I asked my mother about my concerns about marriage, and I asked her if she knew anyone around my age who I could court during or after college.....she named a girl named Maliye (a Turkish girl, even though Maliye means finance in Turkish, she claims the girl changed her name to make it sound more American).....she said she had just recently arrived in our area as a political refugee from Turkey. She said she looked similar to a girl in a Lifetime Movie we watched that day (My Sweet Audrina), was pale skinned, had black hair, brown eyes, and talked too much, but was very smart....she also said i would like her....i was worried that my mother was just making this up, so, knowing my mother, I kept talking about it over and over and pressured her into telling me it was a lie if it really was, but she didn't budge....she even said she would show her to me, by having me come to the lady's side of the cafeteria, and while I am next to my mother, she points at the girl so I know what she looks like......and if there aren't many people on the cafeteria, she says i can quickly say "hi, my name is___, nice to meet you" but if there are people it would not be modest for me to do so, so she said to just say hi to her when she is on the outside of the gender segregated cafeteria, like in the mini soccer field......i dont know if i should trust my mother, because she may be lying just so i could stop obsessing over women.....and im not sure if what my mother is saying is modest.....(going to the lady's side of the cafeteria, looking at the girl, even if quickly, talking unnecessarily, etc.) is what my mother suggesting haram, and can i trust her with this knowledge? keep in mind, my mother has lied to me about this before, but it was more obvious....
Should I trust my mother?
- Thread starter Mustafa16
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islamirama
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While you shouldn't be going to the ladies side and checking the ladies out, you are allowed to look at someone you are interested in for marriage. It's still better than how you spend your time fantasizing about someone, which is more haram. So your mother lied, could you blame her with all your obsessions? She could be lying or she could not be, you can't say one way or another. so just roll with it and see how it goes. All thought getting too friendly with her could lead to haram and/or you could start obsessing about her as well. What seems to be the rush? Why not just wait till you are actually in college? You can go to the msa and find a girl of your age there. That's what they are for anyways.
I just want to give a quick look so I know what she looks like and she isn't lying.....and I AM interested in this sister for marriage....and ill be with my mother in the ladies' section, and then ill leave after seeing the girl right away.....is that also haram? if so, why?
islamirama
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that's fine, you can go check her out.