anonymous
Anonymous User
- Messages
- 4,134
- Reaction score
- 133
Salam
Writing to gain some advice InsyaAllah. It's about our cousin, her parents have been very strict with her, they practically ignore her desires and wants, which are halal. They do give her other options but those are not the ones she wants example they prefer her to study Information technology degree when she wants to study Child Psychology, we know she is very frustrated in her life with these limitations, the worst for her is that they want her marrying guys who come well qualified backgrounds and have an excellent job position, the only problem is that these guys are not very religious and the type of person she want is a religious person. She talks to us about her problems and practically "breaks down" when she is being forced to marry any one the guys she does not. We have always encouraged her to be patient and pray, even try to think about marrying one of these persons because no one is perfect. She insists she rather not. ^o)
Then gradually, after a while she stopped complaining and whenever we ask her how things are at home, she says happily they are fine that she's not angry or upset with her parents anymore. Then she changes the topic and talks about her career, something about current affairs or a youth event etc...and it happens that every time we bring up the topic of marriage, she would do this. So, we started speaking to her parents, hinting at aunty and uncle that maybe it's time for grandchildren but her parents would inform us it's up to their daughter, if she does not want to be married, they can't do anything about it.
One day, I got annoyed and told her it's sunnah to be married and she looked shocked and broke down crying. After that I backed off and apologized realizing what I had done. :embarrass
I didn't bring up the topic again, I felt it was too complicated a situation and was wearing me down.
Then life carried on as usual, a year down the road and I meet my cousin and her family, once more. My youngest daughter was with me, a couple of months old. My cousin did the strangest thing, during our conversation, she held my daughter in her arms, cuddled her and then looked to the left of her shoulder as in communication with someone, (there was no one there, her parents stood to the right of her) and she said, "darling, do you want to hold her"?
Well, you could imagine how confused I was then and looked to her parents but they only remained silent and a bit embarrassed. So I asked my cousin, who are you talking to you and she responded her husband, named Amaar. I told her, that I don't see anyone there and laughed, expecting her to maybe laugh also but after she kept insisting and I got a bit scared and took hold of my daughter and briefly announced that I was late for being somewhere. After, walking away, I thought what was going on, was Amaar a Jinn? Had my cousin gone looney? :hmm:
Almost, immediately after ensuring that I was in safe distance from the family I dialled my grandmother's phone number. My grandmother stayed in an apartment closed to my cousin's. My grandmother informed me that, during the time I had left, (my husband and our children had travelled overseas for his work purposes) my cousin had begun acting strangely. She would introduce "her invisible husband, Amaar" to everyone. Initially, her parents and everyone else laughed it off as a joke, a sort of amusement, until my cousin began getting more detailed and personal with the invisible Amaar. When they were having a meal, she would keep the seat vacant for "her husband" and ensure that a plate was given, (he is a vegetarian, so no meat would be in the plate) when shopping with her mother, she would purchase things for him or refuse to go out with the family, stating that her husband wanted some time alone. At first they humoured her but when she began introducing the invisible Amaar to everyone they met, the entire family began to feel more and more humiliated. They argued with her and tried to encourage her to marry someone real but again she refused stating that Amaar has all the qualities that she ever wanted in a husband and they both have been given permission and the marriage was valid. Permission by whom? Permission by themselves and under a law of being oppressed of her rights and dismissing her parents as her guardian in her affairs. No one knows where she got this law from.
I can tell you there and then that her parents have scolded her for behaving ridiculously, one day her father even told her, that maybe Amaar should purchase a house for her to live in. It was when she persisted and tried leaving home, according to my grandmother, even her mother was in tears and admitted they made mistakes, but still my cousin is sticking to this invisible Amaar. Now, there is so much confusion in the home and this has been going on for about two months and a week now and my other cousins say they did not know because they have all been either busy with studies or work and they did keep in contact through phone calls but nothing appeared out of the ordinary in her speech it was always kept casual and they all lived in another city. So, now I am very alarmed, thinking maybe she has really lost it. But I wouldn't know because since I have left, my extended family and I, have not been as close before, maybe it's my fault as I did abandon her for a while (during that year overseas). I can't help but feel so guilty now and not sure what I should do. Should, I take her seriously and try to find help for her or should I consider the matter between parents and daughter and not intervene?
