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Inconveniencing Women In Matters Of Marriage
Shaykh Saalih bin Humayd
Jumaadal Aakhirah 28, 1423 (September 6, 2002
All praise is due to Allaah, Lord of all the Worlds. May peace and blessings of Allaah be upon the Messenger of Allaah, his household and companions.
Fellow Muslims! The comfort of this worldly life will not last and the fates of the creatures have been predestined. Consider death and calamities. May Allaah bless a man who spends his life in righteous deeds, prepares for the Day of Resurrection and examines himself in all conditions.
“O you who believe! Fear Allaah and keep your duty to Him. Let every person look to what he has sent forth for the morrow, and fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what you do.”
(Al-Hashr 59:18)
Brethren in faith! Islaam freed men from slavery of ignorance, illuminated their hearts and removed them from ignominy of disbelief to glory and light of Eemaan. It explained the right of every male and female Muslim and gave it to them completely. It gave each of the male and female what suits his nature.
During the days of ignorance, woman was like a commodity purchased and sold at will and she did not use to own or inherit. Her situation was so pitiful that people of those days debated as to whether she has a soul or not; was she created from the clay of Aadam or from Satan? Was her worship valid? Would she enter Paradise? She was strictly restricted and her husband was given absolute right to dispose off her wealth. Many rules were enacted to wipe away her right and remove her humanity. She lived a hopeless, wretched, rightless and ignominious life. She would be burnt along with her husband when he dies and she would be buried alive for fear of poverty. Allaah gives an example of how females were treated in those dark days when He says,
“And when the news (of the birth) of a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief. He hides himself of the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonour or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision.”
(An-Nahl 16:58-59)
He also says,
“Indeed, lost are they who have killed their children, foolishly without knowledge, and have forbidden that which Allaah has provided for them, inventing a lie against Allaah. They have indeed gone astray and were not guided.”
(An-An‘aam 6:140)
As for the right of woman in marriage, she would be married against her choice under different kinds of illegal marriages and if her husband became annoyed with her, she would be left suspended, neither having a caring husband nor being a divorced woman.
When Allaah willed that the sun of Islaam should shine and that the Messenger Muhammad should bring the light of Islaam, the darkness of the days of ignorance and all kinds of oppression and blind imitations declined; and there was a call that, “Surely, the only religion with Allaah is Islaam.”
The just Islaamic rules then came, wise ordinances were revealed and compassionate conduct became prevalent and obligations were promulgated; all in a comprehensive way that includes the rich and the poor, the high and the low, the male and the female. All are commanded to follow this ordinance and respect its limitations.
“These are the limits ordained by Allaah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits ordained by Allaah, then such are the wrong-doers.”
(Al-Baqarah 2:229)
Islaam is a religion that reforms what whimsical desires have corrupted and cures the diseases of the time of ignorance. Such is the ordainment of Allaah “and who is better in judgment than Allaah for a people who have firm Faith.”
(Al-Maaidah 5:50)
It is then in the light of this perfect ordainment that affairs of woman are discussed side by side with those of man. Allaah says,
“Never will I allow to be lost the work of any of you, be he male or female. You are (members) one of another.”
(Aal ‘Imraan 3:195)
“For men there is reward for what they have earned, and likewise for women there is reward for what they have earned and ask Allaah of His Bounty. Surely, Allaah is Ever All-Knower of Everything.”
(An-Nisaa 4:32)
Fellow Muslims! Islam regards woman as an honoured human being who must be thanked and respected. It gave her, her denied rights and removed injustices from her. She should not be inconvenienced or inherited. She should rather be accorded her rightful position as a mother, sister, wife and daughter. She should be treated well and her misdeeds must be dealt with patiently. Allaah says,
“Live with them honourably, if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good.”
