mad_scientist said:
To the OP: Without any offense, it seems your emotions regarding marriage are less of a desire which erupts from within and are more influenced from your surrounding. I mean you said that you felt weird when everyone around you has a partner, you felt left out and lonely. So I would say that this is a temporary feeling, if you get busy in work, youll forget about marriage. I am saying this because I am assuming you are not in a risk of committing zina as you said that "male urges" are a non-issue for you. So wait it out before you marry.
You're right. They are indeed a direct result of my surroundings.
That makes nothing easier though, bro. I mean, if anything it makes things harder.
It's not so muhc that I feel weird. Lonely, sure. Left out, not to much also.
I mean, it's the fact I've done the whole relationship thing in the past, and had one very close and very long term relationship. Things are just so much better when you have someone there who you just click with, and can share everything with, and be each others rocks.
It's not co-dependance. I guess it's human nature to want to pair up.
I find the urges I'm having in this sense, a million times more insistant than 'male hormonal urges'.
How long do you suggest one 'waits it out'?
I suppose I want advice on what action I should take...
crayon said:
-people don't get married in a matter of a few days. let people you know, any muslims you know, that you're looking to get married. by the time you find that someone, you may be a bit older, and therefore have a better chance at being successful. or, if Allah has destined it, you'll find someone right away, and you'll deal with things as they come. either way, make it clear that you want to get married.
You're right. People don't get ,married in a few days. So I feel I should be taking action on this front as soon as possible, since it's already getting to me and has been for a long time. I've expressed earlier in the thread I feel capable but part of my issue is with Muslims "Marriage?! Such a young age! OMG WAIT BROTHER NOOO!" My point is whenever I bring it up I'm basically made to feel too young, emotionally immature, immature in other ways, weak or incapable. I think I used the word 'taboo' earlier. Is that really what a desire for marriage at my age for a male should be seen as? A taboo?
-make friends, preferably muslim ones, even better if they're single. i'm not sure just how lacking your area is in muslim brothers, but look hard, there must be some out there, right? it's natural to want company, humans are social creatures, and it is difficult sometimes feeling like you're the only one who's alone.. so inshaAllah having muslim brothers around would be beneficial in that aspect, especially unmarried ones.
I travel about an hour and a half right now to get to any real Muslim community. If there are Muslims here it's VERY hard to find them. Well, I've found ONE. He owns a pizzaria...Complete with the sale of alcohol, and haraam meat - that from the flesh of pigs is included. I've been looking a few years for someone practising. I guess the fact we have no where to congregate has a lot to do with this search seeming so **** arduous
At the end of the day. All of my friends and family make me smile. Muslim or non-Muslim. This isn't an issue of needing sociality. I have that. I have peope I can depend on, rely on, whatever. It's about needing that bit more, in terms of sharing, trust, reliance, and having someone there with no doubt nor fear of rejection.
-get a hobby, keep yourself busy. honestly, use this time for something beneficial, you will regret not doing so later when you're busy with work and a wife and kids (inshaAllah). set a goal and start doing something worthwhile. it'll help keep your mind off lonliness, and you'll be improving yourself so that when it does come time for you to be married, you'll be more confident in your abilities and in who you are, making you a better person. think of something you've always wanted to do, and do that! memorize quran or hadiths, learn something new, etc. there's so much to do, so little time, if only we knew! the Prophet peace be upon him said "“There are two bounties of Allah wherein most people are deceived, health and free time”.
Ha! As I've said already.
I already swamp myself in work, and housework, and taking care of my sibling...Nothing works!
This is a great suggestion overall though.
Maybe I need to find something I ACTUALLY enjoy.
-lastly, know that everything happens in due time. when the time is right, it will happen, don't rush it, because that way you miss out on the present. make dua.
InshaAllah khair, brother.
JazakAllah kheir sister Crayon.
cat eyes said:
how on earth can marriage get in the way of your education?? is your wife going to eat you for studying? seriously this is the most Ridiculous non islamic theory i ever heard:hmm why do people make it sound like marriage is rocket science.
and dont use the ''not being able to support her excuse'' when the government helps married couples out and have no problems what so ever.
just face it brothers, yous are all afraid of committing yourself
Cat eyes is right!
SMA89 said:
With the world full of beautiful women, I am the first to admit I am afraid of commitment lollll.
Guh! Good for you, then...
hew Is that girly?:raging: