Sharing my side

[Pathoma]

Assalm o Alaikum...!!
I just want to share otherwise my thoughts are slowly killing me inside. I did a bad thing a few months back. That was my life's first and last mistake(InshAllah). Before that i had never done anything that would be against Islamic rules. I had no regrets before as i hadn't done anything so i used to think that i haven't done anything im such a good person and i also pray 5 times a day and never even committed a single mistake Allah would be so happy with me. I used to judge people by looking at their bad habits and everything and saying how bad are these people and im not among them and that thought gave me a pride that wow im an amazing person away from all these sinners. Even after my salah's i never sat down and asked for taubah as i didn't do anything what to ask for forgiveness then nothing for which im making a taubah just prayed for what i wanted from Allah and thats it.
A few months back life took a turn and i somehow ended up in a bad company and committed my first mistake i still don't know how all that happened but i did something real bad that only effected me no one else. After that i realized where i have been standing all these years. What kind of a person im . How could i have been such an idiotic person before. How could i judge anyone only by looking. How can i think that Allah is happy with me. Nobodys perfect except ALLAH. How could i think that im a one good soul. Judging people behind their backs saying things without even knowing and still thinking that im good. Praying to ALLAH without mind and soul. Making duas just to fulfill my wishes. Not knowing where im going with all this.
My mistake made me realize to come back to Allah. Now i think that if i hadn't committed that sin i would have led my life in ignorance. Without knowing anything . Without realizing anything. Without crying and without making taubah. Without even that awakening why we have been sent to this earth.

I only wanted to share it. If anyone has anything to help me out in finding my way back plz do tell me im lost.....

 

[Firdows]

Assalamu Aleiykum beloved sister. In shaa Allah there is no mistake that Allah SW doesn't forgive. Keep repenting and always avoid bad company! XO

 

[iServant]

Sound to me like you needed a reality check and by Allah's mercy you were given one. Embrace it, make Tawbah and move on. You've learnt some very important lessons from your sin which Insha'Allah will remove the complacency from your heart.

 

[Supernova]

Assalm o Alaikum...!!
I just want to share otherwise my thoughts are slowly killing me inside. I did a bad thing a few months back. That was my life's first and last mistake(InshAllah). Before that i had never done anything that would be against Islamic rules. I had no regrets before as i hadn't done anything so i used to think that i haven't done anything im such a good person and i also pray 5 times a day and never even committed a single mistake Allah would be so happy with me. I used to judge people by looking at their bad habits and everything and saying how bad are these people and im not among them and that thought gave me a pride that wow im an amazing person away from all these sinners. Even after my salah's i never sat down and asked for taubah as i didn't do anything what to ask for forgiveness then nothing for which im making a taubah just prayed for what i wanted from Allah and thats it.
A few months back life took a turn and i somehow ended up in a bad company and committed my first mistake i still don't know how all that happened but i did something real bad that only effected me no one else. After that i realized where i have been standing all these years. What kind of a person im . How could i have been such an idiotic person before. How could i judge anyone only by looking. How can i think that Allah is happy with me. Nobodys perfect except ALLAH. How could i think that im a one good soul. Judging people behind their backs saying things without even knowing and still thinking that im good. Praying to ALLAH without mind and soul. Making duas just to fulfill my wishes. Not knowing where im going with all this.
My mistake made me realize to come back to Allah. Now i think that if i hadn't committed that sin i would have led my life in ignorance. Without knowing anything . Without realizing anything. Without crying and without making taubah. Without even that awakening why we have been sent to this earth.

I only wanted to share it. If anyone has anything to help me out in finding my way back plz do tell me im lost.....

Asalaamualaykum.

What you have went through in reality - every Muslim undergoes this in some degree, way or form. Do not feel alone.

To explain what the real issue is here: This is an issue of pride. Although many Muslims are aware of pride, their understanding of is not well grounded.

Whenever we use the word pride, we must understand it is futile if not merged with an attribute that follows.
Examples: Pride of wealth. Pride of beauty. Pride of intellect.
Just simply saying pride - in reality describes very little as such.

What you have undergone is pride in Amals (good deeds, either in action or by abstinence ). When Shaytaan cannot convince us to do wrong things, he will then resort to the impurity of goodness.

When a person has pride in good deeds, he/she will look down upon others and falsely magnifying his good deeds in the absence of others good deeds. Simply blowing other peoples candles off doesn't suddenly make your candle brighter.

The reason that Shaytaan does this in spoiling our deeds is to breed a falsified ego within ourselves. The effect will be
a) Judging others harshly
b) Concentrating on others faults other than ourselves.

And this is the cream on top.
c) We will forget to make Istighfara because we take it as given that our deed is accepted and sealed and rewarded forgetting that the deed itself is based on Ikhlaas OR We reach such a height of ego that we can't even recognize our own wrongs. The result being the same - Not making Istighfara.

The whole idea is that you become more vulnerable because your inflated ego.

Sadly enough - the way you have written your story actually indicates that you really haven't understood your own lesson here and i will explain why.

