalaamu alaikum (peace be upon you) sister farah.


What you did in the past wasn't your fault, and what happened after - it was wrong, and alhamdulillah you realised that.. love is tough, and sometimes its hard to move on.


To take things in steps, i think we'll give you some tips;


Allaah's Messenger, Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

“Fear the dua (supplication) of he who has been wronged, for verily it ascends to the skies faster than the rays of light.”

(Recorded in Al-Haakim, Saheeh).


​

In other similar narrations, it is mentioned that Allaah will respond to the prayer, even if it takes a little while. Since Allaah is testing all of us, whether it's through the good and the bad.


Also, the Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:

“No fatigue, nor disease, nor anxiety, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that”

(Al-Bukhari and Muslim).

http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?c=Article_C&cid=1158658504680&pagename=Zone-English-Living_Shariah%2FLSELayout



​

So all these trials you are going through now, insha Allaah they are a source of forgiveness for your past wrongdoings.


So no.1 - make alot prayers to Allaah to make an easy and suitable way out for you from the situation and difficulty you are facing. This is really important since it's Allaah Alone who can provide a way out for you.


No.2. If you feel that the ex guy is causing too much trouble, you have the right to call the police. Since he doesn't have a right to come into your property without your or your mothers permission. He doesn't have a right to harm you guys at all, especially when the past relationship doesn't even exist anymore.

It may be that Allaah provides a way out for you before this though, so maybe this can be used as a last resort if it's required.



No.3. Try to find practising sisters who you can get involved with, maybe you can discuss the situation with them and they can help you in some way.



About the new person, i think it is better that you try to stay out of this haraam relationship. Or maybe get married? I really don't know, but consulting a scholar would be really important about your situation.

Here's a good link where you can post the question:

http://islamtoday.com/fatawa_form.cfm



I'm sorry for not being too much help, but remember to continuously place your trust in Allaah.

We will also keep you in our prayers sister.



And Allaah knows best.

 

[tryinghard]

I'm glad sister that you have embraced Islam. I will not comment on your past relationship because I'm in no position to judge on what's right or wrong. However, I do know that legally you could file a restraining order if the threats continue, so that he does not interfere with your life. Perhaps, if it will make you more comfortable, it may be a good idea to move. But remember, the best thing to do is ask Allah SWT for forgiveness and help. Also, the Islamically approved union between a man and a woman in Islam is marriage. So I would urge you, if you feel it is right, to consider this option

 

[Rafeeq]

Please do not listen too many advises, do as Qatada and Abdul Fateh advised you.
Congritulations on embrassing Islam.
Good Luck, Masalama