Request: How to train self in being patient?

[Dianah]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.

Dear brothers and sisters of islam, I need help and advice in how to train myself in being patient particularly when angry. Nowadays, I found myself losing my patience and getting frustrated with almost everybody I come across. And I am ashamed to say that I also utter words and act in a way I should not have. I hope someone can help me in training myself to be patient. I know of the hadith that says to sit or lie down when angry but is there a way for long term solution?Thank you in advance.

 

[taha_]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.

Dear brothers and sisters of islam, I need help and advice in how to train myself in being patient particularly when angry. Nowadays, I found myself losing my patience and getting frustrated with almost everybody I come across. And I am ashamed to say that I also utter words and act in a way I should not have. I hope someone can help me in training myself to be patient. I know of the hadith that says to sit or lie down when angry but is there a way for long term solution?Thank you in advance.

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.

Try to make change and ask Allah to help you and grant you patience. Be optimistic,

Try to remember how prophet peace be upon him stood patience when he faced so much trials including loss of teo people he loved very much. Many prophets before him peace be upon them also faced tests. Noah peace be upon him kept preaching message for 950 years, Ibrahim peace be upon him did not even have children til old age. Ayyub peace be upon him lost all of his worldly possessions and family and was patient for years.

Yusuf peace be upon him was put in a well by his brothers, got sold as slave and then got jailed unjustly, and faced famine and then finally reunited with his family. His father Jacob peace be upon him also stood patience and only complained to Allah. These prophets peace be upon them
put their trust in Allah.

Just put trust in Allah and make effort.

Allah knows best

JazakAllah khair

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Dianah and welcome to the forum;

I found myself losing my patience and getting frustrated with almost everybody I come across.

The people who anger you control you. They make you say things and do things you do not want to do. Anger is like picking up a burning coal with the intention of throwing it at the person who angers you, and the person who gets burnt the most is you. And the reason you feel burned the most is because of how it makes you feel afterwards.

You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to Allah. First look into a mirror and the eyes you see matter to Allah, reflect on this. When you can understand that you matter to Allah, try and understand that everyone else matters to Allah also.

There are many ways of trying to overcome anger; what sort of things anger you the most?

In the spirit of praying for justice for all people,

Eric

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Dianah; how are you today?

I know of the hadith that says to sit or lie down when angry but is there a way for long term solution?

In years to come when you are learning to control your anger and become more patient, you will come to understand that this is part of the long term solution. In angry situations people will often talk quickly, loudly and shout. If this happens, try replying slower and quieter, do not raise your voice to their level, you can still say the things you want to say. When you learn to slow and quieten your speech in angry situations you will see your patience increase.

There was a very old story of an angry young boy, his grandfather sees him being angry and says, 'inside each and everyone of us are two wolves who are always fighting to win. One wolf is the angry one, the other wolf is the kind and caring wolf. The boy asked, which wolf wins?

The grandfather said, the wolf you choose to feed. If you choose to feed the angry wolf it will become stronger and the kind wolf will become weaker, the choice is yours. There is injustice everywhere, people do and say stupid things, giving us many reasons to be angry. They say about 20% of life's problems are caused by other people and other things. The good news is that 80% of the solution is in our own hands, we all have choices in how we react.

Pray a blessing for all those you love and care for, think of their names and picture their faces as you say the blessing. When you have done this, pray the same blessing for all those people who anger you, picture their faces and their names as you say the blessing. The more you can ask Allah to bless them, the more you will learn to change your attitude towards them.

In the spirit of praying for justice for all people,

Eric

 

[Dianah]

Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu. I thank Allah that I am in good health.

Thank you Mr Taha and Mr Eric for providing your kind and thought inducing solution. I apologise for the late reply Mr Eric. I took a few days to reflect and plan out my thoughts on how I would tackle my problem with both yours and Mr Taha's suggestion in mind.

Both of you are absolutely right in that I should remember the blessing that Allah have given and pray for a blessing on others regardless of how they treat me. I do understand that being patient is no easy feat and I hope that I would achive at least a fraction of the patients that the prophets peace upon them all have.