You have written that eventually you had learnt a lesson but you also have written "

That was my life's first and last mistake(InshAllah). Before that i had never done anything that would be against Islamic rules"

​

If you really had learnt a lesson - you would not have made that that claim(The underlined part). By you stating that underlined part - means you have divorced yourself from making any mistake prior to this main mistake. If you really learned your lesson you would have never stated or believed that and would have made Istighfara for everything. So the fact that you have divorced yourself from mistakes for a certain period of your life is worrying enough as to whether your really learned the full lesson.

Something to think about.

 

[Firdows]

Asalaamualaykum.

What you have went through in reality - every Muslim undergoes this in some degree, way or form. Do not feel alone.

To explain what the real issue is here: This is an issue of pride. Although many Muslims are aware of pride, their understanding of is not well grounded.

Whenever we use the word pride, we must understand it is futile if not merged with an attribute that follows.
Examples: Pride of wealth. Pride of beauty. Pride of intellect.
Just simply saying pride - in reality describes very little as such.

What you have undergone is pride in Amals (good deeds, either in action or by abstinence ). When Shaytaan cannot convince us to do wrong things, he will then resort to the impurity of goodness.

When a person has pride in good deeds, he/she will look down upon others and falsely magnifying his good deeds in the absence of others good deeds. Simply blowing other peoples candles off doesn't suddenly make your candle brighter.

The reason that Shaytaan does this in spoiling our deeds is to breed a falsified ego within ourselves. The effect will be
a) Judging others harshly
b) Concentrating on others faults other than ourselves.

And this is the cream on top.
c) We will forget to make Istighfara because we take it as given that our deed is accepted and sealed and rewarded forgetting that the deed itself is based on Ikhlaas OR We reach such a height of ego that we can't even recognize our own wrongs. The result being the same - Not making Istighfara.

The whole idea is that you become more vulnerable because your inflated ego.

Sadly enough - the way you have written your story actually indicates that you really haven't understood your own lesson here and i will explain why.

You have written that eventually you had learnt a lesson but you also have written "

That was my life's first and last mistake(InshAllah). Before that i had never done anything that would be against Islamic rules"

​

If you really had learnt a lesson - you would not have made that that claim(The underlined part). By you stating that underlined part - means you have divorced yourself from making any mistake prior to this main mistake. If you really learned your lesson you would have never stated or believed that and would have made Istighfara for everything. So the fact that you have divorced yourself from mistakes for a certain period of your life is worrying enough as to whether your really learned the full lesson.

Something to think about.

ما شاء الله well said [emoji122]

 

[Pathoma]

Asalaamualaykum.

What you have went through in reality - every Muslim undergoes this in some degree, way or form. Do not feel alone.

To explain what the real issue is here: This is an issue of pride. Although many Muslims are aware of pride, their understanding of is not well grounded.

Whenever we use the word pride, we must understand it is futile if not merged with an attribute that follows.
Examples: Pride of wealth. Pride of beauty. Pride of intellect.
Just simply saying pride - in reality describes very little as such.

What you have undergone is pride in Amals (good deeds, either in action or by abstinence ). When Shaytaan cannot convince us to do wrong things, he will then resort to the impurity of goodness.

When a person has pride in good deeds, he/she will look down upon others and falsely magnifying his good deeds in the absence of others good deeds. Simply blowing other peoples candles off doesn't suddenly make your candle brighter.

The reason that Shaytaan does this in spoiling our deeds is to breed a falsified ego within ourselves. The effect will be
a) Judging others harshly
b) Concentrating on others faults other than ourselves.

And this is the cream on top.
c) We will forget to make Istighfara because we take it as given that our deed is accepted and sealed and rewarded forgetting that the deed itself is based on Ikhlaas OR We reach such a height of ego that we can't even recognize our own wrongs. The result being the same - Not making Istighfara.

The whole idea is that you become more vulnerable because your inflated ego.

Sadly enough - the way you have written your story actually indicates that you really haven't understood your own lesson here and i will explain why.

You have written that eventually you had learnt a lesson but you also have written "

That was my life's first and last mistake(InshAllah). Before that i had never done anything that would be against Islamic rules"

​

If you really had learnt a lesson - you would not have made that that claim(The underlined part). By you stating that underlined part - means you have divorced yourself from making any mistake prior to this main mistake. If you really learned your lesson you would have never stated or believed that and would have made Istighfara for everything. So the fact that you have divorced yourself from mistakes for a certain period of your life is worrying enough as to whether your really learned the full lesson.

Something to think about.

Sir u got me wrong or maybe i haven't justified myself in explaining. I was referring to that main mistake in that underlined part, because while committing that mistake i knew that i was doing wrong and i shouldn't be doing it. After that mistake i realized how wrong i was the whole time how many actual mistakes i have committed before this either consciously or unconsciously as i was blinded my entire life with that pride thing that i never realized how bad im as a person. Thank u sir for beautifully explaining that it helped alot.