(An-Nisaa 4:19)
Brethren in faith! There is an issue in which the stand of the time of ignorance and the stand of Islaam became distinct. On this issue, the stand of Islaam is decisive and clear for it leads to religious, psychological and honour purity. Islaam’s stand on it reflects belief in Allaah and the Last Day and the negligence of the stand of Islaam leads to ignorance and egoism. The issue relates to preventing a woman from marrying a qualified suitor if each of them is interested in the other. Allaah addresses the Muslims in this regard,
“And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, do not prevent them from marrying their husband if they mutually agree on reasonable basis. This (instruction) is an admonition for him among you who believes in Allaah and the Last Day. That is more virtuous and purer for you. Allaah knows what you know not.”
(Al-Baqarah 2:232)
Fellow Muslims! Preventing women from marrying suitors of their choice is exercising arbitrary control over their feelings and emotions as well as violating their honour and humanity. And this is as a result of the lack of fear of Allaah or an act of immodesty and lack of respect for the rights of the kith and kin. It is also a travesty of justice, wisdom and noble conduct. This prevention causes a woman great inconvenience and does have a painful effect on her life.
Preventing woman from marrying a qualified suitor of her choice is a kind of injustice, that aims at exploiting woman’s shyness, innocence and good-mindedness. This is often done for tribal or selfishness considerations. The guardians’ goal should rather be the betterment of their daughters' religious and worldly life.
Brethren in Islaam! Prevention does come in different forms, among which is that explained by Allaah in the above verse. When a woman was divorced in less than three times, and had finished her period of waiting; and her former husband wished to have her back with a new contract and she also wished to go back to him; her guardian would prevent her from that for no sound reason but only because of mere outdated traditions of the time of ignorance. Hence the revelation of the verse.
Another form of prevention is mentioned in many other verses of which is the saying of Allaah,
“They ask you legal instruction concerning women, say: Allaah instructs you about them, and about what is recited unto you in the Book concerning the orphan girls whom you give not the prescribed portions (as regards Mahr and inheritance) and yet whom you desire to marry.”
(An-Nisaa 4:127)
In this form, the guardian refuses to marry her to other men because he wants to marry her to himself because of her wealth. In Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree, Aaishah said, “This verse was revealed concerning the orphan girl who is put under guardianship of a man and he would want to have a share of her inheritance, he would then want to marry her for that purpose and would prevent her from marrying another man so that he would not have a share in that wealth.”
Another form of inconveniencing woman is what Allaah addresses in His Book when He says,
“O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit woman against their will; and you should not treat them with harshness that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them.”
(An-Nisaa 4:19)
This is a form whereby a man causes great discomfort for his wife when he dislikes her, treats her harshly and denies her rights so that she may be forced to give him money in order to get herself freed from him by Khul’. In this form, the woman frees herself from the man by returning to him the Mahr that she has taken, and in some cases, she pays what is more than that. So whatever money the man takes from his wife in this way is forbidden.
Another form of inconvenience is to prevent the woman from marrying a qualified suitor whom she likes; out of avarice for her money or salary or out of greediness of getting higher Mahr or monetary gains for himself and members of his family. This act is perpetrated by only mean people for financial gains.
Fellow Muslims! There are some actions that amount to preventing woman from marrying and driving away suitors. An example of this is that, some guardians speak arrogantly and superciliously in the public and scorn other people when they speak. This prevents potential suitors from asking for hands of their daughters in marriage as a result of their ostentation and self-delusion. Ibn Taymiyah said, “A form of preventing a woman from marriage is when people turn away from asking a man of the hand of his ward in marriage because of his sternness.”
Another great errors in this regard is to restrict marriage to relatives and cousins alone, if the woman does not like that. This is done out of tribal arrogance or for unIslaamic traditions. Restricting a woman to marrying only one of her relatives if that is against her wish is an act of injustice and oppression and also an act of tribalism that Islaam abhors.
Muslims must keep away from conditions that lead to suspension of marriage or suspension of its consummation. For there is no clear benefit for these conditions like delaying consummation of marriage for many years for purposes of completion of studies or employment or a business that has no specific period.
