Spending time with wife

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Assalulmulikum

I was just wondering whether its compulsory in Islam to spend time with wife. If so then how long. For example could one get away with spending 30min ,1hour etc.

Could people provide evidence and just not speak from what they think it should be like.

JazakaAllah khair
 
Walaikumasalaam.

My husband works 7 days a week for many hours, and my twin babies and I never get any time with him. I’m wondering what Islam says about spending time with your wife and children instead of always wanting more and more money?




Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

The basic Islamic principle with regard to the relationship between the spouses is that it should be based on each treating the other with kindness, because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind”

[an-Nisa’ 4:19].

“So each spouse must treat the other with kindness and good companionship, refraining from harm or annoyance, not withholding rights when able to fulfil them and not showing resentment when doing so; rather he or she should do that cheerfully and willingly, and not follow it up with reminders of the favour given or annoyance, because this is part of the kind treatment that is enjoined.

End quote from al-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 41/310

Secondly:

Part of fair and kind treatment is for the husband to spend some of his time, money and efforts on what his wife and children need to take care of them and look after them and check on them. This does not have a specific limit; rather it varies according to differences between people and their circumstances. The general guideline is that he should look after them with regard to that which Allah has enjoined upon him of caring for them, looking after them and maintaining them.

If the husband has obtained what is sufficient for him and his dependents of provisions and maintenance, then what is required of him is that his pursuit of further wealth and provisions should only come after he has fulfilled his duties towards his wife and children.

Al-Bukhaari (1975) and Muslim (1159) narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to me: “Your body has a right over you, your eyes have a right over you, your wife has a right over you and your guests have a right over you.”

At-Tirmidhi (3895) narrated from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) that she said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the best of you to his family, and I am the best of you to my family.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 5625

As-Sindi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

What is meant is that good treatment of one’s family is among the things that are required in Islam; the one who attains this characteristic is among the best in this regard. And it may be that the one who attains it is superior in other righteous deeds too so that he becomes the best in general terms.

End quote from Haashiyat as-Sindi ‘ala Sunan Ibn Maajah, 1/609

But our advice to you is to be patient with your husband and to take is easy with him and be a help to him, not against him. Make him aware of your and your children’s need for him, and let him know that that is more important and is better in your opinion than extra wealth and a life of luxury. And we ask Allah to create lasting harmony between you.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:

There are some young men – may Allah guide them – who are committed to Islam but they do not treat their wives with kindness; they spent all their time doing many things that have to do with study and work, whilst leaving their wives on their own or with the children in the house for long hours on the grounds that they have work and study. What do you say about that; should study and work be at the expense of the wife’s share of the husband’s time?

He replied:

There is no doubt that it is obligatory for husbands to treat their wives with kindness, because Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Live with them in accordance with what is fair and kind”

[an-Nisa’ 4:19]

“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise”

[al-Baqarah 2:228].

So what is prescribed for young men and others is to treat their wives with kindness, show compassion towards them and keep company with them according to what they are able to do; if it is possible for them to do some of their studying and work at home, then that is better so that they may spend some time in the company of their wives and children.

Whatever the case, what is prescribed is for the husband to devote some of his time to his wife so as to keep her company and show her kindness, especially if she is on her own in the house with no one else but her children or no one else at all. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The most perfect of the believers in faith are those who are best in attitude, and the best of you are those who are best to their womenfolk.” And what is prescribed for the wife is to help her husband in his study and work and to be patient in putting up with unavoidable shortcomings that may occur, so as to achieve cooperation between them, acting in accordance with the words of Allah (interpretation of the meaning):

“”Help you one another in Al-Birr and At-Taqwa (virtue, righteousness and piety)

[al-Maa’idah 5:3]

and in accordance with the general meaning of the words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) “Whoever meets the needs of his brother, Allah will meet his needs.” Saheeh – agreed upon.

End quote from Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/289

For more information please see the answer to question no. 6913

And Allah knows best.


