I think no one here can say for certain whether the pen is lifted for you or not...because no one can see inside your head and read your mind.
But the case is pretty simple:
in case you are capable of distinguishing between good and bad...good and evil...then you are fully responsible of your actions / words and choices.
in case you cannot do this...maybe at moments that you have this other personality, then the pen may be lifted for you.
This making of a cross under compulsion sounds like a OCD Obsessive–compulsive disorder.
you cannot do anything against it.
I used to have that too when I was a kid. I never walked under things...and if I did, I always walked out again through the same exact spot.
after getting my drivers licence this behaviour of course vanished because you will drive through tunnels, underneath bridges, and of course you can never take exact the same route back, nor can you always drive around it...so it was kind of forced out me.
Now, I do not care about it anymore. but when I was young I felt the urgue to panic if I did not walk the same route back...nothing happened eventually, but it is the fear of panic which makes this action compulsive.
So again, just do your best to resist it...and if you can't...then it is just an action with no meanings. Allah knows your intentions...