Brethren in faith! Youths must be assisted to remain chaste through marriage with qualified parties who are religious and good mannered, so as to achieve psychological stability.
Fear Allaah, therefore, dear Muslims! Fear Allaah, dear guardians in your wards, for if you do not do that, there will be temptation on the land and huge corruption, and you will be exposing young men and women to immorality and corruption. The guardian is shepherd and shall be held accountable for his flock. He should endeavor to know the condition of his wards, know their needs, honour their feelings and derive ways to protect them and seek for their good and happiness. A scholar said, “If a woman chooses a qualified suitor and the guardian also chooses another qualified suitor, hers should be preferred, and if the guardian refuses he has prevented her from marrying.”
Fellow Muslims! There are three crimes in preventing woman from marrying qualified suitors of her choice. The guardian commits a crime against himself by disobeying Allaah and His Messenger, he commits a crime against the woman by preventing her from marrying the suitor of her choice and he commits a crime against the suitor by denying him a right given to him by Islaam that is exemplified in the words of the Prophet, “If someone with whose conduct and religion you are pleased comes to for marriage, marry to him.”
The scholars say that if any guardian refuses to marry his ward to a qualified suitor whom she is pleased with, he should be stripped of his guardianship and that should be transferred to the next qualified guardian or to the authority, based on the saying of the Prophet, “The ruler is the guardian for one who has no guardian.” (At-Tirmidhee)
The scholars also say, “If the guardian repeatedly refuses marriage proposals with no just cause, such a guardian becomes sinful and his religion and faith diminish.”
Fear Allaah then, dear guardians, and shun the deeds of the time of ignorance that are repulsive to Islaam and common sense and that are only based on outdated customs and narrow-mindedness. Fear Allaah and rise up to fulfill your responsibilities.
Shaykh Saalih bin Humayd
Jumaadal Aakhirah 28, 1423 (September 6, 2002
All praise is due to Allaah, Lord of all the Worlds. May peace and blessings of Allaah be upon the Messenger of Allaah, his household and companions.
Fellow Muslims! The comfort of this worldly life will not last and the fates of the creatures have been predestined. Consider death and calamities. May Allaah bless a man who spends his life in righteous deeds, prepares for the Day of Resurrection and examines himself in all conditions.
“O you who believe! Fear Allaah and keep your duty to Him. Let every person look to what he has sent forth for the morrow, and fear Allaah. Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what you do.”
(Al-Hashr 59:18)
Brethren in faith! Islaam freed men from slavery of ignorance, illuminated their hearts and removed them from ignominy of disbelief to glory and light of Eemaan. It explained the right of every male and female Muslim and gave it to them completely. It gave each of the male and female what suits his nature.
During the days of ignorance, woman was like a commodity purchased and sold at will and she did not use to own or inherit. Her situation was so pitiful that people of those days debated as to whether she has a soul or not; was she created from the clay of Aadam or from Satan? Was her worship valid? Would she enter Paradise? She was strictly restricted and her husband was given absolute right to dispose off her wealth. Many rules were enacted to wipe away her right and remove her humanity. She lived a hopeless, wretched, rightless and ignominious life. She would be burnt along with her husband when he dies and she would be buried alive for fear of poverty. Allaah gives an example of how females were treated in those dark days when He says,
“And when the news (of the birth) of a female (child) is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark, and he is filled with inward grief. He hides himself of the people because of the evil of that whereof he has been informed. Shall he keep her with dishonour or bury her in the earth? Certainly, evil is their decision.”
(An-Nahl 16:58-59)
He also says,
“Indeed, lost are they who have killed their children, foolishly without knowledge, and have forbidden that which Allaah has provided for them, inventing a lie against Allaah. They have indeed gone astray and were not guided.”