Writing to gain some advice InsyaAllah. It's about our cousin, her parents have been very strict with her, they practically ignore her desires and wants, which are halal. They do give her other options but those are not the ones she wants example they prefer her to study Information technology degree when she wants to study Child Psychology, we know she is very frustrated in her life with these limitations, the worst for her is that they want her marrying guys who come well qualified backgrounds and have an excellent job position, the only problem is that these guys are not very religious and the type of person she want is a religious person. She talks to us about her problems and practically "breaks down" when she is being forced to marry any one the guys she does not. We have always encouraged her to be patient and pray, even try to think about marrying one of these persons because no one is perfect. She insists she rather not. ^o)
Then gradually, after a while she stopped complaining and whenever we ask her how things are at home, she says happily they are fine that she's not angry or upset with her parents anymore. Then she changes the topic and talks about her career, something about current affairs or a youth event etc...and it happens that every time we bring up the topic of marriage, she would do this. So, we started speaking to her parents, hinting at aunty and uncle that maybe it's time for grandchildren but her parents would inform us it's up to their daughter, if she does not want to be married, they can't do anything about it.
One day, I got annoyed and told her it's sunnah to be married and she looked shocked and broke down crying. After that I backed off and apologized realizing what I had done. :embarrass
I didn't bring up the topic again, I felt it was too complicated a situation and was wearing me down.
Then life carried on as usual, a year down the road and I meet my cousin and her family, once more. My youngest daughter was with me, a couple of months old. My cousin did the strangest thing, during our conversation, she held my daughter in her arms, cuddled her and then looked to the left of her shoulder as in communication with someone, (there was no one there, her parents stood to the right of her) and she said, "darling, do you want to hold her"?
Well, you could imagine how confused I was then and looked to her parents but they only remained silent and a bit embarrassed. So I asked my cousin, who are you talking to you and she responded her husband, named Amaar. I told her, that I don't see anyone there and laughed, expecting her to maybe laugh also but after she kept insisting and I got a bit scared and took hold of my daughter and briefly announced that I was late for being somewhere. After, walking away, I thought what was going on, was Amaar a Jinn? Had my cousin gone looney? :hmm:
Almost, immediately after ensuring that I was in safe distance from the family I dialled my grandmother's phone number. My grandmother stayed in an apartment closed to my cousin's. My grandmother informed me that, during the time I had left, (my husband and our children had travelled overseas for his work purposes) my cousin had begun acting strangely. She would introduce "her invisible husband, Amaar" to everyone. Initially, her parents and everyone else laughed it off as a joke, a sort of amusement, until my cousin began getting more detailed and personal with the invisible Amaar. When they were having a meal, she would keep the seat vacant for "her husband" and ensure that a plate was given, (he is a vegetarian, so no meat would be in the plate) when shopping with her mother, she would purchase things for him or refuse to go out with the family, stating that her husband wanted some time alone. At first they humoured her but when she began introducing the invisible Amaar to everyone they met, the entire family began to feel more and more humiliated. They argued with her and tried to encourage her to marry someone real but again she refused stating that Amaar has all the qualities that she ever wanted in a husband and they both have been given permission and the marriage was valid. Permission by whom? Permission by themselves and under a law of being oppressed of her rights and dismissing her parents as her guardian in her affairs. No one knows where she got this law from.
I can tell you there and then that her parents have scolded her for behaving ridiculously, one day her father even told her, that maybe Amaar should purchase a house for her to live in. It was when she persisted and tried leaving home, according to my grandmother, even her mother was in tears and admitted they made mistakes, but still my cousin is sticking to this invisible Amaar. Now, there is so much confusion in the home and this has been going on for about two months and a week now and my other cousins say they did not know because they have all been either busy with studies or work and they did keep in contact through phone calls but nothing appeared out of the ordinary in her speech it was always kept casual and they all lived in another city. So, now I am very alarmed, thinking maybe she has really lost it. But I wouldn't know because since I have left, my extended family and I, have not been as close before, maybe it's my fault as I did abandon her for a while (during that year overseas). I can't help but feel so guilty now and not sure what I should do. Should, I take her seriously and try to find help for her or should I consider the matter between parents and daughter and not intervene?
