Relationship with Non-Muslim + responsibilities of becoming a stepdad

[spiderman2k1]

Salam!
I hope this message finds you in good health!


I am a Muslim by birth. Although I do not engage in any haram type activities, I do not consider myself a devout Muslim as in I do not pray 5 times a day nor do I attend Friday prayers or even fast all the days during Ramadan. I am currently in my 3rd year of medical school and I always told myself that when I got my academic life on track, I would start on my spiritual life. As I begun my deep understanding and devotion to Islam, I met a woman through Reddit. She is Mormon but she is looking to convert. I met her through the website where we would talk casually and about Islam. Fast forward many months, we grew very fond of each other. We had many similar past experiences and we have many similar outlooks on life. She is very sincere about living a rightful life and becoming a Muslim. I think because of how I feel about her, it makes me want to become a better person and a better Muslim. Her eagerness to learn about Islam, her dedication to learning about Islam has sparked an interest and dedication in myself as well.


We have met in person and it was an amazing experience. We had a "no hands on" rule to make sure we had no "urges." We got along very well and it felt as if we had known each other for many years!


It has come to that time where she would like me to meet her two boys: ages 7 and 12. I have spoken to these boys on the phone and they were very respectful of what I am in school for, my religion, expressed great interest in my hobbies of gaming/fitness and overall, they were very well-behaved!


My "fear" lies in the fact about what my duties are as a stepdad and more important, as a Muslim. Due a Mormon rule, her boys will be raised as Mormon. Should I consider this an issue? She is fine with raising any children WE have as Muslim.


There are many resources out there on how to be a good stepdad, so I am here asking for advice on the Islamic portion of being a step parent.

Thank you for offering any advice or insight you may have!

 

[Simple_Person]

Wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah,

Right now if you ask me, it looks like you cant even stand and it is asked of you to run.

What i mean by that is that you have not even a firm basis about Islam itself. Let me give you some direct questions.

- I can give you "reasons" that evolution theory is true and religion is false? Based on what do you say evolution theory is false? PLEASE DO NOT ANSWER them to me, but to yourself.

- I can give you "reasons" that Christianity is the truth and all other religions are false. Based on what do you say Christianity is false? AGAIN PLEASE DO NOT ANSWER them to me, but to yourself.

And this goes on and on and one for every religion. Because you are a born Muslim, you are not even firm on what makes Islam the truth. Please STOP being a sheep. Start questioning. Create your own foundation first, before trying to be a teacher to others (her children for example). Children by default ask question..not 1 not 2..but A LOT. You have to have a firm base based on logic, rationality and reason, that you can convince her own children, yourself and if you would marry that woman also.

You have contact with that lady without having Islamic rulings. Yes you cannot have a direct contact with her without somebody else being with you. You cannot talk with that lady without somebody else being with you. Your very start is already faulty and ready for disaster. So first go clean your self up and then worry about others and the future.

Because if i would have a daughter, sorry bro, you would be in no way even seen as a candidate to me for my daughter to marry. Make your deen #1 in this life of yours. Every single OTHER thing surrounds your deen in other words you adapt your lifestyle to Islam and not the other way around. Do remember having a long beard and a long thobe to walk by doesn't make you suddenly a pious Muslim =_=!.. as MANY Muslims these days think so. Go clean your heart of many diseases first, do not think i have reached that goal already, i am still at it and i will i think be at it for the rest of my life. However i have already intellectually acknowledged that i need to change from within on every aspect there is. While i sadly often hear from other fellow Muslims they try to use the excuse of "Islam is not hard or difficult ..is flexible is not strict etc.", while indeed it is not hard, or difficult, is flexible and is not strict on the things that fall within the scope of what is permissible according to Islam. As an example to that is that you more often see women say, well "me having tight clothes, doesn't make me a bad Muslim". No indeed not, but it shows what you harbor in your heart..which is not Islam as your center. Or fellow brothers going to the gym as an excuse for their health, but try to show their muscles off outside and talking to girl saying..but i have not done anything haram. This mentality is the same as the Jews as they try to swim in muddy waters.

So go clean yourself up if you want to have a successful but more importantly a BLESSED marriage, because now a days having a miserable marriage has become the norm as nobody cleans themselves up before marriage.

 

[Zzz_]

Salam spiderman,

As you said, you are a Muslim by birth who doesn't even pray and fasts sometimes. If you do plan to go with this relationship in marriage, i hope you both intent to properly learn Islam and implement it in your lives. Otherwise, you are just a Muslim by birth and your influence your partner will be that she will be a muslim by conversion and neither of you will be Muslims by deen. As for her kids, what path they follow depends on how much their dad is involved. If he doesn't get involved then it's their mother's responsibility to raise them on the truth. If their father has a say too then it's still her responsibility to share her new found religion as well and let the kids decide after researching both religions. A parent always wants whats best for their kids, so how can she as a parent not want her kids to be Muslims as well. What kind of a mother would be ok going to jannah but her kids to hellfire? it doesn't what mormon rule is, she is their guardian as as her guardian she must decide what is best for them. Same goes for you. As their step dad, you would be stepping in to fulfill the role of a father and a guardian, so you would be doing injustice to them by withholding the truth of Islam from them and raising them on falsehood. Before raising them, you both need to raise yourselves up on the deen.