(An-An‘aam 6:140)
As for the right of woman in marriage, she would be married against her choice under different kinds of illegal marriages and if her husband became annoyed with her, she would be left suspended, neither having a caring husband nor being a divorced woman.
When Allaah willed that the sun of Islaam should shine and that the Messenger Muhammad should bring the light of Islaam, the darkness of the days of ignorance and all kinds of oppression and blind imitations declined; and there was a call that, “Surely, the only religion with Allaah is Islaam.”
The just Islaamic rules then came, wise ordinances were revealed and compassionate conduct became prevalent and obligations were promulgated; all in a comprehensive way that includes the rich and the poor, the high and the low, the male and the female. All are commanded to follow this ordinance and respect its limitations.
“These are the limits ordained by Allaah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits ordained by Allaah, then such are the wrong-doers.”
(Al-Baqarah 2:229)
Islaam is a religion that reforms what whimsical desires have corrupted and cures the diseases of the time of ignorance. Such is the ordainment of Allaah “and who is better in judgment than Allaah for a people who have firm Faith.”
(Al-Maaidah 5:50)
It is then in the light of this perfect ordainment that affairs of woman are discussed side by side with those of man. Allaah says,
“Never will I allow to be lost the work of any of you, be he male or female. You are (members) one of another.”
(Aal ‘Imraan 3:195)
“For men there is reward for what they have earned, and likewise for women there is reward for what they have earned and ask Allaah of His Bounty. Surely, Allaah is Ever All-Knower of Everything.”
(An-Nisaa 4:32)
Fellow Muslims! Islam regards woman as an honoured human being who must be thanked and respected. It gave her, her denied rights and removed injustices from her. She should not be inconvenienced or inherited. She should rather be accorded her rightful position as a mother, sister, wife and daughter. She should be treated well and her misdeeds must be dealt with patiently. Allaah says,
“Live with them honourably, if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good.”
(An-Nisaa 4:19)
Brethren in faith! There is an issue in which the stand of the time of ignorance and the stand of Islaam became distinct. On this issue, the stand of Islaam is decisive and clear for it leads to religious, psychological and honour purity. Islaam’s stand on it reflects belief in Allaah and the Last Day and the negligence of the stand of Islaam leads to ignorance and egoism. The issue relates to preventing a woman from marrying a qualified suitor if each of them is interested in the other. Allaah addresses the Muslims in this regard,
“And when you have divorced women and they have fulfilled the term of their prescribed period, do not prevent them from marrying their husband if they mutually agree on reasonable basis. This (instruction) is an admonition for him among you who believes in Allaah and the Last Day. That is more virtuous and purer for you. Allaah knows what you know not.”
(Al-Baqarah 2:232)
Fellow Muslims! Preventing women from marrying suitors of their choice is exercising arbitrary control over their feelings and emotions as well as violating their honour and humanity. And this is as a result of the lack of fear of Allaah or an act of immodesty and lack of respect for the rights of the kith and kin. It is also a travesty of justice, wisdom and noble conduct. This prevention causes a woman great inconvenience and does have a painful effect on her life.
Preventing woman from marrying a qualified suitor of her choice is a kind of injustice, that aims at exploiting woman’s shyness, innocence and good-mindedness. This is often done for tribal or selfishness considerations. The guardians’ goal should rather be the betterment of their daughters' religious and worldly life.
Brethren in Islaam! Prevention does come in different forms, among which is that explained by Allaah in the above verse. When a woman was divorced in less than three times, and had finished her period of waiting; and her former husband wished to have her back with a new contract and she also wished to go back to him; her guardian would prevent her from that for no sound reason but only because of mere outdated traditions of the time of ignorance. Hence the revelation of the verse.
Another form of prevention is mentioned in many other verses of which is the saying of Allaah,
“They ask you legal instruction concerning women, say: Allaah instructs you about them, and about what is recited unto you in the Book concerning the orphan girls whom you give not the prescribed portions (as regards Mahr and inheritance) and yet whom you desire to marry.”