Source: http://islamqa.info/en/177509
 
I am not referring to extra kindness. I mean is it actually fardh to spend time with her. Apart from teaching her about Islam of course
 
Asalamualykum,

I believe the answer is in the above article?

Part of fair and kind treatment is for the husband to spend some of his time, money and efforts on what his wife and children need to take care of them and look after them and check on them. This does not have a specific limit; rather it varies according to differences between people and their circumstances. The general guideline is that he should look after them with regard to that which Allah has enjoined upon him of caring for them, looking after them and maintaining them.
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Yes check on them, but spend time just sitting with her. Ok I can understand spending few minutes asking if they need anything and to spend time with kids so they become righteous.

I just don't want to spend time with a woman who nags.
 
Asalamualykum,

May Allah swt help you understand the role of a husband and help you come to your wife's aid when she needs you Ameen.

You didn't want our personal opinions and wanted references from Islam so that's why i searched on Islam Q and A and i believe the answer lies in the above article.

I believe spending time with your spouse is crucial for the marriage to work. Both man and wife are suppose to be available for each other and comfort each other through times of happiness and sadness.

If you just do the basics and whats required of you, i personally feel you are obstructing the relationship from blossoming to it's fullest potential and believe me, your wife will naturally pick this up.

How do you think she would feel if she found out you're spending time with her because it's your religious obligation and not because you want to?

I think this would hurt her feelings and you must be compassionate and considerate in this area.

If you feel she 'nags' try and understand why. Maybe she is in need of companionship? Maybe she is wanting your attention? Maybe she is upset about something? Maybe she just wants to talk?

Actively listen to what she is saying (if you aren't already doing so), and maybe she will stop 'nagging'?

Also, acknowledge what she is saying and respond to her concerns. By doing this, she'll know you have listened to her and in sha Allah, you'll live peacefully.

May Allah swt help you pass your test in fulfilling your wife and children rights Ameen.
 
First of all I am not married yet. Its just that I was talking to other people and they admitted woman can nag.

I personally abhor nagging and would want to spends as little time as possible with such a person.it shows that they are ungreatful to the blessings what Allah has given them. Yes if a person isn't doing dutie or sinning then there may be an excuse for nagging.

Even then it is our duty to advise with wisdom not through nagging. Again I just want to know what the cumplsory actions are. If I don't listen to her (its not fardh unless she is telling me to avoid haram) then that's no reason to distress a person by nagging.

Furthermore as long as I am not doing anything wrong then it doesn't matter if her feelings are hurt.
 
JazakaAllah khair for your reply by the way. I appreciate you sending the link and replying
 
seagulls said:
I just don't want to spend time with a woman who nags.
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Sound like you have prejudice toward women, bro. Indeed, there are wives who nag to their husbands, but it doesn't mean every woman is like this.

:)
 
ardianto said:
Sound like you have prejudice toward women, bro. Indeed, there are wives who nag to their husbands, but it doesn't mean every woman is like this.

:)
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Nah bro I was on a different forum and the women there were saying 'it's nature of women'. If its the case that its only some then who nag then may Allah grant us a wife who doesn't nag.

If all women nag then I am going to be spending as less time with wife as possible
 
May Allah bless you with a wife that doesn't nag, one you love dearly and spend lots and lots of time with her, Ameen :sunny:

Don't be so negative going into marriage. But don't be thinking it's happily ever after either. :D
 
Lady A said:
May Allah bless you with a wife that doesn't nag, one you love dearly and spend lots and lots of time with her, Ameen :sunny:

Don't be so negative going into marriage. But don't be thinking it's happily ever after either. :D
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JazakAllah khair
 
Lady A said:
May Allah bless you with a wife that doesn't nag, one you love dearly and spend lots and lots of time with her, Ameen :sunny:

Don't be so negative going into marriage. But don't be thinking it's happily ever after either. :D
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Also not lots and lots Insha'Allah. After all Allah,his deen,my parents,siblings,friends and wider community have a right on me too !
 

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