I think my anger comes from the people making assumptions of me based on my appearance and that they belittle and accuse me of something based on that assumptions. Regardless, I should not act out my anger. I will keep in mind that everytime if I ever get angry, Im only feeding it by responding with the intention to win an argument.

I think I will start my journey of overcoming my problem by apologising and forgiving others. I hope that Allah will always be with me for my journey and guide me always. Once again thank you Mr Taha and Mr Eric. I pray Allah will help you both as you have helped me.

Thank you,
Dianah

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Dianah; thanks for your kind and thoughtful reply;

I apologise for the late reply.

Words are important, you describe your reply as being late. I would describe your actions as being patient and taking the time to reflect, so no apology needed. From your response, I sense that you are starting on a profound journey that will bring you closer to Allah.

Im only feeding it by responding with the intention to win an argument.

In order to win an argument, someone has to loose. There is another outcome to strive for - that neither looses and the solution is fair for all.

Sometimes there are creative ways to deal with anger, this is a journey I have been on for the last nine years.....

I believe I was unfairly sacked in 2011 from a job I had loved been doing for ten years. I never had a day of sick, I did a lot of jobs other people seemed afraid to do, caring for people with challenging behaviour. A colleague I had been working with for a few years, witnessed an event that would have helped my defence, she said she would write a witness statement for me. But the manager told her she should not write this statement; so she didn’t. This lady died unexpectedly a couple of months later, my prayers were that I have forgiven her, and that God also forgives her.

When I was sacked I asked if I could come back as a volunteer, they said no. Since being sacked; I have done about two thousand hours of voluntary work for the people who sacked me. I take some of the guys to their club every week and I take them on holiday twice a year. On occasions, I come into contact with the people responsible for my sacking, I pray that God will bless them and give them peace.

It has been easier for me to do two thousand hours of voluntary work, rather than to hold onto any anger; resentment and hate I could have for them. I know this to be true; because in the past I have lived with real anger; I know how it has made me feel; it eats away at the soul and made me feel miserable. I am determined that I will not be controlled by anger; I just don’t have the time or energy for those emotions any more.

People say I am mad, I should have sued for compensation, but I cannot explain the profound sense of peace that I feel, it is beyond money.

May Allah bless you with patience and kindness,

Eric

 

[Studentofdeed]

Forgiveness helps also. If you keep forgiving, the anger goes away. Of course the pain will still be there but eventually it will go away. But main thing id they don't hold you hostage with your anger

 

[Caplets]

السلام عليكم

"... Allaah has made patience like a horse that never gets tired, an army that can never be defeated and a strong fortress that can never be breached. Patience and victory are twin brothers, for victory comes with patience, relief comes with distress and ease comes with hardship. Patience is of more help to the one who has it than men, as it helps without any need for equipment or numbers and its relationship to victory is like that of the head to the body ..." ¹

How does one learn patience except by going through situations in which patience is required? Going through such situations may not be easy - but they may act as valuable lessons for the future.

Take as an example the virus, as a result of which ( by the Will & Decree of Allāh ta'ālā ) billions of people around the globe are able - to some extent - understand what those imprisoned in dark places like Belmarsh prison (U.K.) are going through. Or the fear the Uygur Muslims (China) live under everyday.

Would they have understood except undergoing simmilar hardships & calamitues - e.g. , death , lockdown, separation from loved ones?


Virtues of Patience

".. Allaah exhorts His slaves to seek help with patience and prayer when facing calamities that may befall a person. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And seek help in patience and As-Salaah (the prayer) and truly, it is extremely heavy and hard except for Al-Khaashi‘oon [i.e. the true believers in Allaah — those who obey Allaah with full submission, fear much from His punishment, and believe in His Promise (Paradise) and in His Warnings (Hell)]” [al-Baqarah 2:45]​

Allaah states that the victory of attaining Paradise and being saved from Hell will be won only by those who are patient, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, I have rewarded them this Day for their patience; they are indeed the ones that are successful” [al-Mu’minoon 23:111]​

The following link ( http://kalamullah.com/hearts.html ) has useful reading material that will , insha-Allāh, benefit you.

Allāh knows best.
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1. https://islamqa.info/en/answers/35869/the-virtue-of-patience