(An-Nisaa 4:127)
In this form, the guardian refuses to marry her to other men because he wants to marry her to himself because of her wealth. In Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree, Aaishah said, “This verse was revealed concerning the orphan girl who is put under guardianship of a man and he would want to have a share of her inheritance, he would then want to marry her for that purpose and would prevent her from marrying another man so that he would not have a share in that wealth.”
Another form of inconveniencing woman is what Allaah addresses in His Book when He says,
“O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit woman against their will; and you should not treat them with harshness that you may take away part of the Mahr you have given them.”
(An-Nisaa 4:19)
This is a form whereby a man causes great discomfort for his wife when he dislikes her, treats her harshly and denies her rights so that she may be forced to give him money in order to get herself freed from him by Khul’. In this form, the woman frees herself from the man by returning to him the Mahr that she has taken, and in some cases, she pays what is more than that. So whatever money the man takes from his wife in this way is forbidden.
Another form of inconvenience is to prevent the woman from marrying a qualified suitor whom she likes; out of avarice for her money or salary or out of greediness of getting higher Mahr or monetary gains for himself and members of his family. This act is perpetrated by only mean people for financial gains.
Fellow Muslims! There are some actions that amount to preventing woman from marrying and driving away suitors. An example of this is that, some guardians speak arrogantly and superciliously in the public and scorn other people when they speak. This prevents potential suitors from asking for hands of their daughters in marriage as a result of their ostentation and self-delusion. Ibn Taymiyah said, “A form of preventing a woman from marriage is when people turn away from asking a man of the hand of his ward in marriage because of his sternness.”
Another great errors in this regard is to restrict marriage to relatives and cousins alone, if the woman does not like that. This is done out of tribal arrogance or for unIslaamic traditions. Restricting a woman to marrying only one of her relatives if that is against her wish is an act of injustice and oppression and also an act of tribalism that Islaam abhors.
Muslims must keep away from conditions that lead to suspension of marriage or suspension of its consummation. For there is no clear benefit for these conditions like delaying consummation of marriage for many years for purposes of completion of studies or employment or a business that has no specific period.
Brethren in faith! Youths must be assisted to remain chaste through marriage with qualified parties who are religious and good mannered, so as to achieve psychological stability.
Fear Allaah, therefore, dear Muslims! Fear Allaah, dear guardians in your wards, for if you do not do that, there will be temptation on the land and huge corruption, and you will be exposing young men and women to immorality and corruption. The guardian is shepherd and shall be held accountable for his flock. He should endeavor to know the condition of his wards, know their needs, honour their feelings and derive ways to protect them and seek for their good and happiness. A scholar said, “If a woman chooses a qualified suitor and the guardian also chooses another qualified suitor, hers should be preferred, and if the guardian refuses he has prevented her from marrying.”
Fellow Muslims! There are three crimes in preventing woman from marrying qualified suitors of her choice. The guardian commits a crime against himself by disobeying Allaah and His Messenger, he commits a crime against the woman by preventing her from marrying the suitor of her choice and he commits a crime against the suitor by denying him a right given to him by Islaam that is exemplified in the words of the Prophet, “If someone with whose conduct and religion you are pleased comes to for marriage, marry to him.”
The scholars say that if any guardian refuses to marry his ward to a qualified suitor whom she is pleased with, he should be stripped of his guardianship and that should be transferred to the next qualified guardian or to the authority, based on the saying of the Prophet, “The ruler is the guardian for one who has no guardian.” (At-Tirmidhee)
The scholars also say, “If the guardian repeatedly refuses marriage proposals with no just cause, such a guardian becomes sinful and his religion and faith diminish.”
Fear Allaah then, dear guardians, and shun the deeds of the time of ignorance that are repulsive to Islaam and common sense and that are only based on outdated customs and narrow-mindedness. Fear Allaah and rise up to fulfill your responsibilities.
