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Thread: Single life is killing me
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Asalaamua alaykum my brothers and sisters.
First I'll set the scene for you. I'm a 20 year old convert, living in an area with like...NO muslims. Alhamdoulileh! It's proving a struggle, but I'm hoping I can maintain patience and just keep checking myself insha'Allah.

Lately I've been finding myself more and more marriage obsessed. I'm sure I'd shy away from the reality, but for me, the idea is weighing on my mind. How it would change my life, how it would end so much lonliness I am facing. Like, right now, I'm surrounded by non-Muslims, friends and family, and I'm absolutely at ends as a result. I mean, they're all in relationships. Cousins, siblings, etc I'm the last (but not youngest) single in my family.
I've had relationships before I came to Islam, and now it's like, I'm craving what I've had with people in the past (no, not the 'urges'. More along the lines of the supportive party, the emotional connections, having fun with someone.)

I try and bring it all up (knowing I'm unprepared,
but trying to work on this insha'Allah) and the biggest reaction I get is along the line sof "But brother, you're so young!" like I'm not completely aware of my age, or trying to act ahead of myself.

Any advice would be amazing.
I'm sorry for the carry on.

JazakhAllah kheir.
 
If you have the means to get married then you should, regardless of your age, the younger the better. Marriage isn't for when you get old it's for when your ripe and young.

If you can provide the due rights then get married, and if you can't provide the due rights you might find a woman who will compromise with you and put it in the contract that your free of this obligation till you are able to provide the due rights.

but I'm not sure if you can do that but I think you can, need to ask a scholar.

anyway getting married young is encouraged in Islam, the prophet peace be upon him said "O young men whoever so amongst you has the means to get married then let him to so, for it will protect his chastity and guard his modesty."

but if you can not get married and you are having trouble with urges then do the fast of Dawood which is, you fast on every other day, so you fast 1 day then take a break the following day then you fast again the next day.

If it was upto me I would've got married at 15 lol but society is structured in such a way that you need to be in middle 20s to early 30s before you have a good job and are able to get married.
 
Salaam brother Squiggle and thank you for your input.

At this point in my life, I have a stable job, I do all my own housework and pretty much parent a younger sibling and their significant other. Alhamdulillah.
I mean, I'm very sure I can handle it. Will it be stressful? Of course, what marriage isn't? I know this going in.

...But people honestly having me believing me even talking about marriage at 20 is a 'taboo'...Makes things a bit worse.

But to clarify, 'male urges' are really the least of my problems.

JazakAllah kheir.
 
Well if it's just your age that is bothering you I wouldn't let that stop me. Marriage is good I believe, if you have a stable job and everything.

Your not to young at all, I have a friend who got married at 18 and he has 2 kids now. If your in two minds about it try making istikhara prayer.
 
AnonymousGender said:
reaction I get is along the line sof "But brother, you're so young!" like I'm not completely aware of my age, or trying to act ahead of myself.

Any advice would be amazing.
I'm sorry for the carry on.

JazakhAllah kheir.
Click to expand...

Bro don't listen to that I'm getting married this year I'm only 18 my parents and my family tell me the same thing as most people do your too young..... I think Brother squiggle advise is sound therefore i won't add much to it but as long as you fully know what marriage entails and you can live up to the duties as a husband i see no reason to why you can't get married.
 
JazakAllah kheir brothers.

I know. And thank you.
But, I'm finding if everyone thinks it's so wrong, what would a sisters parents think? Would they follow suit with the typical "OMG. BUT YOU'RE 20! GO TRADE POKEMON CARDS!" mentality, or actually take some time to see how sincere I am, and observe my capabilities in everyday life...
 
AnonymousGender said:
JazakAllah kheir brothers.

I know. And thank you.
But, I'm finding if everyone thinks it's so wrong, what would a sisters parents think? Would they follow suit with the typical "OMG. BUT YOU'RE 20! GO TRADE POKEMON CARDS!" mentality, or actually take some time to see how sincere I am, and observe my capabilities in everyday life...
Click to expand...

Hmmm its just this cultural or society mentality like Brother squiggle said. Brother its gonna be hard no doubt about changing some people attitude to young marriage, but you just have to stick at and prove them wrong and show them you are capable of maintaining a marriage.
 
:wa:


AnonymousGender said:
. I'm a 20 year old convert,
Click to expand...

bro , Welcome to Islam :statisfie




Lately I've been finding myself more and more marriage obsessed. .
Click to expand...


why not post your biodata in a maariage site ? So that Parents of ur ' would be wife ' can contact with U ?

Till marriage , u can fast regularly. May Allah bless you with a pious wife , Ameen.
 
JazakAllah kheir Muslim Woman.

Are marriage sites really...ideal...In an Islamic sense?
Not sure how my parents would like that either - what are some good ones?:statisfie
 
zana said:
is it shadi.com?????

i just think its all in ur fate allah will bring wats best for u
Click to expand...

trust me these matrimonial sites are really rubbish, i for a joke put my cousin up on the site and got the sleaziest replies ugh vulgar :raging:........ There are like a billion males and only a few hundred handful of women........
 
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I think that it's easier for a girl to get interest on such a site than a guy. The guys swoop on new female profiles? The ratio is very out of whack?

I'm still not sold on the idea of 'online'...
Kheir insha'Allah.
 
I'm feeling exactly the same for me there are two options one is haram and the other is halal, the halal option is made so difficult to achieve when the haram is so easily accessible

it should be the other way round and parents are not helping at all it is as if they forgot that they once experienced this straining temptation...mind you things have changed since then, its now 100 times tougher
 
^^^^^^^^^^^Tell me about it bro the strains are immense....I think many parents just want there children to succeed academically before marriage........therefore they see marriage as a distraction in your studies, i don't think they have forgetten though its just the priorities are different.
 
I checked out a1im.com and Shaadi.com. And I honestly and sincerely doubt any success would come of either.

"Must be doctor"
"Seeking Bengali only"
And things of that nature seem so rampant it's ridiculous.

Even to the specifics of specifying ones height?!
Are you serious?
You can't be serious... :/

Being a convert, seems like such a barrier in itself, I think. I mean, I have culture to worry about too. I've heard of parents saying no on the basis that converts "Never stay Muslim" or because a converts "Family is too different". Ya Allah.
Then there's being 20. Either I'm over reacting, or I have a lot to prove. Nerves are definitely showing. :$

And brother Abdullahii, you are right. The haraam is the easier way. Of course what's easy isn't always what's best...But it's certainly not a healthy turn of events for society.
 
I would recommend getting a College/University Education before you get married. Once you get married, your financial burden increases and you will need a good job that can take care of you and your family. The only way to get a good income these days is through post secondary education. I believe it will be really hard for you to manage both school, work and family. I am also 20 just like you and I also wanted to get married but I want to have a bright future for my family and I. Dont think i'm immature tho, I am a successful entrepreneur. I have ran 2 small businesses so they cant talk about me not being responsible enough lol. So my recommendation is to get post secondary education then a job, and once you have enough money saved to take care of you and your family, then you should get married.