Socializing

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dilkadr

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:sl:

I don’t know what guidelines are set for Muslims to socialize with members of opposite gender.

However, I assume it is ok to talk [in person, online, SMS, or over the phone] to strangers to get introduce with them with a potential desire to meet someone right for getting married with.

Above is the back ground of the lines coming ahead;

I have completed 36 years of my life and still single – not by choice but due to circumstances [social and financial issues]

In the end of October 2008 or little more or less, I started SMS chatting [my mobile phone company started an anonymous chat service] and meet a young girl and we started with casual chit chat.

Then, almost after a month, I meet another woman [she is married with 2 kids] in Yahoo Messenger Chat room.

These 2 females are chatting with me since November 2008.

Recently 1 more female added in SMS chatting and 2 more females [one single from India and the other is married with kids from USA] added in Yahoo Messenger.

My question is;

Is it ok to chat with females in chat rooms or SMS chats? I am actively looking for a life partners but I have no proper social or financial backing in this quest so I am wandering here and there. I want to get married but I have an uncommon / unconventional life style.

Your sincere feedback may reduce my sense of guilt or protect me from a sin I am committing unknowingly.
 
dilkadr said:
:sl:

I don’t know what guidelines are set for Muslims to socialize with members of opposite gender.

However, I assume it is ok to talk [in person, online, SMS, or over the phone] to strangers to get introduce with them with a potential desire to meet someone right for getting married with.

Above is the back ground of the lines coming ahead;

I have completed 36 years of my life and still single – not by choice but due to circumstances [social and financial issues]

In the end of October 2008 or little more or less, I started SMS chatting [my mobile phone company started an anonymous chat service] and meet a young girl and we started with casual chit chat.

Then, almost after a month, I meet another woman [she is married with 2 kids] in Yahoo Messenger Chat room.

These 2 females are chatting with me since November 2008.

Recently 1 more female added in SMS chatting and 2 more females [one single from India and the other is married with kids from USA] added in Yahoo Messenger.

My question is;

Is it ok to chat with females in chat rooms or SMS chats? I am actively looking for a life partners but I have no proper social or financial backing in this quest so I am wandering here and there. I want to get married but I have an uncommon / unconventional life style.

Your sincere feedback may reduce my sense of guilt or protect me from a sin I am committing unknowingly.
Click to expand...

:sl:

this is sinful behaviour, you are only allowed to talk to a woman with the permission of her wali and never alone as this can lead to flirting etc.

now why are you trying to justify talking to a woman who is already married when you say you are only doing it to find a wife? this is clearly zina of the tongue.

there are halal ways of finding a wife and this isnt it.

:sl:
 
Dawud_uk said:
:sl:

this is sinful behaviour, you are only allowed to talk to a woman with the permission of her wali and never alone as this can lead to flirting etc.

now why are you trying to justify talking to a woman who is already married when you say you are only doing it to find a wife? this is clearly zina of the tongue.

there are halal ways of finding a wife and this isnt it.

:sl:
Click to expand...

Thanks for your kind reply.

It is easy to tell what is wrong, then guiding and helping for right.

QUOTE:
There are Halal ways of finding a wife and this isn’t it.
UNQUOTE:

Could you please shade some light on those Halal Ways?

Regards,
 
^ No! Don't do that! It's alright, have patience, hopefully someone'll come and fully explain to you better means of finding a wife. What you're doing could lead to flirting and 'wishing' in a way.. hopefully you'll understand what I mean by that (nothing bad).

I, on the other hand, am in a rush.

Remember, we are humans and prone to make errors!
 
Ali. said:
^ No! Don't do that! It's alright, have patience, hopefully someone'll come and fully explain to you better means of finding a wife. What you're doing could lead to flirting and 'wishing' in a way.. hopefully you'll understand what I mean by that (nothing bad).

I, on the other hand, am in a rush.

Remember, we are humans and prone to make errors!
Click to expand...

Thanks for your kind reply.

I know and understand what am I doing and how wrong it is. I know the limits, what is allowed and what is prohibited. But this knowledge is confusing me.

I understand Islam has answer for all needs of its subscribers.

I coined this topic to seek the help of fellow Muslim to guide me the right way, because; I do not know the right way to socialize.

In our society it is very easy and common practice to tell and stop what is wrong [Nahee Un Al Munkir] but there are very few people to tell the right path and encouraging to follow it [Amar Bil Maroof].

I still expect guiding comments.
 
Get your family to look for sisters interested in things you like. Thats how my uncle got married.
 
Yanal said:
Get your family to look for sisters interested in things you like. Thats how my uncle got married.
Click to expand...

:sl:

You are right!

But, my mom died in year 2004. She suffered stroke and got paralysis in 1990. She was unable to take the honor of finding a "Life Partner" for me due to her illness.

I am 37 Now. My father is 70+ not much active in social and day to day life. Though, Alhamdulillah, he has his own activities - a small technical consultation work.

So, I am all alone to do it. But society look with suspicion at a single man searching for a "Life Partner". They have lots of questions. They want to talk to some one from elders [which I don't have].

Anyway, I am hopeful and content, as whatever happens in our lives is according to His will. And Allah is the best caretaker of His people. I am happy what He chooses for me and still prays to Him.

Pray for me too.
 
^ what about asking your extended family- aunts and uncles ,cousins? also try to ask help from friends. Maybe your friends wives might know
a sister who is looking for marriage.
Alternatively there are some masjids who run matrimonial services for single muslims. Inshallah try to find masjids such as those.
But brother Im going to give you a word of advice. Please dont look for marriages through msn, sms,internet run matrimonial services or other haraam chit chats. Most of those things are 100% haraam and people are usually not their true self or may have the wrong intention. And also please avoid talking to married women!
Inshallah i sincerely hope you will find a pious wife through halaal way very soon
 
dilkader

I know it might sound odd, but three things Allah swt will find a way for you the minute you make a sincere intention:
1- getting out of debt
2- Getting married
3- Making pilgrimage..

I am too groggy on sinus med to give example of each where a truly dire bleak outcome became something beautiful from making a pure intent...
alot of people get married at all ages.. but you must find a halal portal insha'Allah..
Do you have co-workers or close friends at the mosque etc?

you are not forbidden from talking to women by the way, I am not sure who is giving you that impression, you just must find a legal mean of doing it. Perhaps choose one of the women you have initiated talk with and ask her if you can meet with her guardian?

and Allah swt knows best

:w:
 

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