Seperation from Mother..need help

[adnanahmmad]

Dear Brothers and siters.
Asslam O Alikum.

I have married 4 months back. There were sycalogical problems with me and with my mother. My mother didnt accepted the marraige and react very badly to my relationship with my wife.
I reacted badly to and couldnot handle the situation and tried sucide two times last time almost died and got treatment medically and sycalogically for 20 days.

Now doctors has strictly said me that i should not live with my mother as my and my mother's mantel situation is still not good. I have left my wife to her parantes home sinice 1 month and living with my friends . Also with this my job is not going good.

Now my mother is asking me to come back home , but doctors are saying that i should not contact with her and should be seperated as she is still not ready to accept the my relationship with my wife, and she is just appearntely saying that she will now be ok with me and my wife.

In last months when the situation was very bad my mother tried his most to finish our relationship, though i have doubts that she is sick and did this unconsiousely.

Now My problem is that my in laws are still intact and ready to keep this relationship but asking me to get seperated for few months from my mother. But i have very heavy heart , I dont have confidnse that i will be able to live without my mother and she will be able to live with me.

Please advise.

 

[Snowflake]

assalamu alaykum

It sounds the whole problem started with your mother not accepting your marriage. That is what you need to try and resolve. Gently explain to her that you have married this girl and she is your wife and your responsibility. Your wife is someone's daughter and sister and she should be treated as we'd like our own daughters and sisters to be treated. As long as there is no valid reason, it is not her fault if you mother doesn't accept her as your wife. Forgive me if misunderstood but it seems you are considering divorce when you say you cannot live without your mother and she without you. I think it would be wrongful and cruel to do that on the basis of your mother's dislike alone. Islamically, divorce should be the last resort - a stage where your marriage is nowhere near at. Please ask for help and advice from knowledgable people (imaam/islamic marriage services) to help you get your marriage back on track and for better understanding where your mother is concerned.

 

[Zahida]

Bhai. I am so sorry that your situation has not improved from the last time, but it seems that you did not listen to my advice and what you have done is cowardly. Sorry. To commit suicide you would leave your wife (who is innocent in all this) and your mother to grieve for you..............

You have also wronged your wife by sending her back to her parents. She should be with you.

Many advised you to speak with your mother and to be gentle with her and let her know your intentions subtley without trying to cause distress to her.

Bhai mein ne aap ko kaha hai k yeh masla aap ka hal ho sakta hai, aap ko himmat chahiye aur apni ammi ko bhi thors sakht ho k sajahna parey ga. Woh bemaar toh hai leiken yeh jo ho raha hai unk liye aik bahana hai...............

You can sort this.:thankyou:

 

[nazam786]

Brother you are in a very sad situation. Where a mother is not happy with her sons marriage.

One cannot live without a mothers love, you would only make matters worse for your mother by committing suicide.

Committing suicide is not the way out of this. The only way is to solve the problem out with your mother and make her understand.

If your mother is asking you to come back home then you should go.
A mother cannot not live without her child no matter what the reason be

Inshallah allah swt will make things better for you.

 

[adnanahmmad]

Situation in last 3 months

Dear brothers and sisters
Asslam O Alikum,

In the end of the feb 2009, I decided to go back to my mother with my wife to take the final chance. When I went back the situation was good. Mother was cool but occassionaly i feel that she is controlling herself against her emotions. As days passed , she slowly turned to her pervious behaviour with me and my wife. She took pills this time and went to hospital. I submitted totaly my self to her and re-assured her again and again about my loyality to her. But she was not ready to accept that I am faithfull to her.

She made image in her mind that i was controlled by my wife and my in laws. She totaly turned against me , my wife and my in-laws. I again slowley started loose my emotions, my job suffered a lot and i had to leave it becuse in mantell stress i was unable to concentrate, and give proper time to it. So i didnt get salaries. And finaly i came on to the same point sucide, i sent my wife to her parents and took pills third time, this time i was sure to be dead. But later when i survived in hospital , this came to my realization that by taking sleeping pills one cannot easily die. Infact this method of sucide was wrong. I dont know what i will do next.

I am out of home again empty handed, with empty pocket without job. My wife with her parents. My mother doing strange thing as she had lost her mind but all in negitive to me. She didnt contact me for whole month.

Now the situation is that i have got a new job last week and started concentrating it. I dont want to live with my mother for some period at least. She though trying to pull me back , but not ready to bear my wife any way. I dont know what she exactly want becuase she is also not clear.

I dont know why is this happning to me .. and what is to be done next.

The time being solution in my mind is that to live sapretly .. which is not looking easy because mother can do any thing in hypertension and in anger. Already she is doing wrong things which is pushing her far from the whole family.

Please i need some sincier advise.

 

[papa_smurf]

I urge you to get get proffesional help bro.

 

[GuestFellow]

Re: Situation in last 3 months

Dear brothers and sisters
Asslam O Alikum,

In the end of the feb 2009, I decided to go back to my mother with my wife to take the final chance. When I went back the situation was good. Mother was cool but occassionaly i feel that she is controlling herself against her emotions. As days passed , she slowly turned to her pervious behaviour with me and my wife. She took pills this time and went to hospital. I submitted totaly my self to her and re-assured her again and again about my loyality to her. But she was not ready to accept that I am faithfull to her.

She made image in her mind that i was controlled by my wife and my in laws. She totaly turned against me , my wife and my in-laws. I again slowley started loose my emotions, my job suffered a lot and i had to leave it becuse in mantell stress i was unable to concentrate, and give proper time to it. So i didnt get salaries. And finaly i came on to the same point sucide, i sent my wife to her parents and took pills third time, this time i was sure to be dead. But later when i survived in hospital , this came to my realization that by taking sleeping pills one cannot easily die. Infact this method of sucide was wrong. I dont know what i will do next.

I am out of home again empty handed, with empty pocket without job. My wife with her parents. My mother doing strange thing as she had lost her mind but all in negitive to me. She didnt contact me for whole month.

Now the situation is that i have got a new job last week and started concentrating it. I dont want to live with my mother for some period at least. She though trying to pull me back , but not ready to bear my wife any way. I dont know what she exactly want becuase she is also not clear.

I dont know why is this happning to me .. and what is to be done next.

The time being solution in my mind is that to live sapretly .. which is not looking easy because mother can do any thing in hypertension and in anger. Already she is doing wrong things which is pushing her far from the whole family.

Please i need some sincier advise.

Aslam Alaikum.

Do not even think of committing suicide. I cannot stress that enough. It is a sin. Only Allah can decide when your life shall end. Committing suicide is directly challenging Allah.

See a doctor if you have anymore suicidal thoughts. You may be suffering from depression. Seek professional help such as counselling.

Try to pray five times a day and read the Quran. Find some religious Muslims and ask them for support. Pray for your mom to feel better. If possible tell your mom to pray too, unless if she already prays on a regular basis. Tell her this calmly and gently. Keep in mind, you need to be patient for your prayers to be answered.

Try to focus on more positive aspects of your life. There are people all over the world, who are poor and would do anything to be in your position. Be thankful to Allah that you have food, water and shelter.